prncessang228
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2007
- Messages
- 22
hello all
first of all, let me start off by saying i am new to this website and greatly appreciate any insight that i''m given. this post might be very long (sorry) but it''s important for all who read it to get the whole story so i can get accurate advise. thanks again!!
My name is Angela and I''ve been dating my bf Mike for almost 3 years (it will be 3 years Feb 14, 200
. I have 3 little girls ages 8,6,and 5 that i have part-time. He has never been married, has no kids and has never had a live-in girlfriend. When he first bought his house (back in 2002) he had a few female roomates but no girlfriends. his longest relationship was his high school sweetheart whom he dated from senior year of high school up to the 2nd year of college when she left him for someone else. I feel he was very hurt by this and is somewhat afraid to commit for this reason along with his parents divorcing when he was 11.
we see each other almost every single day. every other Fri-Wed, i don''t have my kids since they are w/their dads''. so we have that time to spend together just us. the rest of the time, he''ll spend a couple of hours w/me and the kids then i take them home. we have decided NOT to have sleepovers when the kids are present (i dont want to send them the wrong message).
Our relationship has had it''s rough times. we broke up several times during the first year due to me having major mood swings (we discovered about 4 months ago that i have PMDD) and him not knowing how to handle it. we always came back to each other though. we had an incident at the 6 month mark where our relationship was so strained, he started talking to another girl during a 3 week break we had taken from the relationship. He never slept with this girl and after 3 days of seeing her-he decided I was who he belonged with. That was one of the hardest things for me to overcome, being that I had been married twice already and had been cheated on and emotionally abused in both marriages. But we got through it and it never happened again.
Our relationship continued to be strained b/c my PMDD caused me to be this almost completely different person for 2 solid weeks every month. It was horrible. I would constantly cry, accuse him of cheating, claim he was just using me for sex, and get angry over the stupidest stuff. He tried so hard to be there for me but I was dragging him down and emotionally draining him. he finally pointed out that I only did this before my period started. It was then that I went to my dr and she gave me birth control pills (yaz) to control it. i took them for a month and then skipped them once b/c they weren''t covered by my insurance and expensive (50.00). for a mother of 3, that was alot of money. skipping them that month was the BIGGEST mistake of my life. Mike and I got into a huge fight-so bad, that he took away my house key (for his house) and disappeared for almost 2 weeks. the day after that fight-his sister emailed me to tell me their grandfather had passed away. Mike was going to have to fly to Chicago the next nite for the funeral. I was heartbroken and deep down I felt like I had caused this to happen. I called him b/c I wanted him to know how sorry and sad i was. He answered but seemed upset and annoyed. I just told him I was very sorry and that i loved him. he said he loved me too and would talk to me in a couple of days (i could tell he wanted off the phone). I waited 3 days before calling him again. When i called, it was 10:30 at nite and I used me having trouble w/my computer as a reason to call. He didn''t answer so i just left him a voicemail saying i was having trouble and could he please call me back. I was nervous about calling fearing the reason he didnt answer was b/c he wanted to break up. he never called back.
he got back in town 7 days after our phone call. I emailed him to let him know I had seen his sister at school (our kids attend the same school so i see her every morning) and wanted to make sure he was home safe. he emailed me saying he was home and that he loved me.
Things just kind of went back to normal after that, except for I was now taking my meds consistantly and started seeing a counselor to help with my symptoms. i saw the counselor for a month and a half. it worked wonders. She taught me coping skills and the medication being in my system on a normal basis helped wipe out my symptoms almost completely. he gave my house key back.
about 2 weeks ago, we were spending our friday together getting ready to eat dinner when his phone rang. I was sitting on the couch and thought nothing of it until he answered the phone. Immediately (in a very nervous, stresssed out voice) he said "hey my girlfriend is here and we''re about to eat dinner so I should go." i got up off the couch and walked over to where he was standing. I could then hear a girl say "ok." and he hung up the phone. Now about 50 thousand alarm bells were going off in my head. i asked him who it was and he said a girl from work. I asked why she was calling him and he said probably to see if he was working b/c he sometimes helps her push planes at the airport (he''s an aircraft mechanic and she works with him). I wasn''t taking that for an acceptable answer. telling him we''d been together for 3 years and NEVER has a girl called his phone that i didn''t know or know about. at that point i walked towards the front door saying something didnt feel right and i wanted to go home. he ran after me saying to stop. he then put his hands on my hips, looked down at the floor and told me that while he was in Chicago, he called her the nite I had called him for help b/c he needed someone to talk to. I got really angry asking him why this girl (not his family,best friend, guy friend from work, etc) and he said his family was tired of hearing about it, his best friend never like me (very jealous), and the guys at work would laugh at him. He said he chose her b/c she drinks,smokes, has a ton of body piercings (wasn''t his type basically) and he knew she would listen to him. He stated that he just needed to get his mind off of us b/c to him it was over but he didn''t want to break up with me. They talked for almost 2 hours (he said it was mostly her complaining about work and all the drama in her life since her daughter drowned a few years ago). he said that talking to her made him realize our problems weren''t that bad and he realized what he stood to lose by walking away from me.
