Not understanding myself right now

[inflorescence]

I need to get this off my chest cause I would never admit it to anyone, ever. I have a crush on a classmate. But I am madly in love with my boyfriend, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him... so I don`t get why I have this infatuation with someone. We study together at the library after class (we have two classes together) we are both working on our second degree, and are much older than the people around us. We have alot in common, political views, athletics etc.... I don't clearly understand why I have had this feeling about my classmate cause to be honest I really don't feel anything is missing in my relationship. If anything my boyfriend has been very supportive lately, and romantic. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe its because we have been apart most of the time (We both have crazy insane schedules with work and school.) The classmate has no clue, and never will. lol. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Enerchi]

Glad its off your chest... now FORGET ABOUT IT... or else temptation may be too strong and something unplanned/unexpected could occur. Hopefully it's just the academic proximity/similarities, etc. that are bringing these feelings to the surface. You have a lot in common, but you have a history with your fiance. Just be careful...

 

[Enerchi]

oops... sorry! I upgraded your boyfriend to a fiance - sorry about that!

 

[madelise]

I think having mini crushes are normal and healthy, even, though most might not agree. But if you know it's something that'll hurt FF's feelings, distance yourself. Sometimes those minicrushes automatically disappear, but sometimes they fester and grow. I prefer to stay away from temptation, so I am the type to run :-p away! You don't want to accidentally name drop or something!! I am a super trusting, and easier to manipulate than most-type, so I purposely stay away from other males that I already am not close friends with, whom I firmly put into the "brother-like-friends" zone. But that's just me.

This kind of stuff will ALWAYS come up, though, in the future with clients, coworkers, church friends, the like. I think it has to do with you both being super busy. So you unintentionally look for the attention and affection elsewhere. MAKE the time for you and your FF! Plan a surprise date for you two. It'll take your mind back to getting excited about that date and spending time with FF

 

[LJL]

If you have these feelings, you probably shouldnt be studying with him after school for the sake of your SO. Unless you want to chance that these feelings grow, you need to distance yourself. I know it must be hard for you to be without your SO all day because of scheduling but find some girl friends or ugly older guys to make friends with...
...cant be healthy for your relationship with your SO for you to spend more time than absolutely necessary with a guy youre attracted to.

 

[MissStepcut]

Well I am going to disagree with pretty much everyone so far, so bear with me.

First, I don't think you should just "forget" about this crush. It might mean something. Just declaring that it doesn't mean anything won't make that true. So it's worthwhile to stop and ponder it. It sounds like you already are. I don't think there's much good in just forgetting about your feelings or trying to ignore it. It sounds like you don't think it says anything about your relationship or your feelings for your BF: great! I am glad you're thinking about it. You can only fairly dismiss it as a possibility, though, when you actually stop and think about it.

Next, I don't think you need to necessarily cut off your study buddy. Honestly, I think by acknowledging your feelings, you've already reduced the chances that you might do something you regret. By admitting it to yourself, you can contain it and understand it. If you feel like he is actually a serious risk, that's different, but I wouldn't be so rash as to say you always need to cut every guy you have a crush on out of your life. For one thing, you'll have people you're attracted to in your life many, many, MANY more times. No time like the present to learn how to compartmentalize those feelings from your interactions.

Finally, and honestly I don't think this is your case based on what you said, but for any LIW who is worried about having feelings for someone else, I have to ask: is there any chance this is a symptom of feeling "overcooked"? Is there any chance the asymmetry between your desires for the relationship to move forwards and your boyfriend's preference to move more slowly is killing the sense of romance, excitement, or positive feelings you have towards the relationship? That could certainly make developing a crush an even more appealing prospect.

 

[madelise]

find some ugly older guys to make friends with...
...

Sorry to hijack, but LOL! LJL, me likes you. Hahaha. That's something I'd tell my closer friends :p

 

[madelise]

find some ugly older guys to make friends with...
...

Sorry to hijack, but LOL! LJL, me likes you. Hahaha. That's something I'd tell my closer friends :p

 

[MissStepcut]

find some ugly older guys to make friends with...
...

Sorry to hijack, but LOL! LJL, me likes you. Hahaha. That's something I'd tell my closer friends :p

Well that doesn't strike me as a very kind thing to do.

