My MIL is Crazy!

[October2008bride]

I personally think that is SO tacky of them - it is like she is trying to broadcast that she and her husband ''hosted'' the wedding. My parents (not just me) would be FURIOUS if my in-laws did that!!

Ugh - I thought I had it bad. Your MIL takes the cake!

 

[meresal]

HC- You put everything up very well. Thank you for that.

As far as taking with her. I can honestly say that will probably never happen. In the 3 years that I have known her, I have never heard her apologize for a thing. Honestly! I have helped DH to become more vocal when she upsets him, but she never apologizes, and it usually just makes things worse, but DH feels better that he at least expressed himself and that h is justified to feel his own way. Her replies are usually along the lines of, "We''ll I''m stressed out too", or "You''re being to sensitive. Get over it." DH has heard the second one all his life, and let me tell you, there is a special place in the after-life for people that think they can tell others how they are supposed to feel.

Approaching her about anythng is more like a loosing battle before it has even begun. She will not let you win, and then she''ll continue to bring it up.
DH stood up or me about 2 weeks before the wedding, about some last minute add-ons that se woudn''t call and tell that they weren''t invited. She went off on him, when he told her that my parents were over their budget and no more people could come. Her reply, "You know, we''re spending alot of money on this wedding too!". ??? WTF??? It all comes back to her. Then she called 3 more times to throw in little jabs that she had thought about after hanging up.

Anyway... as far as the gifts go. As upset as I say I am. DH and I are actually glad we didn''t receive money from them. We would never hear the end of it. (As is with most gifts she gives. They come with invisble strings, and if you ask her for things or help, it gives her this sense of entitlement. It also makes it very hard to confront her about things later, like you aren''t "grateful" enough for all she does. I don''t ask her for much of anything.) If we used their money to buy a house, she would most likely make jokes about which part of the house she "owns". As far as extravagant gifts, LOL!!, it''s not really her style to give things that you want. I asked last year for a year membership at the gym (I''m very practical), and she said, "That''s not a good Christmas present." So she got me a Fendi wallet instead.

If what you like is acceptable to her, then you get it. If it''s not, then you don''t.

 

[meresal]

Date: 8/21/2009 11:54:23 AM
Author: treefrog
Wow, I don't have much to add other than what has been said. You didn't ask us if your MIL is crazy, you stated it and I think that is accurate. Or at least your MIL has issues. Unfortunately, what was important to you isn't what was important to her. That is a true shame. I guess you have to rejoice in the fact that it was an interesting a beautiful wedding and that you are happily married now.

They say the apple doesn't fall from the tree so I can only hope that apple tree was on a hill and the apple rolled a long way when it fell to the ground!


Treefrog

Luckily it rolled almost into the next orchard. Though, I don't like being around his mom for extended periods of time, in close proximity (like livng with them or traveling), because she offers to do everything for the kids (laundry, wake-up calls, snacks, etc), and C will easily turn into a child again. I wouldn't care if it was to be nice, but I get the impression she does it for the control, and loves feeling like her kids "need" her.

But if left alone DH could revert very quickly

 

[Lanie]

Hey Mere! Welcome back! Wow...that sucks. If you and your DH are planning on having kids, this will be a sticky point as well. It will become a competition with your parents as to which grandparents love your kids more (i.e. who gives them the most stuff)

 

[blackbetty]

She is batty as hell, and chance are that anyone who''s spent more than 10 minutes with her has probably recognized her stuck up, self-absorbed nature, the showiness of everything she does from "taking care" of her kids to bragging about money, and her unapologetically asinine behavior.

i feel very lucky to have the FMIL i do.

honestly, if i were you, i''d move. far.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Date: 8/21/2009 9:48:36 AM
Author: KatyWI

Date: 8/21/2009 3:08:13 AM

Author: Guilty Pleasure

PS - I don''t know how many people were invited to your rehearsal dinner or how wealthy your in-laws are or what they contributed to the wedding, but anyone I know claiming to have spent 80k on a rehearsal dinner and traditional groom''s family expenses is either lying or a lunatic! Did she invite every single person from Houston the the RD? Is she including some sort of extravagant wedding gift like a down payment to a house? Did she buy the entire wedding party CL''s to match the bride?

That might explain it.

You obviously have not been following Mere''s trials and tribulations with her MIL very closely, but your response is sort of antagonistic, and I thought I should speak up. Mere''s little vent alludes to a whole host of other issues that maybe you should have read before you jumped down her throat.


I''ll address the question that is easiest to answer now: Her MIL actually *DID* invite almost 200 people to the rehearsal dinner, at a venue that is probably nicer than the venue for my own wedding for 90 people. So... I can see easily how they would have spent 80 grand on everything they spent money on... without being asked to. I can only hope for Mere''s sake that in return for putting up with her MIL, they DID receive an ultra-extravagant wedding gift!

I actually have followed Mere''s posts somewhat, have enjoyed reading about her wedding, wished her well the week before her wedding, and wouldn''t have bothered posting on her thread if I hadn''t been familiar with her posting. I hadn''t seen her MIL drama so I clicked on the link to read the wedding weekend drama.

