Now I'm worried...

[beezygal]

I really thought my bf will propose by our 6-yr anniversary which is July 24 next Saturday. My mom is back this Sunday from her vacation. He will ask my mom in secret to take the ring out of the safety deposit box in the bank. I was getting really excited. I can't stop asking and want to know his timeline to propose. I know I shouldn't nag but this is what happened yesterday:

ME: YEAH... we'll be engaged very soon... right?
BF: I don't know...
ME: I thought we said we'll be engaged by our anniversary.
BF: I thought you're not going to bug me anymore once I got you the ring.
ME: I just want to know your timeline. Can you tell me if you'll propose by the end of July, by the end of the summer or something? I just want to know.
BF: You are the one who wants it to be a surprise and you want me to tell you when.
ME: I don't want to know the EXACT day, I just want to know around when. (I know I'm being annoying.)
BF: I might propose in a few mintues, in a few days, in a few months, or in a few years.
ME: IN A FEW YEARS???? *tears coming down*

Maybe it's my PMS...
I was really upset. Maybe he has a plan. I hope he does. If we aren't engaged by our 6-yr anni, I'll probably have a meltdown like last year. I know we'll be engaged sooner or later since we have the ring already, but I really don't want to go pass that 6-yr mark and still not engaged. 6 YEARS IS A LONG TIME!!!! I don't know what to feel now.

 

[PavePrincess]

Can you please tell him to hurry up because I want to see pics of your ring?!? Hehe.. j.k. Sorry that you're so upset. During my time of the month I become very.. emotional.. as well, so I understand. Hopefully he's just trying to throw you off course so you'll be very surprised when he does it. Good luck girl! I'm sure it will happen soon..

 

[Grlsbestfrnd]

Oh trust me, 6 years is a long time, don't I know it

I think he's probably just trying to throw you off. He obviously wants this to be a surprise and knows you do too and that you're just getting anxious. Since you're the one that said you want it to be a surprise he's doing you a favor I think by keeping you guessing. Don't worry, I'm sure it'll happen by then.

Just try really hard not to ask him again and as tough as it may be, try to be positive and happy around him so he feels like you aren't expecting it and aren't thinking about it too hard. I think he's probably being like my boyfriend, he doesn't want to ask you when you're feeling annoyed and upset because then it might not feel as special.

I'm not saying you don't have a right to feel upset, you definitely do. Just vent to us and keep a good face for your BF. It'll happen soon!

****DUST!****

 

[Autumnovember]

I actually think he is trying to throw you off. I highly doubt that it would be a few years from now. I think he just really wants it to be a complete surprise for you just as you asked. I don't think you were being annoying at all---wanting to know rough estimate time line is normal considering how long you have been together! Just try to relax if possible because I'm sure deep down in your heart you know for sure he wouldn't torture you to wait even another 6 months

 

[Jessie702]

Beezy..Hon...relax. He is not going to make you wait a few more years. I highly doubt he will make you wait a few months. You asked him to surpise you, and thats what he trying to do. I know the anixous feeling, i am so there. Maybe to take your mind off of it, do something you love. 6 years is a long time to wait, i dont know how you ahve handled it as well as you have. I would be jumping out of my skin, but know he loves you, and will be asking soon. The Ring is bought, a vacation is planned, all you ahve to do is get your little tush a nice swimsuit, a good manicure, and possible pedicure and sit and wait for him to ask. Most men like to play with their SO, espically about this, since they know how we are. You never know, he might come over tonight and ask you than. Hair a mess and no makeup on. I know how anxious you are since its soo close, but try and enjoy this period. Just think, this time next year you could possibly be a married woman, and looking back on your waiting experince.

 

[nicoleben]

ditto to everyone above! i definately think its a throw off sweetie! I dont even think he could hold off for more than a few months with a ring you guys already have!!!

Dont be upset, but i totally understand the PMS thing, thats when i always freak out or ask millions of questions and cry when i dont like the answer!!

Chin up! and Put a smile on! Your getting engaged veryyyy soon! at least by summers end, like me!! YAY!

