Need Major Advice!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lucyandroger]

So it seems like you and your daughter would be moving anyway, even if there were no boyfriend?

If you know he''s not ready for marriage, then I don''t think you should be pushing him to get engaged. I have to agree with PP that he hasn''t given anything up for you until he''s made that lifetime commitment. Could that be one of the reasons he''s not ready?

Anyway, in light of the new info I''d say to move if you want to move anyway but stay put if he would be the main reason.

He''s not ready, you''re not ready - that sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

 

[Sharon101]

I think you are saying that by moving you and your daughter will have access to better and more opportunities in life. Nothing wrong with that.

It also sounds like the ball is in your court, meaning he finds it difficult to innitiate a relationship and take it to the next level, but will go along with one if the female makes the moves. I get the impression that if you stoped ringing, he would not necessarily persue you.

It isnt clear why he is not ready for marriage at his age, although you have your own reasons that get him off the hook in this area.

Its quite possible that despite his `shyness` or social difficulties, you can have a nice life together due to you both meetimg each others needs. And if your daughter is happy and safe in his company, and the move will be good for her, well.....I guess its worth a try.

But honestly, with the views you both have on marriage, I wouldnt get too hung up on the engagement issue. Living together as mature adults seems like a commitment in itself.

I hope you have a good fresh start moving as it sounds like its just what you need.

 

[suchende]

Why do you want to get engaged if neither of you are ready for marriage?

 

[Sunshinegirl77]

The only reason I am not ready is financial. My credit is shot from a major health issue and a divorce. Before I get re-married, I would want to have my credit back in order. He has perfect credit and I am stupid enough to ruin his by bringing in mine. I have been down that road before and don''t want to travel it again.

 

[Bliss]

Date: 5/9/2009 3:28:17 PM
Author: Sunshinegirl77
The only reason I am not ready is financial. My credit is shot from a major health issue and a divorce. Before I get re-married, I would want to have my credit back in order. He has perfect credit and I am stupid enough to ruin his by bringing in mine. I have been down that road before and don''t want to travel it again.

I wish you the best! I''m very sorry to hear of your past troubles. But you can repair your bad credit in most cases. Can you tell I watch Suze Orman? LOL. Her financial show is fascinating! I don''t see how your less than ideal credit score would harm his if you got married. You can still "fix" mistakes on your credit while married to him - and when you buy a home together, they can choose to use both or just his credit for the mortgage. If anything, it''s great that you realized just how critical it is to protect your credit score. My parents taught me from allowance days onward that my credit score was very very important. Maybe you can turn your hard lessons into lessons of life for your daughter. There''s always some meaning and better solution from our past mistakes that can be found.

I don''t know your boyfriend, but some men do need "pushing" - not SHOVING but a nudge here and there. I have no idea why and I have never dated one, but I do have a friend who married a sweet guy like that. We always marvel at the fact that he even asked her out. (He actually didn''t out of his own volition - he had to have his friends FORCE him to call her!) She''s a no-nonsense let''s-go-people kind of gal, so it works out perfectly. She totally guided him to propose and everything! So none of us would say she "pushed" him but she definitely NUDGED and he needed it! They''re both very happy.

 

[Lilac]

If you''re ok with the move, and your daughter wants to move, and your ex-husband is fine with the move, and there would be better opportunities there for you and your daughter, then I don''t see why you wouldn''t move. From your last post, it seems like you really have your heart set on moving, you just aren''t sure if it''s the right thing to do without a commitment from him. Would you be moving in with him or getting your own place for you and your daughter? I don''t see any reason why you shouldn''t move if it''s what you and your daughter WANT to do, but personally I would still not move in with him without a commitment. Good luck with whatever you choose!