Need advice please on dealing with coworker

[YadaYadaYada]

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has made suggestions on how to deal with this. I appreciate every one of your thoughts and suggestions

 

[stracci2000]

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has made suggestions on how to deal with this. I appreciate every one of your thoughts and suggestions

When you work with a bunch of people on a daily basis, inevitably there are some who you adore and get along with, and some who will rub you the wrong way.
When I worked in a store, I made it a point to be nice to everyone, and I still had co-workers gossiping about me and exhibiting catty behavior.
It takes all kinds!

 

[MamaBee]

When you work with a bunch of people on a daily basis, inevitably there are some who you adore and get along with, and some who will rub you the wrong way.
When I worked in a store, I made it a point to be nice to everyone, and I still had co-workers gossiping about me and exhibiting catty behavior.
It takes all kinds!

Family members even do that..People can be really nasty to their core. Taking the high road will at least let you keep your self esteem.
This reminds me of a neighbor..A long time ago..I would wave and say hi to him when we passed. He would ignore me with a frown. He would continue to frown and looked so grouchy every time I said hello or good morning. I did this for ten years. My friends and family thought I was nuts. One Thanksgiving Day he waved to me and wished me a Happy Thanksgiving. I don’t think he disliked me..He must have had some other things happening in his life that made him grouchy.
Maybe your coworker has a really bad home life. She’s probably jealous of you.

 

[missy]

Family members even do that..People can be really nasty to their core. Taking the high road will at least let you keep your self esteem.
This reminds me of a neighbor..A long time ago..I would wave and say hi to him when we passed. He would ignore me with a frown. He would continue to frown and looked so grouchy every time I said hello or good morning. I did this for ten years. My friends and family thought I was nuts. One Thanksgiving Day he waved to me and wished me a Happy Thanksgiving. I don’t think he disliked me..He must have had some other things happening in his life that made him grouchy.
Maybe your coworker has a really bad home life. She’s probably jealous of you.

Exactly. People behave the way they do for a reason(s). I try giving them the benefit of the doubt. But I wouldn’t engage this coworker based on your experiences with her. Ignore and rise above her behavior. She’s not worth it. I’m sorry for her hardships causing her to behave this way but don’t make it your problem. You deserve better @YadaYadaYada and I’m sorry you are working with an unpleasant colleague

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I love that story about your neighbor @MamaBee! As far as her being jealous, maybe? Can’t wear jewelry in the bakery so that’s well under wraps thankfully.

@missy thank you and that’s the plan. I know I’m not unique in having this problem but just wasn’t sure the best way to handle it. Thanks for the support.

 

[missy]

I love that story about your neighbor @MamaBee! As far as her being jealous, maybe? Can’t wear jewelry in the bakery so that’s well under wraps thankfully.

@missy thank you and that’s the plan. I know I’m not unique in having this problem but just wasn’t sure the best way to handle it. Thanks for the support.

Just another reason I prefer animals to many people

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@missy, I hear you about animals over people. In fact I would much rather work with animals but haven’t found anything promising so far.

 

[missy]

@missy, I hear you about animals over people. In fact I would much rather work with animals but haven’t found anything promising so far.

I used to spend one weekend day every week for decades volunteering with a local animal rescue group. Through my twenties and thirties. it was incredibly rewarding. I could only do weekends as I was working all week at my paying job. Now we do TNR and do what we can for the local feral cats. One day I might go back to volunteering with a local animal rescue group. I needed a break as it was heartbreaking but so worthwhile

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@missy, that’s awesome, there is something about shelter cats, it’s like they become part of your extended furry family.

DH and the kids volunteer once a week at a cat shelter, sadly I am always working but they take pictures and videos. Wish we could take them all!

 

[MamaBee]

@missy, that’s awesome, there is something about shelter cats, it’s like they become part of your extended furry family.

DH and the kids volunteer once a week at a cat shelter, sadly I am always working but they take pictures and videos. Wish we could take them all!

My grown son just adopted a five month old shelter kitten. My son and Smokey bonded instantly. I know this sounds corny..but they saved each other..When my son starts feeling a little anxious..Smokey will crawl up his body..nestle under his chin and go to sleep…My son says he instantly feels calmer.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

My grown son just adopted a five month old shelter kitten. My son and Smokey bonded instantly. I know this sounds corny..but they saved each other..When my son starts feeling a little anxious..Smokey will crawl up his body..nestle under his chin and go to sleep…My son says he instantly feels calmer.

