My MIL is Crazy!

[meresal]

I just found out that she sent Thank You cards to all of our guests from Houston, where they live. Some weren't even invted by them, the were invited by C and I. They were DH's friend's parents. Apparently she was thanking them all for being there and making the trip for the weekend. Ohh and she did this the week after the wedding, so that makes C and I look real good. Guess we didn't care enough to sit down and write thank you's right after the wedding.

She even sent a thank you cards to my sisters for throwing the bridesmaid luncheon. Yes, the one she sowed up 45 minutes late for.

It's all about her. She's a nut case.

Sorry, needed to vent.

 

[sunnyd]

Yikes! Well...I bet the recipients will have the same reaction as you:

Your MIL is an interesting one.

 

[elrohwen]

Wow, that''s pretty crazy. Remind me not to give my MIL our guests'' addresses

 

[LilyKat]

Um, yes. She is crazy.

I think it reflects totally on her rather than you, and that guests will realise this. I would send your own thank you cards to them in the normal way, and let the ones she sent be her own business.

 

[choro72]

 

[meresal]

Sunny, I just don't get her. I don't want to either.

What I just can't understand is why in the world she thought it was appropriate to send thank you notes for an event MY parents paid for. She obviously thinks that her family was the main attraction, which might shed a little light on the "end of the night" circus she created.

It's been month since the wedding, and not two nights ago these words left her mouth, again making a comment about how much the spent. "I know M's parents probably spent a good amount of money, but when we sat down and added everything up, we spent over $80k." Mind you, that was ALL for things that no one ever asked for. I couldn't believe she said that. All she cares about is herself and her money. She equates EVERYTHING with how much she spends in comparisonto other people. DH had to walk me out of the room I almost ripped her head off right there. Then not 5 minutes later she had the gaul to ask us if we were in debt from wedding expenses! That was the biggest insult I have ever dealt with. She's certifiably insane.

She is doing the same thing for two other events she has "offered" to host. One is a baby shower and the other is a wedding shower. The bide does't even want it, but she insists on making it this huge ordeal with full floral ceterpieces. Both of these girls would much rather have even a part of the cash she shells out, but that's not even a blip on her radar.

 

[dani2142]

WTF!!! What a whacko!!!!

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 8/20/2009 3:34:38 PM
Author: meresal
Sunny, I just don''t get her. I don''t want to either.

What I just can''t understand is why in the world she thought it was appropriate to send thank you notes for an event MY parents paid for. She obviously thinks that her family was the main attraction, which might shed a little light on the ''end of the night'' circus she created.

It''s been month since the wedding, and not two nights ago these words left her mouth. ''I know M''s parents probably spent a good amount of money, but when we sat down and added everything up, we spent over $80k.'' Mind you, that was ALL for things that no one ever asked for. I couldn''t believe she said that. All she cares about is herself and her money. She equates EVERYTHING with how much she spends in comparisonto other people. DH had to walk me out of the room I almost ripped her head off right there. Then not 5 minutes later she had the gaul to ask us if we were in debt from wedding expenses! That was the biggest insult I have ever dealt with. She''s certifiably insane.

She is doing the same thing for two other events she has ''offered'' to host. One is a baby shower and the other is a wedding shower. The bide does''t even want it, but she insists on making it this huge ordeal with full floral ceterpieces. Both of these girls would much rather have even a part of the cash she shells out, but that''s not even a blip on her radar.

Pure selfishness. That''s completely rude of her to disregard your parents like that. Holy mother, that would take some serious restraint to walk away like you did!!

 

[meresal]

Date: 8/20/2009 3:28:55 PM
Author: LilyKat
Um, yes. She is crazy.

I think it reflects totally on her rather than you, and that guests will realise this. I would send your own thank you cards to them in the normal way, and let the ones she sent be her own business.

I know, it''s definitely her own business. I just feel like she didn''t even think about how it would reflect on other people. I have never gotten a thank you card from the parents of the bride or groom after a wedding, and I have no idea why she thought that was necessary.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 8/20/2009 3:44:41 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 8/20/2009 3:28:55 PM
Author: LilyKat
Um, yes. She is crazy.

I think it reflects totally on her rather than you, and that guests will realise this. I would send your own thank you cards to them in the normal way, and let the ones she sent be her own business.

