Obsessive, yes....BUT... (good news :)

[Bia]

As many of you know, I have been complaining incessantly

about the fact that BF hasn't said a *peep* about the engagement, and/or the ring. All I knew was that, yes, it was coming and no, I was not going to be involved. Unfortunately, I am the type that as soon as I hear the words "No, you can't," I want it more than ever!

So, a few weeks ago BF said that he wouldn't mind too much if I sent him a few pictures of rings I like, but that he didn't want to discuss the proposal or the ring--all in the name of a SURPRISE PROPOSAL. So, fine.

Well ...last night, we got ready to watch a documentary that we have been wanting to see for awhile (just came in the mail)--it was on Stanley Kubrick and we are both BIG fans but even that wasn't enough to keep me from being distracted by all the interesting threads on PS. Needless to say, I was not paying any attention at all to the doc. At first he got annoyed and then, GET THIS, he sat next to me, looked at what I was doing, and said, "Babe, you're obsessed with this diamond "stuff" (he used another word)...but okay, I give up! Let's check it out."

SAY WHAT?! Lets check it out??? This is someone who wants none of my input, or so he claimed!

So, thats what we did until bed-time. He shut off the DVD, and we started browsing all the forums together. Yes, he actually laughed at the funny threads and shook his head

at all the drama-filled ones. It was so much fun! Then, I came clean. I told him I check the forum daily, to chat (post) with my PS friends, and to learn about diamonds since I don't know much. I told him I wanted to be informed and he said he was impressed, but not surprised, and that if I wanted to have input that badly, he was open.

Now my dilemma is that I have all this freedom to tell him what I want, only I am not sure I know! The most I know is that I love solitaires but as far as finding a diamond, or a setting, I am a little lost. He also said, if I really want to know every detail, he is fine with that.

So my questions:

*What do you all think? For those of you who chose your rings, how did you go about it?

*And for those of you who want to be surprised, how do you do so and still get a ring that suits your taste? And kinda still know? BF is not a jewelry buff...and probably couldn't tell the difference between a CZ and a diamond.

*Or...
a.) am I asking for too much? b.) should I just chill and stop being looney about the whole thing? Meaning...let him take of it.

Sorry for the unbelievably long post but I really value all of your opinions. So feel free to give it to me straight!

 

[gwendolyn]

Ok, here''s my thought if you want to be involved but still retain an element of surprise. Purchase the stone together, give him exact setting you like, and tell him to choose one. If you can''t decide on your favourite, let him! That way you''ll both know the stone is excellent, and he will still get to surprise you, with you ending up with something you love. Sound doable?

 

[sunnyd]

LOL Bia our BFs could be the same person!!! So here''s what I did once my maniacal obsession was discovered. He realized that I know exactly what I want for my ring. He realized that I knew a LOT more than he did about diamonds. He realized that I will have to wear the thing, so I might as well be happy with it!!!

Now what''s happening is that I have become totally in control of the thing and he is just paying for it. Kinda sad I guess and not how either of us envisioned it, but this is how it has turned out and I''m happy about it. I''m kind of a control freak like that...it''s fun! What else am I gonna do at work? Work?! Please...

The only thing that really bothers me is feeling trigger happy. Are we ready now to buy? How about now? I found this one, can we call it in?! LOL he puts up with it because he loves me!

 

[sunnyd]

Oh yeah, the proposal part...I told to propose when he wants regardless of whether we have the ring or not. So the surprise element is retained there.

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/3/2008 2:10:06 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Ok, here''s my thought if you want to be involved but still retain an element of surprise. Purchase the stone together, give him exact setting you like, and tell him to choose one. If you can''t decide on your favourite, let him! That way you''ll both know the stone is excellent, and he will still get to surprise you, with you ending up with something you love. Sound doable?

