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Once you're broken up, what do you do with the FB pics?

This just seems to fall down on the same lines as the questions of whether or not you can have a friendship with an ex.

Some feel it is important to cut off all contact out of respect to your new SO. Others just don't get why you would excise someone from your life who was once meaningful just because you're no longer a romantic item.

Neither is "right," per se, it just is.
 
Thanks so much guys! Ugh, I feel like I've been manic-depressive on PS lately, between threads about cute new guy (yay!) and what to do about the ex (booo). Sorry!!!

I spent an hour last night going through photos and deleting the super couply ones and then all the ones that have me and him in it where I don't look that great (but he does so he conned me into posting those). Ha, good way to spring clean (fall clean?) all my bad pics :P

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Cehra - the break up was pretty amicable, not the least because we had planned on it for several months (long story but basically the decision to break up happened last Dec. but since we were living together, classmates, etc. we decided to postpone until we left Chicago in August. Probably not the smartest decision but hindsight, 20/20, oh well.

Imdanny - Thank you :)

AGBF - Oh no I'm sorry! It is weird - I mean, I've had FB since I started college so I can't imagine a time in my adult life where I didn't have it (to defend myself, I did try out the FB profile addict and scored a D-, so hopefully I'm not too much of a loser :lol:). FB was definitely around when my relationship started, and I love taking pictures and posting them, hence this mess. Bah.

MissMina - :lol: You crack me up! Thank you for that. :)

Oranges - I definitely won't delete all my albums. For one thing, I love my vacation pics! I don't want to feel petty by deleting just him though, and I guess I don't want to just ignore what has been a significant part of my past. I mean, a three-year relationship in which we seriously discussed marriage - can't really ignore it - but I'm ready to move on.

Maisie - I love that too! :)

Indy - Thanks hun. I really appreciate your kind words. It was definitely tough the first couple weeks - lots of crying and sadness, and hugging my kitties (which I guess was better for my health than ice cream :P) but with time comes perspective, and with perspective comes the realization that if we had stayed together, one or both of us would have been miserable. I definitely didn't want what he wanted out of life, and I'm glad that I got out before I changed myself to fit his future plans you know? Btw, we should create a Single Ladies thread! It would be fun to talk with other single girls about new developments in dating, tips, advice, commiseration, whatever. Let's start one!

Princesss - I think I feel the same way you do, though I'm not above a little selective deleting and editing :P But I don't want to erase all of them, or at least not right now, I guess.

Gaby - I think it's totally different once you're married or engaged. At that point, if and when I got engaged/married, I would take down all the pics I have up of my ex. I agree that it wouldn't be respectful to your partner at that point. At this stage, where I'm not involved with anyone else though, I feel like it's a little more ambiguous - like it could go either way.

MissPrudential - Same here about getting out of a nearly 3 year relationship this summer! (Btw, you're not a lawyer/law student are you? :P). I think I agree with you!

LaBelleVita - I've been untagging a bunch of my pictures since last night - at least the ones I can't delete!

Chemgirl - Really? Friends have commented? I'm hoping no one notices :P What did they say? I agree - framed pics and suck are totally different. lol about breathing fire! But yes, I would totally have been unhappy if my ex had pictures of HIS exes up when we were dating (I really dislike one of his exes and the other one he was in a really long, committed relationship with that also almost led to marriage - hmm I sense a trend here). Of course, he's several years older than I am so he didn't get FB until he started law school and met me.

OUPeargirl - Hey girlie! :wavey: I think that was a good call, deleting/detagging once you got serious with L. Makes perfect sense!

Sillyberry - I still remember at the PS GTG in Chicago when you commented about his personality and mine (that he's uberrational and frugal and such). I have no idea what context that was in, but it was such a good point - he and I also have very different personalities. Sometimes that works - opposites attract right? - and sometimes it doesn't. It didn't for us, and added to that the different life goals ... well... I wish I had realized all this sooner. And YES - thank you. It's natural to not talk as much when you're broken up - that's why you're broken up, right??? I feel like I'm being normal about wanting to not talk as much and he's trying to cling on and for heaven's sake, HE's the one with an exciting new life in Africa for heaven's sake! He should be the one wanting some distance, right? Bah!

