Not happy with custom e-ring - am I crazy?

[Birdinski]

My fiancé and I spent months working with a jeweler on a custom ring, but ever since he proposed last week, a couple of things have been driving me nuts about it.

1. In our rush to get it done in time, we opted for white sapphire instead of custom moissanite side stones that were potentially going to push us over schedule (the jeweler in question won't cut moissanite, but they were willing to do sapphire). Even clean, the sapphires are dull and lifeless and look like cloudy glass. I couldn't care less about diamonds, but I did want something with a little life.

2. The bigger issue is that there's some extra metal along the side and it feels bulky and clunky. My inspiration photo (only for the side stones) was this image from CVB Designs:

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/6a/38/df/6a38dfff348f1cf02ec38b9b59a6ba44.jpg

Instead, it ended up looking like this:



Am I crazy for thinking this is all wrong? We approved the wax model because they kept telling us it would be shaved/polished down in the final stages and look just like the drawings in the end - but now there's all this extra metal on the sides and it just feels clunky and enormous on my hand.

There's engraving on the sides, along with the milgrain - so it's not like they can just shave down the sides and call it a day. Would it make more sense to order new side stones of different measurements? Is there any way this can be reasonably fixed? I feel like a horrible person for being anything but 100% in love with this ring and I can't seem to stop beating myself up about it - but every time I look at it, it's all I can see.

Thanks in advance for your help/reality check!

One more ring shot - overall, I love it, I just can't seem to get over those two little things.

 

[Anne111]

It doesn´t look like bad work. That I would take into consideration when/if you go for a reclamation. The seller at least did a quality job.

 

[Bron357]

The ring is beautiful but I understand your disappointment if it’s not as you envisioned.
Did you see / sign off on the design before the ring was cast?
Your inspiration Is simple rim set with milligrain detail whereas you have a bezel set sides with an additional edging with milligrain detail.
Changing this is not as simple as it might seem.
White sapphires are beautiful gems but they do not have the same refractive index ie sparkle as diamond or Moissanite.
Speak to your jeweller and ask what can be done in relation to making the sides look more streamlined. However replacing the sapphires with Moissanite might be more involved, it may mean the ring needs remaking.

 

[Birdinski]

Did you see / sign off on the design before the ring was cast?

Thanks for weighing in. We had drawings (which don't show the extra metal), a CAD, and a wax model - and on the CAD and wax model, I mentioned the extra metal along the sides a couple times, because it did worry me that there was so much. She assured me that they needed extra material for the casting, and that it would be reduced later.

I do plan on talking to the jeweler about it. I just wasn't sure if I was completely out of line, or if that was a normal amount of variation. I want to love it, because everything else is so perfect and my fiancé invested so much time in the process and proposal - but it's hard to get over how boxy and metal-y it feels around the side stones.

 

[T L]

Do you have a full front view? What kind of main stone is that? Is it a tourmaline?

 

[Birdinski]

Do you have a full front view? What kind of main stone is that? Is it a tourmaline?

It's a blue-green sapphire. Here are a few more shots:

 

[stracci2000]

I'm sorry you don't like it.
I think it's beautiful. The sapphire is luscious.
I especially love the thistle etching on the shoulders, and the milgrain.

 

[T L]

I think it’s lovely, so sorry you don’t like it as much as you should. We’re you trying to go with conflict free stones?

 

[lovedogs]

I think it's gorgeous, but am not surprised you are dissapointed with the white sapphire side stones. They won't have anywhere near the fire/sparkle of moissanite or diamond. I would talk to the jeweler about swapping side stones. My guess is that if the sides had a lot of fire/sparkle then you would feel better about the sides overall and wouldnt notice the extra metal as much.

 

[lambskin]

It is beautiful. The jeweler should have told you about the difference in sparkle of the nondiamond options of your side stones. I think having a total sapphire ring is cool. Folks won't think that you are trying to get a diamond look with the more sparkly options. Your ring is big and beautiful-it may need some getting used to. Congrats.

 

[bludiva]

Custom always has the risk of not looking exactly like what you envisioned imho. I went through this too - my ring turned out thinner than I expected - but I learned to live with it and eventually enjoy it. I hope you can too, maybe give yourself a while to get acquainted with it. As an outside observer it looks lovely.

 

[Birdinski]

I think it’s lovely, so sorry you don’t like it as much as you should. We’re you trying to go with conflict free stones?

Not so much conflict-free as just lower impact. The main sapphire came from Australia, where there are reasonable human/environmental rules in place, and the white sapphires were lab-made. I know the Kimberley Process is pretty weak, and even other gemstones can be pretty horrific in terms of what they do to a local area (like what illegal sapphire mining is doing to lemurs in Madagascar).

I knew white sapphire would not be AS sparkly, I just wasn't fully prepared for how dull and lifeless they would look. When I put a sparkly wedding band next to the ring, it looked terrible.

Between that and the extra metal around the side stones, I can't even look at it anymore. I put it back in the box and I haven't touched it for days. I just feel sick at the thought that we spent so much money on something I don't love and I wish I'd gone with my gut and skipped an engagement ring entirely.

