Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

My man is killing me!

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Thanks Whitby.
I know this is pathetic, but Ubiquitous' post made me cry!
20.gif

There are many, many men out there who think like good ol' Ubi, non?

I know my husband appreciates me.
I think he'd be happy for me to take option d).
I do get a realistic fortnightly wage from our business.
But when household expenses are taken out, I would have to budget very, very hard to get my dream within the year.
I need him to kick in a good deposit!

I want to get the ring now, rather than wait for the children to be grown (Ubi!!) because expenses only increase as children grow. A brand new baby on mummy's milk is really not that expensive compared to further down the track!

Also, our business is going quite well at the moment. I think I deserve a reward from the successful growing of a business, as much as any other business person would.

ETA: thank you Ubi for your apology
 
i totally understand; we want a man to give us something tangible to hang onto - something a woman can look at in the hard, crappy times. some kind of recognition for all the times we put what *we* want second and keep a smile on our faces. i totally get it.

are you sure you''re not being *too* nice about it? is he being as supportive to you as you are to him? going away to a resort a week after a baby is born seems kinda...well, you know... will you have family come and stay with you at least to help look after your other children?

since tim and i moved o/s i''ve been working on writing children''s novels and had my first one published last year. i''m now working on my second one. but i work from home, and i can''t tell you how many people, after asking me if i''m working as a psychologist here, when they''ve heard i''m home during the day, respond with - "oooh! so you dont *do* anything..." aaargghhh! i gave up a career i loved, a home i adored, all my family and friends, and everything that was familiar to me to follow my husband overseas so he could pursue his career. but in some people''s eyes, that will still be "oh! so you dont *do* anything" and he will still be seen as the one who feeds his family and goes out to the grindstone every day. pahleease. the sexist response would send me batty if i didn''t have a husband who completely understands the enormity of the sacrifice i made for him. and only someone who has never run their own business doesn''t understand that, when one person in the marriage is running their own business, BOTH people are living that experience!

i get it - i totally get it. and you totally deserve your ring. :)
 
Lara, Whitby has answered you so wonderfully that there is little to add. I just wanted to tell you that I agree with just buying it yourself if he will kick in some money. Perhaps he will kick in the amount saved from you not going on the trip?

I''ve been married 32 years. And I have always loved jewelry. But I am SUPER picky and there has never been any way that my husband could pick out something for me as a surprise! I''ve always picked things out and given him the info. Yes, long ago I wished for the romance of having him buy me a wonderful surprise, but realistically, there was no way that could work! I analyze something to death before I buy it, so there was no way he could really please me!

So I guess all this is to say, if I want something now and there is no big occasion for him to get it for me, I just buy it myself! I do consider it from him because all our money is shared. I really just like jewelry, so it doesn''t really matter to me if I have picked it out myself.

I do think some men just don''t "get" jewelry and the cost of it, since it comes in such a small package. Your hubby undoubtedly thinks your first set ought to be adequate, but he isn''t thinking how he''d feel with a little row boat instead of the new boat he got!!!

Whitby is a psychologist and can advise you so much better than I can, but I think you maybe need to speak up in a kind way and tell him simply that while you love your original rings and will always treasure them, you''d also like a new diamond ring and are willing to help pay for it, but you need him to kick in some money, too. There''s no rule that says girls are limited to only one ring!
 
Thank you so much for your posts, I am going to clarify my position and ask him clearly for a deposit.

He does have a very strong personality, when he perceives himself to be backed into a corner.
He is one of two boys.
His father also was a rather difficult, hot-headed creature so it seems by all accounts.
His mother''s ''handling technique'' within her family seemed to be very much one of almost total passivity...

His modelling has NOT been one to encourage a reasonable conversation regarding matters...
He is very quick to cut off discussion if he feels uncomfortable about a conversation, and will take all avenues to control the conversation...

However, I think he genuinely loves me very deeply, and is in himself a lively, generous and intelligent fellow.

I just need to really clarify my points so that I don''t ''seize up''. I am terrified of seeming ''demanding'' to him, and so have probably not been direct enough in what I physically want out of him.

He is happy to say that the house is my present, but - believe me! - we would not be living in this new house if it was not a house he liked!!! I feel the house is more a reflection of the family''s needs, rather than especially and particularly (exclusively?) mine. However, there are a number of competing financial goals floating around, and the new house does weigh into his outlook on how I am faring in the marriage.
 
lara - i'd love to add you to my facebook friends list; you seem like a like-minded australian! is there any way to do that without breaking the pricescope policies? i've noticed that a lot of people here seem to know each other off pricescope - how do they manage it? there's quite a lot of people i'd like to invite to my facebook page.

(i'm really sorry if this is a bit off-topic)
 
Date: 1/21/2009 8:08:40 PM
Author: whitby_2773

lara - i''d love to add you to my facebook friends list; you seem like a like-minded australian! is there any way to do that without breaking the pricescope policies? i''ve noticed that a lot of people here seem to know each other off pricescope - how do they manage it? there''s quite a lot of people i''d like to invite to my facebook page.

