My Picky Toddler

[monarch64]

Am I the only one who had to install a lock on the refrigerator?

I keep storage containers of pre-made fruits/veggies/entrees so A started helping herself a few months ago which was ok at first. Then she started removing the entire cheese and produce drawers and dumping the contents all over the floor so that's when we installed the lock. She's the opposite of picky, so far. Turns 2 in a month.

I wouldn't worry too much about your boy, AMC. Keep offering different things and don't feel defeated. If it's any consolation I worked with a guy once who said he went through a 2 year phase of eating nothing but shrimp when he was a teenager. Like, that is literally all he would eat--cocktail shrimp from Sam's Club or something. People are weird. Next thing you know, you'll be worried about how to keep enough food and milk in your house to feed him!

 

[PetitiePoire]

My approach would be hardline and I would persist with it indefinitely.

Basically I would offer what I wanted to offer, let B decide how much he will eat of which bits, and then take the food away. Except in very rare cases of severe food allergy/protein intolerances, pandering to a kid's preferences only reinforces the behaviour.

B is clearly not malnourished in any way, shape, or form. He clearly gets enough calories (he's huge!), and it's incredibly difficult to get micronutrient deficiency in the absence of any organic underlying disease. The way he learns to eat now will influence his eating behaviours for the rest of his life, so even if he's the pickiest eater you or daycare or your doctor has ever seen, I would stick with the hardline approach.

You pick the food, put it in front of him, set a timeline (maybe 20 or 30 minutes). At the end of that time, take it away. Don't offer extra snacks or milk to fill him up - he is old enough to work it out. He might lose some weight in the short term but in the long term it will be to everyone's benefit.

This has always been our approach and L will eat anything. The only thing she doesn't seem to like are pureed foods, which I'm guessing is a texture thing, but she hasn't since we first started her out on foods.

She gets what we are having or nothing. If our meal is basic (or something unhealthy) I will add a dairy and vegetable to her plate, that DH and I don't have, but otherwise she gets what we do. If she doesn't it eat, that's ok, but we don't make her a special meal. We set that guideline from the start though, so she's always known.

Not all days are perfect, especially now that I'm pregnant/tired, but I do try to offer her balanced meals/snacks throughout the day. We also don't keep any processed meals in the house, or else I would be too tempted to just heat it up for her, honestly.

Does he like egg? My go to lunch meal for myself and DD used to be a bisquick (check the website) type pie/quiche. I load it with frozen vegetables or any left over meat we have and bake it. DD loves it and is getting a good mix of food, plus it's easy and fast.

Oh another thing, does he like to be held? L always wants out of her chair and will continue eating if DH is holding her or if she is in her own normal chair. It's annoying, but sometimes I'd just prefer her to eat.

Good luck!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I second pancakes advice... Though I'm not a Dr. and I feel for you about the pickiness. That has to be very hard and frustrating. I read the book, "French Kids Eat Everything"- and it's not an amazing, perfect read, and I often hated the author's tone, but I generally liked her message. When I felt like pulling my hair out b/c of E's refusal to try food, I let her go a bit hungry. My pedi said that if she was regularly offered food, there's no way she'd starve. And he was right. We also do some negotiation ... this whole, "If you want to eat a bite of cracker, first take a bite of your broccoli!" bit. And that's exhausting. But she knows that her meal is what's on her plate. Sometimes she will sit and protest through most of a meal, but we'll go to take her plate away and suddenly, miraculously, she'll decide she wants to eat. The alternative of not eating just isn't worthwhile. I feel harsh putting that all in writing.. I don't follow the books guidelines about snacking between meals. We allow her to eat if she's hungry, but she has limited options, and if she doesn't like them, she waits until mealtime to eat.

There are some situations when it doesn't work, though. If she sees a highly coveted food during meal time (crackers, graham crackers, french fries) and in restaurants. We've sworn off eating out for the foreseeable future.

After B tries some new foods it's might be clear there's a true aversion rather than a general dislike... And I think it's cool to avoid the things you low he truly hates. Perogies make Eloise gag for some unknown reason, so we don't force them.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Oh wow, some of you have picky little eaters. We are really fortunate that we have a hearty eater who is willing to try pretty much anything. He doesn't love everything and sometimes rejects certain foods, but he really does like a variety of foods. I don't know that I can take credit for it - more likely, we are just really lucky. I will say that from pretty early on once he started table foods, we've always given him the same thing or most of the same things we are eating, and we all sit down at the table nearly every night and eat as a family. I do think that helps. But I know that is not possible for everyone. Hang in there and be persistent. I know you are all doing the best you can!

PS - A few months ago, I watch watching 20/20 or Dateline or something, and there was a lady on there who was in her 40s, and the ONLY thing she would eat is French fries. For EVERY meal. It was nuts. She said it started when she was young because her mom gave them to her because it was the only thing she would eat, and now she has an aversion to everything else. Obviously, some major psychological problems, but can you imagine???

 

[amc80]

Thanks to everyone for the awesome suggestions.