I know, it''s definitely her own business. I just feel like she didn''t even think about how it would reflect on other people. I have never gotten a thank you card from the parents of the bride or groom after a wedding, and I have no idea why she thought that was necessary.

LOL, I don''t think anyone has. People will just be confused by it, I don''t think (I hope) it''ll reflect poorly on you at all. They''ll think she''s weird. I would.

 

[meresal]

Date: 8/20/2009 3:51:21 PM
Author: sunnyd

Date: 8/20/2009 3:44:41 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 8/20/2009 3:28:55 PM
Author: LilyKat
Um, yes. She is crazy.

I think it reflects totally on her rather than you, and that guests will realise this. I would send your own thank you cards to them in the normal way, and let the ones she sent be her own business.

I know, it's definitely her own business. I just feel like she didn't even think about how it would reflect on other people. I have never gotten a thank you card from the parents of the bride or groom after a wedding, and I have no idea why she thought that was necessary.

LOL, I don't think anyone has. People will just be confused by it, I don't think (I hope) it'll reflect poorly on you at all. They'll think she's weird. I would.

That actually makes me feel better. lol, thank you. Sunny, did you see the post I wrote about what happened the week and weekend of the wedding?

 

[sunnyd]

Not ringing a bell, why, what happened?

 

[Luckyeshe]

Wow...

 

[happydreams]

out of curiosity, what is she saying she spent 80K on? seems a bit strange that she would broadcast it...maybe she''s trying to somehow tie in the fact that she sent the thank you notes because she paid just as much? (trying to see it from her point of view) strange, anyhow.

 

[Clairitek]

I finally was able to dig up the post about her shenanigans on the weekend of your wedding. Wow. I can''t believe you had to deal with that on your wedding weekend! I''m so sorry.

I would probably find it a tad odd to receive a thank you card from the groom''s parents since the bride''s parents were the ones who hosted the wedding.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 8/20/2009 5:44:37 PM
Author: sunnyd
Not ringing a bell, why, what happened?

Link.

 

[gwendolyn]

Holy crap, what a loon!

...how far away does she live from you guys?

 

[monarch64]

No words.

 

[mayachel]

Yes, yes she is crazy.

 

[Dannielle]

How odd

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

While I can understand you being easily annoyed due to the build-up of other problems and how she acted the weekend of the wedding, I don''t really see a problem with her sending thank you notes to her son''s friend''s parents for coming to the wedding and supporting her son, especially if she''s met them before. I assume your parents have never met them, so she''s not stepping on your mother''s toes. As long as she is thanking them as one parent to another and not pretending as if she was the hostess of the event, it''s just a nice little note. I guess I just know I wouldn''t have a problem if my MIL were to send my husband''s friend''s parents a little note to say thanks and be social... but I also know my MIL wouldn''t ever do anything with ill intent. I don''t think it shows you up in any way considering everyone knows you''re on your honeymoon the week after the wedding. Also, while not required, it''s polite to send thank you notes to the hostess of a party, so what''s wrong with sending your sisters a note to thank them for a nice time at a luncheon? Was the tone of the letter rude or was something implied in the letter that rubbed you the wrong way?

I say the harm is not in the fact that she wrote these letters, but more than likely, it''s something she said in them (or the possibility of what was said if you haven''t read them) that has you fuming. I know some people can be very backhanded and manipulative - a thank you note ends up being a jab.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

PS - I don''t know how many people were invited to your rehearsal dinner or how wealthy your in-laws are or what they contributed to the wedding, but anyone I know claiming to have spent 80k on a rehearsal dinner and traditional groom''s family expenses is either lying or a lunatic! Did she invite every single person from Houston the the RD? Is she including some sort of extravagant wedding gift like a down payment to a house? Did she buy the entire wedding party CL''s to match the bride?

That might explain it.

 

[sba771]

Date: 8/20/2009 3:34:38 PM
Author: meresal


It''s been month since the wedding, and not two nights ago these words left her mouth, again making a comment about how much the spent. ''I know M''s parents probably spent a good amount of money, but when we sat down and added everything up, we spent over $80k.'' Mind you, that was ALL for things that no one ever asked for. I couldn''t believe she said that. All she cares about is herself and her money. She equates EVERYTHING with how much she spends in comparisonto other people. DH had to walk me out of the room I almost ripped her head off right there. Then not 5 minutes later she had the gaul to ask us if we were in debt from wedding expenses! That was the biggest insult I have ever dealt with. She''s certifiably insane.
dar.