 

[bludiva]

Not so much conflict-free as just lower impact. The main sapphire came from Australia, where there are reasonable human/environmental rules in place, and the white sapphires were lab-made. I know the Kimberley Process is pretty weak, and even other gemstones can be pretty horrific in terms of what they do to a local area (like what illegal sapphire mining is doing to lemurs in Madagascar).

I knew white sapphire would not be AS sparkly, I just wasn't fully prepared for how dull and lifeless they would look. When I put a sparkly wedding band next to the ring, it looked terrible.

Between that and the extra metal around the side stones, I can't even look at it anymore. I put it back in the box and I haven't touched it for days. I just feel sick at the thought that we spent so much money on something I don't love and I wish I'd gone with my gut and skipped an engagement ring entirely.

Oh no. I am sorry you're feeling this way. If it's that upsetting maybe only wear it for occasions that you really need to for now and save up for a reset down the line. French cuts in any material (diamond, moissy, etc.) won't really be sparkly btw (ignore me if you already know this). Some people here have purchased french cuts in various materials and found the "shimmer" not really to their taste.

 

[Keeliamira]

@Birdinski Is it just me, or is there substantially more metal around the side stones on one side than there is on the other?

 

[sapphiremomma]

I agree with @lovedogs, I would try to switch out the side stones and I think that will make a big difference. I think the ring is beautiful and love the engraving work. And the center stone is gorgeous!! Perhaps try to get moisanites or even a colored stone for the side stones! I’m sorry you are so disappointed, that is a terrible feeling. I hope you can find a way to love your ring!

 

[lovedogs]

Not so much conflict-free as just lower impact. The main sapphire came from Australia, where there are reasonable human/environmental rules in place, and the white sapphires were lab-made. I know the Kimberley Process is pretty weak, and even other gemstones can be pretty horrific in terms of what they do to a local area (like what illegal sapphire mining is doing to lemurs in Madagascar).

I knew white sapphire would not be AS sparkly, I just wasn't fully prepared for how dull and lifeless they would look. When I put a sparkly wedding band next to the ring, it looked terrible.

Between that and the extra metal around the side stones, I can't even look at it anymore. I put it back in the box and I haven't touched it for days. I just feel sick at the thought that we spent so much money on something I don't love and I wish I'd gone with my gut and skipped an engagement ring entirely.

I'm so sorry you feel that way But I really, truly think that swapping the sapphire sides with moissanite will make a huge difference (if you are comfortable with that). I am not entirely surprised that the wedding band (with diamonds) made the sapphires look even more lifeless That is annoying, and you should have been warned about it from the jeweler. But I hope they will make it right for you and agree to the swap with minimal cost to you.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

I agree with @lovedogs - switch out the side stones. I think that will make all the difference.

 

[bludiva]

I'm so sorry you feel that way But I really, truly think that swapping the sapphire sides with moissanite will make a huge difference (if you are comfortable with that). I am not entirely surprised that the wedding band (with diamonds) made the sapphires look even more lifeless That is annoying, and you should have been warned about it from the jeweler. But I hope they will make it right for you and agree to the swap with minimal cost to you.

Maybe not to your taste and not something the jeweler could do, OP, but I think it would look killer with graduated color on the sides, kind of like this. I hope everything is resolved to your satisfaction and you feel good about your ring soon!

 

[T L]

Not so much conflict-free as just lower impact. The main sapphire came from Australia, where there are reasonable human/environmental rules in place, and the white sapphires were lab-made. I know the Kimberley Process is pretty weak, and even other gemstones can be pretty horrific in terms of what they do to a local area (like what illegal sapphire mining is doing to lemurs in Madagascar).

I knew white sapphire would not be AS sparkly, I just wasn't fully prepared for how dull and lifeless they would look. When I put a sparkly wedding band next to the ring, it looked terrible.

Between that and the extra metal around the side stones, I can't even look at it anymore. I put it back in the box and I haven't touched it for days. I just feel sick at the thought that we spent so much money on something I don't love and I wish I'd gone with my gut and skipped an engagement ring entirely.

I really think if you do new side stones, the ring might have to be remade. What about stacking it with a moissanite, cz, or lab grown diamond band(s) or ring guard.

 

[Birdinski]

I really think if you do new side stones, the ring might have to be remade. What about stacking it with a moissanite, cz, or lab grown diamond band(s) or ring guard.

Putting it next to a sparkly band is actually what made me hate the current stones so much. They look somewhat glassy and dull all by themselves, but when you put the ring next to anything like CZ, moissanite, diamond, etc - it looks 100x worse.

 

[chrono]

Due to the way the sidestones are set, I think the entire ring has to be remade.

 

[lovedogs]

Due to the way the sidestones are set, I think the entire ring has to be remade.

Ugh that makes my suggestion less appealing but OP I would still resch out to the jeweler and see what he or she says and how much they would charge to remake it

 

[deorwine]

I will echo previous posters that French cuts are unlikely to be very sparkly no matter what material you use -- when you put it next to a "sparkly band," does that band have French cut gemstones?

