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Nervous guy. Help!

M

mrjoda

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 5, 2012
Messages
9
I have approx $3500 to 4000 to spend, and I was hoping to get something this holiday season.

I am a little worried that the ring will be smaller than she expects. She has mentioned a couple of designers...but if I want to get those designers and get something of a decent size (over 1 carat), I am looking at more like $8 to 9k or more to get something she really wants.

Here is my dilemma:
Do I disappoint her by not proposing and saving for something bigger? (I think if I have not proposed by NYE, she will be surprised/disappointed)

OR do I disappoint her by getting something that is not quite at the level she is hoping for?

Suggestions? Help needed! And fast!!! If I am going to buy I would like to do it in the next couple of days. I have found a couple of rings in that price range that I think are very very nice, but I'd hate to spend that kind of money on something she will be disappointed in.

Thanks.
 
I'm sure we can make suggestions within your budget...and you can always upgrade later!

What style do you have in mind? What shape diamond do you want? Need more details!
 
There are some folks here who are great at finding the most bang for your buck. What designers has your girlfriend mentioned? Do you have any links to styles she likes? What shape diamond?

Is there anyone you can ask whether your girlfriend would prefer a proposal now with a more modest ring or a proposal later with a pricier ring?

In your case, it may be important to buy from a company with a great upgrade policy so you can get something larger sometime in the future.

liz
 
She mentioned John Atencio as a designer she likes (though I am personally not a huge fan).

She also has several pieces of Tiffany jewelry, so I am sure she would be pleased with something from them.

Other than that, the only clear guidance I have gotten is that she would prefer something over 1 carat.

My impression is that she would prefer something sooner over waiting and she would probably be ok with an upgrade later...and if necessary. I don't want to ask her straight out because I want it to be as much of a surprise as possible even though we have talked about it to some extent.
 
So many unknowns, so little time: antique or modern? Color preference? New or antique? What would she like? I hate that you feel like she'd be disappointed either way you go. Can you give us any more info?

edited to remove the fact that I mis-read his budget and dropped a $9000 ring for a suggestion. Sorry :oops:
 
some places have great upgrade policies. i think whiteflash lets you get full price of your diamond back minus the shipping (so long as its one of their select diamonds)..so you could get the ring she really likes and a small diamond now, then upgrade the stone in a year, or 5 year anniversary.

..or you could just get a cheap setting and a decent diamond. 1 carat or more will likely run most if not all of your budget those based on my shopping experience.

if she's into tiffanys it seems she wants excellence, so i would personally probably get the setting she wants and upgrade the diamond..because if you get a crappy setting AND the diamond still isn't up to her standards in color or cut, you may end up upgrading both later.
 
I honestly think you need to talk with her. You are thinking about marrying this woman. You need to be able to speak to her about everything, including the hard stuff.

Explain your budget and ask her what she would like for you to do: buy a single unbranded stone, with an upgrade policy, now in a simple solitaire (also un-branded). Or wait until later down the line after you've saved up money. Cause those are her options.

I wanted a Lucida. A one carat Lucida. It was 12k. And our budget was half that. So my husband and I went to stores together and looked at all kinds of things, and eventually I came to the conclusion that I wanted a one carat stone, and that the brand wasn't as important to me as the size. So he got me a very lovely stone (octagonal, similar the Lucida in shape, but not a Lucida in faceting) in a Lucida like trellis setting. And it was in budget. I have since then upgraded my setting to a custom platinum setting. And I love my ring.

Life is about compromise. Best you two talk about what compromises need to happen here together.
 
Gypsy|1355250513|3328632 said:
I honestly think you need to talk with her. You are thinking about marrying this woman. You need to be able to speak to her about everything, including the hard stuff.
Click to expand...

I definitely agree with Gypsy!

And here's my post before I read Gypsy's reply:

Sounds like that JbEG ring is quite a bit more expensive than the OP's budget.

As people have already said, I'd go the upgrade route. Get the best stone you can with your budget right now, in a simple setting. Then upgrade when the funds allow. This way, you'll be engaged before NYE, and she will end up with that 1ct+ ring as soon as you can afford it.

