NO idea what to do

[b.anna]

Hi everyone! i am a recent BIW, my boyfriend (now fiance!) proposed last week with a beautiful ring

we''re both recently out of college, he is a partner at a web applications development company, and i have just finished a Master''s in Public Health program. now that we''re engaged, i feel stuck...

here''s why: i''m in the process of applying to medical school, and if i get in this year, i will start august 2010 and graduate in 2014. we both felt that getting married after i finish medical school is the best thing to do (which is why i''m not on the list with a wedding date). but after talking with some people, they feel that waiting that long is a huge no-no. Some people have been saying get married within 2 years, or it''s just going to get annoying to be engaged and not be planning a wedding. But if i did this, i''d be in the middle of school with no time to plan or anything. if we waited until after medical school, i''d have time to get the wedding right with the details and everything. i don''t want to pressure my fiance to get married in the next year. i also have NO idea how to plan a wedding, how to go about getting things done etc.

in my heart i think waiting until after medical school is the best way to go, but i don''t want the long wait to have an impact on us. does anyone have any thoughts? have any of you been in this situation before?? i definitely think it''s too early to think about the wedding but then again i know nothing about planning weddings... help!

 

[SapphireLover]

Don''t let other people put you off. If you know in your heart that you want to wait, then wait. There is no rush to plan a wedding, just do it when you are ready. You are engaged, you know you WILL get married and that you WILL spend the rest of your lives together. Thats all you need to know. Tell other people to stop meddling.

People love to get involved and tell you what to do. It has nothing to do with them!

 

[decodelighted]

A wedding can be planned in an afternoon ... or a month ... or six months ... you do NOT need a whole year. Or at least most folks don''t. I can''t imagine waiting four years just so "details" of ONE DAY can be right. It isn''t about a PARTY -- its about the commitment to each other -- and one you may well wish you''d made BEFORE going through such a grueling endeavor as medical school. At this point you haven''t even *applied* to med school. But you''re willing to wait to a) apply b) be accepted (hopefully) c) start d) FINISH before you even start PLANNING a wedding?

I dunno. I don''t get it. Why get engaged?

 

[fieryred33143]

I personally think a five year engagement is silly but I suppose it depends on the type of wedding you may want to have. The level of planning really depends on how detailed you want to get with the wedding.

ETA-I agree with Deco.

 

[CNYHopeful]

Hey b.anna! Congratulations on getting engaged!!!

Although I haven''t been in your situation, I''d suggest a few things for your consideration:
1) spend the next year compiling ideas and putting together a bridal scrapbook in your (rare) free time.
2) after one year of medical studies, you should have an idea of how involved it will be and a general timeline of when things would need to be accomplished if planning a wedding

3) Consider people that you could delegate responsibilities too (crafty people for favors, floral arrangements, etc.)
4) Have a conversation with your FI about what kind of wedding he would like to envision.

If you''re working on it together, it actually can be less overwhelming than you think. I have found that wedding planning goes in stages. We booked our church/reception/priest and ordered my gown in the first three weeks of engagement. There''s been a lull for about 4 months and I''ve just been collecting ideas online. We have a timeline in place so it spreads things out. If you find you''re too busy to read about wedding stuff, many people in your circle of close friends and family will be more than happy to research for you, so YOU don''t have to do it ALL on your own. Most of the major STRESS happens 1-2 months before the wedding, so try not to schedule a wedding around major exams or anything of the like.

 

[Inanna]

Date: 6/10/2009 1:27:54 PM
Author: decodelighted
A wedding can be planned in an afternoon ... or a month ... or six months ... you do NOT need a whole year. Or at least most folks don't. I can't imagine waiting four years just so 'details' of ONE DAY can be right. It isn't about a PARTY -- its about the commitment to each other -- and one you may well wish you'd made BEFORE going through such a grueling endeavor as medical school. At this point you haven't even *applied* to med school. But you're willing to wait to a) apply b) be accepted (hopefully) c) start d) FINISH before you even start PLANNING a wedding?

