Not comfortable wearing jewelry to work?

[marcy]

I think most people don't pay attention to jewelry. I think you should wear whatever you are comfortable with.

 

[Scorpioanne]

One final thought: remember that most people who come to you for assistance will have big problems of their own to worry about. I think most of them will not notice or care what your rings look like. The focus of your meetings is always going to be on the client and his or her circumstances and issues. As long as you are caring, sensitive, professional, patient, and earnest in your demeanor, I think that your jewelry will matter very, very little to your clients. What will matter is making them feel that they are important to you and not letting them get swallowed up by "the system" that is so often a big part of their lives.

Well said Kittybean, a very thoughtful response.

 

[amc80]

For pete's sake.. wear and enjoy your ring. What's the point in having it if you can't use and enjoy it?

I agree with this. Some people fall on hard times. Some don't. My boss can afford a brand new car, I can't. Does that mean he should feel guilty or improper for driving it to work?

Don't punish yourself by not wearing your ring. Wear it proudly and use it as a reminder of how fortunate you are to be in the position you're in.

 

[cushionladyESQ]

Sorry everyone! I subscribed to this thread a long time ago, but I have not been receiving emails saying there were more responses!

My ring isn't huge, particularly by ps standards.

2.02 I vs1 cushion.

But the other rings in the office look to be between .3 to 1 carat rounds. Also I should say that I'm not necessarily worried about offending anyone other than clients. I work mainly with the elderly and the disabled. Many clients are also having other troubles including financial problems (evictions, foreclosures, bankruptcy). Now I know these things happen to anyone and I'm not trying to be overly concerned about something that doesn't matter. It's just that I want clients to understand that I'm on their sides, so I'm worried a nice ring might make clients feel like I'm out of touch. Kwim?

I'm also an attorney who works with low-income clients, and my e-ring is similar in size to yours (2.12 EC). At first, I was concerned about wearing my wedding set to work, but I gradually realized that it didn't seem to make a difference to my clients whether I wore it or not, but it did make a difference to me. I love my ring, and not wearing it makes me sad. So I wear it and enjoy it.

You need to do what makes you feel most comfortable and happy. Does it bother you that people don't know that you are engaged right away? Does it bother you that you're not wearing your ring? Are you happier not wearing the ring because no assumptions are made about your taste/finances/marital status? If you need to, create a three-prong test and do a cost-benefit analysis, then decide how you feel about wearing your e-ring to work (ah, law humor ).

Maybe getting a colored stone ring is the answer for you, especially if you think you'll fly under the radar a little more with it. I occasionally wear my sapphire solitaire with my wedding band instead of my e-ring, and I think I actually get more comments and compliments on the sapphire. Although my first love is definitely diamonds, I think colored stones start conversations.

One final thought: remember that most people who come to you for assistance will have big problems of their own to worry about. I think most of them will not notice or care what your rings look like. The focus of your meetings is always going to be on the client and his or her circumstances and issues. As long as you are caring, sensitive, professional, patient, and earnest in your demeanor, I think that your jewelry will matter very, very little to your clients. What will matter is making them feel that they are important to you and not letting them get swallowed up by "the system" that is so often a big part of their lives.

I appreciate your comments kittybean. I also like your suggestions about a three-prong test...I'm having flashbacks to con law and moot court.

To answer your questions, it does bother me that people don't know I'm engaged. It's a little weird...I didn't realize it would bother me, but it does. I miss wearing my ring. It makes me really happy. I do like that no one makes any assumptions about my status -- that is definitely true. But then I wonder, don't people make assumptions about me in other ways? I dress more professionally than many other attorneys here, and wear makeup when no one else does. So they may make judgments about that...but that is about co-workers and not clients so I don't think it really matters anyway. I'm rambling...

On the one hand, it is nice to fly under the radar. On the other, I like being happy.

I am thinking maybe I should do a test-run, and see how it goes. If clients and coworkers act weirdly, then I can always go back to working sans ring.

 

[cushionladyESQ]

For pete's sake.. wear and enjoy your ring. What's the point in having it if you can't use and enjoy it?

I agree with this. Some people fall on hard times. Some don't. My boss can afford a brand new car, I can't. Does that mean he should feel guilty or improper for driving it to work?

Don't punish yourself by not wearing your ring. Wear it proudly and use it as a reminder of how fortunate you are to be in the position you're in.

Thanks amc80. I think you are correct in a way that I am sort of punishing myself. I'd like to find a balance.

 

[cushionladyESQ]

Pardon me for saying this, but do you feel SAFE wearing your ring to work?

I know you said you work mostly with the elderly and disabled. I don't know the situation, but are there any people coming through the office, not necessarily to see you, with criminal backgrounds or drug problems?