Alternatively, with a $3500-4000 budget you could try to find an antique stone (old mine cut or old european cut) that will be 1ct+, but you'd have to scout for it on ebay (or get help from the experts here in finding one). This is possible, but the search for the best deal takes a while sometimes. And of course with an ebay antique stone, there is no streamlined upgrade process.

Or you could get an antique stone through one of the PS-recommended vendors, like Jewels by Erica Grace, or Old World Diamonds. Maybe they have an upgrade policy, but I'm not sure. That would give you some size right away, and maybe an upgrade later. Also to consider -- what color your want your stone to be. If you want really white (colorless), then antique is not the best way to go. And the size would have to be scaled down.

Best of luck in your search!
 
Why don't you let her know the budget and shop together? That way she can decide whether she wants a smaller diamond or to wait for a proposal, and YOU don't have to disappoint her at all. I understand wanting it to be a surprise, but would you rather give a bad surprise or have no surprise but a happy girlfriend/fiancee?

flamingoezz|1355249910|3328622 said:
i would personally probably get the setting she wants and upgrade the diamond..because if you get a crappy setting AND the diamond still isn't up to her standards in color or cut, you may end up upgrading both later.
Click to expand...

Flamingoezz, if he would be updating the diamond, unless he got one that was basically the same size they'd probably HAVE to change the setting. So if they'll be upgrading, they'd be upgrading both things anyway.
 
I agree that this is a big investment and that you should talk to her about what kind of ring she wants. If she doesn't like it, you could end up spending a lot more than your budget to fix the situation and get her a ring she likes.

I also think that with your budget you could probably get a bigger stone and more bang for your buck if you're open to antique stones.

Here's a lovely ring at Jewels by Erica Grace that is in your budget ($3475) and almost 1 carat:

http://jewelsbyericagrace.smugmug.com/Jewelry/Rings-Antique-Vintage/91ct-Old-Mine-Cut-Diamond/23731961_JjL4CV#!i=1921874742&k=W3gvGjk

There are some more on this page too (and they have a few loose stones in your budget as well:

http://www.jewelsbyericagrace.com/antique_vintage_and_reproduction_rings_page_2
 
Doesn't every girl mention Tiffany's at one point? I think that's pretty classic! If you want to surprise her, why not fill our Gypsy's Questionnaire:
1. What is your budget?
$4k
2. How old are you guys?
3. What do she do for a living/working toward doing for a living.
4. How does she dress? Does she dress up a lot, or is she a jeans and T-shirts girl? Grundge? Tailored Ann Taylor tastes?
5. Does she prefer white metals or yellow/pinks ones
6. How is her house decorated? Does she love antique store trolling? Does she love everything Pottery Barn? Is she ultra modern with lots of metal and leather? Does she buy mostly new or preowned pieces?
7. Is she clumsy? Is she very put together?
8. Does she love handbags and have a stable of them to choose from? Are they mostly practical (neutral colors: brown, black, beige) or are there a lot of colors in there? Blue, purple, red?
9. What metro area are you in or near? Or are you in the country? Tell me where you live and what it's like there (if it's not obvious, like NYC).
10. Do you guys have pets? Want them? What kind?
11. Is she a brand name girl? Does she love things with brand names? If so why? Is it the dependability of brand name quality that appeals to her or is it the bragging rights? Or is she more understated and while she appreciates quality brand names don't do it for her? Does she buy retail (Neiman's, Saks, or does she buy from TJ Maxx and Outlets, mostly?)
12. Okay now, describe her to us in your own words? I've never met her, bring her to life me. What qualities does she have that you love? What is her sense of humor like? Just... tell us about her.
13. Has she expressed an interest in any particular style of ring (halo, Legacy, solitaire, three stone) or shape of stone (round, marquise, pear, princess, emerald, radiant.)? Or has she expressed a dislike for any styles?
14. What is her existing jewelry like? A lot of variety, or are there a few select pieces of similar design? What does she wear regularly?
 
Gypsy|1355255447|3328713 said:
The other option is the Lucida on this page: http://jewelsbyericagrace.com/modern_and_estate_rings But I wouldn't buy a ring without her input. I REALLY can't stress that enough.
Click to expand...
We have talked about this a little bit, at one point she mentioned specifically how she thought our friends who went shopping for a ring together was not romantic. I think she would like to be surprised.

