One more dress shopping question--would you ever take your Fl with you?

[gwendolyn]

Ok, my fiance J may be a bit strange, but he seems to WANT to go dress shopping with me. He seemed to get a little put out when I didn't want to show him the photos of the dresses I tried on, and when I just told him that I was scheduled to go try on dresses next Wednesday (which turns out to be his day off), he offered to go shopping with me. I was like, "But then you'd see me in the dresses!" He isn't bothered by that, but I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I feel like it's how we are with movies--he loves spoilers, and I don't. They spoil things!

Of course, it's also true that he won't remember much about my dress between next week and the wedding (assuming I find one I love), so he'd probably still react the same way.

What do you think? Should I bring him? Would you bring your fiance if he showed an interest in going dress shopping with you?

ETA: ARGH! Title should be "TAKE" your fiance with you. Oh, how I hate hate hate typos.

 

[purselover]

Yes I would, I think there''s a huge difference in how you''ll look at the appointment versus on your wedding day with your hair done, accessories, makeup etc. I don''t think it''ll detract from the moment he see you at the alter at all.

 

[marlie]

I''m personally going to surprise FI with the dress. We did look through a couple magazines so that I got an idea of what he likes and what he didn''t.
THe way I see it is you can pick and choose what traditions you want to keep and toss. I think if you want FI to come with you, then why not? THat''s a tradition I personally decided to keep. However, we are seeing each other before the ceremony so that''s a tradition I''m not honoring.

I say, if both of you want to go then do it! It might be a romantic thing for the two of you to do! And, immediately post pics afterward of course!!

 

[trillionaire]

lol, I would probably rather go with FI than most other people who are offering to go with me

. However, he isn''t a big shopper, and I''m not sure he''d have the stamina for dress shopping. My dad was very very sad when we had a girly day and went dress shopping the first time. He went shopping with me in hs for all of my dresses for proms and homecomings, so he really had to be sternly told that he wasn''t coming. I will make sure to do a ''parent''s day'' shopping trip though, so he can see me try on dresses. I did show him the pictures.

Gwen, if you don''t mind J going, I think it would be really cute for him to go. I''ve definitely seen couples do that on TV! (you know, the measuring stick for reality! ha!)

 

[mayachel]

We are such a modern couple in some ways, that I actually love that he hasn''t seen my dress. In fact he was quite surprised to learn that he wasn''t "supposed" to. He figured that he could at least look at it on the hanger. (I brought mine home the day I bought which means it is hanging in a garment bag on the back of our bedroom door). It just feels mischievous. I also love all the co-conspirators who tell him in exagerated tones that of course *he has to wait till the day* and how much *more special* it will be.

Now, in reality land? It has built its own momentum, and I don''t mind. BUT if you WANT him to go with you, you can absolutely do so. I don''t think that it will take away from the thrill of seeing you on the day, all dolled up *AND ABOUT TO WED*. BUT right now, it mostly sounds lik he wants to go and you haven''t figured out what you want.

If you want to enlist other married men, the ones that we knew all bent over backwards to tell my df that he should wait to see...

 

[pocahontas]

I agree with Marlie that the decision is yours and FI''s to make regarding what traditions you want to keep/toss. FI and I were in agreement about him not seeing me or my dress before my walk down the aisle. We kept other traditions like a father/daughter dance, but chose not to participate in others like the garter and bouquet tosses. Honestly Gwen, I don''t think there''s a right or wrong answer. If you''re uncomfortable with FI seeing the dress beforehand then perhaps he can be a part of the process of helping you research possible styles to try on?!

 

[rhbgirl24]

He did come with me. He just never saw MY dress with me in it! lol

 

[jet2ks]

Guy''s take.

I went dress shopping with FI. Between the two of us, we narrowed it down to three styles, then two. She selected the one she liked better (I liked the other one a little more, but they were both great and she has to gets to wear it). They didn''t have it in the correct size, so we were trying to judge from a sample that was too big. In any case, with getting the correct size, alterations, adding the veil, etc. I know what I see on wedding day will not be the same as what was in the store. (That, and being a guy, I can barely remember what she wore yesterday, much less months ago

)

Totally up to the two of you and your preferences, but if you don''t mind him seeing you in the dress beforehand, why not take the opportunity to spend some time together? (and he can hold your purse

)

 

[merrymunky]

I have chosen to surprise my fiance as he has NEVER seen me in a dress so I want to see his reaction when he first sees me coming down the aisle.