But perhaps if you remake the ring you can look at whatever the stones are before they get put in the ring. Was the jeweler also not willing to cut cz? A cutter perhaps should weigh in, but I feel like I've heard that moissanite is tough to cut, whereas cz isn't nearly as bad.

 

[Birdinski]

I will echo previous posters that French cuts are unlikely to be very sparkly no matter what material you use -- when you put it next to a "sparkly band," does that band have French cut gemstones?

But perhaps if you remake the ring you can look at whatever the stones are before they get put in the ring. Was the jeweler also not willing to cut cz? A cutter perhaps should weigh in, but I feel like I've heard that moissanite is tough to cut, whereas cz isn't nearly as bad.

Yeah, I was hoping to pair it with a vintage French cut eternity band because I like the understated sparkle - there's something there, but it's not overwhelming. Unfortunately, any amount of sparkle within 5 feet of the white sapphire makes it look completely dead.

I had asked the jeweler what my options would be for a non-diamond side stone, and white sapphire is all she offered (and she specifically said they wouldn't cut moissanite).

I spoke with her today, and she said that because the inspiration rings used real diamonds and mine used white sapphire, it needed that extra metal for support - but there was never any mention of that during our talks, and we repeatedly mentioned it seemed like there was too much metal on the sides (and she reassured us it would be shaved down in the end).

Her suggestion was to add in another row of milgrain to distract from it, but the preview image just looked silly. I've asked if we could take out the white sapphire and I could order custom cut moissanite in a larger size to help reduce the metal space and also add some hint of sparkle that would draw the eye to the stone and not the metal - so hopefully I'll hear back and that will be doable.

 

[ShinyPink]

It's your ring, and you need to be happy with it. If you want diamonds or moissanite, then do what you can to get them. You aren't going to be happy and love your ring as it is, and you will be wearing it and looking at it for a long time. It needs to bring a smile to your face. Tell the jeweler exactly what you want and ask her how much it will cost to get it. Don't let her explain what and why not, etc., just tell her you aren't happy and want the change(s) made. If she can't help you, then you'll need to find a jeweler who will be able to change the ring so you are happy. Remember, she is working for you!

 

[737liz]

@Birdinski I love the idea of an all sapphire ring, I'm sorry it didn't work out as you had envisioned.

The design of your ring, especially the engraving, and the color of your sapphire are perfection. But I agree that she should remake/modify the ring to eliminate the metal band. However, maybe she felt that if it was too thin, the French cuts wouldn't be held properly. If the jeweler says all your ideas are a no-go, that metal band is wide enough to add very delicate simple engraving, would that be better than a double milgrain?

But most importantly, have you seen moissanite in a French cut? If you want low level shimmer/sparkle, it's VERY different from sapphires or even diamonds. It might be worth buying one off aliexpress to confirm that this is the route you want to take. The moissy may look too different from a diamond band as well. Have you thought about getting a moissanite french cut band to go with it instead of an antique diamond one?

Oh and very impressed you made a considered and informed choice regarding where to source your stones from.

 

[chrono]

Couple questions and thoughts:
1. Pairing with another vintage eternity band: will it be next to each other? Will the two pieces be rubbing against each other and potentially cause wearing down of the engraving?
2. What are the stones in the vintage band? It is probably best to have them the same type of stone. With the two pieces close to each other, you will see the difference and it might bother you mind-wise.
3. I would consult with another bench about the extra support needed for sapphire vs diamond. Never heard that one before.

 

[Arcadian]

I feel absolutely awful for you. I can tell you from experience my french cut diamonds while lovely, flash and glow more than they sparkle (except in spot lights or low light situations and they're disco balls) Does seem to me you were pressured to make that call on the spot. The unfortunate thing is sometimes you just don't know, and in this instance you really didn't.

I will echo the others about the ring needing to be remade if you ever want to change the side stones, but, I will say this; The centre stone is really lovely. IMO its pretty enough to stand on its own (if you so choose to ever do that). Should you change it up someday, consider doing a solitaire and then add some bands around it. 1, thats sometimes the cheaper option and 2, you can buy ridiculous amounts of bands to change up the look.(not so cheap but lots of fun)

Honestly, your ring is very lovely and, I have to say photographs well! I know the feeling about needing more oomph though.

 

[tkyasx78]

I think your ring is made very well. The sides don’t look too thick at all to me. The one you had made looks like a quality setting that will last. The inspiration ring link looks nice enough, but I think your ring is going to last a lot longer without issues that can happen with heavy use and daily wear.

White Sapphires are not great stones for erings in my opinion. They just don’t reflect light very well. If you want to switch out the side stones for colorless well polished moissanite or diamonds , I suspect you will be much happier with the appearance of the ring.

It is a beautiful ring though! Even if you wear it as is, it is gorgeous!

 

[LinSF]

I think your ring is beautiful, and you've gotten some really good suggestions here. The quality of craftsmanship appears to be very high- that's a positive in dealing with this vendor. Otherwise, you would be dealing with someone who doesn't understand what you mean on the details.

I think Moissanite would be an excellent option for the sides.