anchor31
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2005
- Messages
- 7,074
Monday night, I went to see my sister. We finished eating dinner and I asked her if she’d reached a decision – her week was over. She said nothing. We washed the dishes, and still nothing. My hard-earned patience was wearing thin. She needed to go to the grocery store so we took a walk, and she asked me what my marriage meant to me. I explained it to her patiently, but I inside I was starting to boil. Then, nothing again until we walked out of the grocery store. I was just about to explode. Then she asked me what her being my MOH meant to me. I told her she’s always been the most important person of my life and I wanted her to be my witness. She asked if she could be my witness without being my MOH, I said yes. Traditionally, the MOH and best man are the witnesses, but FI and I are not stuck on tradition… My parents’ witnesses were their mothers, so I don’t see why it could be a problem for us. We discussed the logistics of witness vs MOH, and finally she asked me if she would have anything to do while she’s gone to Australia. I’m a little surprised, I mean, it’s not like I can ask her to do anything while she’s the furthest away that she could be… Like most brides, I’d really like to have a shower, but it’s not something she can plan from the other side of the planet. Otherwise, it’s dress shopping before, and optional stuff on the day-of that we can discuss. She said that she doesn’t mind having things to do on the day-of. At that point I was really confused… So what is the problem?
FINALLY, she opened up to me. During the last week, she realized something very important about herself in relation to our family. We were born preterm and I have a minor disability as a result… She’s always felt responsible for me because of that, like she always had to take care of me. That responsibility she took upon herself, she ended up transferring it to the whole family… Which is why she’s taking it so personally that our brother’s letting himself be manipulated by his GFs, why she’s taking my happiness so personally; pretty much why she’s been acting like she has for the last two years or so. Our mother was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about 2 years ago and my sister was the only person who could go home to help my mother with the house because I was away for college, my brother was in military training and dad was always away on business… That strengthened her sense of responsibility and she started to crack under the pressure. The way she found to try to fight it was to push us away, fight us… She’s hoping that going so far away for a whole year will help her resolve that issue. I pray it will.
The problem is that she doesn’t want to have any family-related responsibilities while she’s gone. She doesn’t want to have to help me plan or to have to plan something for me. She doesn’t want to feel obligated. She felt like that, and she rebelled against it like everything else. She wants to feel like if I ask her something it’s purely voluntary. And I told her it is. I said that all I expect from her is to wear her dress, show up and sign as my witness. The rest is optional. She was relieved at that.
I have to say that I’m very proud of her. Realizing all that and talking to me about it is a very big step. I feel like my sister is finally peeking from under that ugly mask of anger… And that feels good. Out of good will, I didn’t ask for an answer, giving her a few more days to think about this. On Wednesday, she got her answer from the UWA and she’s officially leaving in early July for Australia until early July 08.
And finally, today I asked her if she’d finally taken a decision, and she SMILED at me!! She said she would do it and she SMILED! I asked her if she would be happy doing it and she said yes. Even the dress shopping? Even the dress shopping.
I’m so relieved and so happy… It’s like getting my sister back. I’m even glad we had that fight now, because if we hadn’t maybe she wouldn’t have realized all this. I’m just so relieved.
Now there’s just the FMIL left to handle.
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