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Our cleaning lady (or her sister) stole my promise ring!

Trekkie:

Here is what I did recently when I had a check stolen and forged:

I notified the cleaning lady that I would not need her services for a few weeks.

That gave the police time to investigate (she confessed to it).

I found out that she had given me a false name all along, and that she had been through the criminal court system over 30 times in the last decade.

She can now negotiate with the DA and the Judge on the final outcome - formal charges have been filed.

Trust is the most important thing.


Perry
 
Once the trust is gone, it's time to let go.

It's crazy that she actually wore it to your home after that!!!
 
If you can prove the ring is yours I cannot fathom your reluctance to fire their thieving a$$es. Obviously the job wasn't THAT important to them............
 
I doubt anyone is THAT stupid but she is guilty by association. I would fire them both. Like others mentioned you will always wonder/worry and there are many other options out there without the stress.
 
I have not read the other responses yet but I would get my ring back ASAP and then fire them. I know I would never want someone in my house who I am unable to trust with my belongings. You'll worry every time they are cleaning. I'm sorry this happened, I would feel completely betrayed and violated.

I hope it works out---let us know!
 
Tacori E-ring said:
I doubt anyone is THAT stupid but she is guilty by association. I would fire them both. Like others mentioned you will always wonder/worry and there are many other options out there without the stress.
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Just to make a point here. Yesterday a man robbed a bank in our town. He wore gloves but no mask. They ARE that stupid.
 
The people I bought my house from had a watch stolen by their cleaning lady and she had the nerve to show up wearing it. I'm moving to Tanzania soon and I think there and I have learned it the hard way in the states when employing impoverished people that there are two rules you must make very clear, "Do not ever steal from me, and do not ever ask me to pay you in advance". Once the guy working for me asked me to help him out of a jam once and after that it was several times a week he would fabricate an emergency which required a loan and we caught him in his lies once they got ridiculously elaborate. Did not mean he wasn't a good worker, you just have to establish uncrossable boundaries or they'll take advantage of your kindness.

I would fire them. The one wearing it knew it wasn't hers and yet would not return it, and the other one stole it. You can't have people in your house that can't be trusted. After all, if they were really so hard up they would have pawned it instead of come around wearing it.
 
Trekkie said:
I'm sitting here in absolute shock. Our cleaning lady, S, has been working for us for about three months. Two weeks ago she asked for a month's leave and told me her sister, B, would be filling in for her. Not a big deal, I thought. When B arrived for work today we went through to the study because I wanted to discuss a few things...

I immediately noticed that she was wearing my promise ring!

I asked her where she got it and she said at home. I said that's not possible. It's mine. She said it was hers, she found it at her house. I called my SO into the study and asked him if he recognised the ring. He said yes, it's my promise ring. B then said it belonged to her sister, S.

Either B stole it last week and was stupid enough to wear it to work this week, or S stole it some time ago and B found it at their house (they live with their mother). The ring is definitely mine and I have shown B pictures of me wearing the ring. I can't believe I've been put in a position where I'm forced to prove that it's mine!

My grandmother says I should fire them both... But I can't bring myself to do that. I know their family depends on this weekly wage. In the three months that S has worked for me I have helped her enormously with food, clothing, furniture. I was even about to give her my old laptop! Is that why she's done this? Did she think I have so much I wouldn't notice it was missing? What else is missing?!

I feel so betrayed. I am shaking so much I can barely think straight.

B is still here. I need to make a decision on whether she should come back next week. I have no idea what to do.

Do you have any advice?
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I haven't read the other responses, but you're kidding about not firing them, right? One of them outright STOLE from you, who knows what the next thing she steals will be!

Fire them. Immediately. And don't recommend them to any of your loved ones (obviously).
 
kelpie said:
The people I bought my house from had a watch stolen by their cleaning lady and she had the nerve to show up wearing it. I'm moving to Tanzania soon and I think there and I have learned it the hard way in the states when employing impoverished people that there are two rules you must make very clear, "Do not ever steal from me, and do not ever ask me to pay you in advance". Once the guy working for me asked me to help him out of a jam once and after that it was several times a week he would fabricate an emergency which required a loan and we caught him in his lies once they got ridiculously elaborate. Did not mean he wasn't a good worker, you just have to establish uncrossable boundaries or they'll take advantage of your kindness.