 

[LJL]

to make ugly friends? ugly people need friends too...
to tell her to make ugly friends...? I'm recommending she do the safest options for her relationship with her SO if that is who she truly wants to be with (which I think is the case)

Why would you want to tempt yourself? It's true that people will come along in lots of scenarios in your life that you may be attracted to and that you'll have to control yourself...but I think its wrong to say that she should continue down this path, spending time with a guy that she consciously can admit shes attracted to but now she can move on because she's admitted it and mentally addressed it. Certainly that will be true for some people - maybe she did JUST need to get it off of her chest - but ultimately, I think its safer to limit interaction. I'm not saying to cut the poor (cute)(older and oh-so-likeable) boy out of her life altogether - I'm saying try to adjust your habits to make relationships with other people that are happier for what is one of the most important relationships in your life- the one with your SO. We honestly don't know enough about sweetpepsigirl's personality/proclivities/urges to safely say that this will go away. What might work for one person (maybe someone like a law student who compulsively considers every factor of everything first ) might not work for someone who is more driven by feelings and desires. Nothing wrong with either type of person but it affects the appropriate course of action...Just don't know which one pepsigirl is...maybe somewhere inbetween?



Thanks madelise I pride myself on brutal honesty but I tend to keep a lot of it bottled up so I don't get into any trouble on these boards...never say enough to put yourself under fire

 

[madelise]

find some ugly older guys to make friends with...
...

Sorry to hijack, but LOL! LJL, me likes you. Hahaha. That's something I'd tell my closer friends :p

Well that doesn't strike me as a very kind thing to do.

Lighten up! I don't think she, and I definitely, don't mean for it to be harmful. Heck, I am NO model..

She probably feels guilty about her feelings enough. I thought the laugh would help. Eh.

 

[MissStepcut]

to make ugly friends? ugly people need friends too...
to tell her to make ugly friends...? I'm recommending she do the safest options for her relationship with her SO if that is who she truly wants to be with (which I think is the case)

Why would you want to tempt yourself? It's true that people will come along in lots of scenarios in your life that you may be attracted to and that you'll have to control yourself...but I think its wrong to say that she should continue down this path, spending time with a guy that she consciously can admit shes attracted to but now she can move on because she's admitted it and mentally addressed it. Certainly that will be true for some people - maybe she did JUST need to get it off of her chest - but ultimately, I think its safer to limit interaction. I'm not saying to cut the poor (cute)(older and oh-so-likeable) boy out of her life altogether - I'm saying try to adjust your habits to make relationships with other people that are happier for what is one of the most important relationships in your life- the one with your SO. We honestly don't know enough about sweetpepsigirl's personality/proclivities/urges to safely say that this will go away. What might work for one person (maybe someone like a law student who compulsively considers every factor of everything first ) might not work for someone who is more driven by feelings and desires. Nothing wrong with either type of person but it affects the appropriate course of action...Just don't know which one pepsigirl is...maybe somewhere inbetween?



Thanks madelise I pride myself on brutal honesty but I tend to keep a lot of it bottled up so I don't get into any trouble on these boards...never say enough to put yourself under fire

First, as far as pepsigirl goes, I wasn't saying she should continue to spend time with her crush, I was just saying that having a crush in and of itself doesn't necessarily warrant limiting contact. I know other people don't agree with me (in fact, a friend of mine who read my post just ran down all the reasons I'm wrong, haha) but I just think it's a case-by-case sort of thing, and it's a question everyone has to answer for themselves by being self-aware and introspective.

As far as making friends with ugly guys so you won't be tempted, eep. I wouldn't want someone to make friends with me expressly because they were sure I was so unattractive to them that they wouldn't be tempted.

 

[tuffyluvr]

I think having crushes is a normal part of being human. Your emotional side makes you want to act out on your feelings, but you have to use your rational side to weigh the consequences. Relationships don't always work out and sometimes people do find something better when they are still in a relationship, but don't throw away a good one just because you're attracted to some hot babe. Only you know what's right for you!

 

[tuffyluvr]

I think having crushes is a normal part of being human. Your emotional side makes you want to act out on your feelings, but you have to use your rational side to weigh the consequences. Relationships don't always work out and sometimes people do find something better when they are still in a relationship, but don't throw away a good one just because you're attracted to some hot babe. Only you know what's right for you!

 

[MrsDrP]

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear...but I have to tell you my story because it's relevant to your issue!

