Obsessed?

[HeadOverHeels4James]

My bf last night said I need to get over this engagement stuff. He said I am obsessed and it''s not healthy.

I was like, are you kidding me? He asked me if I think of anything besides paying our bills and thinking of a ring. haha Am I being to obsessive? I just want him forever and ready for our future. Does anyone else''s SO think they are obsessive? Now I feel like maybe I am pushing to much? GEES I don''t know!

~SaRaH

 

[Lauren8211]

Personally, I think if you keep it to yourself for the most part -- it''s ok to be a bit obsessive. You''re excited, afterall! Its hard to pretend you''re not excited for something as amazing as an engagement!

However, if you''re constantly leaving hints, having discussions (ahem, tantrums), about getting engaged you may be taking it too far. Thats what this forum is for. So you can obsess and get it out of your system HERE with the support of women who are in the same shoes. Then you can keep your relationship with your SO normal and stress free.

 

[KCCutie]

I''m sure my SO would think I was obsessed if I told him how much I visit here at PS, that''s why this is my little secret.

I don''t think guys think about this kind of stuff near as much as girls do, so I don''t think you''re obsessed but to him you seem to think about it more than you should. A simple cure for that is just to lay low for a while and just not bring it up around him for a few a weeks.

I''m a little worried though that he''s telling you to "get over this engagement stuff" to me that says he''s really not ready. What kind of talks have the two of you had on the subject? Just curious b/c maybe this is just the way he expresses himself but the wording is very dismissive of the whole idea of engagement. For example my SO doesn''t want to hear a peep about rings either, but we do talk about engagement and marriage all the time.

 

[fieryred33143]

Hello…we had the obsessive talk just yesterday! LOL

What he told me was kind of a smack in the face. He said that I’m forgetting that the engagement/proposal is just as important to him as it is to me and I’m ruining any chance of a surprise by constantly asking and bringing it up. So I told him I’ll back off of it as long as he understands that I am thinking about it and will probably never stop.

We''ll see how it goes

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

Gees I feel like you ladies know me!! HAHA We have had many marriage talks, and he tells me all the time I''m his future wife, and he can''t wait to marry me, etc. Thats why I get pissed when he blows me off when I want to show him something I like. I guess I could stop hinting so much.

I''m just so excited for all of this!

I''m so glad I have a place where I can talk about this stuff, and you guys totally understand! YAY! You ladies are awesome!!!!

 

[absolut_blonde]

I am trying really, really hard to obsess privately... LOL.

Sometimes we joke around about it and I know that doesn't bother him because he thinks it's funny. Or he'll bring it up, like the other day at the mall when he kept bringing up rings every time we walked by a jewelry store (this was at a large mall, with many jewelry stores so it came up like, 10x!). Or it will be relevant at the time, like we'll see something wedding-related and I want to know what he thinks (or vice versa)

But I do try- not always successfully- not to bring it up too often. For now, $ and some life circumstances are a roadblock. Once those are gone, though, I'm fairly certain that bringing it up too much will only delay things (since he wants it to be a surprise). So I'm trying to be 'good' by telling myself that maybe not talking about it will expedite the process! LOL. And, if not, then at least I haven't pestered the guy too much.


It is hard though, sometimes I can't help but blurt things out. Same with when I see a really cute baby -- I always comment on the baby without even thinking about it (in addition to engagement fever, I have baby fever. Poor SO!).

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 6/4/2008 12:03:43 PM
Author: absolut_blonde


So I''m trying to be ''good'' by telling myself that maybe not talking about it will expedite the process! LOL.

You''re so cute! I''ve convinced myself of the same! I keep telling myself "ok it''s going to happen...don''t talk about it, don''t talk about it, don''t talk about it" LOL

 

[Dreamgirl]

Funny you say all of this. My boyfriend told me the same thing about a month or so ago. I felt terrible! He was right though and it made me think about my silly behavior. Ive tried extremely hard not to discuss the topic unless he brings it up first. Of course, Ive had a few minor slips here and there. lol

Im just glad to hear Im not the only one. You are not in this alone!