I would fire them. The one wearing it knew it wasn't hers and yet would not return it, and the other one stole it. You can't have people in your house that can't be trusted. After all, if they were really so hard up they would have pawned it instead of come around wearing it.
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Totally agree.

You're probably too "in the moment" to see past the details right now. If you let either sister back into your house, you'll realize that you can't trust either ever again. Do you know whether the one that didn't take the ring, did not take something else? You'll never be able to trust either one and that's where your relationship with them must end.

You might also want to consider a wall safe for your jewelry and valuables. This somewhat protects you against dishonest persons and idle hands - your children's bestie that's attracted to shiny things, burgulars, etc. Never a bad idea, I think.
 
Fire them both and explain why. They have lost your trust now. :(sad
 
I'm sorry but looks like Miss B is lying to your face. I would ask them to return the ring before filing a report and then fire them :nono:
 
MonkeyPie said:
I don't care how much they "need" it. They forfeited that right when they stole from you. Fire them both.

How incredibly rude! :nono:
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Agreed. While I find it admirable that you are considering their situation, don't let that make you vulnerable. By their actions, they have shown themselves to be thieves and you should consider yourself lucky that they were stupid or brazen enough to let the cat out of the bag.

Not to sound harsh, but if you let them stay, and they further rob you, you will have no one else to blame but yourself. You know the old saying "fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me" ?

The other thing to remember,a la Dr. Phil, is that some things are just deal breakers. In a marriage, it's physical violence. With employees, especially whom you need to trust in your inner sanctum, it's stealing.

Best always and sorry for your troubles,
Deb
 
You should fire them both and here's why.

1. You will never trust either of them again
2. You'll never know which one took it
3. How often do you "find" a diamond ring around your house, don't ask who it belongs to and just put it on like it's yours? If she didn't steal it from you, she stole it from her sister.
4. Chances are they have other doodads around their house that they have lifted from past employers and share amongst themselves. It is probably a way of life and isn't going to change. Your housekeeper didn't sound embarrassed that she got caught with your stolen ring on her finger and denied it was taken from your house, yet she was willing to leave it behind. This has ruined the relationship.
5. Why would any housekeeper come to work with a diamond ring on if she planned on really working?
 
I'm sorry, they might need the money, but THEY STOLE YOUR RING. Fire them, ASAP.
 
While I would also feel some compassion for their situation, I would DEFINITELY call the police and ask them to be at your house when they BOTH arrive, and have your conversation with them in front of the police. Ask them for your ring back and tell them that they are both fired and are prohibited from coming anywhere near your property again. If they deny having stolen your ring? The cops will be right there to bring them in.

I give money and lend money to people in real need, but theft is a whole different situation.
 
I haven't read all of the responses, but you are going to have to fire them both. There will be no way to tell who really stole it. Please let us know what happened.

Also, I just had one other thought....and even if this is the case it is still an evasion of privacy....but do you think it is possible that the the cleaning lady's sister saw the ring and wanted to try it on and wear it around your house? I know I like to sometimes try on my friends jewelry if it is a really nice piece. Granted I don't sneak around and try their stuff on without asking. I ask if I can. But maybe she had never had a chance in life to try on something like that and took her chance. Like I said still an evasion of privacy...but just a thought I had.
 
I don't really understand why you didn't get the ring back and fire her/them on the spot? That's what I would do. I don't really care what their financial/life situation is. They stole from you. And you really don't know what else they might have stolen besides this piece.

Get the ring back, call the authorities, and be done.
 
JewelFreak said:
At the very least this could serve as a learning experience for your maid & sister -- if they're willing to benefit from it.
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This.
 
I will always say press charges in cases like this.
One lady locally after 20 some years and thousands of victims she was finally brought to justice because one family would not let her get by with it
When the police started back-tracing it they found dozens of victims and how many of them were there that had no one to speak for them?
Someone like that often has no problem stealing from the most helpless of victims and by not speaking out others are allowed to be robbed.
 
Did you get the ring back? Not to worry you, but what if they don't give it back by not showing up for work? I would fire them also.
 