(i''m really sorry if this is a bit off-topic)
Click to expand...
Policy #3 states: For your privacy and security do not post any private information including emails, personal pages, and usernames on other sites or IM''s on the open forums.

Many people know eachother through get togethers and other personal contact that was established before these polices were put in place.
If you ever have a question about what is appropriate on the forums, please see the forum policy link located near the bottom of every forum page. https://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/faq.asp?mode=policy
You may also contact us via the "Report Concern" button under every post.
 
hi ali :)

sorry about that! i did read the privacy thingy and then did a search and found that it came up all over theplace so thought it was ok. sorry for the mistake.

will have to come to a PS get-together! :)
 
Oh pooh, I think I missed your details, which have been edited out!
It IS for your own safety and wellbeing though, of course.
I''m glad that Ali took your details off, I just skimmed through before, and had to disappear before I could respond...

Anyway, just gives me another excuse to hang around on PS!
 
Date: 1/21/2009 6:25:14 PM
Author: whitby_2773
hi lara :)

just above the post by ubiquitous i left you quite a long post which might be more relevant to you and your situation. i thought about it a *lot* before i posted it, and wouldnt like to see something that might be useful get 'lost in the backwash'.

everybody is entitled to their own opinion, and i'm sure what ubiquitous said is relevant to some women. but it's pretty obvious that you're not a nagging, demanding, complaining, unrealistic or resentful wife... ok - let me rephrase that - it's *really* obvious! as with all these posts - one takes the parts that apply to us, and just move past the rest.

perhaps you've even been too flexible or too easy going? (always a possibility) have a look at my previous post, and reconsider option d!

head up girl! i know a great wife when i see one post! :)
Click to expand...

I agree with everything you wrote!

You could have written my very own thoughts and i was glad that somebody said it like it is!!!!

I am also an Aussie with a very strong husband. We usually always disagree about things that I want from kids to renovations to jewellery. If I had ever listened to him about the things that he was non negotiable about...well I wouldnt have my daughter as a main thing!!!!!! (That was scarey!!!!).

The latest thing was that he got me an upgrade that was really badly set. He was ademant that the setting could not be changed due to cost etc and that I was delusional not to be beyond thrilled and grateful.

Well, I did change the setting and everyone who sees it can not believe how beautiful the stone looks now. It wasnt an easy decision as I knew my dh would be furious. But i also knew that I was right to expect and want a setting that is not poorly made. Sometimes there is no compromise, someone will be happy and someone will be upset in a relationship. I knew I could afford a new setting and i didnt think it was fair to be held back by my dh for no real reason. (Keep in mind he is a jeweller!).

So I took charge of my own happiness, even at risk of my dh being upset. And yes he was upset wanted to divorce me etc.......but really......that would be pretty silly of him over a ring hey??????
11.gif


Seriously, if you can afford it....go for it.

I would much prefer to have a relationship where my dh looked after me and cared about my opinion as i know other dh`s do. But at the end of the day, you work with what you have and become your own prince and save yourself!!!!!

ETA--- My dh `was` upset, today he is taking all the credit for how amazing the new ring looks. And currently saying no to the eternity band that I want to match it!!!! And a definate no to the pink diamond eternity band that Im after!!!!! LOL

ps. A less expensive option is to get a very sparkly eternity or half etenity band. Check out the celebraty bling here!!!!
 
Lara I''m sorry you are feeling so frustrated with all this. From your posts it is obvious you are a very loving and caring wife and mother. As someone who cares for two small children while my husband works away 9 days out of every fortnight, I think you are being VERY supportive by encouraging your husband to take a fishing trip so soon after the birth of your third child. Caring for kids by yourself is not easy and it is obvious that you want your husband to be able to enjoy himself away from work.

Seen in this context your desire for a new ring seems totally reasonable should your circumstances allow. After all, a fishing trip, enjoyable as it may be lasts only a short time, while a diamond, well that is ''forever''. Am I remembering correctly in that you once wrote that your husband used some of your baby bonus money to buy himself a ''tinny?'' Surely it should be your turn this time
31.gif
.
 
Softly, this is a secret so don't tell anyone (shhh) but he used the bonus as a deposit for a nice-sized, brand new, motorised tinny. It's not an ocean -going boat, which I guess is kind of a compromise for him, because that is what he truly would love, but hey, maybe down the track...

I kind of feel ashamed of letting that slip... he doesn't get that many 'leisure pleasures' in life, and fishing is one of them.

Sharon, thank you for your anecdotes. Guys can really surprise me! And your guy a jeweller! That reminds me of another thread I wanted to start... I was listening to the radio yesterday, and the funny guys were asking callers to ring in detailing how 'their big event' was spoiled by other people... the first caller was a guy talking about his parents/.