I was devastated. I walked away from him saying i couldn''t take it. I headed to the bedroom to get my things and he ran after me, begging me to stay. He swore that it wasn''t what I thought it was. He wanted to badly to call me back that nite but said when he listened to my voicemail-i sounded angry and mean (like i was before he left) and he was afraid if he called me and i was in that mood, that an arguement would occur and we''d break up. he said he called this girl b/c he knew she wasn''t a threat to our relationship and he talks better with women (he IS a sensitive guy). I was so upset and he knew i wanted to leave. he started to cry telling me i was the best thing that ever happened to him. he then got up, got his phone and called this girl back. when she answered he told her that he had been dating me for 3 years, and didn''t want her to call anymore b/c he didn''t want to lose me. She sounded upset, asking him why he called her that nite and he told her that he was upset with me, on the verge of breaking up and needed someone to talk to . She told him it was wrong for him to make it seem like he liked her and then said she wouldn''t call anymore and hung up. I have access to his phone records and email and she hasn''t called.
I know that in the past he was afraid to have us live together and get married with me being sick b/c if we fought like that living under the same roof, things would fall apart and he''d have to ask me to move out. this would be not only devastating to us but the kids too. he kept telling me that we just needed to have a solid few months of us being good so he could have the assurance that things would be ok. the past 2 months have been great. he told me last week that he doesn''t see us hitting 3 years w/out me being engaged and us living together. in that same conversation he stated we should start looking for a house to buy since his is too small for all of us.
I know this was a very long post but i really need insight here. I love this man deeper than I have any other and i know that the hell i put him through the past 2.5 years has caused most of his actions (but he admits fully to being wrong as well). He keeps telling me that my kids are getting older and he doesn''t want to miss out on that anymore and doesn''t feel right with my kids calling him "mommy''s boyfriend" forever. I truly feel that he wants nothing more than to marry me but is holding back to make sure that I am REALLY better and that things won''t be so rocky when we are married. We''ve become so much closer the past 2 months b/c i''m feeling better. just the past few weeks he keeps talking about finding a house for us, getting engaged,etc.
Should i be worried that he''s never going to commit fully? or should i just keep focusing on getting better. I know that he does love me b/c he''s seen me at my worst and is still here.
thanks so much!!!
first of all, let me start off by saying i am new to this website and greatly appreciate any insight that i''m given. this post might be very long (sorry) but it''s important for all who read it to get the whole story so i can get accurate advise. thanks again!!
My name is Angela and I''ve been dating my bf Mike for almost 3 years (it will be 3 years Feb 14, 200
. I have 3 little girls ages 8,6,and 5 that i have part-time. He has never been married, has no kids and has never had a live-in girlfriend. When he first bought his house (back in 2002) he had a few female roomates but no girlfriends. his longest relationship was his high school sweetheart whom he dated from senior year of high school up to the 2nd year of college when she left him for someone else. I feel he was very hurt by this and is somewhat afraid to commit for this reason along with his parents divorcing when he was 11.we see each other almost every single day. every other Fri-Wed, i don''t have my kids since they are w/their dads''. so we have that time to spend together just us. the rest of the time, he''ll spend a couple of hours w/me and the kids then i take them home. we have decided NOT to have sleepovers when the kids are present (i dont want to send them the wrong message).
Our relationship has had it''s rough times. we broke up several times during the first year due to me having major mood swings (we discovered about 4 months ago that i have PMDD) and him not knowing how to handle it. we always came back to each other though. we had an incident at the 6 month mark where our relationship was so strained, he started talking to another girl during a 3 week break we had taken from the relationship. He never slept with this girl and after 3 days of seeing her-he decided I was who he belonged with. That was one of the hardest things for me to overcome, being that I had been married twice already and had been cheated on and emotionally abused in both marriages. But we got through it and it never happened again.
Our relationship continued to be strained b/c my PMDD caused me to be this almost completely different person for 2 solid weeks every month. It was horrible. I would constantly cry, accuse him of cheating, claim he was just using me for sex, and get angry over the stupidest stuff. He tried so hard to be there for me but I was dragging him down and emotionally draining him. he finally pointed out that I only did this before my period started. It was then that I went to my dr and she gave me birth control pills (yaz) to control it. i took them for a month and then skipped them once b/c they weren''t covered by my insurance and expensive (50.00). for a mother of 3, that was alot of money. skipping them that month was the BIGGEST mistake of my life. Mike and I got into a huge fight-so bad, that he took away my house key (for his house) and disappeared for almost 2 weeks. the day after that fight-his sister emailed me to tell me their grandfather had passed away. Mike was going to have to fly to Chicago the next nite for the funeral. I was heartbroken and deep down I felt like I had caused this to happen. I called him b/c I wanted him to know how sorry and sad i was. He answered but seemed upset and annoyed. I just told him I was very sorry and that i loved him. he said he loved me too and would talk to me in a couple of days (i could tell he wanted off the phone). I waited 3 days before calling him again. When i called, it was 10:30 at nite and I used me having trouble w/my computer as a reason to call. He didn''t answer so i just left him a voicemail saying i was having trouble and could he please call me back. I was nervous about calling fearing the reason he didnt answer was b/c he wanted to break up. he never called back.