However, I am praying he doesn''t hate it on the day...that''s almost more scary than the thought of actually getting married in 6 days time!

 

[Still_Waiting]

I''ll go ahead and join the popular opinion on this...if it doesn''t bother you, and you think you''d enjoy having him with you, then go for it!

For me personally? FI is NOT a shopper, so I doubt it''d be something he''d enjoy helping me with. However, my mom lives far away (not as far as your mom though!), my sisters live even further, and my best friend just moved several hours away. =( I''ll probably end up doing the deed by myself, which I''m not sure how I feel about that. Typically, I''d MUCH rather shop by myself. But it seems like it''s going to be something I''ll REALLY need some help with...we''ll see when the time comes.

 

[ladypirate]

I think it''s so up to each couple--my compromise is that I''m not letting FI see me in whatever dress I pick, but I have sat down with him and looked at some styles to get an idea of what he likes. Good thing, too, because some of the ones I was looking at he absolutely hated!

 

[tlh]

My husband went with me to pick out the dress. Shoot I didn''t care... I liked having him there. We were getting all the photos done before the ceremony anyway... so there wouldn''t be any "real surprise" when walking down the aisle...
Plus we lived together... 1500 miles away from my closest friends and family. The dress was going to be stored at our place. So, I wasn''t going to fret about it. It was disappointing that I didn''t get the try-on shopping stuff w/ my mom. But, I had my future spouse there, and HE made the dress shopping special. It didn''t take anything away from our special day. But that was me... this of course is up to you, and how you envisioned things.

This is an exciting time, enjoy!!!

 

[katamari]

I wish FI would have gone with me, but he wouldn''t because he "heard he shouldn''t". I would consider yourself lucky. In fact, as much trouble as some ladies have getting their FI''s involved, I am of the opinion that you should include your FI in every aspect where he shows interest.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I really wanted my fiance''s input, but he was adamant about not seeing the dress in any way :/

 

[daught3rofEve]

I would go shopping without FI, show him the pictures (while not disclosing your favorite) and ask his opinion. That way, #1 he''s not bored out of his mind (men really have no idea how long it takes to try on dresses), #2 he gets to feel included and #3, you get to keep the element of suprise.


That would be my suggestion...


fi did''t want anything to do with seeing me... lol. I kinda like it that way, not for traditional purposes, but becuase I''m BIG on suprises, and everything about the wedding we''ve planned together. This is the one thing he doesn''t have a clue about.

 

[elrohwen]

Would and did! I really don't have anyone local to me that I wanted to go with me (I guess there are a few, but mom, MOH, and bridesmaid all live far away) ... I did go once or twice when my mom was in town, but it was very clear that we had very different tastes (well, I already knew that

). When I finally went to try on my dream dress, I just took FI with me and it was great. He felt a little out of place (it was obvious that they used the men's room for toilet paper, etc storage

) but it was nice. He could be honest about what was flattering and not, but had very little opinion on actual styles. He let me pick what I wanted while still being helpful.

I'm fairly opinionated and knew the dress was mine the moment I saw it in a magazine. I think if I needed more help in deciding on styles or dresses, FI would not have been a good choice and I would've wanted a girlfriend with some fashion sense to help me. So it worked for us, but it wouldn't work for everyone.

ETA: I had no problem with him seeing me in the dress. He even went to the first fitting and will go with me to pick it up on Saturday. But I know a lot of couples think differently about the issue and that's cool too.

 

[gwendolyn]

Thanks for the feedback, ladies and gentleman!

Thought I'd come in and let you know I appreciate your input even though it's so so late (3:20am-ish here)--I was awakened by my lovely hubby-to-be when he turned on a light that shone right into my face (am a very light sleeper), and now am *wide* awake and rather grumpy as I haven't slept well at all the past few nights.

Annnnyway...

I think I am going to bring him dress shopping with me, since it (surprisingly) seems like something he wants to be a part of, and heaven knows, he hasn't really shown much interest in helping out with other wedding-related stuff, so why not? He'll probably be very supportive of any dress I choose because he tends to think I look good even when I look hideous (crazy dude

), so there's no real danger of him trying to influence my decision. Also, he knows that it'll be a long day (almost 2 hours to get to the store, and another couple of hours actually trying on the dresses), and he's cool with that. And hey, if it makes him feel good and like he's helping, then it's probably just going to be a positive thing! So that's good.