His father spoiled his mother's big event by taking her pig shooting for her honeymoon!!!!

So there is always someone stuck that's worse off than yourself, isn't there!!!
 
Date: 1/22/2009 2:01:56 AM
Author: LaraOnline
Softly, this is a secret so don''t tell anyone (shhh) but he used the bonus as a deposit for a nice-sized, brand new, motorised tinny. It''s not an ocean -going boat, which I guess is kind of a compromise for him, because that is what he truly would love, but hey, maybe down the track...

I kind of feel ashamed of letting that slip... he doesn''t get that many ''leisure pleasures'' in life, and fishing is one of them.

Sharon, thank you for your anecdotes. Guys can really surprise me! And your guy a jeweller! That reminds me of another thread I wanted to start... I was listening to the radio yesterday, and the funny guys were asking callers to ring in detailing how ''their big event'' was spoiled by other people... the first caller was a guy talking about his parents/.

His father spoiled his mother''s big event by taking her pig shooting for her honeymoon!!!!

So there is always someone stuck that''s worse off than yourself, isn''t there!!!
Click to expand...
I can tell that you are a definate sweetie! And yes there are always worse situations out there.

I will be in the cheering squad when you finally do get your ring!!!! And it is `when` not `if`....xxxxSharon
 
Listen, you''re husband has been playing this game for a long time now...and it''s time you do something about it. Knowing your love and want for this new ring, he simply cannot continue to keep your hopes up and dash them right after...it''s just not fair.

Next time he brings it up, just do it. Order it, or put a deposit on it. But whatever you do, don''t give him time to change his mind. He might never understand the importance of this ring...but you do, and that counts for something.

Please don''t be one of those women that is under their husbands thumb ... speak up and make the change happen instead on continuing to have your little heart broken.

(((big hugs)))
 
But wait - there's more...
This morning we both woke up early and we were having a little snuggle...
I said I had to get up and check the computer because I had 'told all the American girls about how you had promised me a present if I missed the conference and then changed your mind' (with a smile)

He said 'But I haven't changed my mind'
20.gif

!Shuuur you didn't
3.gif
)
Long pause

I go (still joking around) 'Three kids, gotta count for something... He goes 'Yeah'...
Don't want to go into detail on a public forum, but he did get specific about how we would 'make arrangements'!!

I thought I might start to cry uncontrollably, so.... end of conversation!! Just lots of hugs
9.gif


outcome: look out for other threads from me in a month or two!!
4.gif
I've got plans, sistas! I love this forum!

Thanks Italia, for your kind words!
 
Just wanted to say I''m so excited for you, and I can''t wait to see the final outcome!
 
aww that''s so wonderful to hear - you must be THRILLED!! you deserve it!! can''t wait to see what you pick out!!
36.gif
 
Thanks Namaste, and thank you too, Purse Lover!
Yes, I am beyond thrilled!!!
In fact, this diamond is all I can think of, dream of, fantasise over from wake-up to sleep time and beyond!!!

The guy still doesn''t really get it.
so far, he has suggested we use ''my'' ring money for:
1) new built-in shelving for the garage storage area
2) a bigger fridge
3) shadecloths for the backyard

Sometimes I just look past his gaze as if I don''t know he''s there, other times I stick my fingers in my ears and go ''nyah, nyah, nyah''

But I think I can hold him off!!
 
Yay! I just came back to check this thread and see if there had been any updates on the epic battle for the one ring of rings!
3.gif
I''m so excited to see that things are progressing so well. I cannot *wait* to see that thing in its own SMTR thread verrrrryyy soon!
 
Lara, I just wanted to tell you I''m so happy with how things are moving along with your upgrade. I am keeping my fingers crossed that you continue to hold him off, and that he realizes that it is super-important to you, even if he doesn''t understand why. I really want to see you get that new sparkly! I''ll keep sending positive ring vibes your way (hope they can travel that far!). Hope your pregnancy is going very well, too.
 
A fridge? hmm yea that''ll break eventually
shelving?? won''t last forever!

but your diamond.. that will be sparkling still for your daughter''s daughter and so on.
would his practical self feel better about this purchase if he was reminded that "a diamond is forever"?? haha maybe not but doesn''t hurt to try!
3.gif
 
Haha well first time one of these ''suggestions'' came up, I told him I was going to tell the American girls on him... (seeing as it did the trick in the first place)
3.gif


But if he persists, I might just have to tell him to cancel his fishing trip... THERE''S there money for the silly shelves / fridge / shadecloth , right there!!
26.gif


Another repeated theme has been that if he gives in to this one, I am likely to want another piece of jewellery, worth twice the amount, in a fortnight''s time.
This, more than anything else, tells me that he really doesn''t ''get'' the concept of the upgrade.
I mean, I feel I''ve been waiting since we became engaged all those years ago! He still doesn''t realise that my original ring was a pretty big compromise for me!
20.gif

I won''t bring it up now, because I don''t want him to get upset...
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top