My SO (soon-to-be FI) started off as a "crush." At the time that I met my SO, I was dating someone whom I had been with for over 2 years and had been living with for 6 months. While my ex BF and I never really talked about getting married, I was still absolutely crazy about him! Until.....I met my SO. I fought the feelings that I had for him for a really long time because of my situation. Ultimately, I knew what I had to do...and I chose my SO. The moment I met him...something just clicked in my head and part of me already knew that things were not meant to be with my EX BF. I struggled with the feelings I had for a while. I was upset about it for a long time. I fought it and did everything I could to deny it because I didn't WANT to leave my EX and have to start completely over again. It was a risky move----I wasn't 100% that things between my current SO and I would work back then. I knew my EX was a sure thing...marriage would have been inevitable. He had always said we would talk about it after we had lived together a while, and I was okay with that. We were compatible and had a great little life that we had recently started together. I took a big risk and I lost him and all of that. To this day, I still feel guilty for leaving my ex for another guy the way that I did. I never wanted to hurt him, as he was and still is very, very special to me and will always hold a special place in my heart. But I wouldn't take any of it back. I'm so much happier now than I ever have been. It is probably the most difficult decision I have ever had to make, but ultimately, I followed my heart and I did what I truly felt was right.

I'm not saying you should leave your man because you have a little crush on a classmate. I guess mine was more than I crush...I think I fell in love with him after seeing him around about 4 times. But I don't think you should ignore this because I think it means something. I think you should talk to your classmate. Does he have feelings for you too?

 

[Sun-Shine]

Hey Sweetpepsigirl,

You are not alone in having a little crush. Women tend to develop feelings when they get to know someone. I have a couple of suggestions from my own life experience and take it for what you will.

1) Remember you are only seeing your classmate under ideal circumstances, one day he too will get a job, be busy and possess the traits that annoy all woman. I assure you this man (insert annoying habit here, video games, action movies, beer with the boys, cigars etc)...
You may just be seeing the grass a little greener.

2) I'd schedule a time to tell my SO that lately you are missing the feelings of romance. Life is going to get busy many more times and if you can be honest and work it out, it may bring you closer.

Good looking, smart, funny, charming guys will always be around. You want to marry the man you are with now so out of respect for him I would not study with the classmate (unless its part of your degree like a group project). In life I always put myself in my guys shoes, or imagine the situation reversed. I hope the best for you and your boyfriend

 

[galeteia]

You're taken, not dead. It's normal.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it's just as hard to mow, if not worse. The thing about new crushes is since you don't really know them well yet (the way you know your intended) your mind is free to "fill in the gaps" with idealistic imaginings, making them a more attractive prospect than your SO, who probably snores at night, stinks up the bathroom, and leaves his socks all over the house.

The thing is, this new guy will have just as many faults as your SO, perhaps worse (heck, I had an ex with a hidden addiction to **** and some ugly psychological issues that came with it) but right now, you are only seeing the attractive qualities and your mind is filling up the rest.

If you are truly happy with your SO, be an adult and admit you are veering into dangerous territory, and back away from the temptation and cut down on your time with the new guy. A wise piece of advice from PSers in the past was that cheating doesn't just "happen", it's a lit match that falls on a pile of tinder that you had to know was gathering under you for some time, but chose to ignore every snap of a twig under your foot as it's just a twig, what's the harm? I am not saying that you would cheat, but this advice (for me) gave me a presence of mind to back away from 'harmless' flirtations and closeness with male coworkers, just in the name of putting my relationship first.

 

[pmbspyder]

Let me first say that I'm writing this from the other side of the coin (I'm a guy). Here's my take on it:

Flirting is always fun. It doesn't matter if you're single, attached, engaged or married. It causes certain chemical reactions in our bodies that make us feel good. There is no harm in doing a little flirting with members of the opposite sex, and it can be done in a very innocent, harmless way.

HOWEVER, once you've put yourself in a position where you have a crush on someone you repeatedly choose to see over and over, it crosses the line for me. One of the best pieces of advice given to you is put yourself in your SO's shoes. Would you feel comfortable with him continuing to study with a pretty girl whom he liked?

We always romanticize what "could be" with someone else, but 9.99 times out of 10 it's not really like that. Take a step back, assess your situation, and decide if you're willing to take a gamble with the other guy. If you're not, then you should stop studying with him, because we all know that you're playing with fire, and IMO it's disrespectful to the great guy it sounds like you already have. Also, remember, we (men) are very prideful; if you do something to hurt his pride or make him question his trust in you, it may be the beginning of the end for your relationship. This is serious business, so I would do a lot of thinking and go with what you think is right. Good luck -

 

[chemgirl]

Something similar happened to me when I did a second degree. I was older than most of my classmates and I ended up spending a lot of time with another student my age. I developed a bit of a crush on him, even though I was in a relationship with my now ex (ex for totally different reasons, crush had nothing to do with it). My then BF and I were crazy busy so we didn't have a lot of time to sit and have a good conversation. Nothing ever happened with the crush, but I was horrified with myself anyway.