I dunno. I don't get it. Why get engaged?

Huge ditto!

Right now seems like the perfect time to plan a wedding. You have 14 months to plan and get married before you even start medical school. In my opinion, that's way more than enough time!

Follow your heart, but like Deco, I just don't understand waiting 4 years to have a 1 day celebration. Plus, I'd want the commitment of marriage much sooner.

 

[MonkeyPants]

Hi b.! Why not try to plan the wedding for before med school? Aug 2010 is a long ways away before you start school. You can plan for something at the end of this year or even spring/summer of next year. Then you''ll be married with the wedding planning out of your hair before you even go to med school

What do you think?

 

[decodelighted]

I see this kind of hesitation a lot from Type A super-intellectual perfectionistic types. Maybe you''re young & haven''t learned yet that everything will still go wrong no matter HOW much you plan & that you really can''t control things as much as you wish you could? Or maybe you''re just intimidated about planning for fear of choosing "wrong"(ly). Of things not going perfectly. Of looking foolish.

It seems like the hesitation is less about "is he right for me?" "do I want to be married?" -- and more like "oof, what a headache to plan" "I need one million years and one million dollars!"

Maybe demystifying this in your head would be a start. Its not brain surgery. Its a wedding. People have been doing it FOREVER and if morons can do it you can too.

 

[brooklyngirl]

b.anna First off, congratulations on your engagement!

Now about the wedding. It looks like you have over a year to plan a wedding if Medical school starts in August of next year. I think a year is PLENTY of time.

But the first thing you have to do is figure out what kind of wedding you and FI want, and go from there. You may find that it''s not as overwhelming as you think it is.

Now, if you want to wait, then of course that''s what you should do. But if your concern is only over details, and you would like to get married sooner, if you could, I think a summer 2010 wedding is more than doable.

 

[Aloros]

I''ll chime in with do it summer 2010. That''s plenty of time to plan a wedding. PLENTY. I''ve been putting mine together in six months, with the majority of it in the past ummm...two months. One more month to go.

If you get it done now, it won''t be hanging over your head while you''re in med school.

 

[Jen_91909]

Date: 6/10/2009 1:34:45 PM
Author: Inanna

Date: 6/10/2009 1:27:54 PM

Author: decodelighted

A wedding can be planned in an afternoon ... or a month ... or six months ... you do NOT need a whole year. Or at least most folks don''t. I can''t imagine waiting four years just so ''details'' of ONE DAY can be right. It isn''t about a PARTY -- its about the commitment to each other -- and one you may well wish you''d made BEFORE going through such a grueling endeavor as medical school. At this point you haven''t even *applied* to med school. But you''re willing to wait to a) apply b) be accepted (hopefully) c) start d) FINISH before you even start PLANNING a wedding?


I dunno. I don''t get it. Why get engaged?

Huge ditto!


Right now seems like the perfect time to plan a wedding. You have 14 months to plan and get married before you even start medical school. In my opinion, that''s way more than enough time!


Follow your heart, but like Deco, I just don''t understand waiting 4 years to have a 1 day celebration. Plus, I''d want the commitment of marriage much sooner.

Thritto.

If it were me (and clearly it''s not, this is just my opinion) I would prefer to marry my fiance before entering into med school - if you are ready to be married to him, which an engagement typically signifies, why push it off 5 years when you really do have time to do it now?
I''m curious about your comment about not pressuring your fiance to get married in the next year... does he have specific reasons for wanting to wait as well?

