Now I really did it :((

[junebug17]

Hi girls!

Missy, I'm glad the trip back to the city went smoothly, especially when dealing with this heat! Love the pic of Greg and his friend - Greg basically looks the same! You and Greg are a great looking couple. I love your dress, I really do need to buy some new clothes lol. I agree that it's just too darn hot to mess around with cleaning out closets. It's so nice you visited your friend…I've been thinking about her, and feel so badly for what she's going through. I'm sure you brightened her day. Sorry about Ann not being able to trap the ferals right now, I'm a little disappointed too but she does sound like she has her hands full and I guess there's only so much she can do at one time. I do admire her for all she does. That pic of Francesca is so cute! She really does seem to be enjoying that sunshine.

Yes, hopefully this new behavior of my mother's will pass. Yesterday she wasn't saying as many bizarre things as the day before. She is still weak and shaky, and not walking. I have a conference Friday with the doctor, social worker, and therapists to talk about her condition and treatment. Hopefully I'll get a better idea of how long she'll be staying in rehab. My sister is leaving tomorrow. It's been great having her here to help me through all of this.

Scandi, love the pics of the animals! And your gorgeous ring is to die for! That rock takes my breath away!

Marcy, your new recipe sounds SO good, I love anything made with cream cheese, yum. Very nice of you to bring some to the car dealer. Wow, good for Marty for losing weight - skinny Marty, lol! Thanks for not holding my little pity party against me - thankfully, my mother's cough is getting better. Glad you had a good time in Denver. I keep thinking about that beautiful car you're getting! I'm sure you are too!

Jimmianne, I am so sorry about what happened to your mother. It is so hard, doctors and nurses are supposed to be the experts and yet they can all too often miss things. Wow, you had some excitement with that copperhead sighting! I'm glad you weren't hurt. Please be careful while you're taking your walks.

Rainwood, hope you are having a fabulous time so far!

LLJsmom, I hope you're having a good summer and everything is going well.

Gyspy, thinking of you and hope you're feeling ok. (((hugs))).

Calliecake, thank you sweetie. Really. Your words are such a source of comfort. Yes, my mental and physical health is a consideration, I won't be any good to anybody if my health declines, and my heart is telling me it will if I try to care for her at home. Thank you for your understanding and kindness.

Thinking of all my wonderful nirdis and wishing you all a great day!

 

[LLJsmom]

Marcy, your story had me and DH laughing all the way home!!! You are the best storyteller!!

Hi everyone. Just super tired these days.

Junie, I hope your meeting with your moms caregivers goes well tomorrow and that you can get some idea of how her recovery and treatment are progressing.

Later girls.

 

[marcy]

Hi NIRDIs!

Scandinavian, I love your fire shots of your gorgeous diamond. I always say as long as I have sunshine or light I can amuse myself by watching my rings sparkle. Gee I must be easy to entertain! Yes 0-60 in 2.8 is ludicrous speed. Fun but not practical for every day driving. But as you said your Tesla is fun and that makes life more fun, right?

Missy, thanks. Marty is doing awesome on his healthy life change. He is very dedicated to it. He is definitely skinny even though he still thinks he’s fat. Pretty funny you went with the reason hornets / wasps / mosquitos are attracted to us because we are sweet. I was going to say the same thing. The mosquitos like to dine on my too, the rotten little blood suckers. Then they welt up and make me itch. Maybe those little bugs know better than to pick on Greg and Marty. Yes, I bet it is cooler in Canada. Sorry your place gets so warm. Glad to hear things cooled off after a few hours and everything was fine when you got home. I am sure your friend enjoyed your visit. I agree cleaning out closets sound like a chore to do on a cooler day. Darn it that Ann isn’t going to trap any ferals this month but that is nice she is keeping Cola and Sprite until she is able to some ferals in the future. Good idea to cool off thinking of icy cool diamonds. HRH is sure enjoying basking in the sun. Love your pictures of Greg and his friend and you and Greg look fabulous.

Junebug, how are you doing? I worry about you. I am sorry to hear your sister is leaving tomorrow; she has been a big help and comfort to you being here right now. I am sure the meeting on Friday will give you a better idea of what you can expect with your mom in the short term and future. I am definitely going to try those cream cheese cookies soon. How could they be bad? I am glad your mom’s cough is getting better. I don’t consider you expressing your thoughts and feelings with us a pity party; it probably did you some good to get those things out and we care and are here for you. I am still very excited to get my car. I told Skinny Marty we need to get an app that counts down the days till the car is “scheduled” to arrive in the U.S.

LLJsmom, I am glad you and your DD enjoyed my story. I am definitely not going to list snake trapper as a skill on my resume.

Had a busy day at work. Marty cooked burgers and veggies on the grill for supper. He was fasting for 24 hours (supper last night through tonight) so dishes were minimal for supper. Woo hoo!!!

Have a great evening and day tomorrow.

Marcy

 

[Gypsy]

Hello everyone. Just saying hi. I'm alive. I just haven't really feel like talking much right now. Posting on RT is a distraction. This... this isn't. I have to be present mentally, and I'm not really wanting that right now. I'm enjoying everyone's pictures and the stories. And you all are in my thoughts, I promise. Feel free to skip rest of post!

My mom is improving and had a bit of reality check in her roommate. A woman on a very tight fixed income whose husband has passed, who is injured and alone. It gave her a little perspective, which I admit I reinforced with a "you are very lucky mom, to have dad and he's lucky to have you. Without each other you wouldn't have the independence or the lifestyle you have now." And she was MUCH nicer and more affectionate with my dad when I saw them together. I offered to watch mom next weekend so step dad is going on short trip to see his family. Saw my best friend today, which was very nice. Cleaned the house a little today, which is a step in the right direction. Will clean it more tomorrow. Wish I had someone to help me figure out what to do in this apartment, decorating wise, so it would feel more of a haven instead of a stressor. It doesn't feel like home. And for a home body that's a problem. I want to set fire to it all. Just throw everything away and start over.

Funny (dear God "no" funny, not "haha" funny) stories about my mom. She's in the rehab skilled nursing facility now and will be for weeks. And friends and family having been stopping by. My mom is very social, so it's a slew of people. So I'm sitting with her on Saturday and she says, "You know, I really dislike this habit of people who bring sweet treats or flowers when they come to visit sick people. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, and according to your dad the house is over full with flowers already. I've been giving things away to the nurses. Just once I wish someone would bring me some of [type of stew that takes hours to make] or [other type of stew that takes hours to make], or some [other labor intensive Persian food]. Or someone would call before they came over and ask me if they should bring lunch or dinner. People just aren't very thoughtful, I'm afraid."

And Rainwood, yes, it was one of those moments when my gast was flabbered and I was silent in awe.

That's my mother. As my husband says, "the most entitled person he's ever met."

