My Grandparent Suck!

[february2003bride]

My DH is Indian so I get the anger over "mixing" races. We don''t get the remarks from my parents or Americans in general (but we do live in Northern VA which is a melting pot of races) but we get stares, comments, whispers from Indians and poor DH has had remarks tossed to him in Hindi by strangers. It''s sad but I knew what I signed up for when we started dating

Keep your chin up and I would give your Dad some extra support. It must be hard for him that his parents act this way!

 

[galeteia]

I've dated only a few white guys, so I've gotten plently of flak over interracial pairings. Strangely, 90% of the time it's the 'other' side that's flipping over 'one of their own' dating a white girl.

The last time it happened was with my ex, who was 1/4 jamaican and 3/4 chinese. He looks chinese, but doesn't have an asian 'frame'-- he's over six feet and has broad shoulders and a respectable amount of muscle. He's not blocky, but he defintely takes after the jamaican side when it comes to body type. But asian features and colouring all the way. He's also very good looking and had long gorgeous asian hair.

We have a high asian population here, but when we went to Chinatown in Toronto, I was getting the NASTIEST looks from every generation of asian women over 14. We're talking the look someone has a split second before they spit on you. I was actually a little shaken... I'd never experienced such naked malice from strangers before. Clearly I had swooped in and stolen one of their 'best' men and a fat white whore like myself had no business with such a prime specimen.

It was unbelievable. The female shopkeepers/girls, who served me happily when I went there before with my white friends or on my own, suddenly lost all trace of english if they even acknowledged me at all. It was crazy.

On the other hand, my friend's family embraced me as their 'adopted daughter', insisted I was more chinese than my friend, and tried to set me up with her brother.

When FF met them, he took to Mah Jong like a fish to water and the mother petted his hair, asked if he was part chinese (he gets that a lot), and told him he was handsome. I took that as a thumbs-up.

 

[IndiBlue]

Wow! Thanks all for your support!

My family and I have decided that their hatred isn''t worth our energy. I''m still going to invite them to everything (engagement party, rehearsal dinner & wedding). My dad made it pretty clear to them that if they can''t love and support me then they should not come. Which I know was really hard for him, as he''s hardly ever stood up to them before.

As I mentioned previously, since they told me how they felt, I''ve not gone out of my way to be around them- and they haven''t tried to keep in touch with me- so- I feel the loss because they are my grandparents but since my parents got divorced we''ve not really had much of a relationship anyways.

I keep thinking, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do"

 

[SoonIHope]

Indi - I''m so sorry you have to go through this. I''m glad you seem to be handling it well, but I am still shocked when I hear of anyone who is willing to separate from their own family because of prejudice!! If someone says they don''t like ~ people, I always assume they just don''t really know anyone who is whatever it is they don''t like, and they''d HAVE to come around if they knew more about it. But sadly, some people fixate on these beliefs even when it costs them valuable relationships.... I have a friend whose parents disowned her when she started dating a Chinese man because her mother just couldn''t get over the idea of someone "like him" touching her daughter. I just can''t fathom EVER having a strong enough feeling about ANYTHING that I would sacrfice my relationship with my own child or grandchild for!!

As for my own experiences (white with a Chinese fiance), I have gotten quite a few angry stares from older Asian women, but both his and my families have been wonderful and couldn''t care less. The thing that annoys me most though is that when we go to Chinese restaurants with his family where I am literally the only white person there (every time), they ALWAYS bring me a fork!!!! And I never ask for it, and I always hand it back and say no thanks, but then they''ll sneak one back to me later. It is soooo frustrating. My mom grew up partially in Japan so she had me using chopsticks from a young age, and in fact, the first time I met my fiance''s family, they were all so impressed with my chopstick usage that they started yelling at my fiance & his brother for not doing it "right" like I was!

Obviously this isn''t really a problem, but it''s still so foreign to me how insistent people are in their beliefs about what people of a different race SHOULD be like.

 

[galeteia]

Date: 10/19/2006 10:39:20 AM
Author: albicocca
As for my own experiences (white with a Chinese fiance), I have gotten quite a few angry stares from older Asian women, but both his and my families have been wonderful and couldn''t care less. The thing that annoys me most though is that when we go to Chinese restaurants with his family where I am literally the only white person there (every time), they ALWAYS bring me a fork!!!! And I never ask for it, and I always hand it back and say no thanks, but then they''ll sneak one back to me later. It is soooo frustrating. My mom grew up partially in Japan so she had me using chopsticks from a young age, and in fact, the first time I met my fiance''s family, they were all so impressed with my chopstick usage that they started yelling at my fiance & his brother for not doing it ''right'' like I was!

Obviously this isn''t really a problem, but it''s still so foreign to me how insistent people are in their beliefs about what people of a different race SHOULD be like.

Ditto-- when I was eight, my stepfather entered the picture and he hated the noise cutlery makes on plates. So he banned the use of metal eating utensils (other than knives) and since wooden forks and spoons are murder to clean, it was chopsticks all the way. Now I''m kinda useless with a fork.

I think my chopstick skillz are what impressed my friend''s family enough to try matching me with their (get this!) eldest son. That, and my shoes. And long hair.

The same thing happens to me when I go out with my friend; but we just switch. I eat with the chopsticks, she takes my fork. She''s canadian through and through, regardless of her skin colour. She calls herself a ''banana'' and doesn''t even speak either of her parents'' languages. She declared me an ''egg''.

 

[anchor31]

Racism really shocks me. It''s just not something I can understand.

Where I live (Quebec), the biggest racism problem is the "English" versus the "French", or pretty much the Québécois versus the rest of the country.

My father is pure-bred Québécois, as we say, and my mother is from a French-speaking Ontarian family. My mother''s first language is French and she learned English on the street with her girl friends, and she was in a very tolerant environment. My father''s family could have been racists, I guess. Not much contact with the "English" and not many of them speak or understand English; fortunately, they couldn''t care less. Both families like to make fun of the other''s particular expressions and sayings, but it''s just some playful teasing. I''ve never witnessed any racism about colour in my family either.

I grew up in a very racist environment outside my family though. "Les maudits Anglais" and "les maudits immigrants" is something I hear rather frequently.

I have to say it always breaks my heart, and I''m glad my parents raised me to be such a tolerant person.

Indi - I think you''re handling the situation pretty well!

 

[allycat0303]

Anchor: Oops I''m a "maudit anglais" and a "maudit immigrant" double trouble in pure Quebecois racist land

Albi: Ok...well this is funny, but I ask for a fork (cause I can''t use chopsticks) must be the only asian girl in the world that can''t handle them. I used to pretend they were for my ex. Who incidently eats with chopsitcks.....I used to get looks in Chinatown. I could almost read the condemation on their faces...it came to the point that if I wanted Chinese food, I''d order to go. It was just too unplesent.