 

[beezygal]

Thanks ladies!!! I know he's trying to throw me off but I still want to KINDA know. I'm impossible. *breathe in... breathe out..."

Pave: yes... PMS sucks. Sometimes I'll just feel so upset I want to cry for no reason. Sometimes I'll just be angry. Every month when it's that time, my bf is like... "it's your PMS talking.. you're not making any sense... we'll talk about this again when you don't have it anymore. This is not the real you." Poor bf. He is kinda scared of me (well... my PMS). He said he rather me be sad than angry/violent

Grls: I really need to vent here. Yesterday, he was like "you're getting me pissed." I don't WANT TO! I just control myself. When I want to know something I want to know RIGHT NOW! I'm being spoiled.... You're right. I should calm myself down or else he won't ask me. I'll try my VERY BEST. If my PMS acts up, I'll just vent here!

Autumn: I just envy how your bf will give you a timeline. HE SHOULD!!! You waited for SOOOOOOOOOOOOO long! My wait is nothing compare to yours. Sorry for rubbing in it your face. I'm very excited for you!!!

 

[beezygal]

Beezy..Hon...relax. He is not going to make you wait a few more years. I highly doubt he will make you wait a few months. You asked him to surpise you, and thats what he trying to do. I know the anixous feeling, i am so there. Maybe to take your mind off of it, do something you love. 6 years is a long time to wait, i dont know how you ahve handled it as well as you have. I would be jumping out of my skin, but know he loves you, and will be asking soon. The Ring is bought, a vacation is planned, all you ahve to do is get your little tush a nice swimsuit, a good manicure, and possible pedicure and sit and wait for him to ask. Most men like to play with their SO, espically about this, since they know how we are. You never know, he might come over tonight and ask you than. Hair a mess and no makeup on. I know how anxious you are since its soo close, but try and enjoy this period. Just think, this time next year you could possibly be a married woman, and looking back on your waiting experince.

Thanks! I didn't handle it so well. We always argued about not getting married or him not ready for marriage. I thought we won't argue about it once he has the ring. Now, I just want to be engaged. You are right. I should enjoy a little bit of "single" gal moment. I should be looking forward to the proposal... not be pissed/stressed about it.

 

[nicoleben]

oh i got that "you're pissing me off" line before too. That shut me right up. lol but then im back at it a week later!.. we'll never learn. hehe

 

[beezygal]

ditto to everyone above! i definately think its a throw off sweetie! I dont even think he could hold off for more than a few months with a ring you guys already have!!!

Dont be upset, but i totally understand the PMS thing, thats when i always freak out or ask millions of questions and cry when i dont like the answer!!

Chin up! and Put a smile on! Your getting engaged veryyyy soon! at least by summers end, like me!! YAY!

Thanks Nicole!!! HAHAHA... you're so like me. PMS sucks! You might be engaged SOONER!!! I'm so excited for you!!!!

 

[beezygal]

oh i got that "you're pissing me off" line before too. That shut me right up. lol but then im back at it a week later!.. we'll never learn. hehe

hahaha.. you're better. I'll probably just keep going or just cry. I know... it's bad!!!

 

[nicoleben]

Well thanks, but we will see! Hes a bugger! Watch, with my luck, hell wait til the first day of fall to pop the question.. Remember, his timeline was by the end of summer! he would do that just so i would freak. ha

 

[beezygal]

what's with our bfs???? OMG.. propose already. The ring sitting somewhere in secret won't grow money on it!!!

 

[damons]

beezy, he is trying to throw you off. I would bet money on it.

But you are right..what is wrong with your boyfriends? Man up and propose!!

I hope he does it soon

 

[beezygal]

I hope so. I told him I really want to go to our Hawaii vacation in Aug as an engaged couple.

 

[Autumnovember]

I hope so. I told him I really want to go to our Hawaii vacation in Aug as an engaged couple.

I'm gonna bet that you will go as an engaged couple

The convo you had with him sounds exactly like the one me and SO have had 100 times, hahahah.