Thanks for all of the help.
 
Okay so. She said it's not romantic.
Okay, then: Get something with a full return policy (I recommend Blue Nile or JA or Costco when it comes to return policies) and propose in that return policy window.
 
mandasand|1355254995|3328701 said:
Doesn't every girl mention Tiffany's at one point? I think that's pretty classic! If you want to surprise her, why not fill our Gypsy's Questionnaire:
1. What is your budget?
$4k
2. How old are you guys?
Late 20's
3. What do she do for a living/working toward doing for a living.
Banker
4. How does she dress? Does she dress up a lot, or is she a jeans and T-shirts girl? Grundge? Tailored Ann Taylor tastes?
J Crew (classy but with a touch of hipster style on occasion).
5. Does she prefer white metals or yellow/pinks ones
White
6. How is her house decorated? Does she love antique store trolling? Does she love everything Pottery Barn? Is she ultra modern with lots of metal and leather? Does she buy mostly new or preowned pieces?
She likes pottery barn, restoration hardware and ikea.
7. Is she clumsy? Is she very put together?
Both!
8. Does she love handbags and have a stable of them to choose from? Are they mostly practical (neutral colors: brown, black, beige) or are there a lot of colors in there? Blue, purple, red?
Lots of handbags, mostly from the coach outlet store. Mostly practical but some with some color
9. What metro area are you in or near? Or are you in the country? Tell me where you live and what it's like there (if it's not obvious, like NYC).
Denver
10. Do you guys have pets? Want them? What kind?
We have dogs.
11. Is she a brand name girl? Does she love things with brand names? If so why? Is it the dependability of brand name quality that appeals to her or is it the bragging rights? Or is she more understated and while she appreciates quality brand names don't do it for her? Does she buy retail (Neiman's, Saks, or does she buy from TJ Maxx and Outlets, mostly?)
She does like brand names but also appreciates a deal. She loves to go to Nordstrom Rack.
12. Okay now, describe her to us in your own words? I've never met her, bring her to life me. What qualities does she have that you love? What is her sense of humor like? Just... tell us about her.
She is very witty with a great sense of humor, probably one of the sweetest people alive, very loving, very beautiful but very humble.
13. Has she expressed an interest in any particular style of ring (halo, Legacy, solitaire, three stone) or shape of stone (round, marquise, pear, princess, emerald, radiant.)? Or has she expressed a dislike for any styles?
The ring she pointed out to me was this one: http://www.johnatencio.com/collections/engagement-rings-1/products/03-r175
I think she would prefer something at (or close to) 1 carat. She has not said much other than that.
14. What is her existing jewelry like? A lot of variety, or are there a few select pieces of similar design? What does she wear regularly?
She has a lot of pieces from Lia Sophia. She has a simple tiffany ring she wears a lot. She likes her pieces to match and most of it is fairly simple. She is often concerned that her jewelry is too much.
Click to expand...

Thanks for any help!
 
Jewels by Erica Grace's return policy is only 3 days - which is super tight.
Leigh Jay Nacht has some rings you might like in your budget and it looks like they may have a 30 day full refund return policy (though you should of course confirm w/ the vendor).

See this page of rings:

http://antiqueengagementrings.com/shopping/shopdisplayproducts.asp?page=12&id=20

and more:

http://antiqueengagementrings.com/shopping/shopdisplayproducts.asp?page=11&id=20

I love this one (but the L color may look too warm (i.e. yellowish) for some ladies' taste:

http://antiqueengagementrings.com/shopping/shopexd.asp?id=4009
 
We have talked about this a little bit, at one point she mentioned specifically how she thought our friends who went shopping for a ring together was not romantic. I think she would like to be surprised.
Click to expand...