I am going to grit my teeth and make one of the stews this week though and take her some. I actually was planning on cooking it anyway, as I've the stew meat all cut up in the freezer and I've been craving it. I've decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and interpret her comment as her passive aggressive way of asking me (who has taken her both flowers and sweets since she's been in the hospital) to pamper her. Food is love, in many ways, for her thanks to my grandmother. And my mother is a black hole of insecurity to needs constant reinforcement that I love her. So, I'll suck it up and make it. Once. That's my boundary. ONE meal.

I have already been looped into buying (and returning, and returning) clothes for her, because, with the exception of one pair of palazzo pants she randomly had, nothing she had fit her brace and she doesn't want to send my step dad shopping. She's picky as hell though. I already took her 7 different outfits and she's only kept one. Seriously. Can you imagine? You are in the rehab, you ask someone to do you a favor and buy you something functional (at least that's how you phrase it), they agree, then when they come with outfits you don't like this pattern, or that fabric, or that color because "well, it's just not a very good color for me." TWICE they come to you, and twice you reject the things they bring. And then, to top it off, you ask for something more "stylish and upscale," so that "when people come to visit I don't look shabby." Plus, "Oh, and don't just bring bottoms again honey, find matching tops too, so it's a nice outfit all together." REALLY I have to find TOPS to match? Don't you have a ton of tops (she has a ton of tops)!

Vanity is my mother's besetting sin. You should have seen the expression on her face when I told her that Target has a line of solid colored nice lounge pants (that I love, personally), that would be perfect as they have very wide legs and would fit over her brace. "Oh honey, I'm sure they'd be very comfortable, but I really feel, a nice skirt, maybe one with a fashionable 'high-low' hem would be a much better choice, don't you?" She's in a wheel chair. Hi-low hem. Who thinks that way?

So, after 3 days of shopping, I finally waved the white flag clothing wise and sent her links in an email last night. She hasn't responded. But I'm done. Either it's ordered online or it's the Target lounge pants.

Oy. Can you imagine if she knew I wasn't working?

Hmm. I guess I felt like talking. Well, I felt like bitching. Maybe I just needed to vent.

Thank you guys for listening.

 

[Polished]

Hi everyone. Gypsy I relate to the issues you are having with your mother. I also relate to the difficulties experienced by Junebug with caring for her mother. There is something I have been dealing with that I would love to share but don’t want to start a new thread with. I’d rather it got lost somewhere in the caring atmosphere of this thread. My father in law died last year at the age of 95 and my mother in law died the year before last at the age of 92. I guess we were occupied looking after them as their health declined towards the end of their lives that I didn’t process something that had happened and it’s caught up with me now.

About three years ago we received a letter from a reality television show that reunited adopted people with their birth mothers. It turned out my mother in law had had a baby while living in a refugee camp after the war. My husband had known nothing of this and when he asked her about it, she told him she had been lured away by a man at the camp to an isolated village, under the guise of free rations of bread. There she had been raped and the result was she had become pregnant and given birth to a son. My mother in law had got upset at the prospect of having to reply to the TV show and possible contact with the son and my father in law had stepped in and stopped further contact. Out of respect to his parents none of the family (who by now knew) made contact with the son through the TV show. My father in law had told us that …… had been raped after the war, it was a very painful time in her life and we were to drop it.

After they both had passed we made contact with the TV show and found out more about it. The records had shown that my mother in law had been working as a cleaner at the time in a factory and had had an affair with the boss of the factory. This version of events (backed up with details) rang far more true than her having been raped in the way she had described to my husband. The guy also arranged to have the baby adopted out (to a childless couple who were quite well off) once he had reached a certain age. All this left me feeling angry with her. I think it is simply horrible that she let her husband of over 60 years go their whole lives together, never to have corrected the story to something less horrible.

However it’s more recently that I’m trying to deal with this by seeing things from her point of view. The recent thread here on rape opened my eyes to some of the complexities on the subject. I didn’t want to post there because it was about women who had been raped. At the time, my mother in law was a beautiful, young 23 year old. The boss had been in his fifties. Her upbringing for various reasons had been chaotic so, in that sense she was vulnerable. I guess there’s not much point thinking too deeply about it as it was so long ago and we don’t know, we can only guess at what happened. Only three or four family members knew it had happened, it was always a secret. It was never really dealt with and she carried a powerlessness about her throughout her life. We’ve told a few people we know mainly because we are making contact with the granddaughter (the son had died a few months after we made contact). The people we told thought this big deep, dark secret that had been kept all these years was no biggie and how wonderful to make contact with a family member you didn’t know you had. I just don’t have people to help me process this and even writing it out helps.

All the best to each of you.

 

[MarionC]

Scandi, thank you for the fire shots.
They really "Brightened" my day.

June, I think of you every day and what you are going through. This is one of those really hard times of life for you, your Mom and your whole family. I'm sorry your brother is not more on-board. He just doesn't understand.

For me a few minutes of mindfulness meditation reboots my brain and gets me to a better place. I can't do it on my own, so I use guided meditations from youtube. works every time. This morning I did the meditation from the Happiness Project: breathing deeply and slowly while focusing on a person who has been there for me and silently expressing my gratitude to them.
My DD is having a terrible time emotionally and not only that, she is on a solo trip to Brussels and got as far as Paris and there was a fire at the station so she is stranded today.
My horse, Pom, has to go back to the vet school this morning.
Because of these things I woke up at 3am and could not go back to sleep, but the meditation got me out the the dark place.
I don't know why it works, but it does.

 

[missy]

Good morning girls.

Junie, Honey, please don't feel like you sharing here is anything but a positive thing and in no way is it a pity party or a burden on us. We are glad you are able to share and vent here and we are here to listen to you and offer support and comfort and anything else we can. Please know that. None of us view it as complaining or feeling sorry for yourself at all. Though it is OK to feel sorry for yourself sometimes yanno? (((HUGS))). I am glad to hear your mom is a bit more clear headed and her behavior is less bizarre and I am hoping that trend continues. I am sorry your sister is leaving today but so pleased she has been a tremendous help to you through this and I am hopeful that your mom continues improving. I am wishing you much good luck with your appointment with your mom's health care professionals this Friday. We are all here for you via phone, text, email or PS in any way we can be and I am not that far away either. I would absolutely take a drive to you if I could be of any help Junie. That offer is straight from my heart and 100% sincere. Don't hesitate sweetheart to ask me for any help. It would be my pleasure and an honor to do anything I could to help you. Thinking of you and your mom and as always sending positive thoughts and healing vibes. (((HUGS))).


Gypsy, yes perhaps it is best you don't share the fact you are not working with your mom. I shudder to think what else she might demand of you and you just might end up as her personal servant. How generous of you to offer to care for her so your step dad can have a break and visit family. I know he must greatly appreciate that. I LOL'd (in an incredulous OMG way) reading your story about your mom and the clothing and the flowers and sweets. (As an aside at least your mom does email. My mom refuses so the only way I can talk to her is via phone or in person because she ignores most texts from me too). In your mom's position I know any of us would be so grateful for all you are doing and the fact her friends are visiting and bringing her anything but mainly giving of their time. It is amazing one can get to be the age our parents are and not be appreciative when people are kind and generous and instead just critical. I think that is a hard way to live and I feel more sad for your mom that incredulous. Of course you are right in the middle of it all so I am sure it is trying your patience and is overwhelming but just from an outside perspective looking in I feel sad for your mom. She is very lucky to have you and your stepdad in her life and no matter how you look at it you are an amazing daughter. Keep reminding yourself of that while you are doing the best you can and try not to let this situation with her overwhelm you. Do what you want to do and stop before it gets to be too much OK? I am sending your mom lots of healing vibes and good thoughts too and biggest hugs to you dear Gypsy.


