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Need Opinion. most people pick out a setting for their GF or buy solitaire and let her decide?

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garek007

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 27, 2010
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211
Hi,

I''m on the verge here and I''m at a crossroads.

I could:
1. Buy a solitaire, propose, then come back and let my GF pick out her setting.
-the pros of this are that she gets to pick exactly what she wants, the cons is that I can''t control my cost
2. Buy the setting I like, that I think will suit her and give it to her
-pros, it''s more thoughtful, since I am putting thought into what she may like

I had one guy tell me to do number (1) and another say (2). The second guy''s words were, "It''s a gift" meaning that you pick it out and if in 20 years she wants to exchange then so be it.

What do most people do?
 
I think it depends on your gf. My partner is really good at picking out jewellery for me, but I am in general incredibly fussy about how I present myself and in the end when picking out an e-ring I was involved all the way; in all honesty in hindsight he probably would have picked out exactly the same thing but it was reassuring to both of us that I was part of the decisions.

Then again, I have girlfriends who want the surprise - so it depends on the person!
 
The con to number 2 is she doesnt like the setting that you pick
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I personally would perfer number 1. You can let her know what the budget is or
you can take her to try on rings and get her to show you what she likes (then you pick one
of those or one similar in your price range.) Some people are really picky about their rings
and will like one setting but not like another setting that has one small difference.

Or...

You can do your best and pick out what you think she might like. Some people just arent
that into jewelry like we are here on PS and anything you pick out will be perfect because
you picked it out and it was given with love.

Your mission...figure out which profile your GF fits
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!
 
hard-core PSer = let her decide everything

laid-back girl who doesn''t know anything about diamonds = do everything yourself

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I''m all for number 1!!! Well--mostly.....I say you propose with just the diamond (saves on the cost of the setting). It shows you value her opinion--which will be very important in your marriage!

OR

Go ring shopping together. This is what my husband and I did. It didn''t kill the surprise for me--it just added to the anticipation. Good luck!
 
I would say #1. I think just propose with the diamond and them go pick out a setting together that she loves and is within your budget. It shows that you respect and value her opinion!
 
I''d go with #1. I think if you let her know your budget and show her settings that meet that she will be able to find something she likes. I do understand the tradition and men that want the ring to be a gift, but the gal is going to have to wear it for a really long time so I think it''s nice to let her have some say in which ring she wants. Just like if I were buying a TV or other big ticket item for my hubby. I would certainly like him to have a say into what exactly he wanted and would not expect to just love it b/c it was from me.
 
I agree. Take her shopping with you. I told my hubby that I wanted a princess cut and we looked at settings together. Then he went by himself and bought the stone in his price range. I had no idea when the question was going to be popped and was totally surprised. But if she isn''t into jewelry as much as we all are here and would truly be happy with anything you pick, then pick something out. Better yet, post pics and we''ll help you pick something out!
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Well, since we''re all PS gals many of us would choose #1. I do know some women really want to be totally surprised, though, so that''s something to consider. It also doesn''t hurt to enlist a sister or girlfriend to get some stealth info either. That way you''ll get the inside scoop and can figure out if she cares about the surprise or not, really hates a certain style of ring, and/or has always dreamed of a certain style etc.
 
Date: 2/17/2010 5:12:41 PM
Author: luckynumber
hard-core PSer = let her decide everything


laid-back girl who doesn''t know anything about diamonds = do everything yourself


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Click to expand...
yeah right, what girl DOESN''T know anything about diamonds?
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Ok,

I should say that if I went with number one I would first take it to my jeweler of choice, have him set it in a simple solitaire, then I''d go back and have him upgrade it to something better.

I do have a thread going where you can comment on styles, I have four picked out. I just posted it around the same time i started this thread.
 
I''m clearly in the minority but I LOVE option #2! Provided, you do your best to figure out what general styles she likes (by paying attention to what jewelry she wears, picking up on any hints, maybe even asking some sly questions) and you put a lot of thought into finding a great setting that SHE would love. I agree with the friend who said "it''s a gift." She can pick out every detail of any other kind of jewelry that she buys herself.

