Name change issue

[Sha]

Date: 8/13/2007 11:10:12 AM
Author: Stone Hunter

Date: 8/13/2007 1:35:11 AM
Author: Sha
Just a question - how do you use your maiden name as your middle name? Is it just like hyphenating but without the hyphen?

I''m thinking if my maiden name were Sha Smith and my husband''s name was Crawford, I would become Sha Smith Crawford? Is that how people use it? Or do you abbreviate the middle name, as in Sha S. Crawford?

Thanks,

Yes you''d be Sha Smith Crawford. And you would use it how you want to. I like the full names if they''re not too long or hard to say. But that''s what I like. You just do what you like and if we meet I''ll call you whatever you ask me to.

Thanks for that.

 

[february2003bride]

Zoe- with my DH's first marriage, he really pushed his wife to change her last name. She did and when he saw what a headache it was, he regretted it. When he married me, it was a bit different since I had a DD before I met DH, and she has my last name (I never married), and I was adament that while I loved him, me not changing my last name didn't make me love him less than someone who would take her DH's name, or make our marriage "less than", kwim?

So I still have my maiden last name, DD has my maiden last name (although she now adds DH's last name to her schoolwork even though it's not her legal last name

She just loves him so much as her dad that she wants his last name too!) and we now have two sons, who both have DH's last name. We are totally a blended family, and I may even hyphonate my last name, but it's really not an issue! DH was completely fine with it as well. It doesn't make our family less "normal" at all. My mother and father have been married 46 years, but when I was 13, my mom went back to her maiden name, legally. She said she never felt like my dad's last name was HER, and while it did hurt my dad's feelings, he got over it. And has a kid of parents who are married with two different last names, it was NOT a big deal.

Some day I may take DH's name...we'll see!

ETA: It's never been an issue with pediatrician's or other child related areas. A receptionist or nurse may call me "Mrs.DH'sastname" which is fine and I don't correct them, because my sons DO have DH's last name. I always laugh when people call DH "Mr.mylastname" esepcially infront of my very traditional in-laws (such a no-no I still have my last name!

) or when DD says to him that he needs to change his last name to ours!

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Tough one, Zoe! I didn''t change my name ("Mrs Mitchell" is just a wee joke

) because I hated the implications of the whole tradition at the time. I felt really strongly about it. I don''t think it matters so much to me now (I''m a bit calmer all round nowadays!) but if you want to keep your name, you really should. I really hear what you''re saying about it being your identity - I felt that too. I think part of it (and to be honest, I''m not even sure why) was that being referred to as "the Mitchells" or "The Anythings" come to that was not something I wanted to hear. My marriage is the most important thing in my life, but I don''t want to be defined by it. That''s just a very personal view, not a criticism of anyone else.

In the end, do what''s right for you. Whatever you do, someone will have the opposite view, but do what makes you happy.

Wish you both every happiness in your marriage.

Jen

 

[elle_chris]

The reason I hyphenated my name was exactly that, "identity". For some reason, I felt my maiden name was part of what defined me and I just wasn''t comfortable letting it go and taking on just my husbands. Hyphenating is common enough so that people know the first part is your maiden name and that was important to me. I''m wondering how common it is to make it your middle name when married. Do people understand it''s your maiden name or just assume it''s a middle name? (asking because i''ve never heard of it).
Honestly though, after being married for awhile and looking back at how i felt at the time, i''m surprised at myself for having such strong feelings towards it. I haven''t changed as a person just because i added my husbands name and doubt i would have lost anything if i gave up my maiden one.

 

[zoebartlett]

Mara, I laughed when I read your post. No, I''m not really thinking of divorce -- I was thinking out loud when I wrote that if I ever did choose to go back to my maiden name, it could be a pain to change. I hate change.

Gwendolyn, I lovd the names you chose. Maybe I''ll just change my name all together to Gracie Pantybottom. Now that would be quite the name change!

Elle_Chris, I think that when you tack on your huband''s name to your last name, essentially creating a new middle name, I think most people understand that that''s what you''re doing. Most last names don''t sound as if they could be used as middle names anyway, so I don''t think there''d be any confusion.

The problem for me is the whole legality of it. It seems so final. I wouldn''t care at all if I was called Mrs. _____ -- that''s not what I object to.

It''s nothing I need to do anything about right now anyway, so I''ll think about it and do what I feel like doing when the time comes. Thanks for all the replies! I didn''t think it would get this far!

 

[Richard Sherwood]

Just drop the man, and wait for the one to come along that makes you want to take his name whole-heartedly, with no reservation.


Rich, ducking...

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 8/13/2007 8:16:55 PM
Author: Richard Sherwood
Just drop the man, and wait for the one to come along that makes you want to take his name whole-heartedly, with no reservation.

Rich, ducking...

Oh is THAT what I should do? Thanks...I''ll take that into consideration.

 

[Richard Sherwood]

Date: 8/13/2007 8:29:02 PM
Author: zoebartlett

Date: 8/13/2007 8:16:55 PM

Author: Richard Sherwood

Just drop the man, and wait for the one to come along that makes you want to take his name whole-heartedly, with no reservation.


Rich, ducking...

Oh is THAT what I should do? Thanks...I''ll take that into consideration.

Heh heh heh...

Glad to see you''ve got a sense of humor.