Marcy, I must have missed it but why is Marty fasting for 24 hours? I used to fast for Yom Kippur (about 26 or 27 hours) with no food or water but once I hit my mid 30s I stopped because it was too punishing for my body and not being religious I just thought I cannot do this/do not want to do this anymore. I could fast if I could drink water but during Yom Kippur you are not allowed even water for the full fast. But I digress. Just curious why he is fasting. Is it like a cleansing fast? I am glad he is still grilling for you through his fast though. He is a thoughtful dh. I hope work was good busy for you yesterday. And looking forward to hearing how your cream cheese cookies turn out. Remember Snacks and I are your test subjects re trying out new baked goods. Don't forget.

Polished, hello there and a big welcome and (((hugs))) from me. I am so sorry for all you and your family have and are going through and I am glad you are able to share here and I hope we can offer you some love and support and comfort. I agree that writing things out helps quite a bit and it is cathartic in many ways. It's interesting that deep dark secrets are not so deep and dark when they see the light of day if that makes sense. Shedding light on things helps take away the poison that secrets can sometimes be and can be freeing in a big way. I guess you might never know the full truth about what happened with your MIL and things were different in those days too. I think it is wise of you to try seeing things from her point of view and it sounds like she had a difficult time and experienced much hardship and unhappiness. No matter what the truth is. . I am sending you (((HUGS))) and lots of good thoughts Polished.


Jimmianne, I am so sorry you are dealing with so much angst and stress right now. I am sure your DD will be fine though it is upsetting she is stuck right now in Paris. I hope she gets to Brussels very soon. And I am sending bucket loads of PS dust to dear Pom. What is going on with him? I should have called you last night. I was awake most of the night because I just couldn't fall asleep. Maybe I was on the same wavelength as you last night? I am glad meditation helps you and I hope everything checks out with Pom and your DD today. Please keep me posted. (((HUGS))).


I am sad this morning reading about our troubles here and also very scared for a dear PSer who doesn't post here often but sent me a very troubling email that I cannot go into but I am very worried for him. I only mention this here to ask for your collective good thoughts and wishes for him. Thank you so much. I love how you guys are so generous that even when going through so much you have the time and energy for others. Hoping everyone has a good day and things improve all around. (((HUGS))).

 

[Scandinavian]

Hello from the train

Long story that deserves being told the right way lol. But right now om heading to town on the train to buy some birthday gifts, a bit of shopping, some work, and pick up my father's car. The last is part of the long story - to be told another day.

Just wanted to send you all my hugs !! You are all amazing and doing your best (which is all that matters) and things will work out as well as they can. Extra hugs to Pom!

 

[Scandinavian]

Hello from the train

Long story that deserves being told the right way lol. But right now I'm heading to town on the train to buy some birthday gifts, do a bit of shopping, some work, and pick up my father's car. The last is part of the long story - to be told another day.

Just wanted to send you all my hugs !! You are all amazing and doing your best (which is all that matters) and things will work out as well as they can. Extra hugs to Pom!

 

[marcy]

Hi NIRDIs!

Gypsy, RT is a great distraction. I am glad your mom is doing better and seeing the life that her roommate has may have opened her eyes a bit. That will be nice for your stepfather to get away for the weekend and I am sure he appreciate you offering to watch your mom. I hope you find ways to make your apartment feel more like home. I am sure your mom will appreciate the stew you make her. Good idea to send her links to clothes so she can pick what she wants.

Polished, wow that is quite a heartbreaking story. You guys may never know the truth. I am sorry for your loss of your MIL and FIL. Big hugs to you.

Jimmianne, I am glad some meditation helps reboot your brain. I am so sorry to hear about your DD and Pom. Hope things work out for you and them. Hugs to you.

Missy, Skinny Marty is doing 24 hour fasts as cleansing. He is reading so many books about it he is trying anything and everything. This book said something about to get your insulin level set where it should be you have to fast for 24 hours. He had water and said he wasn’t hungry. He is going it again tomorrow. What he is going is eating an early supper then not eating again until supper the next night. He is going to avoid processed food too. More cookies for you, me and Snacks! I am sending PS dust out there for your friend.

Scandinavian, oh no to a long story. I hope your shopping went well and you got your father’s car okay. I am still thinking of your great diamond shots.

Thinking of you Junebug.

Hi Calliecake, Kristie and LLJsmom.

Not much new with me. Busy day at work, I had to attend a training class this afternoon and Skinny Marty is out tonight on his bike ride with the bicycle group.

It’s hot, muggy and cloudy here tonight. We sure need rain. The county has banned any outdoor fires because of the high fire danger.

Have a great evening.
Marcy

 

[azstonie]

Marcy, I lost 25 pounds using the Fit Fast book. I heard the physician-author interviewed on NPR and read the studies.

It also improved my blood pressure (90 days of monitoring before and after), serum blood glucose (lab draw before starting and again at 90_day mark). My digestion improved a LOT.

Its a very short book. Bob read it without me promoting and he has lost 19 pounds. If Marty is open to a quick read, he might like the methods.

 

[Scandinavian]

Good morning girls!
A brief post from outside in the sun, watching the children ply around in our garden. Who knew having children was soooooo much work??? LOL. They had better return the favour lol. I always say that I'm busy cause I'm babysitting the children - and everybody always asks if they are not mine? Well they are. But they still needs babysitting, lol.

Missy, Good morning! I think I will beat you as the opening act today How are the kitties? I do understand Ann and it think it's good that he is keeping the ones trapped a bit longer. They must be doing ok at her place or she would not have suggested it. Please don't be sad. All NIRDIs are / feel / do better because of you.

Jimmianne, thinking of your DD and wishing I could help. Paris is perhaps not the most peaceful place at the moment. Hope she has been able to travel on to Brussels. Sorry for Pom, he does not deserve this. And neither do you. You are a great mother to both him and DD! She will be fine. Sometimes things are difficult, but they tend to get better. Support helps, and she has you, so she will be fine!

Marcy, thank you for saying uch nice things about my ring makes me happy Skinny Marty, lol. Made me laugh fasting is not for me. I get hungry. But I do try to stay away from all processed food - mostly because I'm really sensitive to gluten and they hide that in everything sometimes, grrr. .

Gypsy, your story about your mother made me laugh, sorry please keep them coming I do kind of recognise some if me in her though, I brought dresses to the hospital when we the children were born... I could not receive visitors in a hospital gown now could I? ?? LOL. At least she has a strong will which shuld help her recuperation go faster. Please share picture and recipe for that stue if you do make it - I would not... unless asked nicely lol I'm joking, trying to make you smile. You are having some difficult days. At least you have your step dad so she does not need to live with you! Silver linings etc.