I was thinking that too. I''d love to get the right stone (in other words, the most for our money) and then maybe just leave it up to him to have it set. Although I have to keep looking. I really love classic settings but there are just so many gorgeous rings on PS! I can be a tad indecisive. He knows what I like but, you know how many guys are. They don''t see what we see...so that''s where I want to be careful.

Decisions! Thanks sweetie for the help though

 

[KCCutie]

I only wish my SO would come to this conclusion too! LOL

You are very lucky and I agree with the others that maybe you should pick the stone together then give him a few examples of settings you would be happy with and let him make the final decision. That way it''s still a surprise b/c you won''t know which setting he will choose. Also make it clear that the proposal is still his thing and he can do whatever he wants with it. I think that''s a pretty good compromise.

My SO won''t even hear of me helping him...not one bit

and while I''m a little scared that he''ll end up overpaying, I know it will be perfect. My SO has wonderful taste. I do wish I could help him with the stone though so if I were in your shoes I''d jump at that chance.

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/3/2008 2:16:07 PM
Author: sunnyd
LOL Bia our BFs could be the same person!!! So here''s what I did once my maniacal obsession was discovered. He realized that I know exactly what I want for my ring. He realized that I knew a LOT more than he did about diamonds. He realized that I will have to wear the thing, so I might as well be happy with it!!!

Now what''s happening is that I have become totally in control of the thing and he is just paying for it. Kinda sad I guess and not how either of us envisioned it, but this is how it has turned out and I''m happy about it. I''m kind of a control freak like that...it''s fun! What else am I gonna do at work? Work?! Please...

The only thing that really bothers me is feeling trigger happy. Are we ready now to buy? How about now? I found this one, can we call it in?! LOL he puts up with it because he loves me!

Wow, so you''re taking care of it from here on out? How long ago did you come to this conclusion? I wish I could be a carefree person and just love whatever he gives me, but I have to be honest with myself...I know that if he gets me something I don''t love, it will bug me like crazy (I wish I wasn''t like that). So he''s fine with you taking the reigns on this one? That is very cool of him. I know BF doesn''t want me to do everything, so I am going to have to find a way to compromise.

Can''t wait to see your ring !!!

 

[fieryred33143]

*What do you all think? For those of you who chose your rings, how did you go about it?

I first went shopping alone. It all started with my best friend looking for wedding bands and she pointed at a ring that we both thought was to die for. I put it on, loved it, and then asked for the price...$30K. I thought to myself, how can this small piece of jewelry that isn''t "all that" (I say this now LOL) be $30K!!! So I started doing research. My first stop was bluenile (I did not discover this thread until a month ago when I wanted pictures of 1carat rings and stumbled across PS). I read everything there was to know on bluenline and started putting designs together. I had decided, like you, that I want a solaitare...that was until I went to the jewelry store....

Once I knew the type of stone I wanted, I went with FF to educate ourselves on diamonds. While he was doing his normal I''m going to look over here while you chat with the sales associate he tells her to pull out a channel setting ring and asked me to try it on. To. Die. For. I absolutely loved it and now won''t even go near a solitaire. My suggestion to you is to go to a jewelry store and have them take out every ring possible and try them all on...all of it LOL

*And for those of you who want to be surprised, how do you do so and still get a ring that suits your taste? And kinda still know? BF is not a jewelry buff...and probably couldn''t tell the difference between a CZ and a diamond.

I decided after all of that, I still want to be surprised. So, I stopped searching for a diamond. I have to admit that I still look and price but what I did instead was tell him that a setting like the one he picked out would be perfect and I gave him my "critiria" for the diamond (my FF is just like yours when it comes to diamonds). I told him very specifically, D-F, no lower than VS2, nothing bigger than 1 carat. The rest is up to him.

*Or...
a.) am I asking for too much? b.) should I just chill and stop being looney about the whole thing? Meaning...let him take of it.

