Ellen
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My Mom''s diagnosis
- Thread starter labbielove
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snlee
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bee*
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FireGoddess
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Pandora II
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brgirl and labbie, I''m so sorry to hear about your mothers situations. It must be very difficult.
There is a girl on one of the UK wedding sites who is in the exact same position. She wasn''t sure what to do about the wedding, but in the end has kept the original date and has carried on with the planning. She and her mother are planning a few special things together - like the flowers for her bouquet and choosing readings and pieces of music. This way she will feel that her mother is with her on the day. It also seems to be helping her mother to focus on something positive at such a difficult time.
Not sure if this is any help, but thought it worth posting what someone else in the same situation was doing.
Best wishes to all your family
There is a girl on one of the UK wedding sites who is in the exact same position. She wasn''t sure what to do about the wedding, but in the end has kept the original date and has carried on with the planning. She and her mother are planning a few special things together - like the flowers for her bouquet and choosing readings and pieces of music. This way she will feel that her mother is with her on the day. It also seems to be helping her mother to focus on something positive at such a difficult time.
Not sure if this is any help, but thought it worth posting what someone else in the same situation was doing.
Best wishes to all your family
San Diego Bride
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labbielove, i''m so sorry to hear about this difficult situation. it''s incredibly stressful. my thoughts are with you.
we went through something similar, though it was a different type of cancer and it was my FIL, my husband''s best friend. the prognosis was 3-6 months and we had 6 months until the wedding. we were incredibly torn. my FIL didn''t want anything changed. he wanted us to have the wedding we envisioned. we obviously didn''t want to get married without him there. so kind of did both. i continued to plan our original wedding and kept him very involved in every detail. we lived >1000 miles away from each other, but i sent a lot of emails about dresses/flowers/music/invitations/sites/food complete with pictures. he thoroughly enjoyed it and loved being included. we also planned a small, private wedding in the town where he lived. i ordered our wedding rings right after the diagnosis and found a dress i could buy off the rack at david''s bridal. we had the minister and the location. we agreed that if we needed to we would have this small wedding, but keep it private and still have our original wedding. then we hoped and prayed.
luckily for us this "last ditch" chemo worked for his metastatic cancer. he was able to come to the original wedding and actually walk with his wife down the short aisle. that day will always be incredibly meaningful for so many reasons. he died shortly thereafter.
hopefully, you''ll have a similar short-term miracle.
we went through something similar, though it was a different type of cancer and it was my FIL, my husband''s best friend. the prognosis was 3-6 months and we had 6 months until the wedding. we were incredibly torn. my FIL didn''t want anything changed. he wanted us to have the wedding we envisioned. we obviously didn''t want to get married without him there. so kind of did both. i continued to plan our original wedding and kept him very involved in every detail. we lived >1000 miles away from each other, but i sent a lot of emails about dresses/flowers/music/invitations/sites/food complete with pictures. he thoroughly enjoyed it and loved being included. we also planned a small, private wedding in the town where he lived. i ordered our wedding rings right after the diagnosis and found a dress i could buy off the rack at david''s bridal. we had the minister and the location. we agreed that if we needed to we would have this small wedding, but keep it private and still have our original wedding. then we hoped and prayed.
luckily for us this "last ditch" chemo worked for his metastatic cancer. he was able to come to the original wedding and actually walk with his wife down the short aisle. that day will always be incredibly meaningful for so many reasons. he died shortly thereafter.
hopefully, you''ll have a similar short-term miracle.
oshinbreez
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fisherofmengirly
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Oh sweetie, you and your family are in our prayers. Things like planning weddings are overwhelming enough, without having a dearly loved one fall ill.
I hope the procedure she''ll have will help her to feel better. Again, prayers go out to you, your mother, your fiance, and everyone who loves your mom.
Do your best to keep a positive attitude; it can do wonders for your mother. And believe in the power of positive thought, too!
I hope the procedure she''ll have will help her to feel better. Again, prayers go out to you, your mother, your fiance, and everyone who loves your mom.
Do your best to keep a positive attitude; it can do wonders for your mother. And believe in the power of positive thought, too!
KimberlyH
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labbie,
My thoughts are with you and your family. What a difficult decision you have to make.
My MIL broke her back 3 weeks before our wedding. She was 86 and had late stage Alzheimer''s. She passed away 6 months, 1 day after our wedding. I am so thankful she managed to make it to our wedding (we hired a nurse who brought her from the hospital in her wheelchair) even though she hadn''t a clue what was going on.
