Officiant help!

[princessplease]

Ok, so I have most of this wedding stuff down pretty well, reading information on here, on blogs, asking family, friends, etc. Most of FI and I''s family/friends were married in churches, so they used their religious clergy.

The one thing I''m having a lot of trouble with is finding an officiant. FI and I are not marrying at a church, and we''re not religious people, so I''m really at a loss as to what to do with an officiant. A lot of my questions regarding an officiant are: Where do I look for an officiant? What happens once I find a few? FI and I don''t want any religious readings/sayings/etc in the ceremony, so how do I find an officiant who will honor this request? Can we write our own vows? This person is going to be the most important part of the wedding; the one who will join us as man and wife, and I just feel like I don''t know what I''m doing with an officiant.

Also, if you''re in PA/NJ, and you know of a great officiant, that would be of major help too. Thanks!

 

[Lauren8211]

I just googled for officiants in my area, and read their websites. Most of the ones I found listed what type of ceremonies they do, and most did do secular ones.

We sat down with the officiant and picked from tons of different options. No part of our ceremony is religious or mentions God at all. She had a lot of options available that she sent me in a word document.

You can probably also request a list of judges that will do your service for you from your city clerk.

 

[princessplease]

Date: 7/6/2009 9:41:22 AM
Author: elledizzy5
I just googled for officiants in my area, and read their websites. Most of the ones I found listed what type of ceremonies they do, and most did do secular ones.


We sat down with the officiant and picked from tons of different options. No part of our ceremony is religious or mentions God at all. She had a lot of options available that she sent me in a word document.


You can probably also request a list of judges that will do your service for you from your city clerk.

Judges!! Aha!!! Thanks so much elle! I didn''t even think of that

 

[KatyWI]

It''s becoming more and more common for couples to have non-religious wedding ceremonies, so there are usually civil officiants around. I just googled "civil officiants madison wi" because that''s my local area, but I bet it would work for you too! It might take some work to find a judge willing to do a lengthy/touching ceremony rather than just the "Do you? Do you? Okay, its done!" type.

My officiant and his wife are both Reverend by title but don''t seem to subscribe to any particular faith - but they won''t even tell anyone what they actually believe, because they believe that everyone is entitled to believe whatever they want (or don''t want) to believe. They have very traditional-seeming but religion-free ceremonies in their repertoire, and we''re using parts of those, as well as some stuff that we''re writing/adding in on our own. It''s a little pricier, but IMO totally worth it. I see it the same way you do - without the ceremony, it''s just a party!

I hope you find someone soon! It was hard for me - I didn''t find Rev. Jim until a month ago, and my wedding is in 2 months!!! So... don''t wait that long

 

[SassyB]

A couple months back I was also having a hard time finding an officiant. Have you tried Craigslist? In my area there were tons of them. However I couldn''t find the right fit for us. In the end I was telling one of my best friends about my problem and she offered to become ordained! It was SUPER easy online

Just a thought, but a close friend marrying you may be very special...

 

[nyc7782]

In NJ, you could try jessie blum at eclectic unions. I only know her from her blogging on wedding bee, but she seems great and open to doing whatever you want. Good luck!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

This might help....

http://www.rentapriest.com/web/?_p=1001

 

[alli_esq]

Date: 7/6/2009 10:29:25 AM
Author: nyc7782
In NJ, you could try jessie blum at eclectic unions. I only know her from her blogging on wedding bee, but she seems great and open to doing whatever you want. Good luck!

I actually met with Jessie. she is very very nice, but just so you know, she is very young. That is why we decided that she probably wasn''t best for us--we''d rather have someone with a little more gravitas

But if that doesn''t matter to you, I will say that she''s very friendly and amenable to anything you want in your wedding.

 

[meresal]

Date: 7/6/2009 9:37:30 AM
Author:princessplease
Ok, so I have most of this wedding stuff down pretty well, reading information on here, on blogs, asking family, friends, etc. Most of FI and I's family/friends were married in churches, so they used their religious clergy.

The one thing I'm having a lot of trouble with is finding an officiant. FI and I are not marrying at a church, and we're not religious people, so I'm really at a loss as to what to do with an officiant. A lot of my questions regarding an officiant are: Where do I look for an officiant? What happens once I find a few? FI and I don't want any religious readings/sayings/etc in the ceremony, so how do I find an officiant who will honor this request? Can we write our own vows? This person is going to be the most important part of the wedding; the one who will join us as man and wife, and I just feel like I don't know what I'm doing with an officiant.

Also, if you're in PA/NJ, and you know of a great officiant, that would be of major help too. Thanks!

If this is the case, then why not have a very close friend or family member get ordained online, and do a personal ceremony? You could write the entire thing yourselves.

 

[PearlDahhhling]

DH and I had this same problem. We''re not religious, didn''t know any officiants personally, and also felt like such an important position should be held by someone special. So we asked his cousin! His cousin got ordained online to officiate our wedding. I wrote the entire ceremony so he didn''t have to worry about that (plus I really liked being able to choose every word that was said). It turned out great! It was so special having family unite us in marriage rather than some random person we didn''t know. So if that''s an option for you guys, I''d definitely consider it!

