My cousin may or may not be engaged tonight...

[IrishAngel7982]

Hi ladies! Here''s the story in a nutshell. My cousin and his girlfriend have been together for about 3 years (I think.) They have a 15 month old baby girl (unplanned) so my cousin had to take on a full time job while working on his Master''s degree to support his gf and the baby. A few weeks ago they moved into a new apartment which is about $200 more per month than their last place, so there''s already a small stressor there until my cousin finishes his Master''s degree and gets a better paying job, since his gf has stayed home with the baby this whole time. Anyway, last weekend he made a decision to buy a ring, so he went to the mall on Monday with my Aunt and came home with a .8 carat rb solitaire set in white gold. The ring cost about $5,000, but that''s all I know (I haven''t talked to my cousin or seen the ring...darn.) Anyway, he is planning on popping the question tonight, but here''s where it gets rocky. His gf has been acting weirdly lately so my cousin has been extra nice, brought her flowers, and had a talk the other night. She came right out and told him she''s not sure of the relationship anymore. He called his mom (my Aunt) because he was concerned and to make a long story short he''s still planning on proposing tonight...but he''s really not sure of the answer. He''s been saying ''Don''t be surprised if it doesn''t happen this weekend.'' So that''s it. I just wanted to tell...I''m a little worried about the situation but in any event...I''ll know tonight if she said yes or no!

 

[RoseAngel04]

Oh Wow!! That is a bit of a sticky situation!

He''s got guts to still be comfortable popping the question after she explained her uncertaintity to him. Props to him! Is it possible that she just wants this relationship to move forward since they already have a family with one another and that she didn''t expect him to propose?!

For your cousins sake I hope she has a change of heart and wants to stay with this family and make is work! Keep us posted! Crossing my fingers for your cousin.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Oh wow. I can''t imagine the stress/nervousness of asking a person to love you for life, and not know the answer they''d give. Just think of how nervous/anxious/stressed our boys can become beforehand, and they *know* we''ll all be bouncing up and down with happiness and glee.

Aye, I will be thinking about him and hoping for the best, whatever that may be, tonight.

 

[FireGoddess]

Yikes. Did they talk about why she''s having doubts? I mean wow - huge red flag. If he pops the question and she says yes, I hope they don''t rush into wedding planning, but instead seriously evaluate their relationship before taking a walk down the aisle! I hope it works out...

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Ugh I know girls...he's lucky he didn't ask for my opinion because I would've given him the big "Don't ask if you don't know the answer" speech, and the speech about red flags, lifetime commitments, etc. My aunt doesn't think he should go through with it based on that conversation, neither does my mom, nor do I once I heard, but no one has suggested he wait to see what happens. I will definitely let you girls know what happens once I hear. I may not know until tomorrow. My mom is going with my aunt shortly to stay at their apartment and watch the baby (They live about an hour away from us.) His plan is to take her to a nice dinner followed by an overnight stay somewhere. We'll see what happens! We're thinking that if they come home early the answer is no, but if they don't come home the answer is yes. Who knows! All I know is I'm extremely nervous about the situation and I really can't believe he's going through with it with so many reservations. Maybe RoseAngel's right, but I don't know if they've talked about marriage before. Here's hoping!

ETA: FireGoddess...as far as I know they didn't go into too much detail about her doubts for one reason or another. I can tell you that we always thought my cousin would be the ultimate bachelor. We'll see. I told my mom to call me later once the word comes in!

 

[RoseAngel04]

So I''m dying to know Irish!! What happened?!

 

[galeteia]

I''ve read/heard that having a newborn is the rockiest time in a marriage. It really can strain a relationship to the breaking point. Most couples manage to get through it, but what would happen if you hit that breaking point before the commitment to marriage was made? I wonder if that''s what your cousin is dealing with.

I hope everything went okay... that''s a really tough situation to be in.

 

[Fancy605]

Maybe she''s playing hard to get to intice him into doing something crazy like proposing. I have known of girls who have done this--they acted like they were ready to end the relationship to see how far the guy would go to keep her around (how''s that for managing a guy). I''ve actually gotten that piece of advice from a guy before: "Act like you don''t want to marry him anymore, and he''ll propose within a month." HOPEFULLY this isn''t what she''s up to, but you never know.

Let us know what happens.

 

[blodthecat]

Date: 7/30/2006 2:03:18 AM
Author: Galateia
I''ve read/heard that having a newborn is the rockiest time in a marriage. It really can strain a relationship to the breaking point. Most couples manage to get through it, but what would happen if you hit that breaking point before the commitment to marriage was made? I wonder if that''s what your cousin is dealing with.