Looking back I think I gravitated towards this person because I felt awkward being one of the older people in class. I didn't have much in common with my 18 year old classmates and it was refreshing to have somebody my own age to talk to. He was like my safe place while I was at school. I don't think the feelings were even romantic, it was just a connection because we were in similar situations.

I don't think what you're feeling is all that abnormal. I would keep it to myself if I were you though and try to spend less time with this guy. It will help you gain perspective and figure out what your real motivations are.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

I think things like this happen to the best of us. I know it happened to me before DH and I got engaged. I'm also know the situation was reversed and DH caught a crush on someone at one point as well (during our engagement, no less). He'll never admit it to me, but I know. And it's a really crappy feeling when it's the other person.

The funny thing is, I look back at the person I had a little crush on and I can't BELIEVE I felt that way. He seemed like the male version of myself. He was also hilarious and he made me laugh more than anyone else. But as I got to know him more and more, that laughter kinda turned into annoyance. Like, 'sheesh comedian, give it a rest okay? We know you're funny.' But I digress.

Anyway, the point is, don't beat yourself up about this. I would start to distance yourself before you get in too deep. Can you and your boyfriend maybe take a little weekend trip together to reconnect? Just the two of you? Sometimes, you just need a little reminder of how green your grass really is.

Hugs to you, dear.

 

[Enerchi]

sweetpepsigirl.... you still out there? How are things going? Just thinking of you and found this thread and then got curious (ok, read "NOSEY"!) but hoping things are going well for you - whatever they may be.

 

[MisakiChan]

Yes, yes, I agree with Enerchi! Keep us posted!

 

[Porridge]

I've had crushes outside my relationship. It happens. Stay away from the other fella and concentrate on getting the spark back with your man! It'll pass. It's no big deal to have these feelings sometimes, as long as they don't damage your relationship.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I need to get this off my chest cause I would never admit it to anyone, ever. I have a crush on a classmate. But I am madly in love with my boyfriend, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him... so I don`t get why I have this infatuation with someone. We study together at the library after class (we have two classes together) we are both working on our second degree, and are much older than the people around us. We have alot in common, political views, athletics etc.... I don't clearly understand why I have had this feeling about my classmate cause to be honest I really don't feel anything is missing in my relationship. If anything my boyfriend has been very supportive lately, and romantic. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe its because we have been apart most of the time (We both have crazy insane schedules with work and school.) The classmate has no clue, and never will. lol. Thanks for letting me vent.

no such thing as too many BFs...

 

[madelise]

sweetpepsigirl.... you still out there? How are things going? Just thinking of you and found this thread and then got curious (ok, read "NOSEY"!) but hoping things are going well for you - whatever they may be.

Wondering how you and FF are doing, as well! And I think the advice the gals have here are wonderful. I wish I had the 2nd opinions when I had started developing feelings for another while I was in my PAST relationship.. I wish now that I had the. Spent more effort and time rekindling the loss of feelings, or have ended the relationship on a more noble way, than have just outright start hanging out with someone else. He never knew, but it's still a regret I have.

 

[inflorescence]

Thank you ladies for all your wonderful advice and experiences. This crush that has been on a classmate obviously didnt go anywhere, I did continue to study with him at school. I have really been thinking about my relationship and why I am "crushing" on others. I think I had a crush on him because he was spending time with me that my boyfriend has not been able to provide, just having male company, the fact he was athletic and handy. My boyfriend is quite feminine, and has no clue how to fix anything in the house, I guess I am reevaluating what I want in a life partner... my boyfriend is incredible and intellectually stimulating, but we don't have that much in common as I am starting to realize, and maybe our career and life path dont match up evenly... I think it was frustrating for me for me to be completely invested in him and him not feeling the same way at the same time. We did have a deep conversation about life about a week ago before I went to visit my family (my sibling had major heart surgery) Im a little upset that he didnt come up with me during this time (he couldnt even take work off for something this important) but has a few days off next week for the holiday and insisted that we spend every moment together.. maybe we will have something exciting happen. He did say he was madly in love, that he wanted to marry me.. at some point. Gave no timeline.. but tied it to me finishing my goals... its frustrating cause if I dont obtain them he wont accept "failure" he doesnt want a wife or a mother of his children who is not successful.. . I feel alot of pressure on me, and I just got my DAT back and did terrible. He opened it while I was on the phone with him.. he was disappointed, and feel this will dictate our future together. bah... I could type for hours about everything. Im beyond frustrated that I am continuing to make all these sacrifice and I dont seem to be good enough for the man I love... im questioning everything and even if I should just be single...