That said, I like both options! I can''t imagine anyone being disappointing in having to pick out her setting. :) I wouldn''t be.
 
Neither choice.
Propose with a home made ring. Then go shopping for her ring (setting and stone) togetner, but set a budget for her to stick to. Marriage is a partnership thing, down to the ring.
 
Date: 2/17/2010 5:18:15 PM
Author: cakegirl
I would say #1. I think just propose with the diamond and them go pick out a setting together that she loves and is within your budget. It shows that you respect and value her opinion!
Click to expand...
Ditto. I would prefer this.
 
Date: 2/17/2010 4:53:58 PM
Author:garek007
Hi,
I''m on the verge here and I''m at a crossroads.
I could:

1. Buy a solitaire, propose, then come back and let my GF pick out her setting.

-the pros of this are that she gets to pick exactly what she wants, the cons is that I can''t control my cost

2. Buy the setting I like, that I think will suit her and give it to her

-pros, it''s more thoughtful, since I am putting thought into what she may like

I had one guy tell me to do number (1) and another say (2). The second guy''s words were, ''It''s a gift'' meaning that you pick it out and if in 20 years she wants to exchange then so be it.
What do most people do?
Click to expand...

You should take into consideration how you think your GF would prefer to have it.

This is only my opinion and it suites my situation...
As a guy and a traditionalist with this sort of thing, I think it''s much more thoughtful to present her with a representation of your love with something that you think she would like. I believe this is my GF''s views as well.

I personally don''t believe that it is something a man and woman should shop for together. They have the opportunity to do that for the wedding ring.

I''m all for #2.

As for #1. If you are reluctant in your ability to clearly pick something she would like, I suggest the solitaire. I think most women want to have something to wear after they are engaged. If you are concerned about the budgetary controls, perhaps have the setting designed an waiting her approval. It still shows much thoughtfulness.
 
Date: 2/17/2010 5:38:50 PM
Author: garek007
Ok,

I should say that if I went with number one I would first take it to my jeweler of choice, have him set it in a simple solitaire, then I''d go back and have him upgrade it to something better.

I do have a thread going where you can comment on styles, I have four picked out. I just posted it around the same time i started this thread.
Click to expand...
Excellent idea!
 
hmmm ,it''s funny we should do a study. I don''t know who''w man or woman, but it clearly seems the women are for option 1. lol
 
Yes, woman talking here.

#1.

Personally, I hate surprises. Heck, I jump to the end of the book b/c I''m too impatient to find out what happened (plot, schmott...).

I had a say in the setting, but since the actual proposal date was a surprise, I wasn''t there to see the wax mold. Thus, I wasn''t there to see how the jeweler failed to incorporate the elements that I really wanted in the setting. That was my fault. I should have sent someone to QC the setting. In the end, I was very unhappy with it and ended up changing the setting a year and a half later. I''d rather have something right the first time. Just something to consider.

Yes, I understand tradition is great, but keep in mind that she is wearing the ring. You want her to be happy with it, right? So, unless you really know her tastes, I think a simple solitaire that she can change out (within budget) is a better choice.
 
I''m a male, and my opinion is not to be afraid to ask her! I think it definitely depends on what SHE wants out of the whole deal... if she is particular about what kind of ring she wants you need to know that and have her input.

With my situation we looked at rings a few different times just casually so I could pick up on some of the things she liked/didn''t like. From the start I was more of a option 2 kinda guy, I wanted to put a lot of thought in it, and then surprise her with it. But even more than that I wanter her to love it, because she will be wearing it!!! So at that point my thought was to go with the solitaire/upgrade but when I asked her what SHE wanted, she said she wanted me to pick it out. So with that in mind I have been designing a custom and I had her input in the beginning to see what elements she wanted and I''ve taken it from there.