You aren''t asking too much. You are part of the engagement!!! Just don''t tell him when and how to propose

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 6/3/2008 2:37:09 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 6/3/2008 2:16:07 PM
Author: sunnyd
LOL Bia our BFs could be the same person!!! So here''s what I did once my maniacal obsession was discovered. He realized that I know exactly what I want for my ring. He realized that I knew a LOT more than he did about diamonds. He realized that I will have to wear the thing, so I might as well be happy with it!!!

Now what''s happening is that I have become totally in control of the thing and he is just paying for it. Kinda sad I guess and not how either of us envisioned it, but this is how it has turned out and I''m happy about it. I''m kind of a control freak like that...it''s fun! What else am I gonna do at work? Work?! Please...

The only thing that really bothers me is feeling trigger happy. Are we ready now to buy? How about now? I found this one, can we call it in?! LOL he puts up with it because he loves me!

Wow, so you''re taking care of it from here on out? How long ago did you come to this conclusion? I wish I could be a carefree person and just love whatever he gives me, but I have to be honest with myself...I know that if he gets me something I don''t love, it will bug me like crazy (I wish I wasn''t like that). So he''s fine with you taking the reigns on this one? That is very cool of him. I know BF doesn''t want me to do everything, so I am going to have to find a way to compromise.

Can''t wait to see your ring !!!

I guess it was a few months? Basically he said, you''ve been caring about this for months if not years, and I only want to care about it for a few weeks. That was his justification to himself, so we''re running with it. Like a typical guy he thought he would just go out one day and find a ring, buy it, then propose. Too bad I found PS...

IMO, the best way to compromise on this is to work on it together. You know? Take a night or something, find things online together, go to stores together and try stuff on. It''s fun and romantic to do it together I think. Can''t wait to see what you fall in love with!!

 

[Bia]

You ladies are the best! I definitely want to check out some rings in person. Knowing me I''ll instantly fall in love with the most expensive ring in the store!

I am not good at budgeting but he is, so although I don''t yet know what kind of funds he is working with, I have to try to be good about not going straight for the 2 carat-ers! It is tricky because it is such an important purchase that you want to step somewhat cautiously, but, at the same time, its so darn exciting!!!

 

[Dreamgirl]

How exciting Bia!!!

Your post wasn''t nearly as long as the posts that I make. lol

I know how you feel because my boyfriend wants to surprise me as well. My suggestion is do what we just did. Go to a jewelery store and look at rings together and show him what you like and see what he possibly likes. Then you will sort of know what he may go with.
?

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/3/2008 3:06:49 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
How exciting Bia!!!

Your post wasn't nearly as long as the posts that I make. lol

I know how you feel because my boyfriend wants to surprise me as well. My suggestion is do what we just did. Go to a jewelery store and look at rings together and show him what you like and see what he possibly likes. Then you will sort of know what he may go with.
?

LOL Definitely! I really need to check out the stores because honestly I haven't tried anything on, outside of my FSIL's ring. I love the classic Tiffany setting but am not sure where to go to get something similar since you can't purchase settings alone from them. Since you are a classic setting girl as well, what are you thinking in terms of your setting?

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 6/3/2008 3:02:15 PM
Author: Bia

I am not good at budgeting but he is, so although I don''t yet know what kind of funds he is working with, I have to try to be good about not going straight for the 2 carat-ers! It is tricky because it is such an important purchase that you want to step somewhat cautiously, but, at the same time, its so darn exciting!!!

Do you think he''ll be ok with sharing his budget with you? That was one thing my FF did not want to do but I manipulated...I mean convinced

...him to at least give me a "no more than" amount so that I''m not showing up with a list of 3 carat rings and the poor guy is thinking OMG what did I get myself into!! LOL

It is totally exciting. Wait till you start putting those sparkling beauties on your hand. You''ll have a smile from ear to ear.

 

[absolut_blonde]

SO asked for ring ideas and pictures and that''s the extent of my involvement. I gave him a list of things I like -- round brilliant cut, thin band, nothing fussy or ornate -- and then followed up with some pictures. We''ve also browsed a bit IRL.