As always, thank you for your insights. You are so helpful!

 

[cindygenit]

I think you should take him dress shopping if its that important to him!

My FI insists that he can''t see my dress or me IN the dress until out wedding day so i had to take my MOHs. It would have been easier for me to choose a dress if he wanted to come, cos i kept thinking... "Would FI love me in this dress?". It really didn''t matter to me what my MOHs said

But that''s just me though

 

[Laila619]

No, I would not ever have let my DH go dress shopping with me. I wanted it to be a total surprise.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I wouldn''t (and didn''t). Besides the tradition of surprise, he would have been a downer for sure. In general, wedding dress shopping takes a loooong time, lots of changing with help of a sales associate, and you probably won''t even leave that day having chosen a dress. If I had taken my husband, I would have felt pressured to be considerate and try on less dresses or spend less time twirling in the mirror being a princess or indecisively going back and trying on a gown again. Seeing the price tags would kill him (and my buzz), and not leaving with a dress picked out after hours of shopping would be a "waste." They all would look the same to him, or he would make a face at the one I love and ruin it for me, or I would have bought one that didn''t look as good on me in my opinion because he liked it best. Of course he would say to get the one I wanted, but of course I won''t if I know he likes another one better, no matter how misguided his choice! Truthfully, I picked that dress for me and didn''t really want anyone else''s bias, including his. In the case of wedding dress shopping, I only wanted my mother to come (she''s brutally honest)... definitely no boys allowed.


However, wedding dress shopping is not the same for everyone, and not all men loathe shopping and waiting as much as my husband. If he has a real interest in helping with the dress, you should take him up on his offer! I think picking out the dress together could be a lot of fun and would probably be more meaningful to him than being "surprised." Having read your posts, it sounds like something that you and your fiance would do.

 

[Dannielle]

I would love to take FI but he refuses to come, he really wants to be suprised and I don''t want to take that away from him so my mouth is sealed!

I think you should definately take J if you want to, let us all know how it goes

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

FI didn''t come shopping with me, but he has seen a picture of the dress, i wanted him to see it as we both have very different tastes, i wanted to make sure that he liked it.

 

[livinginsg]

I was in the EXACT same situation as Cindgenit!!! Hubby wanted it to a total surprise!!!!! But, we did go through the bridal magazines together and agreed that a bustier gown is best!

But, still...it would be a lot easier if he was there...

We are having a 2nd party (church ceremony + dinner) in Italy and my designer has, very kindly, made a new veil (3m long) for me and still, my hubby, does not want to see it before the ceremony next Sat! He is Italian, by the way.

 

[gwendolyn]

Yeah, I definitely found it slightly odd that he would want to come shopping with me at first, but it is his only day off and he likes to spend them with me when he can, and he also doesn''t mind shopping. I mean, I know this isn''t normal shopping, but he is very patient and likes seeing me when I get excited about things (which will hopefully be the case when I try on some of these dresses!

). So it could be really nice.

So, I guess it sort of makes sense, but it did really surprise me when he offered to come along, and then got rather miffed when I said I wasn''t sure. He hasn''t cared about anything else as much, so I will definitely take him with me! I''ve prepped him for what the prices might be, so he doesn''t faint in the shop.

 

[lilyfoot]

Good luck with the dress shopping!

I think it''s very sweet that he cared so much about going with you!

 

[livinginsg]

Hi Gwendolyn! Enjoy the dress shopping with your FI!!! Make sure the appointment takes place after he has had a good meal and perhaps a coffee in his hands!

 

[Diva0413]

Yeah, I see nothing wrong with taking FI. I personally would have if he had been available when I went. He was out of town on business.

 

[gwendolyn]

Thank you for changing the title of the thread for me, Andrey!

Will let you all know how it goes after we get back on Wednesday. And glad you don''t all think it''s horribly weird and strange.

 

[honey22]

NO NO NO NO!!!!! It''s such a special moment for a man to see his future wife coming down the isle dressed up in her wedding gown, I wouldn''t take that away from them, even if they want to. I think he would be happier in the end seeing you for the first time on the day.

 

[happydreams]

I have taken my FI with me. He didn''t go with me when I got THE dress, but he has seen me in others. He saw the dress I purchased for our wedding since it''s in the apartment, but said he doesn''t want to see m in IN it until the wedding date. So, lets say he is leaving a little something as a surprise.