No visitors for newborns...

[alli_esq]

thanks, everyone, for the opinions and the nice words!!!

I would just like to update to say that when I spoke with my friend on Tuesday, she told me that she's been sleeping with the baby in bed, laying the baby all swaddled in between her and her husband

I told her that obviously I know nothing about child-rearing or baby-caring (hehe, just made that up), but that sounds REALLY REALLY dangerous I looked online for co-sleepers and sent her a link...I begged her to get one ASAP if she's going to sleep with the baby...

I know she is just desperate because she hadn't slept for more than about an hour or two a night in almost three weeks...but still...for someone so terrified about her baby getting sick, it seems rather inconsistent to allow her newborn to sleep in between two (incredibly tired, sound-sleeping) adults on a bed

ETA: she told me she KNEW it was really bad and she'd look into the co-sleeper...she told me she hadn't told anyone else about it because she knew it was a bad idea and she was embarrassed...and I said I didn't want to offend her, but I am scared for her daughter!

 

[Pandora II]

thanks, everyone, for the opinions and the nice words!!!

I would just like to update to say that when I spoke with my friend on Tuesday, she told me that she's been sleeping with the baby in bed, laying the baby all swaddled in between her and her husband

I told her that obviously I know nothing about child-rearing or baby-caring (hehe, just made that up), but that sounds REALLY REALLY dangerous I looked online for co-sleepers and sent her a link...I begged her to get one ASAP if she's going to sleep with the baby...

I know she is just desperate because she hadn't slept for more than about an hour or two a night in almost three weeks...but still...for someone so terrified about her baby getting sick, it seems rather inconsistent to allow her newborn to sleep in between two (incredibly tired, sound-sleeping) adults on a bed

ETA: she told me she KNEW it was really bad and she'd look into the co-sleeper...she told me she hadn't told anyone else about it because she knew it was a bad idea and she was embarrassed...and I said I didn't want to offend her, but I am scared for her daughter!

Co-sleeping is absolutely fine - the problem is co-sleeping and swaddling which is a HUGE no-no. You also shouldn't be overweight, or under the influence of alcohol or drugs. It is also safer if you are also breast-feeding as you will never enter the deepest phase of sleep due to hormones and you will also lie in a particular position that will add safety to the child.

Countries that have a culture of co-sleeping have considerably lower levels of SIDS than countries who have a culture of independent sleep. As independent sleeping has become seen as a status symbol and way of being like the western countries (as have formula and disposable nappies in countries where EC and breast-feeding were the norm) the SIDS rates are steadily rising.

I still co-sleep with our daughter and the health professionals I see here in the UK were all a) fascinated that I was white and co-sleeping and b) hugely encouraging and supportive about my choice. We do have a mesh bed-bar on one side and a line of heavy pillows down the centre of the bed so that there is never any danger of my husband coming anywhere near her. The breast-feeding position also protects - lying on side, knees drawn up, one arm above head and one over the baby - this way the baby can't move down or up or sideways and it is pretty impossible to roll onto them. It is a position that you naturally and subconciously adopt when breast-feeding in your sleep.

There are many books and articles on the subject out there - Dr Sears is one of the more easy read ones and he is a huge proponent of co-sleeping. The baby's breathing and heart rate are much more stable when they sleep next to their mothers. Dr McKenna has also done enormous amounts of research. There's a great book called 'Three In A Bed' by Deborah Jackson that I really recommend to anyone thinking of co-sleeping (it includes advice on eventually kicking them out! )

There will always be reports of babies being suffocated by parents - but generally this is where the parent was under the influence, very overweight or on a sofa or chair (another big no-no).

So, if your friend is a normal weight and breast-feeding then there is no reason why she shouldn't co-sleep as long as she doesn't swaddle (babies are stronger than they look and will fight hard if they are in a situation where their breathing is affected. If they are swaddled they no-longer have the ability to move themselves out of danger).

Quite a few of us on PS co-slept - Robbie and Blen for definite and a couple of others IIRC.

 

[alli_esq]

Pandora--thank you SO MUCH for your reply! I sent it right off to my friend! My concern was much more that she had no idea what she was really doing and hadn't read about it...I know lots of people co-sleep and I know there can be great benefits to it...but I also figure that if you don't know what you're doing and don't make sure you're careful, there are plenty of things that could go wrong.

You are great--thanks again for your post!!!

 

[Pandora II]

Pleasure, I hope it helps!

I didn't plan to co-sleep but fell into it in a desperate need for sleep. I would feed my daughter in bed and she would be all lovely and sleepy, stick her in the Arm's Reach co-sleeper I had next to the bed and the next thing was the eyes were wide-open and she was up for another 3 hours.

So I gave up and we would just both drift off to sleep in a happy fug of oxytocin and both got lots of sleep.

One of the nice things about breast-feeding (once you get past the hell of the first few weeks of bleeding cracked nipples!) is the oxytocin which makes you feel like you've had a good few glasses of a very nice bottle of wine. DH used to laugh at me saying that he'd come in the room and I'd be lying there with this big smile on my face looking totally sloshed! Sadly 2 years on it doesn't have the same effect!

I was trying to move D into her own room but found I missed her too much to go through with it - she's awfully soft and cuddly and warm especially in the winter when it's like having a hot water bottle that never goes cold! DH also says that there is nothing quite like being woken up by a grinning imp peering over the pillows...

I hope your friend feels better about everything soon, it's all very overwhelming at the beginning especially with a first baby.