 

[Enerchi]

Glad to hear from you SPG! Thank you for the update.

Sometimes we just outgrow relationships. Sometimes we grow with them. Only you know which one you are in. Maybe time away is a good thing. Maybe reevaluating is just what you need - you are going thru a lot of stress and big events right now and if what you need in a partner isn't being met, is this the right partner?

The other study buddy may not be the right partner either... but at the risk of being extreme on the LIW board... maybe as much as you'd like to be engaged, this person may not be the one? A diamond is something you can buy yourself. A life partner is something you need to be a bit more picky about.

Stay in touch SPG! I'm very interested in how the next little while goes for you...

 

[chemgirl]

Thank you ladies for all your wonderful advice and experiences. This crush that has been on a classmate obviously didnt go anywhere, I did continue to study with him at school. I have really been thinking about my relationship and why I am "crushing" on others. I think I had a crush on him because he was spending time with me that my boyfriend has not been able to provide, just having male company, the fact he was athletic and handy. My boyfriend is quite feminine, and has no clue how to fix anything in the house, I guess I am reevaluating what I want in a life partner... my boyfriend is incredible and intellectually stimulating, but we don't have that much in common as I am starting to realize, and maybe our career and life path dont match up evenly... I think it was frustrating for me for me to be completely invested in him and him not feeling the same way at the same time. We did have a deep conversation about life about a week ago before I went to visit my family (my sibling had major heart surgery) Im a little upset that he didnt come up with me during this time (he couldnt even take work off for something this important) but has a few days off next week for the holiday and insisted that we spend every moment together.. maybe we will have something exciting happen. He did say he was madly in love, that he wanted to marry me.. at some point. Gave no timeline.. but tied it to me finishing my goals... its frustrating cause if I dont obtain them he wont accept "failure" he doesnt want a wife or a mother of his children who is not successful.. . I feel alot of pressure on me, and I just got my DAT back and did terrible. He opened it while I was on the phone with him.. he was disappointed, and feel this will dictate our future together. bah... I could type for hours about everything. Im beyond frustrated that I am continuing to make all these sacrifice and I dont seem to be good enough for the man I love... im questioning everything and even if I should just be single...

Ok, so I hate it when girls come one here and say "you're better off without him" without knowing the whole story, but I'm going there this time. Sheesh, he should love you for you, not your grades and earning potential. The stress must be horrible and I can imagine how this is affecting your self worth. He should have done anything he could to encourage you and make you feel better after getting that test result.

I feel this strongly about it because this situation really reminds me of my past relationship with the mr. phd the neural engineer. Every freaking time I got a B+ he was disappointed in me and questioned our relationship. It could be a B+ in advanced control system design where the class average is a C- and I would still hear about how he doesn't want somebody average as the mother of his children. Living up to his expectations was extremely draining. Now I'm married to a guy who was top 5% in our program and I was terrified to tell him about my "average" performance in school. Guess what though? He doesn't care. Apparently he doesn't need a piece of paper to tell him that I'm smart; he can tell by talking to me. To him, I'm awesome because I'm me!

Really, I think success has less to do with education and career choices, and more with balancing your life in a way that makes you happy.

 

[Porridge]

Thank you ladies for all your wonderful advice and experiences. This crush that has been on a classmate obviously didnt go anywhere, I did continue to study with him at school. I have really been thinking about my relationship and why I am "crushing" on others. I think I had a crush on him because he was spending time with me that my boyfriend has not been able to provide, just having male company, the fact he was athletic and handy. My boyfriend is quite feminine, and has no clue how to fix anything in the house, I guess I am reevaluating what I want in a life partner... my boyfriend is incredible and intellectually stimulating, but we don't have that much in common as I am starting to realize, and maybe our career and life path dont match up evenly... I think it was frustrating for me for me to be completely invested in him and him not feeling the same way at the same time. We did have a deep conversation about life about a week ago before I went to visit my family (my sibling had major heart surgery) Im a little upset that he didnt come up with me during this time (he couldnt even take work off for something this important) but has a few days off next week for the holiday and insisted that we spend every moment together.. maybe we will have something exciting happen. He did say he was madly in love, that he wanted to marry me.. at some point. Gave no timeline.. but tied it to me finishing my goals... its frustrating cause if I dont obtain them he wont accept "failure" he doesnt want a wife or a mother of his children who is not successful.. . I feel alot of pressure on me, and I just got my DAT back and did terrible. He opened it while I was on the phone with him.. he was disappointed, and feel this will dictate our future together. bah... I could type for hours about everything. Im beyond frustrated that I am continuing to make all these sacrifice and I dont seem to be good enough for the man I love... im questioning everything and even if I should just be single...