Ugh, I see this happening to me. My mom is throwing/covering this entire wedding and I can see my in-laws trying to claim something similar. I am actually in therapy trying to deal with it.

 

[galvana]

Oh mer, im sorry. MIL''s - i dont what it is with them.........
yikes.

 

[KatyWI]

Date: 8/21/2009 3:08:13 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
PS - I don''t know how many people were invited to your rehearsal dinner or how wealthy your in-laws are or what they contributed to the wedding, but anyone I know claiming to have spent 80k on a rehearsal dinner and traditional groom''s family expenses is either lying or a lunatic! Did she invite every single person from Houston the the RD? Is she including some sort of extravagant wedding gift like a down payment to a house? Did she buy the entire wedding party CL''s to match the bride?

That might explain it.

You obviously have not been following Mere''s trials and tribulations with her MIL very closely, but your response is sort of antagonistic, and I thought I should speak up. Mere''s little vent alludes to a whole host of other issues that maybe you should have read before you jumped down her throat.

I''ll address the question that is easiest to answer now: Her MIL actually *DID* invite almost 200 people to the rehearsal dinner, at a venue that is probably nicer than the venue for my own wedding for 90 people. So... I can see easily how they would have spent 80 grand on everything they spent money on... without being asked to. I can only hope for Mere''s sake that in return for putting up with her MIL, they DID receive an ultra-extravagant wedding gift!

 

[meresal]

Clair- Thanks for posting the link.

Sorry I couldn''t respond last night. We are still at the in-law''s house without our own computer, and I don''t want this website to pop up in her web browser by some fluke.

So, I''ll try to answer some questions:
Happydreams: She is adding the bachelor party (that everyone paid their own way to, but FIL decided to pay for everything once they got there: steak dinner, bottle service at the bars, etc), the $15k she spent in hotel rooms for her entire family and groomsmen (over 35 rooms for up to 5 nights in some), the $80/pp rehearsal dinner she rented out an entire restaurant for and the full floral decor set up by her and the planner that she hired for the RD, the groomsmen tuxes and gifts, and the two limo buses of transporation that she had at the hotel for her guests all weeked.
She brags about how much thigs cost all the time, and what annoys me is that neither DH nor I asked for an extravagant RD or bachelo party. We gave her a list of 4 restaurants we love, and she chose a french bistro that neither of us have ever even at but it matched her "over-the-top" ideals of almost everything. She doesn''t listen to what people personally like, she goes with what she thinks things should be.
She is helping with a bridal shower this weekend, and the bride really wanted a mermaid theme. Well, MIL told my SIL(DH''s sister) who is the bride''s best friend and host, that that was stupid and if she wanted that for a birthday party then that is fine, but for a bridal shower would be a waste of money. So, she took over and notfied me that it will b a traditional bridal shower, like a bridal shower should be.

Gwen- They live about 5 minutes from us.

GP- I completely understand where you are coming from. Regarding the letter to my sisters. I have no idea if it was rude, I didn'' read it. My issue is that she never seems excited to be anywhere (hence, showing up 45 minutes late and blaming it on on the unnecessary driver), but always does the "proper" thing by sending a thank you. It would be like receiving a thank you, from a girl that made a huge scene about having a horribe time in the middle of the party. Ya know?
As far as the thank you''s after the wedding. It wasn''t just to DH''s friends parents, it was to everyone they knew that traveled to the wedding. Mabe it''s just me, but shouldn''t the bride and groom be the ones to thank the guests, since the guests were there for them, not the parents. I could understand the bride''s parents, but not the groom''s. They didn''t host. Th irritation with this, stems from, like you said, prior occurranes that hae built up. She was(is) constantly comparing what she thinks my parents spent to ho much they spent, an this ust feels like another jab to make sure everyone knows they were involved as well.
It also doesn''t help that until the RD ended Friday night, she really thought and acted like all the guests were there for her dinner, and that the wedding was just kind of an occurrance. It really bugged me that they snuck out of the rehearsal so that they could meet "their" guests at the restaurant. It''s just stuff that keeps piling up.
What you said about the not knowing what was written is exactly right. I just have feeling she treated the whole weekend like it was their celebration, an another backhand comment about my family or another way to take away the generosity of my own parents.
She invited 186 people the the RD, and no, we did not receive a wedding gft actually. Apparently it was te RD that neither of us wanted. They gave us 4 china settings at one shower and about 4 or 6 of our silverware sets at another.

sba- I''m sorry to hear you are dealing with muc of the same stuff. It can really take a toll. Is your FI helpful? That is one thing that has helped me, my DH is very aware of how the things she says and does bother me, he is just better at ignoring it, since he''s dealt with it all his life.

