My standards are too high : (

[Sam82]

Date: 10/26/2009 1:45:49 AM
Author: restheo
Well, I talked to him about it.


I told him about going to look at things together (both on the internet and possibly in places besides ZALES), Picking stones and setting them with other jewelers, or looking at Etsy for unique pieces...and he kind of got mad. He said that now he couldn''t do any of those things because they wouldn''t be a ''surprise'' and he wouldn''t want me to expect or anticipate what he''d be giving me. He goes: ''Just so you know, now that you mentioned Etsy, I won''t EVER get you anything from Etsy.'' He says that now I won''t be getting any jewelry at all for a while, because I will be expecting it from him when he does give it to me, and it won''t be a surprise.

He made a joke about giving me a locket with him making a stupid face on it, and I told him I actually wouldn''t mind if he gave me a locket with a picture of him IN it, and he went ''You see! I can never do that now!''


I guess the surprise really means a lot to him. I guess that also means that, when we finally get engaged, I won''t get the tacori setting that we both said we liked

I do feel a bit silly/selfish talking about this. He went on and on talking about money...when I emphasized to him that I didn''t have to have something RIGHT NOW, but it was just a suggestion for the holidays or our upcoming anniversary. Maybe I should just give up and realize that he''s not going to ever give me any jewelry. I''ll just have to buy it for myself.

You two should be able to come up with a compromise. Something like him taking you shopping and you picking the styles that you want. You will be surprised, because you will not know exactly what you are getting.

P.S. I hope he was joking with you.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 10/26/2009 12:44:28 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 10/26/2009 1:45:49 AM

Author: restheo

Well, I talked to him about it.


I told him about going to look at things together (both on the internet and possibly in places besides ZALES), Picking stones and setting them with other jewelers, or looking at Etsy for unique pieces...and he kind of got mad. He said that now he couldn''t do any of those things because they wouldn''t be a ''surprise'' and he wouldn''t want me to expect or anticipate what he''d be giving me. He goes: ''Just so you know, now that you mentioned Etsy, I won''t EVER get you anything from Etsy.'' He says that now I won''t be getting any jewelry at all for a while, because I will be expecting it from him when he does give it to me, and it won''t be a surprise.

He made a joke about giving me a locket with him making a stupid face on it, and I told him I actually wouldn''t mind if he gave me a locket with a picture of him IN it, and he went ''You see! I can never do that now!''


I guess the surprise really means a lot to him. I guess that also means that, when we finally get engaged, I won''t get the tacori setting that we both said we liked

I do feel a bit silly/selfish talking about this. He went on and on talking about money...when I emphasized to him that I didn''t have to have something RIGHT NOW, but it was just a suggestion for the holidays or our upcoming anniversary. Maybe I should just give up and realize that he''s not going to ever give me any jewelry. I''ll just have to buy it for myself.

How OLD is this guy ... because he sounds like a ten year old right now. Just because you said Etsy that means I''ll NEVER get you something from ETSY. Next time he says Porche tell him now you can NEVER get him a Porche. Jeez! Craziness.


Just so you know -- he''s telling you his ''joy'' of GIVING (surprise) is more important than your ''joy'' in receiving something you want. Does that sound very generous? His intentions in gift giving seem to be just to make HIMSELF happy - without regard to whether you LIKE the gift or not.


Pay attention to these types of tendencies and this kind of SELF ABSORBTION, SELFISHNESS -- its what you''ll be dealing with for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Gah.

Ditto Deco.

His attitude towards this seems very selfish - like he''s really concerned only with the gratification HE gets from surprising you. Plus, he retort of never getting you anything from Etsy? Come on! Let''s get out of the playground here - I hope that was a in the heat of the moment remark, and once he cools down, he''ll realize how silly it was.

And to echo the others, buy yourself jewelry!

