Neat experience at a wedding over the weekend...

[Keepingthefaith21]

This weekend I went to a wonderful wedding and wanted to share a special surprise the bride had for all of her LIW friends in lieu of watching us fight over the bouquet

First, a quick note: this wedding was very special for a number of reasons but mostly because the bride was 39 when she walked down the aisle for the first time. It took her 38 years to find her special someone. Through all this time, she had her “dream ring” glued to a small square of paper which was always on her fridge even when she was single. Over the years the paper yellowed and the edges of the photo began to curl up.

All of us LIW’s attending her wedding were a little shocked when she opted to give the bouquet to her grandmother in lieu of the traditional toss. The speech she prepared before giving over the bouquet was so moving; there wasn’t a dry eye in the place. After, the groom appeared carrying a large box. The bride began calling up her remaining single friends who had yet to be married and presented each girl with a mini bouquet. She made a little speech about never losing hope, that if she can find her Mr. Right, we all could and wished those of us in long term relationships a speedy engagement!

I thought the entire idea was so touching and unique I just had to share it!

 

[musey]

Cute! I'm interested to hear about her speech re: the grandmother. Not that it's any of my business, but I'm interested nonetheless

I have to admit that, during my LIW days, I would have felt put on the spot had a bride "called me up" to wish me a speedy engagement. ESPECIALLY if I were there with my boyfriend (hello, awkward?). She knows her friends and knows whether it would make them uncomfortable... but if a bride had done that to ME, I would have found it less than touching. I probably would turn bright red and proceed to cry into my champagne in a corner, avoiding the probing questions about "when's it gonna happen?" for the rest of the night--as well as the inevitable tension w/ BF.

 

[diamondfan]

It sounds very sweet and touching, but hopefully none of the non marrieds felt singled out or uncomfortable to have to stand up like that. I get where she was coming from, she really waited and has a great man now, but that can be a tricky thing to highlight.

 

[DMBsGirl]

Date: 9/17/2007 2:11:45 PM
Author: musey
Cute! I''m interested to hear about her speech re: the grandmother. Not that it''s any of my business, but I''m interested nonetheless

I have to admit that, during my LIW days, I would have felt put on the spot had a bride ''called me up'' to wish me a speedy engagement. ESPECIALLY if I were there with my boyfriend (hello, awkward?). She knows her friends and knows whether it would make them uncomfortable... but if a bride had done that to ME, I would have found it less than touching. I probably would turn bright red and proceed to cry into my champagne in a corner, avoiding the probing questions about ''when''s it gonna happen?'' for the rest of the night--as well as the inevitable tension w/ BF.

ditto. It seems like everyone, including Keepingthefaith took it well, but I would have HATED that! I would have definitely felt put on the spot and uncomfortable because it still hadn''t happened for me. The less someone brings it up the better IMO!

 

[erskavates]

it''s one of those things that might seem like a thoughtful gesture to the bride, but would not appear that way to the single gal. i was invited to a wedding once where i was informed beforehand that i would be sitting at the "funky singles table" with other single people, but away from my closest friends who were also attending, only because i was there alone. LAME! let your single friends be. if they want to make it known that they are available, they''ll take care of it.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Everyone that was called up took it very well. The announcement that the guests heard elicited more laughter than anything else as she was clever and said she didn’t want anyone getting a black eye from being elbowed trying to catch the bouquet.

The more personal wishes were exchanged between the bride and each woman on an individual basis. I would have gone out to try and catch the bouquet if she had the traditional toss and in doing so I would have advertised my status so this isntance made no difference to me. Perhaps the bride knew us well enough to know we would all take this situation well and not be embarassed. Plus, the wedding was very intimate and consisted namely of close family and friends so we were all comfortable with each other.

I think with any couple on the verge of getting engaged, weddings in general are probably going to elicit some form of discomfort if you let it. Most people know that they are going to get asked about their status especially if the wedding they are attending is for a family member and not just a friend. My job when people ask me is to laugh and ultimately have the person asking me laugh in return. I believe a healthy sense of humor can remove the pressure from most situations.

The speech given to the grandmother was very touching. The bride expressed her excitement that her grandmother was able to be there on her wedding day. The bride thanked her for all of her support and inspiration through all the years and for teaching her to be proud of herself and never giving up on anything she has wanted in life.