Aw! I’d love to see a picture of Smokey if you have one. Now we have only one cat, it feels strange. At one point we had four cats AND three dogs, it was a full house!

ETA: I realized after reading that post it sounds like we only have one cat but we also still have three dogs and a bird.

 

[MamaBee]

Here you go @YadaYadaYada!
[ATTACH

 

[Calliecake]

@YadaYadaYada, You are in a really tough spot because you work with her and its pretty hard to ignore someone you have to interact with them in a professional setting. Does your job require talking to one another often? If so, I would be respectful, professional and pleasant when you have to deal with her and keep these interactions as short as possible. No one wants to deal with someone who is passive aggressive.

@MamaBee, It been nice to hear how Smokey and your son have bonded. Animals are wonderful for keeping you in the moment which helps when dealing with anxiety. Smokey is adorable.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@MamaBee, OMG I love! He has the sweetest face and he looks right at home there on his cat tree.

@Calliecake, so thankfully she has a different job than me, she is the mixer and works on the other side of the bakery. I’m not going to completely ignore her, just keep it business only and short and sweet.

 

[MamaBee]

@YadaYadaYada, You are in a really tough spot because you work with her and its pretty hard to ignore someone you have to interact with them in a professional setting. Does your job require talking to one another often? If so, I would be respectful, professional and pleasant when you have to deal with her and keep these interactions as short as possible. No one wants to deal with someone who is passive aggressive.

@MamaBee, It been nice to hear how Smokey and your son have bonded. Animals are wonderful for keeping you in the moment which helps when dealing with anxiety. Smokey is adorable.

Thank you @Calliecake..He’s a sweet little kitty..

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

@Daisys and Diamonds, you work in a bakery too? I’m glad you are in a better environment. Not a lot that she says/does really bothers me to the point of reaction. Probably the worst thing was when our cat, Carly, died and I found her on the floor, took the day off. Next day I go in and D was asking me about the cat and she says “it’s so terrible she died alone, I hope she didn’t suffer.” At the time I thought she was just thinking out loud but now I think she is just a terrible person who likes to make others feel as bad as her.

@SandraLynn, I agree, she probably gets some thrill out of a reaction. This is also retail, the bakery is in a store, I have just never encountered such drama, it’s ridiculous really.

@dk168, I appreciate where you are coming from, with a reasonable person this would probably be the way to go. I wouldn’t feel comfortable confronting her about her work because it doesn’t directly affect me and we have the same job title. Also there is no email, we are a bakery in a large store, so any communication is in-person or on paper.

@Lookinagain, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Unfortunately management is just as bad. As an example, it is a well known thing that employees work off the clock, our manager knows, the store manager knows and nobody cares. I stay because the hours work, it’s close to my house, and I like my actual job.

@oncrutchesrightnow, one of the few things she has admitted is that she has low self-esteem so maybe that’s part of her issue. I don’t know, everybody has issues, just be a decent human you know? I agree about needing to be more direct and less wishy washy, in general as long as she doesn’t do anything else, I’m going to grey rock her as Whitewave suggested.

oh that woman needs a good box around the ears by a lion or a tiger for her dedliberate insensitivity
what a bit*h

ive always worked in garden centres/hardwear stores so this is a complete change for me in a bakery
its nice having a clean job
i cant beleave how easy it is to please the customers
the only cooking i do is i boil and mash the eggs for sanwhiches and i sprinkle icing sugar on the apple and apricot slices

low self esteme and being bullied by others is never an excuse in my book
ive been bullied etc and i have made a concouse point to never pass that sh*t on to others

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Family members even do that..People can be really nasty to their core. Taking the high road will at least let you keep your self esteem.
This reminds me of a neighbor..A long time ago..I would wave and say hi to him when we passed. He would ignore me with a frown. He would continue to frown and looked so grouchy every time I said hello or good morning. I did this for ten years. My friends and family thought I was nuts. One Thanksgiving Day he waved to me and wished me a Happy Thanksgiving. I don’t think he disliked me..He must have had some other things happening in his life that made him grouchy.
Maybe your coworker has a really bad home life. She’s probably jealous of you.

love the neighbour story too .
good on you MamaBee

 

[YadaYadaYada]

That sounds pretty fantastic @Daisys and Diamonds and hopefully more fun than the hardware store/garden shop!