But the ultimate decision, including the stone and the setting, is in his hands. This works for us because he wants it to be a big surprise. And also, I don''t feel comfortable giving him detailed specs for the stone. I trust that he''ll do his research and get a good-quality stone because that''s in his nature.

But as far as carat weight and the rest goes, I don''t want to be too specific because I don''t want him to feel pressured into spending more than he is already planning to nor do I want him to push back the proposal because he thinks he needs to save more for a better ring (etc). A lot of the details regarding the proposal and ring are still up in the air and ultimately will be his call, and I''m ok with that.

A lot of this is individual though, some people have their heart set on picking out a specific stone (etc) and that''s ok too. The way we''ve done things is perfect for us though.

 

[Dreamgirl]

I really liked the knife edge on the Tiffany Setting myself. It ads a bit of character to the band and I think this is what partly sold me on this ring. You've never tried it on before?

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/3/2008 3:13:04 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
SO asked for ring ideas and pictures and that's the extent of my involvement. I gave him a list of things I like -- round brilliant cut, thin band, nothing fussy or ornate -- and then followed up with some pictures. We've also browsed a bit IRL.

But the ultimate decision, including the stone and the setting, is in his hands. This works for us because he wants it to be a big surprise. And also, I don't feel comfortable giving him detailed specs for the stone. I trust that he'll do his research and get a good-quality stone because that's in his nature.

But as far as carat weight and the rest goes, I don't want to be too specific because I don't want him to feel pressured into spending more than he is already planning to nor do I want him to push back the proposal because he thinks he needs to save more for a better ring (etc). A lot of the details regarding the proposal and ring are still up in the air and ultimately will be his call, and I'm ok with that.

A lot of this is individual though, some people have their heart set on picking out a specific stone (etc) and that's ok too. The way we've done things is perfect for us though.

A part of me agrees with this MO too! I love the idea of being surprised! I am just so indecisive sometimes. If he has help from his mother, or maybe a friend of mine, then I know he'll be fine...but alone? I just don't think so. He knows nothing about jewelry apart from diamond earrings he bought me for Christmas one year. They are beautiful but I don't know the specs or anything. Never provided them either...just never occurred to me to ask him. So on one side, I am thinking to just give him some specific info, and then leaving it in his hands, which I think he might appreciate the most. The other side wants to be in control. A friend of mine was in complete control. She chose her diamond, her setting and he just picked it up. But this did ruin the surprise a tad, because she kind of knew when it would happen. I don't want that. And I love BF so much, I wouldn't want to take the surprise element away from him either--I probably would if I take over.

I have to think about it I guess.

 

[Bliss]

I think that is SO cute that you both browsed Pricescope! MY FI does the same thing. When he''s watching TV, I will sometimes slink away to surf online and he asks what''s new in the diamond world. I think it''s wonderful you''re both so open with one another. Very cute! And it''s great because you share such a great friendship, too.

Hmmm... now that it''s out in the open, I would bring it up next time he asks. Say -- look! This is my dream ring! And see what he says. From there, he''ll get the general idea and it will open the discussion up to specifics and styles. For us, we went shopping together a few times. I trained him well (heh heh heh) early on because I love jewelry and he loves to get me gifts I actually wear.

As for a surprise, I mainly coached him on shape... of course cut cut cut. And he did the rest. The setting was a temp plat setting (very plain) so that we could get one that we both love. But I threw him tons of hints. I''m sure it was frustrating for him because I kept changing my mind. I would e-mail him a photo and then send him another photo of a completely different type of stone. Hahahahahahaha! But he loves me for me...crazies and all! God, I love that man. Adore him.

Sounds like you''ve got a keeper, too!