he got back in town 7 days after our phone call. I emailed him to let him know I had seen his sister at school (our kids attend the same school so i see her every morning) and wanted to make sure he was home safe. he emailed me saying he was home and that he loved me.
Things just kind of went back to normal after that, except for I was now taking my meds consistantly and started seeing a counselor to help with my symptoms. i saw the counselor for a month and a half. it worked wonders. She taught me coping skills and the medication being in my system on a normal basis helped wipe out my symptoms almost completely. he gave my house key back.
about 2 weeks ago, we were spending our friday together getting ready to eat dinner when his phone rang. I was sitting on the couch and thought nothing of it until he answered the phone. Immediately (in a very nervous, stresssed out voice) he said "hey my girlfriend is here and we''re about to eat dinner so I should go." i got up off the couch and walked over to where he was standing. I could then hear a girl say "ok." and he hung up the phone. Now about 50 thousand alarm bells were going off in my head. i asked him who it was and he said a girl from work. I asked why she was calling him and he said probably to see if he was working b/c he sometimes helps her push planes at the airport (he''s an aircraft mechanic and she works with him). I wasn''t taking that for an acceptable answer. telling him we''d been together for 3 years and NEVER has a girl called his phone that i didn''t know or know about. at that point i walked towards the front door saying something didnt feel right and i wanted to go home. he ran after me saying to stop. he then put his hands on my hips, looked down at the floor and told me that while he was in Chicago, he called her the nite I had called him for help b/c he needed someone to talk to. I got really angry asking him why this girl (not his family,best friend, guy friend from work, etc) and he said his family was tired of hearing about it, his best friend never like me (very jealous), and the guys at work would laugh at him. He said he chose her b/c she drinks,smokes, has a ton of body piercings (wasn''t his type basically) and he knew she would listen to him. He stated that he just needed to get his mind off of us b/c to him it was over but he didn''t want to break up with me. They talked for almost 2 hours (he said it was mostly her complaining about work and all the drama in her life since her daughter drowned a few years ago). he said that talking to her made him realize our problems weren''t that bad and he realized what he stood to lose by walking away from me.
I was devastated. I walked away from him saying i couldn''t take it. I headed to the bedroom to get my things and he ran after me, begging me to stay. He swore that it wasn''t what I thought it was. He wanted to badly to call me back that nite but said when he listened to my voicemail-i sounded angry and mean (like i was before he left) and he was afraid if he called me and i was in that mood, that an arguement would occur and we''d break up. he said he called this girl b/c he knew she wasn''t a threat to our relationship and he talks better with women (he IS a sensitive guy). I was so upset and he knew i wanted to leave. he started to cry telling me i was the best thing that ever happened to him. he then got up, got his phone and called this girl back. when she answered he told her that he had been dating me for 3 years, and didn''t want her to call anymore b/c he didn''t want to lose me. She sounded upset, asking him why he called her that nite and he told her that he was upset with me, on the verge of breaking up and needed someone to talk to . She told him it was wrong for him to make it seem like he liked her and then said she wouldn''t call anymore and hung up. I have access to his phone records and email and she hasn''t called.
I know that in the past he was afraid to have us live together and get married with me being sick b/c if we fought like that living under the same roof, things would fall apart and he''d have to ask me to move out. this would be not only devastating to us but the kids too. he kept telling me that we just needed to have a solid few months of us being good so he could have the assurance that things would be ok. the past 2 months have been great. he told me last week that he doesn''t see us hitting 3 years w/out me being engaged and us living together. in that same conversation he stated we should start looking for a house to buy since his is too small for all of us.
I know this was a very long post but i really need insight here. I love this man deeper than I have any other and i know that the hell i put him through the past 2.5 years has caused most of his actions (but he admits fully to being wrong as well). He keeps telling me that my kids are getting older and he doesn''t want to miss out on that anymore and doesn''t feel right with my kids calling him "mommy''s boyfriend" forever. I truly feel that he wants nothing more than to marry me but is holding back to make sure that I am REALLY better and that things won''t be so rocky when we are married. We''ve become so much closer the past 2 months b/c i''m feeling better. just the past few weeks he keeps talking about finding a house for us, getting engaged,etc.
Should i be worried that he''s never going to commit fully? or should i just keep focusing on getting better. I know that he does love me b/c he''s seen me at my worst and is still here.
thanks so much!!!
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