You may want to consider a small civil service or commitment cermony sooner rather than later.
Ultimately you need to follow your heart, which is probably hurting so badly right now that doesn''t even seem possible.
Please keep us posted.
~Kimberly
My thoughts are with you and your family. What a difficult decision you have to make.
My MIL broke her back 3 weeks before our wedding. She was 86 and had late stage Alzheimer''s. She passed away 6 months, 1 day after our wedding. I am so thankful she managed to make it to our wedding (we hired a nurse who brought her from the hospital in her wheelchair) even though she hadn''t a clue what was going on.
You may want to consider a small civil service or commitment cermony sooner rather than later.
Ultimately you need to follow your heart, which is probably hurting so badly right now that doesn''t even seem possible.
Please keep us posted.
~Kimberly
labbielove
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Thank you everyone for your kind words and prayers.
There really is no update other than we are trying to get mom out of the hospital and into either a nursing facility or a hospice home. Will find out more tomorrow. It''s been a whirlwind of family, phone calls, and unfortunately business things, with getting my mom''s situation figured out, powers of attorney,etc.
All I can say is we are making the most of our time together and saying our goodbyes, a gift in a way, although I just don''t want her to feel any discomfort. It breaks my heart everytime I see her cringe or struggle to sit up, or just cry.
As far as the wedding, we have decided to keep the plans as they are, for a variety of reasons, the strongest of which is that our faith tells us mom will be their either way. At this point she is not able to participate or even enjoy a commitment ceremony or any type of event and her opinion is that to escalate the event would put the focus on her and her condition, not something she wants our wedding to be about. She is happy knowing that I have FI and how wonderful he is to me.
Please keep her in your prayers and eventually I will be back to the planning, but not at the moment.
Thanks again,
Labbie
There really is no update other than we are trying to get mom out of the hospital and into either a nursing facility or a hospice home. Will find out more tomorrow. It''s been a whirlwind of family, phone calls, and unfortunately business things, with getting my mom''s situation figured out, powers of attorney,etc.
All I can say is we are making the most of our time together and saying our goodbyes, a gift in a way, although I just don''t want her to feel any discomfort. It breaks my heart everytime I see her cringe or struggle to sit up, or just cry.
As far as the wedding, we have decided to keep the plans as they are, for a variety of reasons, the strongest of which is that our faith tells us mom will be their either way. At this point she is not able to participate or even enjoy a commitment ceremony or any type of event and her opinion is that to escalate the event would put the focus on her and her condition, not something she wants our wedding to be about. She is happy knowing that I have FI and how wonderful he is to me.
Please keep her in your prayers and eventually I will be back to the planning, but not at the moment.
Thanks again,
Labbie
Maisie
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Labbie my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry that your mum is suffering so much. This is something I dread as my dad gets older as he is a heavy smoker. He is already starting to get unwell and he still won''t stop smoking.
I will pray for you and your mum - would it be possible to know her first name so I can pray for her personally?
Maisie
I will pray for you and your mum - would it be possible to know her first name so I can pray for her personally?
Maisie
labbielove
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Ellen
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ChargerGrrl
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labbielove, I am really sorry to hear about your mom. How about doing mini-ceremony just in front of your close family members? I''ve seen it done in the hospital setting for patients who are ill (I''m a health care professional). All you need is a clergy to marry you. If your mom is still with you in September, then she can enjoy the big ceremony/reception as well. Best Wishes...
Maisie
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dmamsquared
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Sad, sad news. I know our niece had a hard time going on, exactly one year ago, with her plans as my mother-in-law lay dying. Her heart just wasn''t in it. She was excited, but.. there was the reality of death that was looming. It''s hard to explain. You have two rites of passage to deal with here and they are both very, very stressful. But death is trumps all! You may want to hire Hi a planner, if you haven''t already, to tend to the little details. If Mom''s condition is as serious as it sounds, you''ll want to focus on her quality of life. The rest will fall into place, believe it or not. She and everyone else who is suffering from this insidious disease is in my prayers. I pray that my mother lives to see my daughter marry. She is a breast cancer survivor of 19 years yesterday. Her cancer returned...everywhere! But she is a trooper. She is upbeat and she''s not down for the count yet. She will be 79 in September. So hang in there. Take one day at a time and focus on quality of life.
Aloros
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