- Joined
- Aug 18, 2013
- Messages
- 12,017
WOW !
congradulations on JOTW Mrs B
loving the finger coverage
that's maximum sparkle
and where are we going and what was that salad
Awww - thank you, @Daisys and Diamonds! I think Beloved was given that some time back tho. But even so - I was so touched at the time, so your congratulations are warmly received.
I was flying from LA to Boston, as I do oh-so-often! The dish was a small salmon egg bite with cheese and fresh herbs. It was delicious. The other dishes were a sort of avocado on toast - where the avocado was a whipped puree, and the toast was wafer thin slices of lattice toast crackers - also delicious - and 2 chicken sausages. Jet blue doesn't serve one large dish for their meals. They give you a selection of 3 small dishes, which I think is a way better idea. I normally go for the protein and try to keep the carbs to a minimum. I admit, tho, there was no excuse for the warm chocolate croissant I had at the beginning of the meal. No excuse at all.
Oh what a beauty "daughter-b" is!! Even though your ring is amazing she still outshines it!
So what were the odds? The most beautiful girl in the world wearing the most beautiful ring in the world at breakfast today!
(And I freely admit that those titles apply to all daughters everywhere, and all treasured jewels - of which daughters are the most treasured of all!) <3
And NB that's 6.33ctw Beloved on a size 5.75 finger, which just goes to show - slim fingers can still wear biiiiiiiig rings!
. I admit, tho, there was no excuse for the warm chocolate croissant I had at the beginning of the meal. No excuse at all.
I love your ring, but the adoption is giving me feels today. My mom was not a good person, and has since passed away - but my DH jokes with me that I "adopt mother figures wherever I go" and it's true. The thought of finding a mom that I wanted to belong to forever, and wanted ME to belong to HER forever... and her young enough to have you for years and years of her adult life! I'm so happy for you both.
@liaerfbv -
I meant to respond to you individually at the time of your post, but was caught up with a host of different things, and my intention slipped through my fingers, I'm sorry.
I just wanted to say that I've seen Eleanor do something like you mentioned for years. When she was a child, I saw her collect mother figures like it was a hobby. Or perhaps a compulsion, might be a better description. The hole in her heart was patent.
One of the things we've had to address - both when she was young, and even now - is separating which parts of her attachment to me are because of compulsion, and which are because of the bond between us. If a person hasn't been through this exact thing, they wouldn't understand this, I suspect, but I was a developmental psychologist for many years and specialized in foster and adoption situations, before moving into dispute resolution, and I saw this many times.
So before we adopted each other, we needed to unravel what parts of her wanting to be adopted by me were potentially transitory because it was a need that could have been fulfilled by anyone willing to step up to the job and also a search that could potentially continue, even after our adoption, due to unresolved trauma - as opposed to which parts were based on a sincere attachment between the two of us and the degree to which it indicated a genuine mother/daughter relationship. People who have been hurt by a lack of attachment *can* react with a lifelong search for what they've lost, in a different form in other people. To that end, there's always a small (or great, depending on the situation and the people involved) chance that the person in my role in the adoption can be hurt and abandoned, should the next shiny mother figure come along, if the attachment between adopter and adoptee isn't deep and sincere.
This was one of the reasons that I didn't proceed with an adoption years ago. I wanted to make sure we had worked all of these issues through, and that we had a full and robust mother/daughter relationship, and that both Eleanor and I had resolved any issues that could have threatened that.
I was one of the lucky ones. Our relationship is authentic, deep, and resilient. It's also instinctual and visceral. And we had the equivalent of a 17 year adoption"engagement" before we took the step to make this legal. By the time we made our legal commitment to each other, we knew ourselves and each other and our relationship - and we knew it well.
So many parents and children fall out over the years. I've seen it a thousand times. But I believe that Eleanor and I will be 2 of the lucky ones. But, like all committed parents, I cross my fingers, hold my breath, and pray. Because, God knows, the perfect parent doesn't exist, and, if it does, it's definitely not me. To that end, I thank God daily for my kind, generous, loving girl, who accepts me as I am, failings and all. And I try to live in a way that exhibits to her a modicum of the joy and pride I feel to be her mother.
LIaerfvb - I don't know how old you are, nor do I know if you'll ever see this post. But I do hope that you find something that fills any hole you might feel in your heart, because it's a hole I've seen, and I know how much it can hurt. And I thank you for your kind, insightful, and incredibly generous words. Again, if one hasn't experienced this, one really doesn't know the sensation of "eternally searching for Mom". But you and I both know, and your ability to share in my joy is testament to who you are and the maturity and grace of your heart.
Hugs to you. <3
@liaerfbv -
I meant to respond to you individually at the time of your post, but was caught up with a host of different things, and my intention slipped through my fingers, I'm sorry.
I just wanted to say that I've seen Eleanor do something like you mentioned for years. When she was a child, I saw her collect mother figures like it was a hobby. Or perhaps a compulsion, might be a better description. The hole in her heart was patent.
One of the things we've had to address - both when she was young, and even now - is separating which parts of her attachment to me are because of compulsion, and which are because of the bond between us. If a person hasn't been through this exact thing, they wouldn't understand this, I suspect, but I was a developmental psychologist for many years and specialized in foster and adoption situations, before moving into dispute resolution, and I saw this many times.
So before we adopted each other, we needed to unravel what parts of her wanting to be adopted by me were potentially transitory because it was a need that could have been fulfilled by anyone willing to step up to the job and also a search that could potentially continue, even after our adoption, due to unresolved trauma - as opposed to which parts were based on a sincere attachment between the two of us and the degree to which it indicated a genuine mother/daughter relationship. People who have been hurt by a lack of attachment *can* react with a lifelong search for what they've lost, in a different form in other people. To that end, there's always a small (or great, depending on the situation and the people involved) chance that the person in my role in the adoption can be hurt and abandoned, should the next shiny mother figure come along, if the attachment between adopter and adoptee isn't deep and sincere.
This was one of the reasons that I didn't proceed with an adoption years ago. I wanted to make sure we had worked all of these issues through, and that we had a full and robust mother/daughter relationship, and that both Eleanor and I had resolved any issues that could have threatened that.
I was one of the lucky ones. Our relationship is authentic, deep, and resilient. It's also instinctual and visceral. And we had the equivalent of a 17 year adoption"engagement" before we took the step to make this legal. By the time we made our legal commitment to each other, we knew ourselves and each other and our relationship - and we knew it well.
So many parents and children fall out over the years. I've seen it a thousand times. But I believe that Eleanor and I will be 2 of the lucky ones. But, like all committed parents, I cross my fingers, hold my breath, and pray. Because, God knows, the perfect parent doesn't exist, and, if it does, it's definitely not me. To that end, I thank God daily for my kind, generous, loving girl, who accepts me as I am, failings and all. And I try to live in a way that exhibits to her a modicum of the joy and pride I feel to be her mother.
LIaerfvb - I don't know how old you are, nor do I know if you'll ever see this post. But I do hope that you find something that fills any hole you might feel in your heart, because it's a hole I've seen, and I know how much it can hurt. And I thank you for your kind, insightful, and incredibly generous words. Again, if one hasn't experienced this, one really doesn't know the sensation of "eternally searching for Mom". But you and I both know, and your ability to share in my joy is testament to who you are and the maturity and grace of your heart.
Hugs to you. <3