June, thinking of you and sending you some long distance support!

Callie, you are such a sweetheart!

Kristie, hello

Rainwood, hope you have a fantastic holiday in my "neighbourhood" If anything goes wrong, Missy knows how to contact me, I might not be so far away

LLJsmom, how are you doing?

 

[missy]

Good morning girls!

Marcy, I am doing the rain dance for you and sending rain dust your way. Our heat wave is going to be a hot one starting Friday lasting at least into next week with real feel of 100 degrees plus. That leaves bike riding out for us this weekend because even an early start will be too warm for me these days. Thanks for the explanation on Marty's fasting. I know there are proponents of cleansing fasts but I am not a fan. Hope it continues working out well for Marty though and make sure he stays hydrated because that would be my concern. Thank you for the PS dust for my PS friend.

Scandi, I overslept this morning of all mornings because I have extra to do before work today so of course right? LOL. I am looking forward to you sharing your long story. Thank you for your kind words. Our kitties are doing OK. How is your sweet F doing? Haha yes even though they are your children you are still babysitting them. Quite true.

Jimmianne, Pom update please and how is your DD doing? I hope the veterinarian appointment with Pom went smoothly and that he is OK.

Junie, sending more good thoughts and hugs your way. Thinking of your mom and I hope your sister arrived back home safely.

Rainwood, if you are reading I want you to know I am thinking of you and hoping you are enjoying an amazing trip with your sister. (((HUGS))).

Callie, thanks sweetheart and I hope you are staying cool and prepared for our next heat wave. Fingers crossed our AC holds steady and strong.

LLJsmom, how are your kids doing? Is your son enjoying his summer job? Hoping they are having a nice summer. My nieces are in horse camp right now and I think they are having a blast. Oh to be young and carefree before life and responsibilities start weighing one down. I am trying to remember when I was that young how it felt and I wonder if I was truly appreciative of it. If I had kids I would try to explain to them how they should value and love this time in their lives. Though I do feel that the best time in our lives is right now and one must appreciate and love the moment they are in right this minute. And generally I do. OK sorry for the tangent. Haha even a bit early for me to go on about abstract thoughts and life philosophy. Hope you are enjoying some great weather for all of us.


Our cleaning person is coming today before I leave for work and I have to clear some of our clutter away especially in the kitchen and I am very short on time today but it will be nice to come home to a sparkly clean apartment. Though tonight we have our financial advisors coming over so it is not a free night for us unfortunately. Oh well it is a necessary meeting and wish us good luck. I don't want to hear any unpleasant news at this stage of our lives.

Have a good Thursday girls.

 

[junebug17]

Hi girls!

Missy, even though you're probably frustrated you overslept, I'm glad to hear you got some sleep lol! Be careful being out in this heat. It's too bad cycling will probably not be in the cards this weekend but it will still be nice to get out of the city and be by the water at your beautiful beach house.

Thank you for the reassurance, it does help to share with you ladies. Just feeling a little depressed, sad, and confused. It's a very hard time. Part of me wants to bring my mother back to my house, another part is afraid to do that. My sister is very much against my mother coming back to my house, she feels it would just take too much of a toll on me. She found caring for my mother very difficult. I knew what I was signing up for though. I said I'd try and I feel I really didn't. My brother suggested bringing her back to her home in North Jersey. I won't go into the reasons why that's a really bad idea, but trust me, it is. I'm struggling, and I appreciate your, and everyone else's, kindness.

Thanks to everyone for listening, I know there's not much anyone can say, this is something I just need to work out for myself but I do appreciate the opportunity to share my thoughts. And thank you for your offer of help Missy, you are the best and you are helping me so much by just caring and being here for me. Thankfully my mother is doing better mentally and making small gains physically. She is alert and engaged, although still has periods where she is very tired but that's to be expected. I think the activity at the rehab is stimulating for her. They don't let her sleep all day long lol.

Gypsy, it's nice of you to be so patient with your mother, I know it's hard and you have to dig deep to do it - been there done that. You handled the clothing issue really well - you tried, and then just left it up to her. You can only do so much, and bending over backwards will take its toll on you. Sometimes we just have draw a line for our own peace of mind. It's also great you're giving your step-father a break, it will really help him. My sister took over the rehab visits on her last day here and I can't lie, it was nice to get a breather from going. I'm thinking of you, believe me, I know this is tough, especially when you're going through some personal things yourself. I get it.

I hear you on being distracted by RT - right now SMTB is a good distraction for me, I'm enjoying looking at everyone's beautiful jewelry.

Polished, welcome! I'm sorry you're struggling right now. It's true that all of this happened so long ago that there's really no way to know for sure exactly what happened. I think it's a good idea to try to look at it from where your mil was at that point in her life. It sounds like she had a hard life and she was very young - who knows, this man might have made her feel safe and secure, at least for a while. And she is part of a generation where having a child out of wedlock was very scandalous and something to feel deeply ashamed of. Perhaps she felt she was protecting your fil and she handled it the way she thought was best. She probably wanted to try to put it behind her but I'll bet it's something she carried with her all the time. I'm not minimizing your feelings, just adding another perspective. Anyway, I am sending lots of thoughts of comfort to you, and I hope you can become a little more at peace with what occurred.

Jimmianne, sorry for the stress you have in your life right now - I'm hoping your dd is doing a little better - I get that when our kid is unhappy, we as moms feel unhappy too. And so sorry Pom had to make another trip to the vet, I'm thinking of him as well. Thanks for the tip on the meditation, I might give it a try.

Marcy, thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. I'm hanging in there. Sounds like Marty is making out ok with his fast. I don't think I could do it though lol. And I agree with Missy that it's nice he's still cooking for you! How is work going for you these days? I hope things are going a little more smoothly with your employees, but I'm guessing every day is different.

Scandi, lol to babysitting your own children - it's true, you are!! Yes, I was always somewhat surprised by how much work my kids were haha. Thanks for the good wishes, not an easy time for me but I'm working through it. And I want to hear that long story at some point!

Kristie, wow, congrats to you and Bob on the weight loss, that's great, I'll bet you guys feel really good.

LLJsmom, hope your kids are having a good summer! Sorry to hear you're feeling so tired, sounds like a few of us nirdis aren't really getting the rest we need. Please take care of yourself!

Hope you're all having good day!

 

[marcy]

Hi NIRDIs!

LLJsmom, I meant to say DH instead of DD (in that I am glad you enjoyed my story). I don’t see well on my mini.

Kristie, woo hoo for losing 25 pounds (and Bob 19) from the Fit Fast book. That is awesome your blood pressure dropped, your blood glucose improved as well as your digestion. I will have to check that book out. Thanks!

Scandinavian, your children will return the favor someday; I am sure. Your technically are still babysitting. That is my day job. I don’t think I could do fasting either. Marty is going up to 2500 calories next week (now he is eating 1800 - 1900) and figures he is down to about 15% fat so is going to eat more. I think it is a good call to stay away from processed food but bread, cookies and pasta are not going to be eliminated from my diet. Since I can only eat beef I get pretty sick of just eating that. Are you home from your vacation?