 

[loverocks]

Congrats on your engagement! I will weigh in here as I have a personal experience similar to yours. My fiancé and I were engaged after about 5 yrs of dating. We had both finished our undergraduate degrees when we began discussing engagement and he proposed while in the midst of his law degree. We knew at the time that we would not be planning to have a wedding soon because we would be paying for it ourselves (needless to say, funds were tight). So, we were finally married last year after about a 5 year long engagement. Everything worked out beautifully in the end.
BUT – if money had not been an issue, I would have much preferred to have the wedding sooner rather than later. A long engagement, at least for me, took some of the *magic* away from the happy engagement time. It was wonderful and exciting for the first few months, but as time went on it just dragged along. I really did not feel engaged again until I finally started planning for the wedding. (FYI--- I planned the wedding in 8 months). So, I have nearly 4 years where I felt kind of in limbo. Not in the sense of the relationship, but just like an in between feeling that seemed to last forever. Looking back, I almost wished we had just bit the bullet and had a smaller scale celebration that we could have afforded at the time. It was a 10 year journey to marry my husband….and I feel like that was much longer than it needed to be. I think you should consider having the wedding prior to starting medical school. You have more than enough time to plan, and it will be a great comfort to you to have your official union in place while embarking on your new goal (school). It will be nice to have your *husband* at your side supporting you.

Best wishes

 

[LilyKat]

I''d definitely do it sooner. Take it from someone who''s graduated from medical school

There will never be a "perfect" time - after medical school you''ll be busy with residency, and so and so on. You have a great window of opportunity now - use it!

I agree with the others that it''s about the commitment of marriage, not about a one-day party.

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/10/2009 1:40:09 PM
Author: decodelighted
I see this kind of hesitation a lot from Type A super-intellectual perfectionistic types. Maybe you''re young & haven''t learned yet that everything will still go wrong no matter HOW much you plan & that you really can''t control things as much as you wish you could? Or maybe you''re just intimidated about planning for fear of choosing ''wrong''(ly). Of things not going perfectly. Of looking foolish.

It seems like the hesitation is less about ''is he right for me?'' ''do I want to be married?'' -- and more like ''oof, what a headache to plan'' ''I need one million years and one million dollars!''

Maybe demystifying this in your head would be a start. Its not brain surgery. Its a wedding. People have been doing it FOREVER and if morons can do it you can too.

BAHHH, LIAR!!!

Ditto Deco, both posts. I am a VERY type A personality, and I could never do a 5 year engagement. You get engaged to get married... so what is the rush to get engaged? I got engaged last August, and our wedding is at the end of July. You have more than enough time to plan whatever wedding you want.

Do you want to have it in a year? Why would you be rushing your FI? Didn''t he propose because he wanted to get married?

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Congrats on your engagement!!!

I''m no med student, that''s for sure, but I would strongly suggest that you don''t postpone an engagement for five years. I had juuuust started law school at the time my fiance popped the question. Initially I thought, "We''ll be waiting to marry until after I graduate." But immediately after graduation is the bar exam. And after that is (hopefully) a job-- and likely a stressful, time-consuming job with no immediate vacation time. In the end, it seemed we''d have to wait 4.5 years to marry.

Well- we''re getting married this December. In 6 months. I''ve had a little more than one year to plan, and truthfully, weddings can be coordinated in 6-8 months if you are an organized person. Planning weddings during/between school is actually a breeze (relatively speaking) because students have such flexible schedules! Sure, school is difficult and stressful, but I''d much rather be planning as a student than as a brand-new working professional.

The only reason to wait is money. Are your parents footing the bill? Both sets of parents? You and your fiance? We''ve managed to save-as-we-go this year, and after 12 months of putting money aside, we have enough to cover everything. I live off of student loans, but my fiance works. Did I feel extreme guilt that he saved for/is paying for the majority of our wedding? Oh. Heck. Yes. But I contribute where I can, and someday my salary will be paying off his ridiculous student loans. It''s a matter of what you can reasonably afford, and what you''re willing to sacrifice/do to pay for the wedding.