 

[Jessie702]

oh i got that "you're pissing me off" line before too. That shut me right up. lol but then im back at it a week later!.. we'll never learn. hehe

O, ive gotten that line before. Maybe thats why he doesnt want to go ring shopping with me anymore

 

[dawnabee]

Deep breaths Beezygal!!! Your time is coming and you are just really anxious. I kind of cringe when I have to say anything about the engagement bc I dont want to seem like its ALL I think about. That time of the month is the worst!! Brings all our emotions out in one swoop lol

Dont worry though... keep entertained on here or on what your bringing with you to Hawaii for the time being and try try try not to mention it to him again. They like to have that power... just think they dont get to do it often so its good for them to surprise us.

 

[beezygal]

thanks dawn! I know I really should stop bugging him about the proposal. I don't want to nag him and get him too pissed off to propose. It's hard though. Oh well it's probably my PMS talking anyways.

 

[beezygal]

update:

Today is exactly one week until our 6 year-anniversary. I was asking casually if we're going to the French restaurant we were talking about. Then... I decided to ask...
ME: should I dress up very nicely next Sat? (wink wink)
BF: uh... I don't know
ME: maybe I should... YOU KNOW..
BF: (very seriously) do you want it to be a surprise?
ME: yes... surprise and romantic
BF: you know it's going to happen soon! can I just give you the ring and say "marry me woman?!?!?!" (laughing) it's hard to be a surprise when you want me to propose on a certain day.
ME: lol.. NO!!! it has to be a nice proposal so that I can tell all the ladies on PS and all my friends. I need to be able to tell our kids and grandkids too... It can still be a surprise. Just propose anytime between Monday - Sat. (mom is back tomorrow) If you can't propose it by our anniversary, I'll be ok I guess.

I'm so excited. This is the first time he admits that he's going to propose SOON! OMG OMG OMG!!!

 

[16ocean]

"This is the first time he admits that he's going to propose SOON! OMG OMG OMG!!! [/quote]"

-grin- sending some dusty dust dust your way!

 

[Dreamer_D]

OK, lady back off and leave him alone, sounds like it will be soon and if you keep pushing you will ruin it and make him upset and you sad.

When I was an LIW my then bf and I had talked about a ring and I had told him what I wanted and I had even helped him to budget his money so he could put aside a small amount each month, and after that I was out of the loop. Six months later it was the day before my birthday and my mom was coming to visit from accross the country a few days later and I really wanted to be able to share our engagement with her in person. One morning, I said to my bf, "I would love to be engaged soon, it would be nice to share with my mom." He looked me straight in the eye and said, "I'm so sorry, I have not saved enough money yet". I just said, "Oh, ok" and read my book but I teared up a little. He then said he had to go out to do some shopping and I stayed home in bed and cried and felt sorry for myself.

When he got home about an hour later I heard him rustling around down stairs, then he ran up and said, "Can I give you your present now?" I said, "I guess so" thinking it was the pair of slippers I had been asking for. He then jumped in bed and proposed, he could not wait for the dinner that night.

He fooled me completely, the only time he has ever done that. I think your bf is fooling you too. So back off and let him do what he plans or you will ruin it all!

 

[beezygal]

thanks dreamer. Don't worry. You helped me pick out an amazing diamond, I'll listen to you.

He just mentioned again during dinner that he won't propose on our 6yr anni (since it won't be a surprise) but it will definiately be before the end of Sept. I just told him I would love to go on our Hawaii trip in Aug as an engaged couple. We'll see what happen. I'm very happy that he told me his timeline though. I won't bug him now, since I want it to be a surprise. Thanks!

 

[merilenda]

Beezy, it's funny that we're the same ages and your BF sounds exactly like my FI too! I'm pretty sure mine even said after we ordered the ring that he was just going to say "marry me, woman" and hand it to me, too.

I think it's going to be very soon for you!!

 

[nararabbit]

Hullo!