Missy, thanks for doing a rain dance for us. There are about 5 or 6 fires going on in our state now. Of course lots of the western states have fires. That big one in Canada is still going too. Dry, dry summer and the heat isn’t helping. It sounds like you will be miserable hot there too. Ugh. The national weather today showed lots of high 90’s and 100’s. Wow! Rats for oversleeping today. I got up 2 minutes early so maybe we averaged it out okay. If I don’t check FB and my email in the morning I get around more quickly. Weird. Yay for coming home to a clean house. Hope things go well with your financial advisor. We need to get one of those but they’ll tell me to quit buying jewelry.

Junebug, I hope the meeting tomorrow about your mom goes okay and they can give you some idea what to expect and will be best for your mother. I know you are full of angst and worry with an unclear and uncertain path to follow. You did try to do everything you could for your mom and her getting sick after coming to your house certainly isn’t your fault. She would have gotten sick if she was still at her house as well and I am glad you and your sister were there for her. I am glad to hear she is improving a little bit and that is great they keep her going in rehab. I love going through the big threads in SMTB; just to see the pretty jewelry. Work has been a bit better lately. No errors this week (so far and knock on wood).

Hi Calliecake, Jimmianne and Sharon.

It is kind of smoky here again. My eyes are watering tonight. I tried to convince Marty I was crying but he wasn’t buying it. Strange. He grilled me a cheese sandwich on the grill tonight and I had some baked BBQ Lays with it. I haven’t had a grilled cheese for months since bread has been scarce here.

I met a friend for lunch. Her sister lives here and their mother was in town so all of them came to lunch along with her sister’s toddler. She is sure cute. She didn’t want to eat though just watch everyone in the restaurant.

Tomorrow is Friday. Woo hoo!

Have a great evening.
Marcy

 

[missy]

Good morning girls! I really overslept this morning and we are trying to leave early to avoid the Friday traffic to the beach so just a short post here for now.

Junie, thinking of you and your mom and hoping the meeting goes well. Sending positive thoughts and healing vibes your way. (((HUGS))).

Marcy, sorry work still needs you to babysit your "child"ish employees. I am glad you enjoyed visiting with your friend and your friend's mom and sister and her toddler yesterday at lunch. Toddlers are adorable aren't they? Our office administrative assistant brought her son in to work yesterday just to see me because I had not seen him all year (he is only 2) and he is such a sweetie. I got him a little stuffed fish and he seemed to like that. OMG he is so sweet I just wanted eat him up LOL.

Oh no to the fires. Hoping they are extinguished soon and also hope the big fire in Canada is out out very soon.

Sharon, I am thinking of you too hoping all your loved ones are safe and not affected by the big fire. Hoping everyone finds relief very soon. Sending good thoughts and hugs your way.

Jimmianne, I am sending good thoughts and healing dust to Pom and hoping he is doing much better today. I am sorry everything is so expensive and just praying Pom is OK.


We kept the meeting short last night and were very efficient though our advisors were surprised we gave them a time limit because usually the meeting drags on with chatting etc. Not last night. Greg was firm about the time the meeting would be over and so they had no choice but to be efficient. Everything we didn't get to can be done via phone. So we salvaged our evening together thankfully. Have to wait for them to calculate some new retirement numbers and see where we are and see how long we can keep both homes. They seem to think the economy won't go through the kind of recession we went through in 2008/09 but I am not as optimistic. I remain cautiously hopeful but need to be prepared because you just never know.

I am thinking good thoughts for all of you girls and (((HUGS))). Stay cool and safe and hope to chat with you later.

 

[CJ2008]

Good morning dear NIRDIs, I've missed you all!

I've been checking in here and there just haven't had time to post "properly" but this morning I am sitting here with a cup of coffee and made it a priority.

I went back about 3 pages and remember some of what was directed at me so I'll do my best to address it all. Forgive me in advance for anything I may miss.

scandanavian - beautiful pictures of the kitties, and your ring, and yes I too remember those gorgeous chandeliers. Your home must be absolutely gorgeous. Aside from our DHs, could we also bring out furbabies to the NIRDI get together? It wouldn't be the same without them! All joking aside, how awesome would it be to have everyone bring their pets? We'd have like 50 cats and dogs and rabbits and who knows what else running around. Heaven. (assuming they all got along lol)

To tell you a little about myself...I'm flattered that you asked just so you know I'm kind of super private and a bit paranoid that someone will figure out who I am because I share so much of myself here...that's why I never share any pictures or too much about me, as much as I'd like to and enjoy when others do. But hopefully this will give you an overview.

Married with 2 kitties (1 boy, 1 girl)...pretty much a homebody, introverted, much prefer 1 on 1 conversations than big groups of people...love deep discussions...I need loads of time alone so I am very selfish with my time, and a bit (or maybe a lot) self centered. Honestly, the generosity I see from the PSers here has helped me a more giving person at times.

Which brings me to...

junebug please cut yourself a break. You are tons more generous and kind than I could ever be. You need to be kind and generous to yourself too. You say you've lost weight, you feel depressed...that is a heavy toll on you. And I realize what you're saying about having someone in the house, with access to your kitchen, and your coffee pot, and you wanting to be fair to your children and DH because they live there too. Believe me, I get it, because I hate having any "visitors" so I would imagine much less a stranger in my home. But how is it any better or fair to have you take all of the load yourself to spare your children/DH? I get it, but I am thinking your son/DH would not want that either, as much as they'd prefer not having anyone in the house either.

And it's scary to hear that hiring an aide/help is not as simple as it sounds, in general. Of course it isn't. and I can imagine how expensive it must be.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you're a good person trying to care of someone you love while not giving up your sanity or your health. I think if you look at it from the outside, and you were advising any of US, you'd think that was an OK thing to do.

Please take care of yourself and continue to ask for help from all the adults around you.

ETA: and one more thing - there is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with a nursing home when it is done with thought, as you're clearly doing.

missy we just came back from NYC. It was so hot there - after about 10 am it was not...enjoyable to walk around the city. But my gosh do I love NYC. I just love it. We did not make any of the Chinese restaurants we were actually on our way to the Tea Parlour when I decided it was too late (we were in the cab at about 10, which wouldn't get us there until 10:15, and they were closing at 10:30). So instead, I looked on my phone on Yelp and found one in Midtown that had good reviews and was 5 minutes away, so we did that. Only the scallion pancakes were good - everything else...meh.

We also took the other trip (international) to the horror hotel lol. Ended up being not as horrible because we got the BEST room on the whole floor hehe (it was tiled, where everyone else's was carpeted, and our beds looked newer than everyone else's). No signs of bedbugs at all. So not a nice hotel and in bad need of updates, but clean.

Your friend and her kitties are so lucky to have you.

I am sure all this generosity will come back to you endless times over should you ever need it in return.

gypsy you're being extremely patient and generous with your mom. I know it's not always easy.