Not all weddings need to be extravagant and expensive, either!! Budgets are the most shocking part about the initial stages of wedding-planning. I was floored to find out that American''s average 25-30k on their weddings. Wowza. We''re comin'' in right around that (for 150 people), but let me tell you-- if you don''t give in to a bunch of the wedding nonsense that TheKnot and Platinum Weddings feed ''ya, it is *so* possible to save money. Just remember that limos, fancy linens, lavish honeymoons, engagement photos, letterpress invites, ice sculptures, and $7000 couture dresses aren''t mandatory! It''s helpful to repeat that over, and over, and over, and over. If that''s what you dream of for your wedding, though, that''s FINE! Honestly, I think the only reason to hold off for so long is you''re not willing to compromise on expensive wedding details, and it will take 5 years to save for such a wedding. As others have said, over time, the "engagement magic" dies- and really, the wedding is about being MARRIED! Not just the party

Keep us updated!

 

[stephbolt]

Another option may be to plan a wedding for between your first and second years of med school. I have two friends who intentionally planned weddings for that time frame, as I understand it you generally get a break during that first summer. I know there are are lot of much more knowledgable PSers who can advise you what their schedules/stresses were like during med school and residency, that information may help you decide better on a timeline.

Good luck and congratulations on the engagement!

 

[rhbgirl24]

Date: 6/10/2009 1:58:31 PM
Author: Aloros
I''ll chime in with do it summer 2010. That''s plenty of time to plan a wedding. PLENTY. I''ve been putting mine together in six months, with the majority of it in the past ummm...two months. One more month to go.


If you get it done now, it won''t be hanging over your head while you''re in med school.

DITTO! And Congrats! My fiance is in the process of picking up grad school and starting applications (again) for med school. We are getting Married in Oct. MUCH better to get it done beforehand. NO way are you going to have spare time/money while in school.

 

[jstarfireb]

Lots of good advice here. I also am not a fan of a long engagement. My own 2-year engagement was too long for my tastes. I''d be in favor of a wedding in Summer 2010 or between the first and second years of med school, although honestly, it will be easier to plan it now than while you''re inundated with anatomy and physiology (take it from a resident who planned a wedding during intern year!). The other thing you could do is have a private civil ceremony soon, and then you''d actually be married for these next few years, and then plan a bigger wedding/vow renewal after med school. Anyway, congrats and good luck!

 

[VRBeauty]

What might you regret if you have the wedding next year?
What might you regret if you wait for five years?

 

[princessplease]

Again, congrats!
I''d go with next summer. I''m in a Master''s program, and granted it''s only part time at night, but I do work 1 full time and 1 part time job. FI and I are getting married on 8/20/10, and it''s definitely enough time. Sometimes, I feel like it''s too much time, but family stuff caused us to wait a little bit longer than a year.
Even though I''ll graduate in Dec ''10, I felt that that was too far. FI originally wanted March ''11 (I live in NJ so a winter wedding could be a disaster, lol!), but I didn''t want a 2 year long engagement. There is so much that can happen in the 4 years you''ll be in school that you may become disillusioned to the ''party'' part of the wedding. Like mers said, he proposed because he wanted to get married, so why would next year be too soon?

 

[SapphireLover]

I guess I am the lone voice here. I just don''t see why you should rush it because everybody tells you too. Go with your original plan and if the long engagement is getting you down, then start planning your wedding. As somebody pointed out you can organize one in a couple of weeks if you really wanted to.

Btw O/T- how old will u be when u go to med school? Here in the UK most people go straight from school, but I understand in the USA it''s postgrad. How long is med school?