My post was not meant to be antagonistic, and if you had followed my posts (which I wouldn''t expect you to!), you would know that I do not pick on people and have been friendly to Meresal in the past. My first post is giving an OBJECTIVE opinion about the subject of the thread - the thank you notes - and stating that the problem is probably not with the fact that the notes were sent but who they were sent by and what they might imply. Meresal actually said that was sort of the case when she responded to me, so it''s not like I was trying to be mean, just conversing.

My second post is making fun of the mother-in-law (which I thought was also the point of the thread) because I thought it sounded like she was inflating her financial contribution to try to show off. I thought I was being obviously facetious when I asked if she bought the entire wedding party designer shoes... trying to be funny?

Since she really did spend that much money, it sounds to me like she is either having buyer''s remorse or is stuck on getting "credit" like a child. Anyone who attended the RD would know that it was very expensive, so for someone who does the "proper" thing all the time, she sure is acting tacky.

 

[tyty333]

Date: 8/21/2009 1:05:43 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure

Date: 8/21/2009 9:48:36 AM
Author: KatyWI

Date: 8/21/2009 3:08:13 AM

Author: Guilty Pleasure

PS - I don''t know how many people were invited to your rehearsal dinner or how wealthy your in-laws are or what they contributed to the wedding, but anyone I know claiming to have spent 80k on a rehearsal dinner and traditional groom''s family expenses is either lying or a lunatic! Did she invite every single person from Houston the the RD? Is she including some sort of extravagant wedding gift like a down payment to a house? Did she buy the entire wedding party CL''s to match the bride?

That might explain it.

You obviously have not been following Mere''s trials and tribulations with her MIL very closely, but your response is sort of antagonistic, and I thought I should speak up. Mere''s little vent alludes to a whole host of other issues that maybe you should have read before you jumped down her throat.


I''ll address the question that is easiest to answer now: Her MIL actually *DID* invite almost 200 people to the rehearsal dinner, at a venue that is probably nicer than the venue for my own wedding for 90 people. So... I can see easily how they would have spent 80 grand on everything they spent money on... without being asked to. I can only hope for Mere''s sake that in return for putting up with her MIL, they DID receive an ultra-extravagant wedding gift!

I actually have followed Mere''s posts somewhat, have enjoyed reading about her wedding, wished her well the week before her wedding, and wouldn''t have bothered posting on her thread if I hadn''t been familiar with her posting. I hadn''t seen her MIL drama so I clicked on the link to read the wedding weekend drama.

My post was not meant to be antagonistic, and if you had followed my posts (which I wouldn''t expect you to!), you would know that I do not pick on people and have been friendly to Meresal in the past. My first post is giving an OBJECTIVE opinion about the subject of the thread - the thank you notes - and stating that the problem is probably not with the fact that the notes were sent but who they were sent by and what they might imply. Meresal actually said that was sort of the case when she responded to me, so it''s not like I was trying to be mean, just conversing.

My second post is making fun of the mother-in-law (which I thought was also the point of the thread) because I thought it sounded like she was inflating her financial contribution to try to show off. I thought I was being obviously facetious when I asked if she bought the entire wedding party designer shoes... trying to be funny?

Since she really did spend that much money, it sounds to me like she is either having buyer''s remorse or is stuck on getting ''credit'' like a child. Anyone who attended the RD would know that it was very expensive, so for someone who does the ''proper'' thing all the time, she sure is acting tacky.

For what its worth GP, I understood where you were coming from.

 

[meresal]

Lanie- Thank you! It''s good to be back

How was everything for you?! I''m not looking forward to the kids thing. Luckily, my parents don''t get wrapped up in the family competition. I already know, they will help us with the neessities and DH''s mom will be providing the designer clothing that is completely unnecessary. I worry more about the comments. I actually had a nightmare last week that she made a "not-so-joke" joke about our new-born baby not having good dancer legs. I woke up in a sweat. (No we aren''t expecting, it was just a nightmare about something I could totally see happening.)

blackbetty- If moving was an option, we''d be so far away, our only worry would be Mai-Tai or Pina Colada!

GP- I know that you were just sheding light on the "other" side. Nothing at all was taken pesonal by me. I appreciate it. I think Katy was just looking out. No big deal. As far as the whole thread, honestly, I''m a very positive person and usually let things roll off my back really well, but between my prior manager and the MIL, it takes so long to get passed it.

 

[katamari]

Daaaaang, Mere. I am sorry to hear that. I hope that your parents aren''t upset. That would be the kicker to me; step on my toes all you want, but don''t do it to my parents. Hopefully your own family is open enough to joke about this and laugh about what a nut she is.

Oh, and I saw your thread in Newlyweds today--how are things coming with the apartment? That completely sucks, too!

 

[happydreams]

sounds rough. maybe you should consider relocating?

 

[treefrog]

Date: 8/21/2009 1:45:56 PM
Author: meresal

blackbetty- If moving was an option, we''d be so far away, our only worry would be Mai-Tai or Pina Colada!

GP- I know that you were just sheding light on the ''other'' side. Nothing at all was taken pesonal by me. I appreciate it. I think Katy was just looking out. No big deal. As far as the whole thread, honestly, I''m a very positive person and usually let things roll off my back really well, but between my prior manager and the MIL, it takes so long to get passed it.

I give you a lot of credit - I think you''re doing a remarkable job of handling this. I''m not a hat kind of guy but if I was, my hat would be off to you. You have a great attitude.

Treefrog