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/3/2008 3:41:48 PM
Author: Bliss
I think that is SO cute that you both browsed Pricescope! MY FI does the same thing. When he's watching TV, I will sometimes slink away to surf online and he asks what's new in the diamond world. I think it's wonderful you're both so open with one another. Very cute! And it's great because you share such a great friendship, too.

Hmmm... now that it's out in the open, I would bring it up next time he asks. Say -- look! This is my dream ring! And see what he says. From there, he'll get the general idea and it will open the discussion up to specifics and styles. For us, we went shopping together a few times. I trained him well (heh heh heh) early on because I love jewelry and he loves to get me gifts I actually wear.

As for a surprise, I mainly coached him on shape... of course cut cut cut. And he did the rest. The setting was a temp plat setting (very plain) so that we could get one that we both love. But I threw him tons of hints. I'm sure it was frustrating for him because I kept changing my mind. I would e-mail him a photo and then send him another photo of a completely different type of stone. Hahahahahahaha! But he loves me for me...crazies and all! God, I love that man. Adore him.

Sounds like you've got a keeper, too!

Yea, he's a good guy--I'll keep around for awhile

.

The thing is, diamonds don't mean diddley squat to him, other than it being something that I really love all of a sudden. The reason is, I am not big on jewelry. Apart from a few pairs of diamond and pearl studs that I rotate every few weeks, I don't wear anything. Occasionaly I will wear a diamond cross that my mother gave me years ago, or I will wear costume stuff and/or silver to maximize the "effect" of an outfit. I just have never been big on jewelry. BUT, the engagement ring, that is a whole other story. Its almost like I haven't worn jewelry all these years so that when I get my e-ring>...I don't know...its hard to explain. The point is, I can't wait for the ring (especially that he is going to give it to me when he asks me to be his wife!) and I want it to be "me." Maybe because I don't know his budget, I am careful to fall in love with any ring too much. Did you know what your fiance's budget was? I want to ask but I am nervous about that because I don't want him to feel pressured.

ETA: Bliss you happen to have my dream stone! We live in NY too, so if you ever want to "run" into BF...and take him to Tiffanys...that would be fine by me!!! LOL Seriously, your stone is one of my favorites and I can't wait to see what you do with the setting! If I copy you, don't be mad

...you know, of course, that imitation is the best form of flattery

 

[cutiegirl84]

I agree with some of the above posts. My BF told me to send him pics of the rings I like, so I have been looking at settings like crazy since then. I looked at alot of Tacori and Vatche and some other designers and sent him pictures of those, so he knows what I like (the general idea). I don''t expect to get a designer ring but at leaset if he understands what those look like he''ll get the idea and when he goes to a jeweler he can hopefully describe it better.

Although, I went to Michael C. Fina yesterday and now I''m in love!! I saw the Tacori 2620 and its soooo pretty! But last week I went to Tiffany and I loved the legacy setting too. So now my BF gets the idea!!

I wouldnt pick out the stone myself but I did tell him some parameters so I''m not totally unhappy. I trust him to use his judgment, because being surprised is really important to me. I don''t want to know anything!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I showed him several settings that I liked...set with both diamonds and sapphires. Luckily for him all the settings I loved were similar in style.

I left it up to him if he wanted to get a diamond or a gem stone. I will be happy with either. I did tell him I liked asscher cuts the best.

I felt it was important that he be allowed to chose the ring himself with minimal input on my end. I simply told him what I liked, what I had a basic idea of and left everything else up to him.

We''ll see how it works out by the end of the summer!

 

[claireabelle]

Hi Bia!

Congrats on the progress! It''s great that he''s allowing you to have involvement in the ring buying process - now you can rest knowing you''ll have something that really suits you and refelcts your style!

My process went something like this...