 

[b.anna]

hi everyone, thank you for the warm congrats for all the input! WOW there are some strong feelings here and i''m glad to hear everyone''s opinions because it''s definitely giving me some perspective.

well first off all, let me emphasize that we did not rush the engagement AT ALL. we both felt like we were in the right time and place to be engaged (we live together, experienced all kinds of ups and downs, etc etc). we''re very very happy right now, and we''re both kinda happy floating around and casually talking about the wedding. before getting engaged i kind of felt waiting till after medical school would be ok because medical school is so crazy and then my older sister was like, why not do it next summer? DOH!

i apologize for this small detail i missed which may have clarified things a lot, and that is that we do need to save up money for the wedding. neither of our parents have the money to help us (he makes more than twice as much as his parents combined and my parents have four kids, two of which still need college funding!). i''m living off loans right now, and he still has some loans and credit to pay off. we are by no means poor or living off ramen, but we would like to have a nice wedding and involve family and friends. the pressure on my fiance would be saving up money enough in the next year and a half or so to pay for the wedding. i''ll have a job too but he''s definitely the bread winner, which his partnership in his company and whatnot

we''ve definitely contemplated having a small ceremony with family and very close friends, and then have something larger later. but nothing has really solidified from that yet.

my point with waiting or not isn''t a question of being committed (i think making it through college and then some more says a lot of how committed we are to each other) and i wouldn''t even ask everyone here if i didn''t want to be married to my fiance i am so so in love with him and even though we''re both young (23 and 24) we both know we''d be so happy to spend the rest of our lives together. we''re both definitely committed to each other.

i think i''m trying to get some perspective on how people feel about long engagements, and my fear was that waiting takes away from the magic of being engaged, etc. plus we are only getting married once and even though it''s one day i''d like to make that day worthwhile and know that at least what i have control over is what i want, versus rushing.

that said, i also pointed out that i know absolutely nothing whatsoever about planning a wedding lol. one of my closest friends planned her wedding in a year, but she looked dead when everything was settled. and she''s not even done yet (she''s getting married in august). so maybe that wasn''t a great example, but it''s the only type of wedding planning exposure i''ve gotten.

i am in the process of applying to medical school now which is a HUUUUUUGE headache (and an even longer story) which will involves taking the MCAT in july (like the LSATs and GREs but nuttier), further secondary applications, interviews, MONEY ($650+ and counting, aiii). a majority of the stress would be this summer and fall. winter and spring should be easier (with interviews here and there). i''m also going to be working full time at a hospital... do you guys think planning a wedding is feasible with all this going on? i definitely have people who are willing to help (more than i''d like lol) but i also want to be involved too. i don''t want to treat them like they have to do everything for me and place certain expectations on them

i''m really sorry if i''m sounding kind of retarded about everything, but i really don''t know anything about the basics of planning a wedding. i am the first of my siblings, friends, and cousins to get married. my parents didn''t have a wedding (only family gatherings) and i dont like my older generation cousins (they are control freaks which only means trouble).

i really like the idea of planning in pieces (thanks CNYHopeful), potentially getting it done between first and second year (thanks stephbolt), and insight from a doctor! (LilyKat). everyone has great things to say here too, and i''m relieved to know planning a wedding in a year plus some change is definitely feasible. thanks everyone for all the help!

i''ll keep you updated, B and i will have lots to talk about over dinner!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I got engaged in March of my med school application season last year Planned the wedding for summer between 1st and 2nd year (this August!) And so far no regrets. A lot of my classmates are also getting married during that summer because it also means we can go on longer honeymoons! I also thought about waiting until graduation, but I feel like I don't want to plan a wedding AND worry about residency interviews/applications/moving as well.

I felt it'd be easier for me to plan during the free summer before med school (you're already in, so you can and SHOULD totally goof off the summer before you start, lol), and then plan during 1st year (which isn't too hard, it's all classes so you can tweak your schedule to what's convenient, and you aren't on rotations yet so no long days or weekend call). And it's a nice hobby to have on the side to take a break from the books (at least, I found it so).

That's how my thought process went We are getting help financially from our folks, but our wedding is turning out pretty low key and modest budget, so I have no doubt we could have saved up for it too. Also, we're inviting a lot of college buddies, many of whom are still nearby, which was an unanticipated bonus.

