next Q...should the parents pay for their kid''s wedding?

[FrekeChild]

Hmmm...

I don''t think they should unless they want to. My dad will pay for the majority of our wedding. FI''s dad probably won''t put a cent towards it. FI and I are going to save up as much as we can to contribute, and I know FI has already saved up for wedding bands. We also started the "W fund" a year ago, which is a big glass vase that we throw all of our spare change into. And all of the cash presents we get. So it doesn''t amount to a lot, but every little bit counts.

As for the $5,000 cake...I bet it cost the majority of that to make. Using expensive ingredients, as well as being huge will add to the cost, but it is the decoration that will really make the budget explode. I would very easily be able to make a cake for 100 people cost over $2,000.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/13/2009 2:49:31 AM
Author: FrekeChild

As for the $5,000 cake...I bet it cost the majority of that to make. Using expensive ingredients, as well as being huge will add to the cost, but it is the decoration that will really make the budget explode. I would very easily be able to make a cake for 100 people cost over $2,000.

20 bucks per slice ??

i rather buy a nice .65 ct diamond !!

 

[that_someone_special]

Date: 1/13/2009 3:01:17 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/13/2009 2:49:31 AM
Author: FrekeChild

As for the $5,000 cake...I bet it cost the majority of that to make. Using expensive ingredients, as well as being huge will add to the cost, but it is the decoration that will really make the budget explode. I would very easily be able to make a cake for 100 people cost over $2,000.

20 bucks per slice ??

i rather buy a nice .65 ct diamond !!

ME TOO!!

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 1/13/2009 3:34:55 AM
Author: swedish bean

Date: 1/13/2009 3:01:17 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/13/2009 2:49:31 AM
Author: FrekeChild
As for the $5,000 cake...I bet it cost the majority of that to make. Using expensive ingredients, as well as being huge will add to the cost, but it is the decoration that will really make the budget explode. I would very easily be able to make a cake for 100 people cost over $2,000.

20 bucks per slice ??

i rather buy a nice .65 ct diamond !!

ME TOO!!

Now personally I''d go for a colored stone.

As for food, the ingredient cost is doing great if it''s under 33%. Labor is what kills your profits. I start out charging $2.00 a slice for cake. That''s for the bare bones minimum. Cakes can get expensive.

 

[Pandora II]

My parents paid for my wedding, they also paid for my younger sister''s and will also pay for the youngest''s as well. My brother is getting married in May and they are giving him a decent sized cheque as a wedding gift, but my father considers it to be his FI''s family''s responsibility to pay for the wedding.

When DH and I found out last week that we are expecting a daughter in May, his first words were "Oh heck, now I''ve got to pay for a wedding!" - but he is also seriously planning on opening a savings account for that purpose.

I have no issues whatsoever with paying for our daughter''s wedding - although I do wonder how I will take it if I feel she is too young, marrying someone I loathe etc

 

[steph72276]

Well, maybe it is a regional thing, but my parents paid for my entire wedding and every good friend that has gotten married the parents of the bride have paid for the wedding. Did I expect it? No. Was I grateful? Very much so. I am the only daughter and my entire college was paid for through scholarships, so my parents said they really wanted me to have my fairytale wedding. They offered to put the money towards a down-payment on a house instead, but I knew I would regret not having a special day. Still to this day, it is tied with the birth of my child as the best day of my life, so I don''t regret that decision at all.

 

[Sizzle]

Date: 1/13/2009 2:10:40 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/13/2009 12:19:06 AM
Author: Sizzle

Date: 1/12/2009 8:39:18 PM
Author: Haven
Sizzle--A 5K CAKE!?!?

Anyway . . .
I''m not sure if I think it''s not ALL about a sense of entitlement. I think many people have a desire to show off (parents as well as couples) to friends and family. I''ve heard a lot of brides and parents say ''I want my/my child''s wedding to be the one that everyone remembers'' or something along those lines.

YES! IT was on ''my big fat fabulous wedding!''

a $5000 cake ? how much for the wedding ? $70K ?

Are you kidding, I don''t think less than 100K is possible on that show! I think it''s the one now called "platinum weddings". They''ve shown 1.5 MILLION dollar events!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/13/2009 7:59:27 AM
Author: Sizzle

Date: 1/13/2009 2:10:40 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/13/2009 12:19:06 AM
Author: Sizzle

Date: 1/12/2009 8:39:18 PM
Author: Haven
Sizzle--A 5K CAKE!?!?

Anyway . . .
I'm not sure if I think it's not ALL about a sense of entitlement. I think many people have a desire to show off (parents as well as couples) to friends and family. I've heard a lot of brides and parents say 'I want my/my child's wedding to be the one that everyone remembers' or something along those lines.

YES! IT was on 'my big fat fabulous wedding!'

a $5000 cake ? how much for the wedding ? $70K ?

Are you kidding, I don't think less than 100K is possible on that show! I think it's the one now called 'platinum weddings'. They've shown 1.5 MILLION dollar events!

i thought when you said..."my big fat fabulous wedding" it meant your own wedding.

i don't watch TV shows.

 

[fieryred33143]

My mom and I have a weird relationship. She would want to pay for the wedding and I won''t take a penny from her. Yet, she and I both know that I would want to pay 100% for my child''s wedding...and if he/she grows up the way I did, he/she probably won''t take a penny from me either.

I don''t know what anyone should or should not do. But I think that if parents feel they should pay for their child''s wedding then that is their decision.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

No way. I think being independent enough to have and pay for your own wedding is a crucial step before getting married. I think it''s a nice gesture...both DH and my parents offered to pay for portions of our wedding, but we politely declined.