I hope everything went okay... that''s a really tough situation to be in.

Galateia...how right you are.

A new baby places an enormous stress on a relationship! This new person has arrived and changed the whole dynamics of your relationship.

Your cousin is under pressure to provide for his family, his partners is at home all day with a new baby.....not to mention feeling tired, exhausted and deprived of sleep!

He has bought the ring (which sounds gorgeous) so I hope he goes ahead with the proposal.

When everyone is feeling under pressure and stressed, communication goes out the window.

I''m hoping your cousin gets a positive ''YES'' and they manage to work things out.

Blod

 

[AndyRosse]

IrishAngel, any news???

 

[IrishAngel7982]

I''m sorry for the delay girls! I got some weird news last night as I was heading out with some friends (new thread to follow.) Anyway, she said yes. I would LOVE to be absolutely thrilled for them, but I''m not. I''m just worried. I think you all were right. She became pregnant ''on accident'' and was really upset when my cousin said he did not want to marry her just because they were having a child. I don''t agree with it, but I don''t agree with trying to trap him either...and this is common knowledge. Accidents happen when you''re on the pill, but something was fishy there. Anyway, I really think she was acting indifferent to put up an immature attempt to trap him once again. It may or may not have worked but he did buy a beautiful ring on his own and they are now engaged. Haven''t set a date yet, but we''ll see. My Mom came home and my brother asked, ''Well?'' to which she replied ''They''re engaged. I don''t kow, she seemed really happy.'' So maybe she was unhappy at being in a stagnant relationship. Who knows! Nevertheless, being a true PSer I tried to get all of the specs but all I got was this... .8 carat center stone, G color, white gold 1/2 eternity setting for a TCW of about 1 carat. I don''t know if they''re channel or prong set, and my Mom had a hard time memorizing the certificate (she swore there was a 90 in there, and I told her there shouldn''t be. (?)) There''s the story girls! They''re engaged, and I''m thrilled for my cousin because he has really turned his life around and he''s doing everything he can to take care of his family now. I just wish I could feel 100% elated that this was right and in many senses it is (for the sake of their daughter.) Anyway, weddings in my family are a riot and I get to help my Mom plan a bridal shower now! If I ever get some pictures I''ll share them. I hope everyone had a great weekend!

 

[AndyRosse]

Thanks IrishAngel for the update! Well, I wish them the best!

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Thanks Michelle, I appreciate it!

 

[galeteia]

She what?!

*breathes deeply*

I sincerely hope that your cousin''s relationship grows and matures into a loving true partnership that brings them happiness, and wish them all the best.

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Date: 7/30/2006 7:34:20 PM
Author: Galateia
She what?!

*breathes deeply*

I sincerely hope that your cousin''s relationship grows and matures into a loving true partnership that brings them happiness, and wish them all the best.

I''m not sure what aspect you''re referring to Galateia, but yeah.

 

[galeteia]

*coughs delicately*

I''ve, um, got some ''issues'' regarding people trying to ''accidentally'' get pregnant in order to force a marriage. It''s not always the woman who is trying that route. Regardless of who is doing it, it''s a crummy thing to do.

It sounds like your future cousin-in-law has some maturing to do; hopefully being a mother will bring about that blossoming and she can come into her own. I am sure fatherhood will also continue to bring fullness and growth to your cousin''s life.

It''s amazing the positive changes parenthood can bring about in people-- sometimes it really changes people for the better and people who were once going down a dark road just rally under the circumstances and make huge changes in their lives. I''m always in awe when this happens.

 

[RoseAngel04]

Thanks for the update Irish!

I would hope that your cousins fiance didn''t intentionally get pregnant to try to trap your cousin into staying with her!!! Hoping they have a happy future together!!

 

[IrishAngel7982]

I do too Galateia, and I divulge that information with some reservation. I can''t be sure, but we''ll put it this way: When we got the news she was expecting, more than one pair of eyebrows was raised as to whether the pregnancy was truly unplanned. It''s a known fact that birth control isn''t always 100% accurate, but there is logical cause for concern here. It drives me absolutely nuts to think that''s how their beautiful daughter was conceived, but what''s done is done I guess. She''s 15 months old, a beautiful child, and she is loved very much. Point being, we can''t be sure and we never will be...hence the reason for our reservations over this whole marriage thing. I hope they have a happy future together also, especially with a growing little girl in the picture!
Thanks for the well wishes Rose!