Best of luck applying, if you need a place to crash in philly let me know. Hosting prospectives is always a blast! And you should apply to University of Penn, because it's the best school ever. EVER.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 6/10/2009 1:27:54 PM
Author: decodelighted
A wedding can be planned in an afternoon ... or a month ... or six months ... you do NOT need a whole year. Or at least most folks don''t. I can''t imagine waiting four years just so ''details'' of ONE DAY can be right. It isn''t about a PARTY -- its about the commitment to each other -- and one you may well wish you''d made BEFORE going through such a grueling endeavor as medical school. At this point you haven''t even *applied* to med school. But you''re willing to wait to a) apply b) be accepted (hopefully) c) start d) FINISH before you even start PLANNING a wedding?

I dunno. I don''t get it. Why get engaged?

Deco often reads my mind.

We did a small wedding in 6 weeks. It can be done and it doesn''t have to cost a fortune. I think a 5 year engagement is pretty crazy, and I also think it is a mistake to try to plan it during year 1 of med school. You can get your applications done and start planning from October through the winter and get married in May-June of next year. Since you''ve been living without your salary, maybe you can save alot of it over the next year. I just wouldn''t do a big expensive wedding if the parents can''t chip in.

 

[Squirrly]

while i have no say either way as far as the long engagement topic is concerned (and it definitely sounds like you''re going to be perpetually busy which''d be what i''d go off of mostly) the one thing i can think of that might help is are you planning on inviting a decent amount of friends? during a long engagement you might lose contact with some of them (of course gain some new ones) but if everyone''s fairly centralized now, they could have moved far away by then. although if they''ve just graduated too and you wait awhile they hopefully will have found a job and settled into it and then be able to afford to travel to your wedding.

FWIW i personally wouldn''t mind a long engagement, M and i will be paying for ours so i''d love plenty of time to get a general feel for prices in this area and to save up, make as many things myself as i could, and i''m pretty sure i''d be way too distracted by a shiny object on my hand to really think about how long it would be.

 

[mysterylover]

Why does a wedding need to be a huge endeavor with tons of guests, mountains of decisions, and months of planning?

Oh yeah. Because the media (books, magazines, tv, etc.) and our peers say so.

No, I would not be ''engaged'' for four years.

Yes, I would get married sooner and with much less fuss than you are imagining.

People used to get married with just days notice during GI furloughs in WWII, for instance. It can be done. It has been done.

 

[katamari]

I am not a medical student, but I am finishing a PhD program in a demanding, highly ranked program, so I think it is similar, if not more demanding (because I also have to teach to get my tuition paid on top of my coursework and publication demands). FI and I waited to be engaged for several reasons, but mainly because I really thought it would be "easier" to get married at the end of graduate school when I was transitioning. Looking back at it now, I honestly feel that was absolutely the wrong decision!

There are several reasons why I feel that way, but you will honestly only keep getting busier. In your 1st year, it will feel like you couldn''t be any busier. But, somehow, each year there is an increase. And, I am talking an exponential increase. As someone who studied for and took the GRE and the LSAT and spent all the time and money applying (I applied to over 25 programs) you couldn''t have convinced me-at-the-time that it could ever get worse. But, me-now would see one of my "crazy" days then as a day off now (and I am in no way exaggerating this, either).

As for the money, as a student, there just isn''t an opportunity to save. And, even if you wait until residency, it may not help. You will be cash-poor for quite some time (like all grad/prof students), so I would just plan what you want

Also, if there is one thing I have learned about wedding planning, it is that it takes as much time as you give it. A longer engagement, from what I see on this board and what I see in my own life, does not diffuse the planning. Instead, it just gives you more time to falter in "analysis paralysis" and you spend so much more time on decisions making them such a bigger issue than they need to be. I know I, for one, cannot wait until my wedding happens so I quit stressing out about it or thinking about new projects or additions to it and just get back to working and being fully consumed with my research again.