I guess my thought is that while she may not think it's romantic, she could quite possibly end up happier with the ring that she's going to wear for the rest of her life. But then, I shopped for my engagement ring with my fiance and thought the whole thing was extremely romantic - especially since when we both found the ring that we ended up getting, we immediately just knew it was "the one." I dunno, ring shopping somehow made us closer than we'd been before. If you're worried about the romance, you can always surprise her with a ring shopping date - go out to lunch at her favorite restaurant and then go to a store and show her a few things you scouted out ahead of time, then go home to a big roaring fire and cuddling in front of it while browsing rings online. I dunno.

Even if you end up not shopping with her, you need to have a frank conversation about what she wants and your budget. What she wants in a smaller size may be different than what she wants in a bigger size, we've definitely seen it happen before. That ring you linked definitely needs a bigger diamond to make it work - a smaller one would be overwhelmed.
 
to many times i see a poster on here come with a simple diamond question and people turn it into a relationship thing. I dont think these two need to talk. And it sounds like if she has even stated, AFTER the talk, that she still wants to be surprised. If you discussed rings and she still didnt have a preference I would go with a simple solitaire at as large a stone as possible. Did she mention shape? what color is most of her jewelry? I dont think you have to pick it out with her if she really thinks the surprise is part of the excitement.

here is one ring in your budget
http://www.diamondsbylauren.com/index.php/jewelry/oval-diamond-ring-100ct-micro-halo-ring-bargain-for-sze-775-finger-r880
 
nielseel|1355260862|3328811 said:
to many times i see a poster on here come with a simple diamond question and people turn it into a relationship thing. I dont think these two need to talk. And it sounds like if she has even stated, AFTER the talk, that she still wants to be surprised. If you discussed rings and she still didnt have a preference I would go with a simple solitaire at as large a stone as possible. Did she mention shape? what color is most of her jewelry? I dont think you have to pick it out with her if she really thinks the surprise is part of the excitement.

here is one ring in your budget
http://www.diamondsbylauren.com/index.php/jewelry/oval-diamond-ring-100ct-micro-halo-ring-bargain-for-sze-775-finger-r880
Click to expand...

Good point. SHE said she wants to be surprised, so I think the OP should surprise her!
 
nielseel|1355260862|3328811 said:
to many times i see a poster on here come with a simple diamond question and people turn it into a relationship thing. I dont think these two need to talk. And it sounds like if she has even stated, AFTER the talk, that she still wants to be surprised.
Click to expand...

+1
 
I'm sorry, I missed the part where he linked to the ring she liked - here are some princesses at LJN. I think a few of them look quite modern. He's going to have a very hard time finding a setting like she likes like the one he linked to as it is so specific so in lieu of that simple and classic is may be a safe default. They can always reset down the road - everyone here certainly does it.

http://antiqueengagementrings.com/shopping/shopdisplayproducts.asp?Search=Yes&sppp=12&page=1&Keyword=princess&category=ALL&highprice=0&lowprice=0&allwords=princess&exact=&atleast=&without=&cprice=&searchfields=

Also, the JBEG Lucida someone lined to is very modern too.

Diamonds by Lauren has some loose princesses in your budget though I'll leave it to others to comment on the stone specs as I'm not a princess girl. It may also take longer than a few days but you'd have to ask:

http://www.diamondsbylauren.com/index.php/categories/loose-diamonds#colors=&intensity=&shapes=princess&carat-min=&carat-max=&price-min=&price-max=&cat_id=207&ring_types=&page=1

and they make a lucida style setting too:

http://www.diamondsbylauren.com/index.php/jewelry/diamond-ring-52ct-princess-cut-y-z-vs1-14k-underwire-solitaire-ring-r4403
 
 
Oh boy.

I'm going to say, after that list. Wait. Save up money.

I'm sorry to say it. But I can't see you spending money on a piece, proposing, when her tastes are so costly.

The other option is this. Call her best friend, mother, sister, cousin and talk to them about this. Get their advice. Say: This is my budget I can afford a simple princess for her in a basic solitaire. But she's shared with me a lot of options of what she wants and it is all designer and features large center stones. I want her to love her ring. So it's either propose NOW with a MODEST simple solitaire ring (under a carat center) or wait. What do advise?

