mother rant

[TooPatient]

I called my mom last night to talk about the rings I was trying to decide between. Really needed someone to talk to about it and she was the best choice.

I described the 2 rings to her. She has no clue about diamonds and doesn''t really care for jewlery. I said that one had a center stone of about .4ct so she asked how big that was. I told her that I think hers is about .5ct

A call beeped in on my end that I had to take. Dealt with that person and then called her back. I e-mailed her the PS size chart I found so she could get a better idea.

She had asked her husband who thinks hers is .25. He thinks. Maybe. He doesn''t know. (it is certainly NOT .25, but who cares)

Apparently HE doesn''t like that I''m looking at diamonds. He thinks that since I have bills that I have to pay (including a student loan in my mom''s name) I shouldn''t be getting any diamonds. If we have the money for diamonds, it should just go to my loans.
This is a HUGE area of disagreement between him and me and caused me to not see my mother for about 2 years.

B is getting a check from an insurance payment. That check is going to pay to fix up the other airplane. (one airplane destroyed, the money will fix the other) We aren''t using it for anything but airplane stuff.
B suggested buying the ring for me.
It is HIS check and if he wants to take a little of it and buy something nice for me, then that is HIS choice.

Yes we have bills. But who doesn''t? If we wait until every bill we have is completely paid, then we''ll never buy one.


It''s not MY fault that my mother & her husband have bills they have to pay and she got a pay cut. What B and I do is none of his business. B has a better job than her husband and I make as much working part time as my mother does full time.
We aren''t going to NOT buy stuff just because they can''t.

What about when I get a better (and full time) job and make 2 or 3 times what my mother does?


What about when it comes time to plan the WEDDING? Our wedding will be MUCH more expensive than theirs was. They lived on an acre so did an at home wedding with a minister who volunteered his time. We (the family) did the catering, flowers, etc.
Their whole wedding (dress, food, decorations, honeymoon) with 100+ people came in at about $2,000


Sorry. That turned into a long rant.

 

[Jessie702]

awwww, i am so sorry hon. Like you said its his check to do with what he sees fit. If he wanted to spend that money on 1000''s of bars of cholocate that is his business. NOT THEIRS

I can relate to having issues with the mother, my mother and myself got into it last night as a matter of fact.

Just calm down and let it go, parents are just trying to do the righ thing, even if it is wrong.

 

[tyty333]

That was a good rant TooPatient. I could almost hear your yelling coming through

. I agree with Jesse.
Just let it go. If you are paying your bills and are buying the ring outright then that sounds about normal to me.
I mean just about everyone has bills right?

The bad news is you may get more unsolicited advice from your Mom''s husband in the future.

I would
limit money discussions with your Mom but her husband is probably still going to assume you are spending
money on things that he hears about. You can also tell your Mom that you dont want to hear anything her
husband has to say because he probably doesnt have the nerve to say it to your face. And if he does have
the nerve to say something to your face thats when you can tell him that he can worry about his own finances
and you''ll worry about your own (in other words...mind your own business)!

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 10/26/2009 2:40:49 PM
Author: tyty333
That was a good rant TooPatient. I could almost hear your yelling coming through

. I agree with Jesse.
Just let it go. If you are paying your bills and are buying the ring outright then that sounds about normal to me.
I mean just about everyone has bills right?

The bad news is you may get more unsolicited advice from your Mom''s husband in the future.

I would
limit money discussions with your Mom but her husband is probably still going to assume you are spending
money on things that he hears about. You can also tell your Mom that you dont want to hear anything her
husband has to say because he probably doesnt have the nerve to say it to your face. And if he does have
the nerve to say something to your face thats when you can tell him that he can worry about his own finances
and you''ll worry about your own (in other words...mind your own business)!

Thanks. I can rant pretty good when I get going.

My mother''s husband and I have NEVER gotten along. Ever. And neither of us has kept that a secret. I won''t say anything to start an arguement with him but if he starts it, I won''t back down. We''ve had our share of them.
Spent our time in the same house avoiding each other.

After 5+ years of living on my own and very limited contact (especially with him), we have gotten to where we are able to avoid each other and make small talk if we have to (in a public setting).

In their home, we''ll be fine for a little bit (hour or less) and then he''ll bring up some issue from the past. Which leaves me in tears and walking out the door. (which is why I''ve only been to their house twice & he''s only been to mine once)

 

[nkarma]

I am sorry about having to deal with a stepfather. I hate seeing that with step parents when they get all hot and bothered about the time or money the parents spends on their children.

Do you have a payment schedule with your mother to pay back the student loans? If you are keeping up with that, then fine, it's none of his business and you are right about not ever getting a ring if everything is paid off. My student loan term is 30 years and I plan to take that long given the interest rate is less than my savings account. Plus there is always something to borrow for if it isn't for school, then eventually a mortgage.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 10/26/2009 5:07:18 PM
Author: nkarma
I am sorry about having to deal with a stepfather. I hate seeing that with step parents when they get all hot and bothered about the time or money the parents spends on their children.

Do you have a payment schedule with your mother to pay back the student loans? If you are keeping up with that, then fine, it''s none of his business and you are right about not ever getting a ring if everything is paid off. My student loan term is 30 years and I plan to take that long given the interest rate is less than my savings account. Plus there is always something to borrow for if it isn''t for school, then eventually a mortgage.

$50/month. Total amount is under $10,000

I''m hoping to get it all transferred into my name and then I''ll pay the loan directly and my mother won''t be anywhere on the loan.

Other than avoiding conflict, this would let me use it as a tax deduction (I think) and would help me build a good credit rating.


If I can''t get it switched into my name for some reason, I plan to pay it off as fast as I can manage once I am in a better job.

 

[AprilBaby]

I am probably about the age of your mother. I am so sorry you can''t discuss the ring with joy instead of comparisons/jealousy and finances. My daughter and I discuss rings all the time and I hope she DOES get something better than me! That would make me happy. The one problem I see is the student loan and I am glad you are working to get it on your name. Some people really don''t like to have debt in their name especially if money is tight. If you default on any part of that loan it goes to them and $10,000 is probably a lot to them.

"It''s not MY fault that my mother & her husband have bills they have to pay and she got a pay cut."

Yeah, to some extent it is..because part of the bills are yours. And with the pay cut they are probably stressed, so give them a small break on that one.

The rest...WHO CARES if your wedding is much more expensive than theirs? And where they had it? It will be YOUR wedding and do what YOU want. Don''t make comparisons cause it only leads to more jealousy on both sides. She is your MOM, she is not supposed to be your competition!(DON''T LET HER MAKE HERSELF THAT) Glad you can use the forum to rant. I hope you work it out and enjoy YOUR engagement!