Autumn - Ugh, I'd feel uncomfortable with that too! I think you guys have really helped me sort out my feelings on this. Namely, that it's ok to selectively delete pics when you're still single, and it's also ok to keep them up, whatever I'm comfortable with, but once you get seriously involved with someone, it's far less awkward and far more respectful to the current SO to delete/untag most of the pictures.

Redfaerythinker - You are a far cooler, more rational person than I am, and I totally give you kudos for it! I do have a bit of a jealous streak :P

Tacori - Thank you!

TooPatient - That's definitely a serious consideration and I absolutely agree.

Fiery - I was just talking with my BFF, and we agree - FB makes things far more complicated! I feel like I should just take a break from it, but I can't - I'm addicted!! And I think you're a very considerate friend btw. I had to figure out what to do with pictures (like from law school prom) when two of my friends who had been dating went through a nasty break-up. I untagged them, I think, but left the group photos up. I'll have to figure out what to do about those actually, because the girl in that relationship is now engaged to someone else (in their case though, the break-up was pretty bad).

Sillyberry - Well, that's a good question isn't it? What do you think about it? I don't want the ex to be someone I feel like I have to avoid or never talk to, but the ex is the type who prides himself on remaining friends with ALL his exes (which gave me a lot of grief back when we were dating, as one of his exes was kind of a ho, lol). I don't really know how I feel about it. He was my best friend throughout law school, but of course, isn't anymore (for instance, I've told my best friends about the Cute Vet situation, and I'm NOT going to call up the ex to dish about that).

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Btw guys, I'm also friends with his mom, his stepmom (and by extension then his dad), his two brothers and their wives, and a bunch of his friends from college or high school. Um, what do I do? For the record, I LOVE his family. That is one huge thing I regret about the break-up - I love his family and would have loved to have been a part of it. I don't want to delete them, but I also don't want them to be privy to stuff I may post on FB when I get involved with someone new....


ETA: Apparently I use lots of emoties ... :oops:
 
The emoties make me super happy :)
 
Sounds like you're making good choices!

The family thing is always hard. You make these connections with their loved ones and then when it's over it's weird. You'll get used it with time! :)
 
I'm glad that you made a choice that you're comfortable with :appl: !!!
 
I think you made a good choice. If I was in your situation, I would delete all the pics with him, or you and him, and leave the rest of the vacation pics up. I would not want a guy who is a possible potential seeing pics of me with another guy.
 
Hehe I didn't mean facebook comments or anything. We went to the same college so we have a lot of common friends. Some of them noticed that FI still has old pictures in old photo albums with his ex. I have the same. I got rid of the ones where we're being couply etc. but I left pictures of trips and things where we are just generally having a good time. Different friends have noticed and mentioned that its weird to still have the pictures up. I never look at them so it didn't occur to me that its weird. The way I look at it is that if I delete all of the pictures of him, then I won't have any in front of the Eiffel tower, at Machu Pichu, trying to pull our canoe over a beaver dam etc. Some of them are just nice pictures and I don't think that the fact he's in them ruin the memory. I agree with this in theory about FI's pictures with his ex. Doesn't mean I like looking at them together though...
 
Haha, I'm not that cool. For the record, I think what you're doing is a nice happy medium. Like I said, you can never erase the past, but only leaving up the pics where you look good is a nice way to put on those rose tinted glasses a little faster! "Oh, That vacation was awesome, man I look HOT, ex and I had a nice time there... etc. Oooh but here's a new pic of me and the sexy vet, ex-who?"
 
I don't like to draw a lot of attention to myself on FB (mostly a stalker here), so I'd probably only delete the mushy couple pictures and wait awhile to decide what to do with the rest. My guess is in a few weeks or months you'll feel completely indifferent, or better yet, you'll look back on them fondly (just a little bit? I hope so).

It sounds like you're handling the break-up really well. What with the new bangs (they look great!), and the new vet, this sounds like an exciting time for you :appl:
 
OOOOH boy. A lot of pics of my ex also have pics of my current, and his current in them. We are all in the same circle of friends. I just left them alone.
 