Otherwise, the best bet is that Lucida I linked to earlier: http://jewelsbyericagrace.com/modern_and_estate_rings I REALLY can't stress that enough that I would talk to someone WHO KNOWS HER and ask their advice. And I would ONLY ONLY ONLY go for the Lucida if you can negotiate a 2 week FULL return policy, no questions asked, from JBEG (theirs is three days, which frankly I think is not enough time) AND you propose in that window.

That's really it. I think if she likes Princesses she will really like the Lucida shape. And it's Tiffany.
 
Gypsy|1355264781|3328854 said:
Oh boy.

I'm going to say, after that list. Wait. Save up money.

I'm sorry to say it. But I can't see you spending money on a piece, proposing, when her tastes are so costly.

The other option is this. Call her best friend, mother, sister, cousin and talk to them about this. Get their advice. Say: This is my budget I can afford a simple princess for her in a basic solitaire. But she's shared with me a lot of options of what she wants and it is all designer and features large center stones. I want her to love her ring. So it's either propose NOW with a MODEST simple solitaire ring (under a carat center) or wait. What do advise?

Otherwise, the best bet is that Lucida I linked to earlier: http://jewelsbyericagrace.com/modern_and_estate_rings I REALLY can't stress that enough that I would talk to someone WHO KNOWS HER and ask their advice. And I would ONLY ONLY ONLY go for the Lucida if you can negotiate a 2 week FULL return policy, no questions asked, from JBEG (theirs is three days, which frankly I think is not enough time) AND you propose in that window.

That's really it. I think if she likes Princesses she will really like the Lucida shape. And it's Tiffany.
Click to expand...

Regarding the JbEG return policy, I just received a centre stone from them last week and they were flexible on the return policy date (more than 3 days).
 
We don't even know she does like princess cuts. The ring the OP linked happened to have a princess cut in it, but that doesn't necessarily mean she really wants one. Could just be that she liked that setting.
 
For me I wouldn't wait. If she is expecting to get engaged and you are ready to I wouldn't wait. I would propose with the budget you have. A setting can always be changed down the line. And sure she may have expensive taste, but just about everyone wants what they can't afford. If love a 6 ct pear but I settled or a .9 ct because I'd rather marry the man of my dreams than wait 5 more years for him to save up the money. If it were ME and I would call up GOG or Brian gavin and have them find you a pear or an oval that's eye clean and above an h that's as close to 1 ct as possible and set it in a solitaire. She sounds classic with a twist. So fancy shape with a classic setting seems like it would work. My diamond was under 3k and it was a .9 ct. So it can be done. Plus ovals and pears face up larger so that will satisfy her want or size. Then, make sure you propose in the return period. So if she hates it she can return it and she can see exactly what your budget gets.
 
bigdiamondtinygal|1355261988|3328826 said:
I'm sorry, I missed the part where he linked to the ring she liked - here are some princesses at LJN. I think a few of them look quite modern. He's going to have a very hard time finding a setting like she likes like the one he linked to as it is so specific so in lieu of that simple and classic is may be a safe default. They can always reset down the road - everyone here certainly does it.

http://antiqueengagementrings.com/shopping/shopdisplayproducts.asp?Search=Yes&sppp=12&page=1&Keyword=princess&category=ALL&highprice=0&lowprice=0&allwords=princess&exact=&atleast=&without=&cprice=&searchfields=

Also, the JBEG Lucida someone lined to is very modern too.

Diamonds by Lauren has some loose princesses in your budget though I'll leave it to others to comment on the stone specs as I'm not a princess girl. It may also take longer than a few days but you'd have to ask:

http://www.diamondsbylauren.com/index.php/categories/loose-diamonds#colors=&intensity=&shapes=princess&carat-min=&carat-max=&price-min=&price-max=&cat_id=207&ring_types=&page=1

and they make a lucida style setting too:

http://www.diamondsbylauren.com/index.php/jewelry/diamond-ring-52ct-princess-cut-y-z-vs1-14k-underwire-solitaire-ring-r4403
Click to expand...

You know, I LOVE LJN, but replica Art Deco rings are just not contemporary. Also, she wants closest to 1 ct as possible...the JBEG Lucida is a TINY...so, I think JA or GOG is the way to go to find a princess cut diamond.
 
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