I think part of the problem we have right now is we don't sit together at the same table. We have a tall bistro table where DH and I sit, and the B is right next to us in his high chair...but the chair is much lower. We are moving in a couple of weeks and will no longer be using that table, only our "real" dining room table. So B will start eating at the table with us, in a booster. I think he will be much happier with that because I know he doesn't love his high chair. Once that happens, I think he will be more aware of what we are eating.

Meal wise, I'm not completely sure as to my plan. I'm leaning towards giving him what we are eating plus something I know he will eat (like fruit or applesauce or something). I've noticed that sometimes when he won't eat anything, if I give him a squeezy food he is suddenly in the mood to eat. I'm also going to talk to day care about not giving him anything to eat after a certain time, say 3. There are times when I've picked him up and he's having a snack, and I know that won't help the problem.

 

[lliang_chi]

AMC, firstly, I get why you're frustrated, but it's totally normal. B is top of the charts for height and weight evenly, so take some comfort that he's getting his caloric intake. It seems like you started this thread for advice on how to encourage non-pickiness. In my opinion I think a lot of it is personality and very little of it is nurture, but we do what we can, right? I think eating together all at the table will help B feel more included, so great that's a plan for you.
My thoughts, I'd say just nix the booster all together and let B sit on a regular chair. The upside is he'll feel more in control and might not take out his need for control on his food intake. The downside is he can get on and off at will. Ethan does this (gets down to play legos etc). He's been sitting in a regular dining chair since 18 months. Since we're unable to contain him in a chair, we just give him until X time to eat his dinner, and if he's done, he's done. If he goes to bed with eating 2 bites, so be it. I always have a huge breakfast for him in the AM (1 egg omelet w/cheese & deli meat, a bowl of oatmeal, milk and recently a small bit of yogurt. Lately I'll also give him a slice of toast or a bowl/cup of applesauce on our way out the door). He eats like 40-50% of his breakfast most days.
Ethan's like B, he *loves* fruit, and only so-so on a few things (like steak, any red meat unless it's ground). He likes pasta bakes (mac-n-cheese. pastisio and the like) and noodles. And bread, but he doesn't liek sandwiches, just bread. The only veggies he'll eat on occasion is broccoli & carrots. I'm trying to get him to eat cauliflower.
Anyway, I always give him fruit, but I give it to him AFTER he gets his dinner plate. Usually we finish eating before he does (see above about getting off his chair and putzing about), so one of us can get up and wash/cut/peel fruit for him. He' usually gets a BIG BOWL of fruit with each dinner.
I also do the negotiation that PPM does, "If you want a chip, you have to have some of your beef." It doesn't always work, but it does sometimes. Last night I got one more bite of chicken from him before his fruit.
Also think about presenting food in different forms? E.g. Ethan's 50-50 with eating chicken, but last night he saw a drumstick and REALLY wanted it. He ate like 75% of it. Normally I'd freak out about giving him bone-in chicken but one of us was watching him eat it the whole time, and when it got down to more bones than meat we took it away.

Monnie, I also had to install a lock on my fridge too (cabinet lock). Not necessarily because Ethan was eating, mostly he would pull stuff out in the beginning. Then he started just standing there with the door open. I was getting annoyed and worried our food would spoil, so I put a lock on the fridge.

 

[monarch64]

LC, good, I'm glad to hear someone else did the fridge lock. I leave it unlocked now, but it's still attached as a deterrent. She was pulling out glass jars from the door and that really scared me. A wasted bag of shredded cheese=no big deal, but a kid surrounded by broken glass=dear god please never let this happen.

I thought of another food I have to manipulate into a slightly different form to make it appetizing to A. If I make her a sandwich, I have to roll it almost flat and then I use a small star-shaped cookie cutter to make 4 sections and she'll eat those in regular bites. If I just make a sandwich and slice it in half, she'll peel it apart and play with the contents for a while, eating some but leaving most of it. Same with quesadillas. I can put whatever filling inside and she'll eat the whole thing IF I make neat shapes out of it. If I just do 4 basic triangles she peels 2 of them apart, eats the filling and stops. I guess she appreciates presentation, or something.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

K is growing pickier as she gets older. Mostly with veggies--she used to eat most veggies we offered, but now she'll only eat carrots and edemame. And sometimes peas.

I'm stubborn when it comes to food. What's on her plate is all she gets. If she doesn't eat it in a half of an hour, I pick up the plate. If she gets out of her chair, I pick up the plate. If she protests, I'll leave a few veggies on the table (but still pick up the plate). If she's really still hungry, she can finish those. If she doesn't want them, then I guess she's not that hungry.

Where I am lenient is that she doesn't have to finish her plate to get dessert (usually a cookie or pudding cup). As long as she tries everything, I'm happy. I want to encourage her to keep trying new flavors, not necessarily eat everything in front of her.

And while I prefer for us to all eat the same thing, I'll make her a separate dinner if we're having spicy Thai food or something.

So jealous of you guys who can eat together! I've been eating with K while I'm on maternity leave, but when I work we are rushing to get her dinner together before bedtime, then we eat when she's in bed.

I think some kids are naturally good eaters, but I don't think any kid will starve him or herself. So I personally shy away from giving in.