 

[cakeny]

First post, ack! be gentle. Been lurking for a while now, several months, reading all your stories (Every single one of you could have been me talking at one point!). Anyway, just wanted to say- obsessed? yes! That''s me right here I''m glad there''s a place I can share these "obsessions". You should see what it''s like in my head!

So, hello fellow LIW''s! Looking forward to sharing some of my own stories soon.

 

[Dreamgirl]

So you know all about us. Its about time you joined the crowd then! lol

 

[IrishBreakfast]

I feel for all of you! I never went through this as my husband proposed completely out of the blue! I do, however, obsess about things and so I know how consuming it can be. I would imagine there''s a few of you who feel like you eat, sleep and breathe diamonds! I wish you all speedy engagements/weddings (as that will be the next thing to be obsessed with) so that you can all relax and enjoy being Mrs-Somebody! Good sparkly luck to you all!

 

[Bliss]

So what if girls get obsessed from time to time? Everyone gets a little obsessed about something exciting! God knows guys do it, too. They can read about sports, cars and electronics for HOURS...poring over every boring detail, spouting off stats to their friends, comparing stuff online... GEEZ. And we can''t get excited about girl stuff? Ha!

Heck, my mom gets obsessed about the holidays. Is that wrong? What''s the difference between that and planning a wedding? So long as it''s not unhealthy... little obsessions can be fun. There are far worse things to be focused on. Besides, it''s one of life''s biggest rites of passage. Birth, marriage, kids... It''s what makes us human and it''s a beautiful tradition. So few things are traditional these days & disposable like fads. So if we celebrate this a little more than usual... big deal! LOL.

 

[cakeny]

Hi Dreamgirl, yes, it''s about time I joined. One of the most annoying things about being in this LIW/limbo state (been together 5 years, moved in 2 years ago) is the effects that it has on my own paranoia. FOr instance, I''m sure Irish Breakfast meant all the best and is truly wishing us luck. (so thanks

But sometimes, I take things the wrong way and what *I* hear is avery patronizing: Aw, *my* SO never made me go through this torture....but poor you!" Not saying that''s what IB was doing, just saying how crazy the paranoia gets sometimes. haha. Like i said, you should see what it''s like in my head!

 

[Independent Gal]

My advice: Make a ring book, like some of the gals on here have. Tell your guy ''OK, I''m going to make you a ring book. I''m going to put it on the shelf here. When you''re ready have a look. Other than making the ring book, I''m never going to speak about it again. That way, I have my outlet, you have your info, and I don''t have to overwhelm you with it!''

You do have to be careful, because if you''re talking endlessly about the ring, he may feel like it''s a ring you want, not him.

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/4/2008 2:21:19 PM
Author: Independent Gal
My advice: Make a ring book, like some of the gals on here have. Tell your guy 'OK, I'm going to make you a ring book. I'm going to put it on the shelf here. When you're ready have a look. Other than making the ring book, I'm never going to speak about it again. That way, I have my outlet, you have your info, and I don't have to overwhelm you with it!'

You do have to be careful, because if you're talking endlessly about the ring, he may feel like it's a ring you want, not him.

OMG! Why didn't I see this before?! This is a great idea. I might have to do this w/ BF so he will have something tangible to look at when he's ready to start shopping.

Should you include specs and other stone details or strictly pictures?

ETA: By the way (HeadOverHeels4James), don't feel bad because this was my scenario not long ago. Bf was telling me to chill with talks of the ring and proposal. So much so, that arguing about the whole thing was becoming an artform in my house for a few weeks! Give him some breathing room and then delicately bring it up again. He loves you, but he's a guy and many of them could care less about a diamond ring. Annoying!