This is all, of course, just my opinion, but I hope this helps! FI and I dated 10 years before we got engaged, so I don''t think anything is wrong with taking it at a snails pace--I just don''t think it would solve any of the issues you are concerned about. Congratulations on your engagement!

 

[Octavia]

Date: 6/10/2009 7:04:55 PM
Author: katamari
Also, if there is one thing I have learned about wedding planning, it is that it takes as much time as you give it. A longer engagement, from what I see on this board and what I see in my own life, does not diffuse the planning. Instead, it just gives you more time to falter in ''analysis paralysis'' and you spend so much more time on decisions making them such a bigger issue than they need to be. I know I, for one, cannot wait until my wedding happens so I quit stressing out about it or thinking about new projects or additions to it and just get back to working and being fully consumed with my research again.

So, so true. My engagement is a little short of two years and I''ve been so over it for at least 6 months now (4 to go). I''m just ready to be married already. My FI really wanted an October wedding, so when he proposed in December ''07 our choice was either plan it in 9 months or 21 months. I so wish I hadn''t fallen victim to the "need time to plan" mentality. There really isn''t that much that goes into planning a wedding unless you want there to be, and I''ve definitely spent more time thinking about planning than actually doing anything. Once you get the big things done (date, venue, caterer, officiant, dress) there''s really not much left until close to the wedding, but people will ask about it incessantly.

Another couple things to think about. Are you planning to change your name? If so, I think it''s much easier documentation-wise if you do it before you get your degree and medical license and all. If not, then obviously it doesn''t matter! Also, if something goes haywire with the application cycle and you end up reapplying the following year, will you regret not getting married sooner, and will you push the wedding out for another year? (I REALLY hope you don''t have to worry about that, but since you haven''t started applying yet, it''s just a what-if to consider).

 

[FrekeChild]

Ok. As a bachelor student, I don''t know anything about stress because I''m such a slacker. But my FI is a phd student, teaching Statistics and being a research assistant. So he''s busy, but not terribly so. He could help out if he wanted to.

Anyway. We got engaged in December. We''re getting married January 2010 in Las Vegas. I planned 90% of everything in the three weeks I was on break between semesters. I feel like I''m making up stuff to do (see my what should I wear over my dress thread) because I don''t know what to do...because it''s all done already.

My friend found out she was prego January a couple years ago. She literally called me on Monday, told me she was pregnant and that her bf had just proposed marriage and she''d keep me updated. Later that week (Thursday I think?) I talked to her again, and THE WEDDING WAS PLANNED. Date set, flowers picked out, venues for ceremony and reception set, menu picked out, dresses picked out (she wore her debutante dress), tuxes picked out, invitations being printed. Wedding was set for the beginning of March. We''re talking 180 people at a country club, and nothing she did was really any kind of shortcut.

People don''t need a year to plan a wedding. We only took a year because we wanted to get married in the fall or winter, and because of FI''s teaching schedule we had only specific breaks in the year where we could actually have a few days to get it done. Winter break won out.

So my vote is that you do it within the year. I would be so burnt out if I had to think about wedding stuff for 4 more years. The styles change, the trends change, etc, so you can''t even really start collecting ideas, because they will probably be somewhat antiquated (in the wedding world anyway) 4-5 years in the future. So you can''t even really start planning until a year before the date anyway...

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I just wanted to add, one of the downsides of planning for after 1st year, is whether to invite any of your new med school friends, lol. For example, I drew up my guestlist 8 months before the wedding so that we could get ideas of size and budget, I didn''t know any of my med school people well enough to be comfortable inviting them to my wedding where I mostly just had really close friends and family.

Even after a year, I still don''t feel like I know any of them well enough to be at my wedding (that''s just me, I can be a bit slow in forming very intimate friendships, and living with my fiance hasn''t sped that up any, lol). But I''m sure in 4 years, after having gone through rotations with people etc, I might look back and think it would have been nice to have them a the wedding. Just a thought I''d throw out there.