 

[AustenNut]

I think the suggestions mentioned here have been very good. I''ve heard of people who keep notebooks (or files) and include things they want, and then when their S.O. wants to get them a gift, they can look at a long list with a variety of price points and pick something they know the other person wants. This list could be gems, jewelry, books, cds, etc, and just add in a link and price so that it''s available. Keep the file or notebook someplace where it''s easily accessible so that if he wants to surprise you with a gift, he can, and yet he''ll know you like it.

In terms of your boyfriend''s reaction to your conversation, well, it wasn''t the best. In fact, it definitely raises questions about his maturity as well as control issues within your relationship. But assuming the best, I''d just assume that jewelry purchasing will have to be your province from now on.

 

[UnderBlue]

Now he''s definitely acting like a baby. Who responds like that? So if you ever mention liking or wanting something, he can''t get that for you as a present? That doesn''t even make sense! Apparently he''s going to develop his telepathy skills so that he can just divine a present idea for you.

I mean yes, it can ruin some of the magic of gift giving by asking for only one thing and getting that exact one, but if he gets to pick from several ideas, the surprise is still there. I hope he grows up a bit and realizes how silly his attitude is.

 

[CNOS128]

Maybe his ego was bruised and he didn''t express it in the best. At any rate, I would be a bit put off by his attitude and the notion that he seems to want to go out of his way not to get you gifts that you like. Odd. Hopefully he''ll get over this.

 

[partgypsy]

I experienced something similar with my husband early on in our relationship. Remember even a not-typical "guy" guy still has an ego and it was a wound to his pride.
My husband knew I liked jewelry and bought me pieces, but they were often more larger costume jewelry pieces I would have never picked out. I thanked him, wore them once and put them in my jewelry box. He noticed I didn''t wear them and I explained they weren''t my taste. His view, I hurt his feelings and I was impossible to please. There were a few years he didn''t buy me jewelry. This did make me feel sad, but that''s not all our relationship is about.
Later when I discovered pricescope, ended up making some bigger purchases that while giving the ok he questioned me about because he does not see the "use" of jewelry. As the years gone by and he sees how much research and thought I put into making a purchase, and that I was able to help friends and family with gifts or projects he has become increasingly accepting of it. Now we were at the point that in the past few years has purchased inexpensive silver and gemstone earrings that were my taste

, in the last year has actually accompanied me into my favorite area jewelry store and asked questions, and even suggested I get another ring! I didn''t but it was very sweet

. So it''s an evolution. Look up the posts where people make an analogy to buying an engagement ring to buying him his favorite sports car. I think it is very apt.

 

[restheo]

Hey guys,
Thanks for your replies. I''ll agree, he was being super immature. But a couple days later, he came around, and told me that since a piece of jewelry was what I wanted for one of the coming holidays, then I deserved to get it. He realized that what he said about not getting something or not considering it just because I suggested it was kind of dumb. He even said that he had been looking around online at jewelry and doing some research...and that''s definitely a step in the right direction. He even mentioned engagement rings, but I think he was just teasing...

As for him not being the kind of guy I want to be with--well, I''ve been with him for a few years and I know he can be immature sometimes. But what guy isn''t? He was raised differently than me (his mom coddled him a lot more) and he is used to a different kind of dialogue, one that isn''t so straight forward...so when he gets stubborn like this, I know I just have to wait a few hours or a day and he''ll come around. He is, over all, a good, generous guy.

Anyways, your suggestions were great! I got a lot of good ideas and I''ll definitely pass them along to my boyfriend.

 

[AdiS]

Date: 10/29/2009 1:01:13 AM
Author: restheo
Hey guys,
Thanks for your replies. I''ll agree, he was being super immature. But a couple days later, he came around, and told me that since a piece of jewelry was what I wanted for one of the coming holidays, then I deserved to get it. He realized that what he said about not getting something or not considering it just because I suggested it was kind of dumb. He even said that he had been looking around online at jewelry and doing some research...and that''s definitely a step in the right direction. He even mentioned engagement rings, but I think he was just teasing...