To be honest with you when I saw your post about the anger you felt and that then your therapist I think it was told you it was because of how much you love your parents and that you worry about them (or something to that effect) I got this feeling of if it was me, the therapist would've been totally wrong. For me, it's more selfishness. If they need so much of my time, what about all the things I want to do? What if I need to go over there every day, and spend hours over there? I don't want to do it. Doesn't mean I won't do it when the time comes mostly out of guilt probably. But just because I love them and they were good parents no the kindness and generosity with my time doesn't automatically pour off me.

So seriously, coming here and reading what you guys do inspires me to be a little bit better. Not to mention VR Beauty's thread about aging parents. If for nothing else to be able to not come on here and and sound completely selfish and self centered.

Gypsy I don't know why I am dumping this on you right now other than I feel like I could tell you this and you won't judge me. I think you understand me on this on some level.

They say guilt is good sometimes, it helps us do the right thing. Maybe that's it in my case if I had no guilt...damn I wouldn't do a damn thing for anyone, other than offer advice and help in ways I enjoy and I am good at - which is nice, but not necessarily what the person needs or would appreciate. I'll try to be more aware of this going forward.

That said gypsy I hope you feel absolutely ZERO guilt in not sharing that you're not working or sharing any details of your private life with your mom that may come back to haunt you later. It's OK - necessary - to have some boundaries.

jimmyanne hello CJ

marcy, callie, rainwood, lljsmom, everyone else, I have to run so I can't post any more right now but wanted to say hello and hope you're all doing great. ETA: forgot azstonie! (hi!)

 

[azstonie]

Hi CJ!!! Glad you did not bring home any little buggie friends from the hotel

 

[junebug17]

Hi girls!

I'm glad your meeting didn't drag on for too long missy, it's good you guys put a time limit on it. Trying to figure out the right financial moves for retirement can be exhausting and stressful. We are going through that process too. We think we have a good plan but who knows.

Thanks for the nice words Marcy. It was very unfortunate that my mother got sick, but honestly if it had to happen I'm glad it happened where I live. If not I'd probably be living at my mother's in northern New Jersey right now. At least I'm in my own home and area. No matter what happens, I'll always be glad I got my mother out of her house, it was not a good situation. There are many things to consider regarding her care, it's complicated and I'm glad you understand that this a tough thing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that work continues to go well for you. I know it makes your life easier when no mistakes are made lol!

CJ, thanks for your compassion. Caring for an elderly parent is such a complicated thing and it involves a lot of conflicting emotions. Don't be hard on yourself, I don't think you're being selfish, you're being realistic and honest. Being a hands-on caregiver is not for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that. I'm sure that if and when the time comes that your parents need more help, you will weigh all the options and choose the one that works best for both you and your parents. Please don't stress yourself out, or feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Being completely responsible for a person is very hard and does take a toll on the caregiver, and it is not the best answer in every situation. I think this is the issue I am facing now - my mother needs SO much help, both physically and mentally. I think if I tried to meet all her needs, even with help, I'd end up exhausted and burned-out and that wouldn't be good for either her or me.

Just a quick comment about having aid - I was totally prepared to have help, in fact I had set up a caregiver to stay with my mother during the night and the person was supposed to start but my mother got sick the night before so I never had a chance to see how it would go. My mother was constantly getting up during the night so my sister and I had to sleep in shifts so I had every intention of having a night person. I mentioned having a stranger in the house only to illustrate that having caregivers is not a necessarily easy thing or perfect solution. I know lots of people do it, and the caregivers probably eventually become part of the family and a part of everyone's life. I was willing to try it. I guess I'm rambling but just wanted to point out that there are many things to look at in a situation like this. Believe me, I have analyzed everything to death.

One last comment - I think my sister would be angry with me if I decided to bring my mother back to my house. After caring for my mother for a few weeks with me, she feels strongly that a NH is the most appropriate place for her. She expressed a lot of concern that it would take too much of a toll on me. She also felt that my mother is going to decline even further as she ages, and it seemed to make sense to her to make a change now instead of my mother returning to my house, and then have to eventually move her to a NH anyway. My husband also seems to feel I have done my part these past 5+ years, and it's time for a change. I think he is worried about me and how I'm doing affects him too. Again, I don't mean to go on but there are just so many things to look at. Thank you for your kind words and understanding CJ, I do appreciate it!

I hope everyone is doing ok and I will check in later!

 

[marcy]

Hi NIRDIs!

Junebug, I know you have a very heavy heart right now and have some tough decisions to make. Thinking of you and wishing you peace with your decisions.

Missy, yes toddlers are very cute and fun to have around. That is awesome you gave that sweet little boy a fish. I bet he loves his “Aunt Missy”. Good idea to set a time limit for your meeting last night; some people can go on and on. I hope your numbers turn out well.

CJ, I am delighted to hear you didn’t end up with bugs in your bed on your trip. That would be scary.

Hi Kristie! I’d need a lot of Freakshow if I brought home bugs.

I spent my afternoon working on updating old procedures that include screen shots of our applications. Boring but I think they’ll be helpful for my new employee whenever that works out.

Marty went to an outdoor concert downtown tonight. I passed on going because the great outdoors is smoky and my eyes appreciate staying away from it.

Have a great weekend.
Marcy

 

[missy]

Happy Saturday girls.


Junie, I am with your sister and dh and agree you have done everything possible and the best place for your mom to be properly cared for is a NH at least for now. You brought her home to live with you and then your mom had pancreatitis and things changed. It is an ever changing situation and you can only do the best you can do and adapt to the situation. I get that you are analyzing it all and I would be doing the same thing. Remember that you cannot control everything that is going on but you can react and take control to make the best of it. I hope the meeting went well yesterday and I am continuing to think good thoughts and send positive vibes and healing dust your mom's way. (((HUGS))).

CJ, welcome back. So glad you didn't bring any buggy friends back with you haha. And glad you enjoyed your NYC trip but sorry it is so hot here right now. This weather is oppressive and perhaps next time you return it will be nicer. Autumn in NYC is my favorite time of year. Specifically October.

Marcy, is Marty still bicycling in this heat? How was his concert? I am with you. Stay inside away from the smoke. Our allergies would not do well outside right now so stay comfortable and safe. That was very thoughtful of you to update procedures for any new employees. You are very organized and your company is lucky to have you.

Jimmianne, I am so relieved that Pom was doing better last night. How is he this morning? How is your DD faring? I hope things are working out more smoothly for all of you and sending more (((HUGS))) your way.


Yesterday we arrived at the beach house and I worked out indoors and then we went to Costco. After that we had some time so I went shopping and bought two new dresses. I still haven't worn the dresses I bought from the last few weeks. If this weather keeps up I will definitely be running out of space in all my closets LOL. Must stop shopping.