Once we decided it was time to get engaged, I:

a) started looking online at engagement ring styles (had no idea what I wanted)
b) stumbled upon Pricescope
c) Lurked for a while, and searched all the archive old SMTR threads
d) Found pictures of the Tiffany Legacy
e) Fell in love
f) cried because we couldn''t afford it
g) Went to Tiffanys and tried it on
h) lost the plot
i) Went home and educated myself online about diamonds (esp. the cushion cut)
j) Made appointments to view diamonds at wholesalers
k) Finally chose the perfect rock
l) Gave pics of the Tiffany Legacy (all angles) to the BF
m) Received ring 3 months later

Although I gave pics of the setting to the BF, I had no further involvement. I didn''t see the ring until he proposed.

 

[Deelight]

I kinda picked elements of my future ring .

After trying on a gazillion rings I had an idea of what size I wanted within the colour and clarity specs and the budget (he thinks it is huge I think it is big enough

) This is what we ended up with she found us and it was love at first sight

. From there it is essentially mostly his ballpark, I have a couple of stipulations (I sound like a control freak

): Platinum, pointy LM claws, scoopy sides, raised shoulders and if possible something that makes it uniquely ours. The rest is up to him .

I won''t see the final product until the ring is on my finger and that is okay this way we have the best of both worlds I get a diamond I really love and he gets to be traditional and pick the ring .

 

[Bia]

Thanks Claireabelle! I like your MO...seems you still had input but let him figure out the rest--he''s smart b/c your e-ring is lovely!

I am thinking that it might be a good idea to just show him what I would like and leave the rest up to him. I suddenly feel bad that I am taking the process away from him. Last night he was being so sweet...out of nowhere because I had just come from a run and looked like a hot mess! He and I had dinner and he started saying how much he loves me and that my excitement over the ring cracks him up. He also said that he really wants me to have the ring of my dreams, and understands why I have been obsessing about it lately.

So, I have decided to, apart from showing him what I like and dropping hints as to the diamond itself, I am going to leave it up to him. Maybe I will just keep sending him emails of pictures and vendors. His mother is very diamond savvy, much more than I am, so if she goes with him, he should be okay.

Thank you Gwen, Sunnyd, Fieryred, KCcutie, Dreamgirl, Absolut_blonde, Keepingthefaith, Cutegirl84, Bliss and Deelight! I really appreciate the help! I had been stressing to know anything and everything, and now, I''m not so sure I want to. Why, oh why, can''t I make up my mind about this stuff?!

 

[Dreamgirl]

lol I know how you feel. Why do we worry so much about these things anyway? Our men love us and they know what is best for us. Im sure your guy would choose something quite lovely for you. But I would definitely at least show him a little bit of what you like lol

 

[Bliss]

Oh Bia!

Thank you so much! I would LOVE to take your BF ring shopping! LOL.

I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU. I know you will have an awesome ring. Sounds like you will be engaged sooner than later, too! HOW AWESOME. This is really really great. OK... budget is a sensitive issue. I would go ring shopping with him next time and try on rings. Ooohhh and ahhh over the ones you really love. The salesperson should be naming the prices so your bf will definitely have a good idea of what your range is.

If the ring is over his budget, he might start dropping hints like: does the diamond really have to be that big? Or he might say jokingly that your fingers are too pretty and petite for a big rock! LOL. And then you start a dialogue about how you can maybe get an awesome stone for less. Ya know? But in the store, I wasn't afraid to zero in on the size I liked. Why hint around? Go for the one that stops your heart. You don't have to get it! On the other hand, don't frighten the poor guy. I'd go for the one that stops your heart without stopping his when he sees the price tag. Hahahaha. I didn't go for the 5-6 carat stones in the case, I went for the ones around 3 because I knew what was reasonable for our budget.

What can I say? I'm direct.

For me, we went ring shopping and I was gaga for a certain look so he definitely knew what I wanted! Better to be vocal and communicate than to have an e-ring you're not crazy about. It should always be a couple's decision, I feel. And as long as it's in your budget and reasonable, why not? Besides, you have the real prize already -- the awesome man! Sounds like you have a real gem!