Ok, so I hate it when girls come one here and say "you're better off without him" without knowing the whole story, but I'm going there this time. Sheesh, he should love you for you, not your grades and earning potential. The stress must be horrible and I can imagine how this is affecting your self worth. He should have done anything he could to encourage you and make you feel better after getting that test result.

I feel this strongly about it because this situation really reminds me of my past relationship with the mr. phd the neural engineer. Every freaking time I got a B+ he was disappointed in me and questioned our relationship. It could be a B+ in advanced control system design where the class average is a C- and I would still hear about how he doesn't want somebody average as the mother of his children. Living up to his expectations was extremely draining. Now I'm married to a guy who was top 5% in our program and I was terrified to tell him about my "average" performance in school. Guess what though? He doesn't care. Apparently he doesn't need a piece of paper to tell him that I'm smart; he can tell by talking to me. To him, I'm awesome because I'm me!

Really, I think success has less to do with education and career choices, and more with balancing your life in a way that makes you happy.

What she said.

 

[mr_purple]

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear...but I have to tell you my story because it's relevant to your issue!

My SO (soon-to-be FI) started off as a "crush." At the time that I met my SO, I was dating someone whom I had been with for over 2 years and had been living with for 6 months. While my ex BF and I never really talked about getting married, I was still absolutely crazy about him! Until.....I met my SO. I fought the feelings that I had for him for a really long time because of my situation. Ultimately, I knew what I had to do...and I chose my SO. The moment I met him...something just clicked in my head and part of me already knew that things were not meant to be with my EX BF. I struggled with the feelings I had for a while. I was upset about it for a long time. I fought it and did everything I could to deny it because I didn't WANT to leave my EX and have to start completely over again. It was a risky move----I wasn't 100% that things between my current SO and I would work back then. I knew my EX was a sure thing...marriage would have been inevitable. He had always said we would talk about it after we had lived together a while, and I was okay with that. We were compatible and had a great little life that we had recently started together. I took a big risk and I lost him and all of that. To this day, I still feel guilty for leaving my ex for another guy the way that I did. I never wanted to hurt him, as he was and still is very, very special to me and will always hold a special place in my heart. But I wouldn't take any of it back. I'm so much happier now than I ever have been. It is probably the most difficult decision I have ever had to make, but ultimately, I followed my heart and I did what I truly felt was right.

I'm not saying you should leave your man because you have a little crush on a classmate. I guess mine was more than I crush...I think I fell in love with him after seeing him around about 4 times. But I don't think you should ignore this because I think it means something. I think you should talk to your classmate. Does he have feelings for you too?

To be brutally honest, as a guy and more specifically, as a guy who has watched this same scenario happen to a couple of my male friends, it absolutely astonishes me how some one can justify this type of action.

If there are legitimate issues that have been raised to your SO, which cannot be resolved, abuse (emotional or physical) or even communication issues, then yes, I can understand finding qualities in someone else more appealing. But to pursue a "crush" without any legitimate issues just because one thought this other person was a better match...well, to me that is the same as making a conscious justification to cheat.

There are two reasons for this:

1) There was nothing wrong in the first place with your current relationship
2) You left knowing you had someone you would be immediately romantically involved with

I don't know your situation with your EX and there very well could have been a lot of issues you neglected to mention and so my assessment would no longer be valid. But from what you said, it sounds like someone better came a long and you made a decision. I'm happy it worked out for you, but if the latter is the case, my heart goes out to your EX. Often times, men don'ttreat women with all the respect in the world purely because they have been screwed over themselves. This is now the case for both my friends and to be honest, I don't blame them because of how they were treated and discarded.

---

As far as the OP is concerned, I agree with MissStepCut's advice yet again to the letter.