It is official. I am crazy. Greg woke me up (out of a sound sleep) at 5AM this Saturday morning to see if we could get a bike ride in before it hits oppressive heat and humidity this morning. Ugh I would have enjoyed sleeping longer believe me but we discussed it last night and decided to go for it. So here it is predawn and dark and still quite warm outside and we are getting ready in a little while to go for a bike ride. Not sure this is the wisest idea we ever had as I am super sleepy and it is still so warm outside. But we are going for it so wish us luck. Enjoy the day girls!


Just took a photo of sweet Pepsi sitting in our backyard just looking back at us. She is such a sweetie. It is either Pepsi or Squirt. Hard to tell. And adding this morning's sunrise photo I took right after the Pepsi pic.

 

[Scandinavian]

Good morning from the big blue sea All part of that very long story... lol

 

[Scandinavian]

 

[CJ2008]

junebug I hope nothing I said made you feel like you had to explain anything more. Especially if it's because I didn't read everything properly so I was commenting on something that was no longer relevant. I hope it was more that you just wanted to make it clearer in general. Regardless of why, though, thank you so much for taking the time to explain more. Not only because it was just nice of you to do but also because we all learn so much from looking "in" on these situations.

Not easy.

Your sister sounds very supportive and I am so glad you have that from her. I love that she in essence would kick your butt if you consider bringing your mom home. It sounds like a lot of what she says makes sense and that she's looking out for both your mom and you. And her, too, in a way. I am sure she would not feel good if she knew you were burning yourself out and she would feel like she could never do enough. And in that same "thread of thought" of course what you do and how you're feeling affects your DH too.

So thanks again, and thank you for the kind words about me, too.

So glad we all have this forum to vent and to say hello and to share laughter as well as tears.

Really appreciate you all.

 

[missy]

Hey Jimmianne, Junie, Gypsy, CJ-this is for all of you and your dhs and all our other cat NIRDIs.

Gypsy, how is your mom doing and how are you feeling? Thinking good thoughts for you.

Had a good ride this morning and it got very hot by 10am. But we had fun and glad we got up early to go for it. Hope everyone is enjoying the day.

 

[LLJsmom]

Jimmianne, how are you doing? I am sorry you are going through so much. Is your DD any better? How is Pom?

Polished, wow, what a discovery. What can you even say to that?? It’s like it’s out of a reality show. Who knows what it was like for your MIL back in those days. I wonder about that sometimes. What if I was young back when my mom was, without the sensibilities I have now, which are a result of being raised in this current time? How would I have felt with the options I had? I don’t know if they were even aware of their “lack of options”. It’s just how things were or weren’t done. I hope you get some time and distance from this discovery, and maybe that will help you put it in perspective a little bit.

Junebug, I know the feeling, like you feel like you have to try. And maybe that is what you should do to have peace with it. Even though you know that it likely won’t result in her staying long, cause in your head you know that it will be too hard on you, emotionally, you can’t let go off it until you have tried. I think about you every day. I hear you. I’m into distractions right now. Learning to let go of things I have no control over.

Marcy, I love reading about your time with Marty, and how he cooks for you and your daily lives together. Thanks for continuing to share.

CJ, it’s nice to meet you. I’m happy with whatever people are willing to share. I’m an introvert myself. I love alone time, meaning I am totally ok just being by myself. What’s funny is that I think a lot of the NIRDIs are introverts. When I say that, I mean that a lot of us are great one on one, AND that we like to really get to know a person. You know how you go to a large gathering, 20-30 people, most of whom are acquaintance? I don’t like those kinds of gatherings. It’s not like I’m scared. I’m just exhausted cause I have to put my energy into small talk, because that is all you can do with that many people. I prefer smaller gatherings and taking more time to talk to fewer people. And sometimes if there are too many people, I need to retreat and not have too much stimulus around me. This thread has really taught me how to give a little more of my time and energy. The people here first gave to me. I feel very humbled by how generous and truly caring they are.

Scandi, I didn’t know having kids would be so emotionally all encompassing. It’s good and bad for me to lose myself in them. It forced me to be less self-centered, and trust me I am. But I’m also extreme so when I am involved in their lives, I block out everything else, not necessarily a good thing. I think it’s wonderful that you are always with them, taking care of them, and just loving them.

Rainwood, I didn't go further back than one page. Hope you are doing well.

Please forgive me to the people I text on a regular basis. I figure you kinda know what’s going on with me and I kinda know what’s going on with you, so I don’t send you a separate message. You know I love and appreciate you guys beyond words.

Missy, have to say I LOVE that mug. LOVE. Right Gypsy?? Glad you went out for that ride.

Hi Missy, AZ, Callie, Gypsy. (((hug))), (((hug))), (((hug))), (((hug)))

Please forgive me if I missed anyone!

Lastly, I’m better today. Yesterday was a High Anxiety kinda day. Shoulda worked out in the morning, but put it off cause I was too stressed about work. And instead then stressed all day when I could have been way more relaxed if I had worked out in the morning. I’m trying to learn to be present and take each day one day at a time. I know everyone is of a different belief system. I hope you won’t mind me sharing a discovery I made recently. I grew up saying the Lord’s prayer. “Give us this day our daily bread…” The meaning of the words “This day” just hit me. For me, it would be great to trust God for each day. I don’t need to worry about the next 10-20 years, not that I would not be responsible, but worrying? No point. Live and deal with THIS day. Live in THIS day. Be present THIS day. Be present NOW. After all, I can only live and be in time at one point in time. I don’t know if I am making sense. These are just random thoughts…

I hope everyone lives in and enjoys THIS day. Hugs to all.

 

[azstonie]

It makes perfect sense, LLJs. I even extrapolated it to *daily* bread---not several days' worth at one sitting

Regarding worry and anxiety. These are different /unhealthy from looking ahead for planning purposes and then letting go. Worry/anxiety is looking into the future----fantasizing----negatively. So negative fantasizing. It then can become ruminative, creating a neural rut, if you will.

Plan for future as possible, hope for the best/contingency plan for the worst, and then don't tread that ground again via worry/anxiety. You've already got it covered.

Just my experience.

 

[Polished]

Thank you very much Missy, Marcy, Junebug, LLJsmom for empathy and much needed perspective on this frankly rather bizarre situation we found ourselves in. Junebug your point about my MIL protecting my FIL is very helpful. It’s difficult sometimes to put yourself into the attitudes of the time but she would prefer her husband (sons when they found out as adults) to not think of her as a “fallen” woman. Although the irony is, he adored her and would have married her no matter what had happened in her past.

I guess part of processing all of this is I want to build something different out of it for the future. According to MIL’s granddaughter, her father had never wanted to talk about the past. Clearly there were feelings of rejection and hurt there. His daughter is divorced (amicably) with two children. She says she’s really into family, although she doesn’t have many family members over there. She has a big, extended family over here, some of whom are interested in contact. She was interested to know more about her grandmother so I wrote her a long letter appealing to the best I knew my MIL was capable to being. She wrote back saying how she would have loved to have had tea and homemade cake with her! In reality, I’m glad they didn’t meet. MIL was unpredictable and could blow hot and cold. Not good for a vulnerable young person like she comes across as being.