As for him not being the kind of guy I want to be with--well, I''ve been with him for a few years and I know he can be immature sometimes. But what guy isn''t? He was raised differently than me (his mom coddled him a lot more) and he is used to a different kind of dialogue, one that isn''t so straight forward...so when he gets stubborn like this, I know I just have to wait a few hours or a day and he''ll come around. He is, over all, a good, generous guy.

Anyways, your suggestions were great! I got a lot of good ideas and I''ll definitely pass them along to my boyfriend.

That''s good news, restheo! I''m glad he came to his senses.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 10/29/2009 1:01:13 AM
Author: restheo
Hey guys,

Thanks for your replies. I''ll agree, he was being super immature. But a couple days later, he came around, and told me that since a piece of jewelry was what I wanted for one of the coming holidays, then I deserved to get it. He realized that what he said about not getting something or not considering it just because I suggested it was kind of dumb. He even said that he had been looking around online at jewelry and doing some research...and that''s definitely a step in the right direction. He even mentioned engagement rings, but I think he was just teasing...


As for him not being the kind of guy I want to be with--well, I''ve been with him for a few years and I know he can be immature sometimes. But what guy isn''t? He was raised differently than me (his mom coddled him a lot more) and he is used to a different kind of dialogue, one that isn''t so straight forward...so when he gets stubborn like this, I know I just have to wait a few hours or a day and he''ll come around. He is, over all, a good, generous guy.


Anyways, your suggestions were great! I got a lot of good ideas and I''ll definitely pass them along to my boyfriend.

Aww so glad that you guys cleared things up, and he came around. He may have had his immature moments, but it also takes great maturity to admit to it, you know? And the fact that he did, and wants to get you something you''ll like...well that''s a great sign. Good luck!

 

[AustenNut]

Aww so glad that you guys cleared things up, and he came around. He may have had his immature moments, but it also takes great maturity to admit to it, you know? And the fact that he did, and wants to get you something you'll like...well that's a great sign. Good luck!

Ditto!

ETA: This was Brown.Eyed.Girl I was quoting. Something happened and that info got deleted.

 

[Littletreasure]

This isn''t specific to your situation but could still be helpful.

My SO and I send eachother emails with links, photos and prices of the things we would like to receive as gifts. We get the email and then save it in our respective folders, "ideas for littletreasure". It ensures that we don''t get eachother useless things and takes the stress out of surprises. Now gifts don''t always come from the list. Like the ski trip. But for things like jewelry or Video games it really helps! The boyfriend has a taste in video games that is hard for me to follow. He only likes a few first person shooter games, specific "brands" of sports games. I am good at knowing his general likes and tastes but I don''t always get it right. I know I can always find something to fit the budget and be a hit in my folder!

 

[junebug17]

Date: 10/29/2009 1:01:13 AM
Author: restheo
Hey guys,
Thanks for your replies. I''ll agree, he was being super immature. But a couple days later, he came around, and told me that since a piece of jewelry was what I wanted for one of the coming holidays, then I deserved to get it. He realized that what he said about not getting something or not considering it just because I suggested it was kind of dumb. He even said that he had been looking around online at jewelry and doing some research...and that''s definitely a step in the right direction. He even mentioned engagement rings, but I think he was just teasing...

As for him not being the kind of guy I want to be with--well, I''ve been with him for a few years and I know he can be immature sometimes. But what guy isn''t? He was raised differently than me (his mom coddled him a lot more) and he is used to a different kind of dialogue, one that isn''t so straight forward...so when he gets stubborn like this, I know I just have to wait a few hours or a day and he''ll come around. He is, over all, a good, generous guy.

Anyways, your suggestions were great! I got a lot of good ideas and I''ll definitely pass them along to my boyfriend.

Aw, I''m glad to hear this! It''s true, sometimes people react to the moment, and then get a better perspective on things after they''ve had time to think about it for awhile. I may be guilty of doing this myself occasionally!

I think it''s great that your bf was able to consider your viewpoint and your feelings. That counts for a lot!