I almost left this job months ago but it’s really so convenient between distance from home and hours that I decided to stick it out. When I was looking last year I thought, oh a bakery job that will be easy and fun! I swear insurance was less stressful and I was better at it

 

[seaurchin]

When I think back, just about every place I've worked had that ONE person (or more).

I also had a few co-workers who just seemed able to sail through the workday with everything rolling off their shoulders, like none of it bothered them and they left work behind the minute they walked out the door. I always wanted to be like that. But never succeeded lol.

 

[Calliecake]

When I think back, just about every place I've worked had that ONE person (or more).

I also had a few co-workers who just seemed able to sail through the workday with everything rolling off their shoulders, like none of it bothered them and they left work behind the minute they walked out the door. I always wanted to be like that. But never succeeded lol.

All of this is so true! They also used to leave work at exactly 5:00 PM no matter how busy things were or what work crisis was happening.

 

[Begonia]

you have my sympathy
i put up with cr*p like that for 7 years
i ignored it but at what mental health cost ?
im sure she thought i was thick, not reacting - but i absolutly felt every barb sent in my direction, some years i had terrible anxixty from her

the problem is with her not you (or me)
also IMHO its best to stay away from people who gossip

im sorry you dont have all nice people at your bakery
for the first time in my life i work with all nice people, its mimium wage, i do a lot of cleaning and dishes as im just a shop assistent, but its the least stressful job i have ever had (well except when i burn the pies) even the customers are great
i am soooo much happier (despite walking to work with a crook back and then standing all day)
but we dont do GF as owner-head baker too afraid of cross contamination and making a celiac person really ill -our bakehouse just bakes for his 3 shops and his two vans

that woman was just being a bi*ch throwing out those muffins
its a power trip thing and very childish
avoid her, she is toxic

Same for me

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

That sounds pretty fantastic @Daisys and Diamonds and hopefully more fun than the hardware store/garden shop!

I almost left this job months ago but it’s really so convenient between distance from home and hours that I decided to stick it out. When I was looking last year I thought, oh a bakery job that will be easy and fun! I swear insurance was less stressful and I was better at it

dont let that cow ruin it for you if you enjoy it
we dont get a propper lunch break but we get lunch
and if we buy something (excluding cold drinks) its 50% off
and we can take leftovers at the end of the day before they go in the pig/bird bucket
thankfully that looses its novilty pretty quickly
i had never even had a doughnut before i worked here !
i do rejoyce when i find something i dont like
and i try extra hard to sell the stuff i love so i wont eat it after we close !
my workmate is GF and its so unfair for her
our owner-baker makes the most delicouse bread
i hadnt had white bread in years
you know i read somewhere the body does not know the difference between a cup cake and white bread
id rather have the bread any day
he does this garlic loaf with pesto through it, it makes the most delicouse toast
and the in house bread rolls left over from the samwhich making - yum, i dont even need butter on them
... i have a freezer full of bread
but now its summer and its hot its getting too hot to walk for my afternoon shifts so ill have to take the bus one way ..so have to cut back on the treat food
on the plus side the boss got us a new air conditioner

it is so much eaiser than selling timber
for basically the same money
the customers are so much eaiser to please and if we our out of stock of their favourite its not that hard to find something else they will like

perhaps start writting things down, incase you have to take a personal grievence against her
maybe let her see you writting stuff down ....???

 

[Bron357]

As others have said, people don’t change, you can only change your response to them.
She is a drama queen and any interaction is “poking the Tiger”. She wants a reaction, she wants attention.
The best thing to do is remain polite and neutral. Be friendly, smile, say “mmm hmmmm” and go about your day.
If you stop reacting and become “uninteresting” she will find someone else to focus on. However, things can escalate before that happens as she tries to entice you to engage.
Just remember “sticks and stones might break your bones but words cannot hurt you…… unless you allow them”.
If you’re on friendly terms with other workers my advice is to not discuss or vent about this “problem co worker” yourself or allow others to do so to you, tempting as it may be. Just change the topic if it comes up or say “not worth saying anything about”.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@Bron357, thank you for weighing, she is definitely drama and I’m just keeping it business polite

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Quick update, tonight D was talking to another coworker of ours and I heard her say she is trying to change her hours to overnight. Apparently it’s all the “bickering” that is getting to her, I think people are becoming aware that she is not working as much as she could be and starting to question it. Anyways, it’s just talk but if she does this then I won’t see her at all. I was silently celebrating this potential change