Not long ago my BIL’s eldest son went to visit her – there was a video of him playing football with her two children and you could hear her laughing in the background. My youngest daughter is in Europe now (I’m loving her trip – there’s something exciting about a young person seeing the world fresh for the first time) and is due to visit her in the next few days. She’s exuberant and good at reaching out to others so I’m hoping it will go well. I’m thinking this is probably the best way to come to terms, with frankly some of the “cruel” attitudes of the past, where appearances seemed all important, and hurt was allowed to prevail. We’re also planning to go over later this year.

Junebug – I understand how difficult it is trying to work out what is for the best when caring for an aged parent. It can seem like no alternative is right. I know with my parents in law we had to take into account what they wanted (to stay in their own home) but they were also in a place where they didn’t even know that they weren’t capable of coping anymore. We did as much as we could to facilitate this, including shopping and cooking for them. At the end when my mother in law could no longer walk and she had to go into a home my father in law would periodically get so angry because he thought he could look after her at home, even though there was no way he could have. Fiercely independent types. It’s honestly a miracle that it all held together until the end.

 

[marcy]

Hi Kids!

Missy, I am loving your sunrise / sunset pictures. They are fabulous! Marty has been going for rides about 8 at night when it is cooler. I think he is enjoying his new bike. I am glad your early morning bike ride was fun. Thank you for the kind words about my job. I do try. Pepsi looks quite comfortable and at home on your patio. Love the cat t-shirt and mug. Did you get them?

Scandinavian, great sea pictures. I am looking forward to your long story.

Hi CJ!

LLJsmom, thank you for enjoying hearing about my boring life. I don’t like big gatherings either; I actually am not very chatty in a big group or with someone I don’t know. If I have enough wine that all changes though. Your thoughts are in line with the NIRDI One Day at a Time. I think it is a good thing for all of us to remember.

Kristie, I love how you think! Worry about the future being described as fantasizing negatively. That is great. How hot has it been there?

Polished, that is kind of nice your MIL’s granddaughter is interested in knowing more about her grandmother. I am sure she appreciated the information you gave her. That is pretty cool your nephew and daughter are meeting her and her kids. I think giving up our independence is pretty hard to do. Some people accept it a bit more gracefully than others. My dad always said getting old isn’t for sissies.

I will probably get my hair cut shorter and have them cut bangs before we head to the beach next month. I ordered some capri today because I know it’s going to be hot. I never wear something like that but don’t want to be miserably hot either.

I got around this morning and ran some errands. I returned some pants to Kohls and then spent my Kohl’s cash. I bought 4 tops on sale, had 15% off and had $40 Kohls cash so each top cost me about $6. Woo hoo!

I was going to get some groceries while I was out but my vision problem kicked in again and I didn’t see myself enjoying that so I came home. I did some shopping online, too bad I can’t get groceries delivered to my house. I would so use that service.

Marty hung out in the bar after golf this afternoon. I finally sent him at text at 5 “hey, I’m hungry”. Sounds like they were discussing politics and other never ending topics. I told him I knew as long as he was there I knew the BS was flying. Ha! Now he is napping on the couch. Too many Gray Goose and sodas.

Have a great weekend.
Marcy

 

[junebug17]

Hi girls!

Missy, I"m glad you ended up having a good ride! The sunrise picture is so peaceful. I love the pic of the kitty hanging out on the deck, I wish I could reach into the pic and snuggle with her even though she would run away anyway if I tried. I LOVE the shirt and mug, so funny!

Speaking of kitties, Zoe the cat is still at my mother's house and I'm itching to bring her to my house. I was thinking of bringing her when my sister and I brought my mother here but my gut told me it would just be too much and I was definitely right on that. My brother is not much of an animal person but he does like her, but he has said he doesn't care if I take her. I really miss her a lot. I haven't seen her in over a month.

My brother came to visit my mother last night so I was able to go out to eat with my son and husband, which was really nice. One positive thing about her being in a facility is she's getting some mental stimulation - just being around other people, checking out what's going on around her, and interacting a little with people. She even played Bingo and seemed to like it lol.

She's making small gains physically but needs a lot of assistance with any kind of movement. The speech pathologist is a little concerned about her swallow, she feels my mother might be aspirating liquids so she wants to do an evaluation to see what's going on.

Thanks for the support and kind words Missy, you're always so reassuring and comforting (((hugs))))

And yay to shopping - I have been wearing the same few things all summer, with everything going on I just haven't had a chance to do any shopping so I ordered a few new shirts and am really looking forward to getting them.

CJ, oh no, you didn't make me feel like I had to explain further! I am SO sorry if I made you feel that way. Honestly, I was mostly just thinking out loud and trying to make sense of my thoughts and feelings by expressing them in writing! So I thank you for listening and allowing me to share what's been going through my mind at this point. You are a lovely person and I am looking forward to getting to know you through this thread. And who knows, maybe IRL someday haha!

I forgot to say I'm so glad your trip worked out ok and the hotel wasn't quite as bad as anticipated!

LLJsmom, thanks…and yes, I didn't get a chance to try being on my own with my mother and I was very willing to do it. I was preparing myself mentally for when my sister left. I wanted to follow through with what I said I'd do. But, if I'm being honest, I've been giving this a lot of thought and I think I was borderline "in over my head" even before my mother got sick. I don't know, she's doing even worse now physically and I'm not sure I have it in me to be totally responsible for her. I think I was already a little burned out when I took this on.

I'm really sorry you've been dealing with some anxiety recently, I know that is not a good feeling and just makes life more difficult in general. I think it's great that you are figuring out a way to cope with the stressful days and I completely agree that it is very helpful and comforting to take one day at a time and not look too far into the future. Seriously, worrying isn't going to change anything and events and situations will just follow a natural progression anyway and we'll all deal with whatever comes.

Scandi, nice pics! We need to hear that long story!

Marcy, thank you for understanding how tough this is, it's a big help to me. I'm glad you had a nice lunch with your friend and I agree that toddlers are so cute! My daughter and I always love watching babies and toddlers in restaurants and stores.

We were posting at the same time and I just saw that you bought some new tops too! And I think you'll like the capris, they're cooler than long pants but more comfortable imo than shorts.

Polished, hugs to you, I am glad we could give you some comfort and support. You responded so well to your mil's granddaughter's request for information. She will have good thoughts about her grandmother because of your sensitivity. I think it would be really nice for your family to have a relationship with your mil's granddaughter. It's wonderful that your daughter is visiting her. I agree with you, it sounds like a good way to strip away the shame and guilt of past family secrets and try to create a more positive and healthy experience for those interested in forming a relationship with your mil's granddaughter.

And thank you so much for sharing your experience with your in-laws. It is wonderful you and your family were there for them, and did all you could to help them. Your poor fil, it must have been a very difficult time for him but it does reach a point where it's just really hard to be completely responsible for someone who needs so much care. You are so right, there really is no great solution and every alternative has it's problems.

Ladies, thank you all for letting me ramble, vent, and just get my thoughts and feelings out - you are all so wonderful to bear with me and I appreciate your patience and kindness! xox!