 

[sklingem]

I don''t think that they should and I would not expect it - but if they want to AND can afford it - that''s great too. I also want to mention that many parents may feel the pressure to pay/contribute due to existing traditions. I would NOT want my parents to contribute amounts that I KNOW they can not/should not spend - even if they say they want to. In the end it would be their call (although my precondition would be that there are NO strings attached to it) but I would have a serious discussion with them and their financial situation (incl. retirement etc.) even if some people think that it is none of my business.
If I think that they can''t afford it I may even "force" them to contribute VERY little by just stating that it is my wish to pay for my own wedding, independent of their desires.
R.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 1/13/2009 9:43:30 AM
Author: NewEnglandLady
No way. I think being independent enough to have and pay for your own wedding is a crucial step before getting married. I think it''s a nice gesture...both DH and my parents offered to pay for portions of our wedding, but we politely declined.

Ditto on the independent thing. I am proud of the fact that FI and I (well, lets face it, mostly FI because I''m still in school) will be able to pay for the majority of our wedding. We are running into some issues with what FI''s parents expect out of our wedding day (something traditional, something large enough to include all of their family) so we are sort of taking the stance "If you want it, please help us pay for it" which I think is totally fair. My parents have offered to contribute some money for the celebration but it certainly isn''t excessive. In fact, FI and I have set a limit on what we will accept from our parents because we feel beyond a certain point it stops being a gift. I think that ultimately we will see what we can do with our own budget and then begin to accept money from our parents if its absolutely necessary.
That being said, I certainly don''t see anything wrong with a kid accepting a large sum of money for their wedding from the parents if all parties involved are totally OK with it and it doesn''t put the parents out.

 

[NovemberBride]

I agree with the previous posters that have said that the parents should not be expected to pay, but if the parents want to pay and are able to pay without going into debt, it is a lovely thing to do. I do not agree with the posters who have said that there is something wrong with the parents paying or that it means the couple is not independent or not ready to be married. I am the only daughter, was married at 28 and my parents paid for the whole wedding. I have no idea of the cost, but expect it was well in excess of $150k. DH and I are completely independent, at the time we were married we had both graduated from graduate school (paid for by ourselves) and bought our first home (also by ourselves). Could we have afforded to pay for our own wedding - sure. Would it have been significantly less extravagant - definitely. However, my parents wanted to pay for our wedding and could easily afford to do so. I don''t see anything wrong with that. As for the statements that you could buy a house or a diamond for that amount,I think they are irrelevant. My parents did not want to give me a diamond or give us a house, they wanted to give us a wedding, so that''s what they did.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/13/2009 10:25:51 AM
Author: NovemberBride
I agree with the previous posters that have said that the parents should not be expected to pay, but if the parents want to pay and are able to pay without going into debt, it is a lovely thing to do. I do not agree with the posters who have said that there is something wrong with the parents paying or that it means the couple is not independent or not ready to be married. I am the only daughter, was married at 28 and my parents paid for the whole wedding. I have no idea of the cost, but expect it was well in excess of $150k. DH and I are completely independent, at the time we were married we had both graduated from graduate school (paid for by ourselves) and bought our first home (also by ourselves). Could we have afforded to pay for our own wedding - sure. Would it have been significantly less extravagant - definitely. However, my parents wanted to pay for our wedding and could easily afford to do so. I don''t see anything wrong with that. As for the statements that you could buy a house or a diamond for that amount,I think they are irrelevant. My parents did not want to give me a diamond or give us a house, they wanted to give us a wedding, so that''s what they did.

WOW, OMG !! i wanna know what do couples get for a $150K wedding?

true....we bought our house for $147K in 86.

 

[trillionaire]

I think that there are a lot of cultural traditions that dictate that parents "showcase" their daughter and pay for extravagant ceremonies. I have not criticism of this, and no judgment. I don''t think a parent should be ''expected'' to pay for a wedding, and I would be more inclined to contribute money for a down payment on a home than on a wedding. I personally see no sense in spending 5K+ on a ring and 20K+ on a wedding when you don''t have a home, and I would let my kids know as much.

 

[JSM]

Parents don''t HAVE to. If they want to, awesome!

My mom feels extremely guilty that she cannot pay for my wedding. It means a lot to me that she feels that way, but I wouldn''t want her to anyway. It''s not her responsibility.

That said, I''m eloping to cut costs! I''m not going into debt for one day!

 

[tlh]

You know... I really feel that the wedding is for the parents anyway. Just based on my experience. I didnt want it, could have cared less... so YUP, the rents paid for about everything. DH and I felt bad when they started going crazy overboard and spending $$ on stupid stuff... so we offered to pick up expenses like the dress, minister, stationary, etc.

Now on the other hand I have an older friend who is getting married. She is a complete bridezilla. She is demanding A LOT, and her parents may not have the means to pay for it all. Do I think that they should pay to meet her insane expectations, no.

I think it just depends on who is making the demands.

Put up, or shut up.

 

[Steel]

Mine didn''t even offer us a wedding gift never mind pay

.

I would like to pay if I had a daughter.

 

[Miscka]

I don''t know if they should, but I really hope my parents offer to help pay for mine! Though, I really don''t want anything fancy...maybe a small DW at a b&b. I would feel uncomfortable spending/asking them to spend very much.

 

[Aloros]

My parents offered to help pay for the wedding, but I turned them down. They''ve done so much for me already, and paid for most of my college education - I didn''t feel right asking them for wedding $$.

My mom IS helping me plan and is altering my dress though. She is AMAZING, and I really don''t think I could do it without her. She''s got a great eye for color, design, is the planning-guru, so yeah. Plus, she always finds the best deals and can bargain like no other.