For those of you that are suggesting that Trekkie involve the police I just don't think it's practical. I understand why you are suggesting it but things like this happen so frequently here in South Africa. The police honestly can't be bothered with such 'small' things. I don't agree with this, obviously. I really wish we could count on the police more around here. Trekkie, I'm not sure if you agree with me on this but I've had friends who have called the police for a similar situation and they were basically laughed at and told that the police have better things to do. :nono:
 
You may wish to change your house locks, and the way you lock your windows too, since they have had time to learn your home's 'weak points'
 
Cehrabehra said:
a) GET THE RING BACK

b) SHOW THEM THE DOOR

c) you don't need unethical people in your home - even indulging the THOUGHT of keeping them makes me question your judgment!
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Ditto

giving them a wage, an opportunity and being so good as to help them in other areas with clothing food etc.....

if they also decide to steal from you after so much charity they deserve none of it
 
Thank you so much for all your support.

The short of it: I have the ring back and have taken it in for cleaning. We have dismissed both of them but will not be pressing charges. In a country where rape victims are told "we can't send a police van, they've all been stolen", no one will care about me losing a few personal items.

The long of it: When my SO came home from work on Wednesday we called S, the older sister and our original cleaning lady. I told her that her sister B had shown up for work wearing one of my rings and claimed that it belonged to S. S denied this so I called B to the phone. B spoke to S in isiXhosa that was too soft and too fast for me to follow much, and then ended the call. She told me S said she's sorry for taking the ring.

Yesterday I went through the house with a fine tooth comb. Without exception all the stolen items are luxury items, lending support to MC's theory that the thefts were vindictive rather than driven by economic need. I am missing two Hermes scarves (doesn't sound like much, but I only had three, so my poor little collection has been reduced to only one!), my Louis Vuitton Cherry Blossom pochette and a couple of pairs of American size 2 designer jeans I was hanging onto in the forlorn hope of squeezing into them one day. These items were all stored in the spare room and never used so I could have gone months without noticing the loss. Who knows what else would have gone missing by then?

Today I sent S a text message requesting that she drops off my belongings with the receptionist at my SO's office. I don't know what I'll do with them once I have them back, if I ever do get any of it back, because now my memories have been sullied, if that makes any sense?

Again, thank you so much for all the messages. They really helped enormously.
 
I can understanding feeling like your memories are sullied, but you have also emerged triumphant and I would at least attempt to let that trump any ill feelings.
 
Cehrabehra said:
I can understanding feeling like your memories are sullied, but you have also emerged triumphant and I would at least attempt to let that trump any ill feelings.
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Thank you, Cehrabehra. I do hope I get these items back, especially the scarves. One was a gift from my paternal grandmother who passed away several years ago and the other I bought on my first trip to Paris. I was so proud of myself - in Paris on my own, at 19 and buying a scarf at Hermes! It seemed so unbelievably sophisticated and I was quite happy to stay in a dorm in a grotty backpackers lodge so that I could afford it!
 
Glad to hear this issue is getting resolved Trekkie. Sorry you went thru this. It will be hard to trust another person in your home now. Please keep us posted on whether you get your other missing items returned to you. Fingers crossed.
 
Trekkie, I'm so sorry. I really hope you get your other items back. And ugh, Hermes scarves are not cheap! I'd be really mad. Any chance of hiring some thugs to go get them back? Kidding, kidding! Anyway, big hugs!
 
Trekkie, I am so sorry this happened. But on the other hand, MAJOR KUDOS to you for being strong, standing up for yourself and getting your ring back! As to your question about whether your generosity triggered the thefts, I often wonder that myself in my personal life. I've been very generous before to family members and close friends, perhaps to a fault. Some of them (distant family members, never immediate family members) have then stolen from me and it hurt me deeply because I had been so open and giving. Was it not enough? Why would they do such a thing, especially to someone who would have given them what they had stolen if they'd only asked?

I used to think it might have been greed - because they got such great things for free, it whetted their appetite for more? But then my mom told me it was because I was too giving...that or I have awesome stuff that is very tempting! :naughty: Maybe I was too giving and it's simply human nature to take advantage - not in all people but in those who have very little and have a scavenger/survivalist mentality. It is actually very very sad. People who steal (unless food for survival) are broken and missing something vital inside, I think.

Now that I do not give so much so soon, it doesn't happen anymore. I suppose it takes a long long time to trust people and they should earn your trust before you open your heart, home and wealth to them. It is sad, but true in my case! (hugs)
 
Any updates on your scarves yet?
 
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