In my neighborhood (which is a good one!), there have been a rash of break-ins, where the thieves take ONLY jewelry. The police claim it's drug-related. Addicts can steal jewelry, hide it easily, sell it easily, and buy the next fix easily. I would be concerned that if the wrong person sees your bling, you could be watched and robbed in the parking lot.

In general, I think the fewer outward displays of wealth in the office environment the better.

Hey starryeyed -- this is a totally reasonable question. I work with elderly and disabled clients, but those are not the only clients in the office. Some clients are certainly in more difficult positions in life than others, and have had issues with the criminal justice system. I have considered that it might be somewhat dangerous for me to wear fancy jewelry since we don't have any kind of security or way to monitor the environment right outside the office. I tend to leave later than everyone else, so I have had thoughts about whether it would be safe for me to wear my ring and be alone in the parking lot at night (that kind of thing).

I don't like to think that way, but it is just an unfortunate reality, no? Just another variable to consider.

Funny Personal Anecdote -- I am a fairly unassuming looking woman and have been told I have an honest face. When I was on BART (SF bay area metro system) one time a year or so ago, the young woman next to me had on a really interesting and beautiful engagement ring. It looked like it was either vintage or custom-made. I tried to casually ask her about it and she got freaked out like I was a creeper. HA! And she said "oh I don't know anything about it. My husband got it." Then she immediately turned the ring around and covered her hand. I was like...dang! I just wanted to have a friendly conversation, but being in public with nice jewelry can make you feel really vulnerable.

I guess my point is that it seems generally reasonable to be aware that people might notice your jewelry a little too much.

 

[cushionladyESQ]

I don't really think anything of wearing my rings to work. But it's pretty unassuming. I just file papers, answer phones and type things up on the computer. And rarely am I seeing anyone face to face other than a random person who has a meeting appointment.

But I can definitely see why not wanting to wear your jewelry when you work with someone who cannot afford things of that nature and or were in trouble with the law for things like theft. That would probably be more dangerous. But if you don't wear them where would you put them? In your purse/desk? Or leave them home? I would be more nervous about them getting stolen if not on me.

I leave them at home. I would never bring it and just leave it my bag. Nothing in the office is truly secure, and I would be paranoid all day!

 

[Icy Melona]

I personally think that there will always be a person who will resent your good fortune and compare it to theirs- whether they are rich, middle class or poor. Having said that I think most people will either take no notice or if they do they'll admire it but move on to what's most important to them at that time.

But I have noticed that jewellery can be a sensitive topic in the workplace. A friend of mine with a beautiful white and pink diamond ring was heavily scrutinised in the office by some co-workers with derogatory comments such as "oh, is that your everyday diamonds" or "we don't all have a rich husband like you to pay our bills" flying in her face. Not a nice experience for what should symbolise a celebration of a life partnership rather than your income status. Maybe they feel that it's inappropriate for work, who knows. I personally think it's nice to see pretty jewellery, bags, shoes, clothes and etc every now and then, it certainly brightens up the drab office decor.

Also, I do agree with one of the posters who commented about external factors permitting. Personally, if there is a likelihood that you'll be dealing with drug addicts, I would lay off on the expensive jewellery. I know it sounds judgemental but addicts will steal from people they know, even those who help and they can be very violent.

 

[dmakeupd]

I am a Team leader / Current Temp Assistant manager for a large retail chain. Our store is actually very small people wise just 6-7 people working. Most of the girls would just wear their wedding jwerely. And at first I used to wear my Golden topaz ring, my mystic topaz ring, my saphire grad ring and my grandmothers family ring (it has no stones). So anyways I nearly lost one of my rings while bagging clothing for a customer. After that I did not wear any rings except costume ones to work. Then slowly started wearing my grad ring again and then I included my london blue topaz ering

 

[yssie]

If you're comfortable with it, I think it'll just blend into the overall image that is *you* as a whole and won't draw undue attention, good or bad - no more so than the rest of your outfit. Your stone isn't so large that this is just objectively impossible, like a 4,5,6ct might be.

If you're uncomfortable with it, it'll be on your mind, you'll be conscious of where your fingers are positioned, maybe you'll even toy with it. That will ensure it's the centre of attention.

I remember my highschool biology teacher was newly engaged. She had this GIGANTIC oval - that thing was seriously huge. And she kept rubbing it and turning it over, she turned it under toward her palm during class but would still curl her fingers around it - it was the biggest distraction in the room. Another teacher also had a significant ring - not quite so big, but it definitely had presence. I don't think she gave it another thought after putting it on in the morning, and as a result neither did any of us!

It sounds like you're uncomfortable with the idea, and IMO that will be obvious and will call unnecessary attention to it, so in this case I'd leave it home.