My 80 yr old father has a girlfriend

[gemgirl]

I know how you feel. We''re going through something similar. My husband''s aunt & uncle were married for forty years when she passed away from cancer. Her death hit us all VERY hard. My husband and I were every close to them. She was one of my closest friends. Fast forward to almost a year and a half later....... his uncle reconnects with an acquaintance whose husband died of the same illness. She chases him and catches him. They start "dating" and were married two and a half months later. My husband was against our uncle marrying again, so we weren''t invited to their big wedding. We had to hear about it after the fact. I was upset, but my husband still doesn''t accept the fact that his uncle remarried and because of that we still haven''t met the new wife.

People are going to do what they want to do no matter who thinks what. Let''s face it, no one wants to be alone especially if they were used to being married and with someone for years. I''m hoping that my husband changes his mind very soon and we get to meet the new wife. I''d prefer to be happy for our uncle because he''s really very happy again, and he doubted that it would be possible. He was painfully lonely after our aunt passed.

 

[Kelli]

Date: 1/23/2009 6:06:04 AM
Author: elrohwen
I know how you feel! FI''s grandmother died in September of 2007. By like July of 2008, his grandfather announced that he had a girlfriend. We thought ''Ok, he''s in an condo complex with other retirees, he''s lonely, no biggie.''

On September 2008 he says for his birthday he just sat around and looked at pictures of his late wife (she actually passed away on his birthday one year earlier). Awww ... so sad.

In October of 2008 he says he''s getting married.

On January 3, 2009 he''s married.

Maybe he doesn''t realize that you can just live with somebody without getting married now?? I dunno. It''s really weird. So now she has to come to our wedding and we don''t even know her. It''s bizarre. I certainly don''t want him to be lonely or anything, but getting married little more than a year after your wife of 50 years dies is just so soon!

And I''ll admit, it crossed everyone''s minds that he may be giving money to her when he dies instead of leaving it all to his family like he would otherwise, which would be a shame. They''re both in their late 80s, so anything left to her would go straight to her grown children a few years later, which would not be cool considering he''s only known her for 2 years.

I was talking about this with my own grandma (who has never thought of remarrying) and she said, ''Men always get re-married because they can''t take care of themselves and need a woman to do it. Women don''t need to because they''ve been taking care of themselves for a long time.''

Haha, I love my grandma.

I do have to admit that this situation may bother me a little.

 

[Kelli]

Date: 1/23/2009 9:30:31 AM
Author: tlh
You are perfectly entitled to those feelings. My great great grandmother''s husband died, and she remarried about 2 years later she was in her 70''s and she died only a few months later from cancer. My grandmother took years to come to grips that in her last days, her mother just wanted some tenderness that she couldn''t get from her daughter... she needed a man.

Now I watched my grandmother and grandfather divorce. My grandmother remarried, and my grandfather dates... MUCH OLDER WOMEN. I have had to watch women that are almost 90 draping their bodies over my grandfather and talk about their adorable, SEXY boy toy.. and like pinch his butt and stuff. I think they are soo old they just dont care anymore, and are enjoying life... but man... it is gross! Probably because I am trying at all costs NOT to picture them having SEX. My mom says it is worse for her because it is her DAD, but I think it is worse for me to think about because he is my grandfather... EWW... liver spotted SEX- GROSS.

No I saw this partly in jest, to get you to smile a little. But you are entitled to those feelings. THEY ARE PERFECTLY NORMAL. But I think in the long run, if she makes your dad happy... know she is not a replacement for your mother, just someone to help him make his way through life.

And that''s just CRAZY!! LOL though, I hope my libido is still active when I''m 90. Even better if though I''m lucky enough to still have my husband with me then.

 

[tlh]

I think we all hope that... but to picture it... wowza!

 

[joflier]

Date: 1/23/2009 1:00:02 PM
Author: tlh
I think we all hope that... but to picture it... wowza!

Ya, the visuals are a little scary, that''s for sure!

 

[gemgirl]

Wait until they start talking about Viagra and Cialis in open conversation, like they were talking about normal everyday things like getting new brakes on their car....

 

[tlh]

Date: 1/23/2009 1:07:01 PM
Author: gemgirl
Wait until they start talking about Viagra and Cialis in open conversation, like they were talking about normal everyday things like getting new brakes on their car....

OMG! My friends dad did that once when it first came out, years ago... and he told us while he was waiting for it to work he''d watch the O''Reily report... so one night when I''m over... and guess what is on the TV... omg, I was like... WE HAVE TO GO! haah my friend was like... yeah... and its after church too!

Warped my fragile little mind!

 

[platinumrock]

I''m so sorry that you''re not happy about this situation. This has to be a tough adjustment for you. Hopefully things will get a little better with time. I hope that your dad is happy and his new girlfriend genuinely cares about him.

 

[LaraOnline]

This is an interesting issue.
I hope you are resolving your feelings, soocool.

I regularly wonder what I would do in a similar circumstance ... as the old lady!
Would I want to marry again?
My husband likes to tell me I''d be remarried in six months... which upsets me...

I think I would want to marry rather than get lonely and old before my time ... but what happens up in heaven?
My current husband is NOT replaceable!

If I married as an old lady, would my (dead) ''major'' husband bother to come get me when I die? Would there be spiritual punch-ups between the ''longterm'' husband and the ''newer'' husband? Or does he just go back to the first wife too?

And what if there are arguments over the estate between the two newly-weds families?

Something tells me I worry too much!

 

[CharmyPoo]

I know it will be difficult but in time it will be normal. You just have to be happy for him! She will never replace your mom nor will she be your mom. She is just a companion for your father.