 

[Independent Gal]

Wow, add me to the list of gals who would absolutely have HATED that. It might have even damaged my friendship with the bride. Those kinds of things are private. Having your love life - or lack thereof - paraded in front of a bunch of strangers... gee. I get the feeling behind it which is sweet and it's clear she meant well, but I would have been so p'ed off. And humiliated.

Let me draw a parallel to get the point across of how it would feel to me. Imagine you're having a baby, and a lot of your (older) friends are having trouble getting pregnant. You throw a party to celebrate your impending motherhood, and in front of 100 people who are total strangers to your friends, point out each of the women who is having fertility problems and say 'hey there, chin up! I may have got pregnant and YOU HAVEN'T, but that doesn't mean you won't some day! Everyone give a big round of applause to all the infertile women in the room!'

For some women, not having found a partner is a source of deep pain. For others, it's truly no big deal. For the first group, having their pain paraded in front of strangers is horrible. For the second, having it be implied that there's somehow something missing in their lives, making them the object of public pity, is just as horrible.

Maybe I'm just oversensitive, but I get shivers thinking about being put in that position. Ick ick ick ick ick.

Still, I do see that she meant well. Just. Yuck. For me. Personally.

 

[musey]

Date: 9/17/2007 2:45:59 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
I would have gone out to try and catch the bouquet if she had the traditional toss and in doing so I would have advertised my status so this isntance made no difference to me. Perhaps the bride knew us well enough to know we would all take this situation well and not be embarassed. Plus, the wedding was very intimate and consisted namely of close family and friends so we were all comfortable with each other.

This is likely the only reason why it went over well (and who knows whether it went over well for ALL the "nearly engaged" girls, because honestly, who can tell such things?).

Like erskavates and diamondfan pointed out, the bride was well-intentioned, but this it a very touchy area for 99% couples who are close to engagement.

I think with any couple on the verge of getting engaged, weddings in general are probably going to elicit some form of discomfort if you let it. Most people know that they are going to get asked about their status especially if the wedding they are attending is for a family member and not just a friend. My job when people ask me is to laugh and ultimately have the person asking me laugh in return.

A nice thought, but again not everyone can approach it from such a rosy perspective. I only attended one wedding between the time FI and I started talking marriage and actually became engaged--and not one person there asked me "when". If the bride had wished me "a speedy engagement," they likely would have... ALL NIGHT

and that is NOT how I like to spend an evening.

Like all the other posters have said, it sounds like it went over well, at least from your perspective--but remember that not everyone can make light of such situations, and that is entirely based on their own personality and the nature of their relationship.


I wouldn't have bothered to voice my opinion on it if we didn't have a board crawling with brides-to-be. I just don't want anyone to read this story and walk away thinking what a fabulous idea it is, and include it in their own wedding. 9 times out of 10, there will be some VERY hurt ladies walking away from that reception, and a wedding is no place for a bride to injure feelings... whether she meant ill or not!


Oh, and P.S., you can forgo the bouquet toss without explanation or doing something else in its place. I've only been to one wedding where there was a bouquet toss. At the others they didn't give consolation prizes to the single ladies for not giving them a shot at catching some flowers that will guarantee them a lifetime of happiness with their one true love

 

[musey]

IG, you put everything I was trying to say into a much more CONCISE and CLEAR post! I agree wholeheartedly. Great parallel, by the way--exactly how I would feel.

 

[TravelingGal]

I''m glad it went over well, but I am with the others. Bar none, IMHO I think it''s one of the worst ideas I''ve ever heard to do to single women at a wedding...and I loved and was very proud of being single! (which is why it would have probably irked me a bit...hello...some women can actually be HAPPY with their status and aren''t looking for a man!)

 

[anchor31]

I''m glad it went over well with the ladies attending the wedding! If I did something like that, I know it would be disastrous because so many women (and men) I know don''t even want to be married. We''re going to have a garter and bouquet toss because I let everyone bully me into it (yeah, I know...), but I''m not going to make any sort of a deal out of it.

 

[Larissa]

From the chick who once cried at a friend''s engagement party to the point where I had to pretend that speech was tear-inducing and leave the room under the pretence of getting more food/drinks for the bride, I agree 100% with Independent Gal. There are times in my life when that would have been so painful and hurtful and weddings and engagement parties tend to rate right up there as those moments. Much like baby showers would be for an infertile couple or woman. While I''m happy for the couple, that they found their one, true love or whatever, it''s a crappy time for me and I don''t need that type of attention.

 

[FireGoddess]

I''m glad it went over well. I was one of those people who never even wanted to go up for the bouquet toss even IN a sea of single people, so I definitely wouldn''t have wanted to get attention called to me that specifically to pick up a little bouquet!! EEK!