 

[IrishBreakfast]

Date: 6/4/2008 2:18:05 PM
Author: cakeny
Hi Dreamgirl, yes, it''s about time I joined. One of the most annoying things about being in this LIW/limbo state (been together 5 years, moved in 2 years ago) is the effects that it has on my own paranoia. FOr instance, I''m sure Irish Breakfast meant all the best and is truly wishing us luck. (so thanks

But sometimes, I take things the wrong way and what *I* hear is avery patronizing: Aw, *my* SO never made me go through this torture....but poor you!'' Not saying that''s what IB was doing, just saying how crazy the paranoia gets sometimes. haha. Like i said, you should see what it''s like in my head!

LOL! My head gets scary too sometimes! I really do wish every one of you lots of sparkly luck - no patronizing here, I promise!

 

[cakeny]

Irish Breakfast- Oh I totally know. I''ve been lurking on these boards way too long to think that it was anything other than pure good wishes

Do you guys have friends in similar LIW-ish situations that can obsess with you?

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

AWE.. I love you ladies! You make me feel sooo much better!!

IndependentGal you hit the nail on the head!!! I think I might be giving the impression that the ring is more important then the marriage; and that could not be the farthest from the truth!! So I guess I do need to back off... He eggs me on to talk about it tho!! haha

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 6/4/2008 2:45:05 PM
Author: cakeny
Irish Breakfast- Oh I totally know. I''ve been lurking on these boards way too long to think that it was anything other than pure good wishes


Do you guys have friends in similar LIW-ish situations that can obsess with you?

Oh you are not alone! Most of the time I''m just hearing things funny! When I look back I know that most of the comments that caused me to start down a LIW spiral were totally innocent and I was just being paranoid. It''s pretty embarrassing actually... so I''m glad I found PS and I know I''m not alone.

I don''t have friends who are in LIW situations. Probably b/c most of my friends got married 5 years ago! LOL guess I''m a late bloomer. I am very lucky though to have a fabulous sister and a BFF who support me in everything I do and have been very good at listening to my endless chatter. My sister even went with me to look at sparkles one weekend. They may not completely understand but they do sympathize with me and try to keep me sane. Gotta love em!

 

[Dreamgirl]

You know, I keep pointing out to my boyfriend that "Your obsessed!" While he turns the tv to the history channel first thing. He LOVES history. I've watched so much history stuff with him that (sorry) I hardly remember. lol But it makes him happy so I watch.

We just watched the 4 hour movie Gettysburg over the weekend. It was good but I kept asking him "Who's that guy?" "I thought this guy was with the north, hes with the south?" lol "But, some of the south guys have the same color coats as the north, how can you tell?" lol and he just goes ON AND ON AND ON about it. Its sort of cute lol and hilarious. But yeah, hes obsessed about things too and I think its funny when I point it out to him.

As I said before though, I would say Im not so much obsessed about the ring thing as I've worked on that. But Im really obsessed with PS now. lol

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/4/2008 2:56:37 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
You know, I keep pointing out to my boyfriend that ''Your obsessed!'' While he turns the tv to the history channel first thing. He LOVES history. I''ve watched so much history stuff with him that (sorry) I hardly remember. lol But it makes him happy so I watch.

We just watched the 4 hour movie Gettysburg over the weekend. It was good but I kept asking him ''Who''s that guy?'' ''I thought this guy was with the north, hes with the south?'' lol ''But, some of the south guys have the same color coats as the north, how can you tell?'' lol and he just goes ON AND ON AND ON about it. Its sort of cute lol and hilarious. But yeah, hes obsessed about things too and I think its funny when I point it out to him.

As I said before though, I would say Im not so much obsessed about the ring thing as I''ve worked on that. But Im really obsessed with PS now. lol

BF begs me to watch Kung Fu movies with him sometimes. OMG, talk about something boring you to death!

The things we do for those we love...