Bottom line, I couldn''t imagine not having any input from my girlfriend and making the ring a total surprise, but I think there is still ways of you putting the thought into it and getting what she is going to love and it still be a surprise when you propose.
 
I want her to be surprised so I can''t ask her, although getting a friend to help out may work. I am going to have her sister or BFF email her the images and get her opinion!
 
If yo uwant to surprise her, then I think nu,ber 1 is a great option. You get to surprise her completely, and then later on she gets to have input. Best of both worlds.

FWIW I am a woman
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I knew it, all the ladies like option 1
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Date: 2/17/2010 9:35:40 PM
Author: garek007
I knew it, all the ladies like option 1
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Click to expand...

FWIW not ALL the ladies like that option... mine definitely didn't want it that way! Again, I think its more a personal choice within the relationship of what you want to do, and really what she wants!

Best of luck, either way its a fun process!

Edit: I guess to clarify, what she didn't like about the idea was that I'd give her the solitaire diamond, and then she would have to take it off and let the jeweler keep the diamond to set in the new (most likely custom) setting! For her, once I gave it to her it was forever, and she didn't like the idea of changing it.
 
after talking to her dad and sister, I''ve decided I will just pick one and give it to her. She is VERy indecisive anyways, and her dad and sis seem to think picking the ring is the best option.
 
You can control your cost with option 1 -- just sit down and discuss a budget before you start looking.

Option 2 has the con of the girl not liking what you chose...then she is either stuck with a setting she doesn''t like and doesn''t want to hurt your feelings, or you''re stuck with the hassle of returning the setting and searching for a new one.

There''s also Option 3 that my fiance and I took! We spent months looking at rings together until we found one I loved. Then he bought it and hid it away from me for a few days so he could set up the proposal and pop the question. ^_^
 
Date: 2/20/2010 4:50:02 AM
Author: garek007
after talking to her dad and sister, I''ve decided I will just pick one and give it to her. She is VERy indecisive anyways, and her dad and sis seem to think picking the ring is the best option.
Click to expand...

GREAT idea. Now if she would have preferred #1 you can...BLAME THEM!!! LOL
I''m just kidding.

I think that was wise. Getting extra confirmation helps build your comfort and that certainly helps!

Mines VERY indecisive too...and a procrastinator.
If shopping for engagement rings would be like shopping for shoes...I''d go mad!
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Good luck moving forward.
 
My DH knows me very well and proposed with a slightly too large plain wedding band! Best of all worlds as I got to help design my engagement ring and the plain band will be good to wear if my hands swell up with pregnancy or age.
 
Oneo fmy firends just got engaged and her fiance proposed with a diamond necklace and then they went shopping for a ring together - I loved that because it was thoughtful and she gets two pieces of jewellery she will treasure forever (hes a keeper)
 
I absolutely LOVE surprises but when it comes to jewelry, I''m very picky. And even though I made sure my significant other knew exactly what I was looking for, and I pretty much showed him pictures and told him specs etc. He just wanted us to go together to pick out the setting and then wants me to just tell him the stone I want within budget.
It took all the pressure of him of buying the perfect ring that I want, and he still gets to surprise me with a proposal. In the end it all works out!
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I think even if you go with #1, you''d still be able to control your costs and be able to have a budget talk. I''m sure your future wife will understand and stay within a proposed budget.

And if you go with #2, just make sure you know her style and loves surprises, and I''m sure she''ll love it or exchange it later if she doesn''t.

Congrats!
 
IceExplorer, I think we may be dating the same woman.

Thanks again for all your comments. I really do think that she will be fine with option two. She does not have a ton of jewelry and while she is picky, I know her style to some degree and I know she wanted princess, so I did it right on that one.

Her family knows her VERY well, they are a really tight family. After talking to her dad and sis, I know option 2 is the way to go. Her sis knew someone who was proposed to and returned a ring and thought it was tacky (no offense to those that go this route). I kind of agree, and out of the settings I picked many people are confirming that my favorite was their favorite, so I think she will love it, even if it isn''t the one she would have picked out for hersefl.
 
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