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 9/17/2007 3:30:37 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m glad it went over well, but I am with the others. Bar none, IMHO I think it''s one of the worst ideas I''ve ever heard to do to single women at a wedding...and I loved and was very proud of being single! (which is why it would have probably irked me a bit...hello...some women can actually be HAPPY with their status and aren''t looking for a man!)

What she said.

I really enjoyed my single status and would have been so annoyed to have a bride make a point of it in a "poor pitiful you, your prince will come" way at her wedding. And if I''d been in a relationship I would have been bothered by her wishing me a speedy engagement, what if that wasn''t what I wanted; what if I was content just having a boyfriend and he wasn''t someone I ever saw myself marrying?

I''m glad it seemed to be okay with the single girls there but I think that''s pretty a-typical.

 

[diamondfan]

Again, I think she must have meant well. However, since being single can either be a happy choice or a state of being one wishes were different, it is really hard to tell. And even if I knew all those in attendance and felt pretty comfortable with them, I am not sure being called up in front on them would have been fine. It is one thing to be single and decide to go up for a bouqet toss, it is another to be called up. It is very similar to being pregnant and having friends trying to get pregnant with difficulty. Some things are best left alone. I was the first of my group to get engaged, married and pregnant and I honestly had a girlfriend who, though stating her happiness, ended up bowing out of certain things. I never knew it was going on, then later, when it became clear she was lying low during my showers and parties, I asked her. She told me it was because it upset her to see it happening for me and not for her. You never know what is going on in someone''s head. Maybe they are so cool with being single and do not feel they need to get engaged at any period of time. What if the guy and the gal just fought about that very subject in the car on the way to the event? It just seems to me it would open up a can of worms. Of course, in her speech, she could generally state how happy she is to have finally found her soulmate and that it can happen at any time, not to ever think it is too late.

 

[bee*]

ditto what IG said. I know that she meant well and it''s great that she didn''t offend any of the girls that she called up but I would hate to be called up like that. I would find it a bit patronizing to be told that one day I too can be married. It would really hurt and annoy me.

 

[BrilliantNikki]

I respect everyone''s opinions regarding the situation, BUT I actualy think the idea is really cute. I think with myself and my friends, the arrangement would go over very well. I think it was very sweet of your friend to make a special gesture for all of her single/non-married friends.

 

[musey]

Date: 9/18/2007 6:21:58 PM
Author: BrilliantNikki
I respect everyone's opinions regarding the situation, BUT I actualy think the idea is really cute. I think with myself and my friends, the arrangement would go over very well. I think it was very sweet of your friend to make a special gesture for all of her single/non-married friends.

I think that if it were JUST done with people who you know would enjoy it, then that's fine. Obviously, the vast majority of women on here would not have responded well... which is why we're all saying it is a BAD idea to do it with women whom you don't know will respond well.

The point being that it's not a good "hey, you should do this at your wedding!" suggestion, and that's the reason we were all posting our concerns about it. KTF wasn't necessarily suggesting it as such... but who knows what bride might otherwise have stumbled across the forum and thought she'd found a brilliant way to "honor" her "single" or "more single than her" friends.

 

[goodfun7580]

I think it was a really cute idea. I know when I go to weddings I always try to get that darned bouquet and it would be cool to get one and then joke with my bf all night about how we HAVE to get married now, but then again we have a silly sense of humor and it would be taken more as something fun than something serious.

 

[Hoping&Waiting]

Hey everyone,

This is an interesting thread! Lots of opinions and some differ greatly. I like convos like this!

KeepingTheFaith21: I am glad you enjoyed this part of the wedding! It is certainly a very unique idea! My guess, judging by how you explained the population of the wedding "close friends and family" most people probably didn''t think to far into it.

I understand why many of you say this would be outright humiliating! I cant say for sure how I would feel about it. I sometimes am so jealous of the bride that I think I would be hurt, almost as though they are "rubbing it in" that you aren''t yet engaged.

BUT...on the same note...it is obvious that this bride in particular and anyone who would think to spice up this part of the wedding, obviously means well! (as all of you have already said) and with that thought in mind, I dont think I could be hurt. Because she is thinking of her friends on her special day and wishing them well.

This can certainly go both ways! Im not a shy person...and I have to admit, like to be in the "spotlight" if you will...so I think generally I would just laugh and have fun with the idea Thats my take on it