 

[Bliss]

FI is trying to make me play Guitar Hero with him. LOL. He even bought me my own little "guitar" but it''s SO STUPID! (Hahahahahahahahaha!) I mean... I love the wii. I do. I love playing the other games. But I chalk up the Guitar Hero to a guy thing... HE''S OBSESSED!!!!! So he can''t say I''m obsessed EVER because he LOVES that thing! I love it! I can look at jewelry all I want when he''s on that dorky plastic guitar. HE IS SO CUTE ON IT, THOUGH!!!! I secretly think it''s adorable.

 

[purrfectpear]

You guys are just kidding yourself that there''s ANY comparison to your obsession with rings and engagements, and guy''s obsessions with cars, stereos or whatever

Yes, if your guy tells you to get over it, he means it, and yes, you ARE being obnoxious (otherwise he wouldn''t be saying that, now would he?).

When men obsess about their interests they aren''t hounding YOU to buy it. They aren''t constantly hinting that YOU should commit to their car/stereo/game forever.

See the difference?

 

[Bliss]

LOL! Hold on now... I don''t think any of these ladies are hounding their men about buying them this and that ring. They just love looking at diamonds! I know I do. And I see a striking & laughable similarity in my relationship -- I love looking at diamonds and FI loves to look at electronics. Niether one of us hounds the other to buy it for each other. Heck, we love and support each other''s little obsessions.

And FI was way more obsessed than I was about finding the perfect diamond for me. The poor guy was secretly faxing GIA reports back and forth, calling jewelers and poring over the details -- even flew across the country to see the contenders in person before proposing. So I think I can safely say it''s comparable!

Can''t speak for everyone, but yes I can say that with confidence.

 

[purrfectpear]

While there are many healthy relationships on LIW, there are also an astonishing number of posters who do "hound" their boyfriends and obsess about whether the engagement is forthcoming.

 

[Dreamgirl]

HEY now!
For the record, Im in an extremely healthy relationship with my boyfriend.

And on that note, just because a girl likes diamonds doesnt mean she is in a non healthy relationship. I think you can compare a guy being obsessed about cars or sports, etc. to a girl with diamonds.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 6/4/2008 2:21:19 PM
Author: Independent Gal
My advice: Make a ring book, like some of the gals on here have. Tell your guy ''OK, I''m going to make you a ring book. I''m going to put it on the shelf here. When you''re ready have a look. Other than making the ring book, I''m never going to speak about it again. That way, I have my outlet, you have your info, and I don''t have to overwhelm you with it!''

You do have to be careful, because if you''re talking endlessly about the ring, he may feel like it''s a ring you want, not him.

This is such a good idea! I might do this. I already have a folder of sorts on my computer, but it''s ''hidden''

 

[Rhea]

Date: 6/4/2008 2:21:19 PM
Author: Independent Gal
My advice: Make a ring book, like some of the gals on here have. Tell your guy ''OK, I''m going to make you a ring book. I''m going to put it on the shelf here. When you''re ready have a look. Other than making the ring book, I''m never going to speak about it again. That way, I have my outlet, you have your info, and I don''t have to overwhelm you with it!''


You do have to be careful, because if you''re talking endlessly about the ring, he may feel like it''s a ring you want, not him.

IG, is it taking it too far to make an upgrade book?

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/4/2008 5:32:38 PM
Author: Addy

Date: 6/4/2008 2:21:19 PM

Author: Independent Gal

My advice: Make a ring book, like some of the gals on here have. Tell your guy 'OK, I'm going to make you a ring book. I'm going to put it on the shelf here. When you're ready have a look. Other than making the ring book, I'm never going to speak about it again. That way, I have my outlet, you have your info, and I don't have to overwhelm you with it!'



You do have to be careful, because if you're talking endlessly about the ring, he may feel like it's a ring you want, not him.

IG, is it taking it too far to make an upgrade book?

You don't need a book; just print out your MWM photo and put it in a photo frame labeled "UPGRADE."

 

[Independent Gal]

My husband and I each have our obsessions, and he knew when he met me that I was crazy about gemstones and jewelry. But I do think you have to be extra careful about an e-ring, because it has such a delicate symbolism.