I was a LIW a couple of years ago and two of my best friends recently became engaged. They were going through the same things you were - one had been in a relationship for 7 years and the other for 10 years (though she started dating her SO at 16, so that's not as 'terrible' as it sounds!)

I am friends with both SOs and I heard many times how crazy their girlfriends were making them - that they were treating a proposal like a promotion - something they wanted to control minutely, but still wanted it to be "a spontaneous, romantic surprise." Well, I hate to tell you, you can't have both!

In both cases, the girls would complain to me about how it was taking so long, they wouldn't give a timeline (sound familiar????), etc. etc. I merely advised them to do what I did. Choose a time in the future that you absolutely MUST KNOW by. In my friend's case, she wanted to be engaged before her 30th birthday. So I told her to let me him know this, casually and not aggressively, that she had to know by then or she would assume he didn't have the same goals and move on with her life. And then, let it go. Do not say one more word, at all, in any way. Don't push over other girls to catch the bouquet at a wedding, don't look through his email, and don't send him tons of pictures of rings you love unless he asks in that direction. The more you bug, the more it feels like a chore for him, rather than a special, exciting time for him!

In both cases, within 6 months they were engaged. Whether it was my advice or not I don't know, but I DEFINITELY saw less arguing, less tears, and less little comments "Oh, so and so got engaged last week! Isn't that lovely?" (said airily, as if it didn't matter, while the SO rolled his eyes....) And actually, it made them much more pleasant to be around. LOL!!!

Good luck. I know it is VERY hard to wait, but you have an advantage over many other ladies, which is that you know it's coming and a somewhat timeline for that to happen. Every time you start to think "engagement" or "ring" or "wedding", look at your SO, squeeze his hand, and admire what you love about him. Be happy in his company, because waiting for a certain day or event to be excited about being with him is missing out on a lot of time before then!

XO,

a former LIW (who actually just gave up and asked him herself, while watching Jeopardy one night! hehe.)

 

[beezygal]

thanks nararabbit!

Now that I know his timeline, I'll stop bugging him. We're actually KINDA doing some research on planning our wedding. That will keep me busy from bugging him.

 

[16ocean]

Glad you and your BF did some honest communication and you know the time-line.

 

[beezygal]

thanks 16ocean. I'm very glad he told me his timetable so that I won't be naggin him again.

 

[amc80]

Choose a time in the future that you absolutely MUST KNOW by. In my friend's case, she wanted to be engaged before her 30th birthday. So I told her to let me him know this, casually and not aggressively, that she had to know by then or she would assume he didn't have the same goals and move on with her life.

I think this is great advice, not just for established couples, but for newly dating ones as well. I don't think it takes several years to know if you are with the person you want to marry (referring to "older" folks here, not so much the 18-25ish crowd, when other factors come into play). A good friend of mine started dating a guy. After a few weeks he asked her to be exclusive. Her response was something like "yes, but I want you to know, I'm not looking to be a forever girlfriend. If, after a year or year and a half there's no engagement (or serious discussion of one), I'll assume we have different goals." They were engaged almost exactly a year later, and just got married this month.

 

[beezygal]

Choose a time in the future that you absolutely MUST KNOW by. In my friend's case, she wanted to be engaged before her 30th birthday. So I told her to let me him know this, casually and not aggressively, that she had to know by then or she would assume he didn't have the same goals and move on with her life.

I think this is great advice, not just for established couples, but for newly dating ones as well. I don't think it takes several years to know if you are with the person you want to marry (referring to "older" folks here, not so much the 18-25ish crowd, when other factors come into play). A good friend of mine started dating a guy. After a few weeks he asked her to be exclusive. Her response was something like "yes, but I want you to know, I'm not looking to be a forever girlfriend. If, after a year or year and a half there's no engagement (or serious discussion of one), I'll assume we have different goals." They were engaged almost exactly a year later, and just got married this month.

That's good. It is good to know a goal. If one person doesn't think he/she will get married to the other person, might as well break up sooner rather than later. You don't want to waste the other person's "youth" and chance of meaning THE ONE!