Pretty sure I deleted them all. The ex and I were friends from HS, so I left up any pics of us in groups or parties with friends, but I took down any couple-y photos.
 
Autumn - :)

OUpeargirl - Thanks hun! I'm thinking of grouping his family/close friends/him into a separate group in my FB friends, and making my profile a bit more private for those in that group (if that makes sense). That wouldn't be too bad right?

Oranges - thank you! :)

LtlFirecracker - Thanks! Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too. I've already purged a lot of pictures (this was a good opportunity to get rid of some pictures that I don't look as good in too). I kind of want to do it gradually, so that he doesn't all of a sudden realize that ALL the pics of us are gone. Trying to sneak it past him, lol.

Chemgirl - Oh I see! Yeah I wasn't too happy when I came across an old CD full of pics of my ex and HIS ex from several years ago. But memories are memories, right?

Redfaery - Thanks dear :) lol you're too funny! And yes, I like my rose tinted glasses - much better to put those on sooner than later. I'll still be keeping all my pictures, couply or not, in my private albums on Picasa, but I'm definitely editing all the pics I have public to my friends on FB.

Bunny - I think you're right. My perspective has changed a lot just in the three months since the break-up, and I'm sure I'll feel differently, one way or another, in another 3 months, or 6 months, or a year. And of course, despite the fact that the relationship ended and that it was rough the last year, I don't regret it at all, nor regret the vacations we've taken or the pictures taken. They all made me who I am now (which is someone who was able to ask Cute Vet to coffee - definitely could NOT have done that in college or in high school) so no regrets at all. I'm grateful for what I've learned and gained in the last three years, but I'm ready to move on. And thank you for the compliments! I am happier and more hopeful than I've been in a while and it feel really awesome :)

Reader - That's not too bad though. Since you're all in the same group of friends, I feel like it's definitely ok to have the pictures up. It sounds like everything got resolved and no hard feelings, and that's great!

Elrohwen - What did we do before FB?? I think things were easier :P I took down all my pics from college when I started law school (not the least because I had some crazy drunk pictures from studying abroad that I did not want my new law school classmates/future colleagues to see!) but I feel like my current pics are pretty acceptable :)
 
BEG- I really hate to imagine you sad; you are one of those posters that makes PS the amazing place that it is. It takes a lot to realize, and accept, that you may not be happy with someone even if you do love them (I'm assuming that's how it was; I've been there and it HURTS!). I'll be sending lots of happy dust, zumba dust, judicial clerkship dust, and cute vet dust your way.

I'm off to the new single ladies thread! :appl:
 
IndyLady|1288858674| said:
BEG- I really hate to imagine you sad; you are one of those posters that makes PS the amazing place that it is. It takes a lot to realize, and accept, that you may not be happy with someone even if you do love them (I'm assuming that's how it was; I've been there and it HURTS!). I'll be sending lots of happy dust, zumba dust, judicial clerkship dust, and cute vet dust your way.

I'm off to the new single ladies thread! :appl:
Click to expand...

IndyLady, that touched me far more than I can say. Thank you. I want to give you a big hug right now!

And yes, you have the situation exactly right. It does hurt, but you know, it would be worse to stay together and force things to work out (which they wouldn't). I'm always going to be concerned about him, I think. He's had a big place in my heart and life for three years, he's been my best friend, and not to mention, he has a serious medical condition and I personally don't think he's very responsible for managing it. I'll always worry, but that isn't the same as being meant to be together, right?
 
Oh yeah, my ex noticed my picture editing/removal. Sent me a FB message :(
 
He can suck it up. Sorry you're not pining over him. You've got CV to worry about! (But you already knew I thought that...)
 
princesss|1288901678| said:
He can suck it up. Sorry you're not pining over him. You've got CV to worry about! (But you already knew I thought that...)
Click to expand...

:)

I talked to a friend that knows both of us (but she's far more my friend) to see what she thought (and to see if I was making a big deal over nothing). Nope - she found it weird and passive aggressive.
 
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