 

[princessplease]

KatyWI, FI and I really like the idea of the officiant keeping their faith I guess under wraps. That''s a sensitive subject, and FI and I are just not religious. We really would feel very uncomfortable with any mention of particular faiths.
Sassy, I didn''t even consider CL. I''ll defnitely take a look. Thanks!
NYC, I''m gonna look her up when I get home from work. Thanks!
Italiahaircolor, thanks for that link! I''ll definitely take a thorough look into that site as well. I like how there are listings for each state.
alli_esq, I''m thinking that the youthfulness may be an issue. No offense or anything, but I really would want to chalk up a lot of experience to the officiant. But, I''m still gonna take a peek at the site.
Merseal and Pearl, thanks for those suggestions. How does one be come ''officiated'' I guess, lol? What''s involved in that? Is the marriage legal in every state? I''m very intrigued! Please share more!

 

[PearlDahhhling]

Date: 7/6/2009 1:06:23 PM
Author: princessplease


Merseal and Pearl, thanks for those suggestions. How does one be come ''officiated'' I guess, lol? What''s involved in that? Is the marriage legal in every state? I''m very intrigued! Please share more!

There are many websites out there that are affiliated with nondenominational churches that ordain people. Lemme see if I can find the one DH''s cousin used... Okay here it is. He used First Nation Church
linky He did some research before choosing this particular church, but there are tons others out there. The marriage is legal in every state.

 

[Lynnie]

Hi princess!!
We were pretty much the same position as you. Neither of us are very religious, didn''t get married in a church, either. No readings or anything.

I did a lot of research online and called a lot of people. I found you can kinda get a sense of a person by talking with them. Some of the people I called seemed disinterested, more about the money, etc. I didn''t want a woman officiant - I had always pictured in my head an older man would marry us. (Yes, I''m sure a woman would''ve done a fine job, though). Anyway, we ended up with a guy named Kent Foster... I am so glad, too, because he is super nice, patient, answered all our questions. He gave us a bunch of sample vows, but welcomed & encouraged writing our own (we ended up using pre-written ones though). He''s located in Warminster, PA (just north of Philly), but he travels. Here is his website: http://www.ceremonyheaven.com/ I can''t say enough nice things about him.


Mini thread-jack - where did you end up going for fireworks? We tried to get to Philly Park - the traffic was incredible, and we ended up in Giant''s Parking lot on Street Rd. We had a decent view of the show. It was a 30 minute show, very nice, but we were farther away than we would''ve liked to have been.

 

[elrohwen]

I got a list of judges from my venue that they have worked with before and started calling around. When the first one was busy on our day, he recommended just calling local courthouses (from all of the little towns around our venue) and just asking for judges. Luckily it didn''t come to that because the second guy was available, but I''m glad I got the advice to cold call court houses because it''s something I would''ve never thought of.

I haven''t met with my guy yet, but he''s done quite a few weddings and has some ideas already. Though I''m sure he would just say whatever I wanted if I asked him to.

I''ve also found some people through the Knot who just do weddings so are probably pretty good at making ceremonies meaningful. However, they charged $700-800

and I wasn''t willing to pay that for someone to show up for 15 min and read something.

 

[princessplease]

Date: 7/6/2009 1:58:34 PM
Author: Lynnie
Hi princess!!

We were pretty much the same position as you. Neither of us are very religious, didn''t get married in a church, either. No readings or anything.


I did a lot of research online and called a lot of people. I found you can kinda get a sense of a person by talking with them. Some of the people I called seemed disinterested, more about the money, etc. I didn''t want a woman officiant - I had always pictured in my head an older man would marry us. (Yes, I''m sure a woman would''ve done a fine job, though). Anyway, we ended up with a guy named Kent Foster... I am so glad, too, because he is super nice, patient, answered all our questions. He gave us a bunch of sample vows, but welcomed & encouraged writing our own (we ended up using pre-written ones though). He''s located in Warminster, PA (just north of Philly), but he travels. Here is his website: http://www.ceremonyheaven.com/ I can''t say enough nice things about him.



Mini thread-jack - where did you end up going for fireworks? We tried to get to Philly Park - the traffic was incredible, and we ended up in Giant''s Parking lot on Street Rd. We had a decent view of the show. It was a 30 minute show, very nice, but we were farther away than we would''ve liked to have been.

TJ is ok

I was wondering where you went, actually! FI and I ended up going to the Parkway. Columbus Blvd was wayyyyy too packed, and it was impossible to get around. We have friends who live by the art museum, so we parked at their apt complex, and walked to the Parkway. They were AMAZING as usual!

 

[princessplease]

Date: 7/6/2009 2:39:36 PM
Author: elrohwen
I got a list of judges from my venue that they have worked with before and started calling around. When the first one was busy on our day, he recommended just calling local courthouses (from all of the little towns around our venue) and just asking for judges. Luckily it didn''t come to that because the second guy was available, but I''m glad I got the advice to cold call court houses because it''s something I would''ve never thought of.


I haven''t met with my guy yet, but he''s done quite a few weddings and has some ideas already. Though I''m sure he would just say whatever I wanted if I asked him to.


I''ve also found some people through the Knot who just do weddings so are probably pretty good at making ceremonies meaningful. However, they charged $700-800

and I wasn''t willing to pay that for someone to show up for 15 min and read something.

WOWZERS!!! $700-$800!!!!????? Holy moly!!!!!!! Cold calling court houses is also a great idea, and so is using my venue to find out information on officiants. Kudos to you to having the courage to call the courthouses!