 

[meresal]

Date: 8/21/2009 9:48:36 AM
Author: KatyWI

Date: 8/21/2009 3:08:13 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
PS - I don''t know how many people were invited to your rehearsal dinner or how wealthy your in-laws are or what they contributed to the wedding, but anyone I know claiming to have spent 80k on a rehearsal dinner and traditional groom''s family expenses is either lying or a lunatic! Did she invite every single person from Houston the the RD? Is she including some sort of extravagant wedding gift like a down payment to a house? Did she buy the entire wedding party CL''s to match the bride?

That might explain it.

You obviously have not been following Mere''s trials and tribulations with her MIL very closely, but your response is sort of antagonistic, and I thought I should speak up. Mere''s little vent alludes to a whole host of other issues that maybe you should have read before you jumped down her throat.

I''ll address the question that is easiest to answer now: Her MIL actually *DID* invite almost 200 people to the rehearsal dinner, at a venue that is probably nicer than the venue for my own wedding for 90 people. So... I can see easily how they would have spent 80 grand on everything they spent money on... without being asked to. I can only hope for Mere''s sake that in return for putting up with her MIL, they DID receive an ultra-extravagant wedding gift!

Katy- Thank you for your post. It''s ok though. Some people are "devil''s advocte" kinda people, and to be honest the world needs those. I need them sometimes

. To answer the question, no we didn''t receive a wedding gift. I think she assumes her gift was the RD, and which would be be perfectly awesome if we had even asked for that. To be honest C and I were hoping for a gift that eluded to something that would help us with a house.

 

[House Cat]

Mere,

I''m sorry that you have to deal with this woman. I see where you are coming from. It is crystal clear to me.

Your MIL has a way of doing "favors" for people and then holding it over their heads. It''s very difficult to deal with people like this. It sounds as though she insists upon doing these favors, so even refusing these favors seems out of the question.

The bottom line, she has major issues. If the spotlight is off of her, she wilts. Sad. Very sad that she couldn''t allow her own son to have his wedding, just this ONE DAY/event, without her taking it away from him. I know that you are attached to this event and you are affected too, but in terms of a mother and child, she should want her child to be in the limelight on his wedding weekend! From this perspective, I see why you are upset. I would be filled with deep sadness and anger too, for my husband!

She throws these huge, over the top parties just so that she can steal the spotlight from the actual person who should be the center of attention. I see that too.

Mere, I know you were just venting, but I would throw my own parties from now on. Let her give you gifts.

Imagine what you will receive if she''s trying to steal the spotlight through gift giving. (tongue in cheek.)

The thank you notes... had she sent them just to her guests, I may have been ok with it. The fact that she sent them to your guests? That is not ok. Any chance that you feel up to asking her why she did that? Maybe let your anger subside a bit and calmly ask her in the most diplomatic way? She might shed some light on the subject and if she doesn''t give you a satisfactory answer, maybe you will have the opportunity to make yourself heard. Something about it being appropriate for the bride and groom to send thank yous?

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 8/21/2009 10:37:30 AM
Author: House Cat

She throws these huge, over the top parties just so that she can steal the spotlight from the actual person who should be the center of attention. I see that too.

This is what I''ve been trying to say the last half hour, thanks HC! LOL...

 

[treefrog]

Wow, I don''t have much to add other than what has been said. You didn''t ask us if your MIL is crazy, you stated it and I think that is accurate. Or at least your MIL has issues. Unfortunately, what was important to you isn''t what was important to her. That is a true shame. I guess you have to rejoice in the fact that it was an interesting a beautiful wedding and that you are happily married now.

They say the apple doesn''t fall from the tree so I can only hope that apple tree was on a hill and the apple rolled a long way when it fell to the ground!


Treefrog