Out of hand???

[tberube]

Date: 2/14/2008 6:40:55 PM
Author: musey

Date: 2/14/2008 5:15:37 PM

Author: Haven

Date: 2/14/2008 5:04:52 PM

Author: tberube

Date: 2/14/2008 3:09:40 PM

Author: mimzy


i forgot that we ALL could be accused of being extravagent with our wedding spending. fact is, anything over a $30 dolllar dress from kohls and the fee for a marriage liscene is just gravy. just because you didn''t spend 5k on flowers doesn''t mean that the $500 you DID spend wasn''t superfluous. so NO ONE here can accuse ANYONE of being excessive.


weddings have most likely changed because 1) there are more options now and 2) people are marrying later in life so they can AFFORD to have the wedding they really want. not because the guests expect more.

Mimzy - I hate to say, but you sound a little defensive. Perhaps because you feel personally attacked about being ''superfluous'' about your own spending? I don''t exactly think that the OP was meant to point fingers about any one couple choosing to spend...whatever...on their wedding, just a general observation that wedding costs have become more lavish and excessive as a whole than they used to be. Or that''s what I got out of it...

I don''t see Mimzy''s post as defensive at all--it seems like people often mistake posts as being defensive when they''re simply disagreeing or presenting an opinion that isn''t in complete agreement with the OP.

Me neither... Interesting how the same words can read so differently between two people!


I was actually about to post that I thought her post did a great job of concisely pointing out that sort of difference in priorities I was trying to describe in an impressively objective way. I was really surprised to the see tberube post that mimzy seemed ''defensive,'' when she was simply pointing out the fact that what is ''budget'' to some seems ''lavish'' to others. For example, HollyS was pointing out how you could have a very nice wedding for ''only $8,000''... but to many, $8k is a LAVISH budget! If I were paying for my own wedding, I''d probably spend 1/10th that

And be perfectly happy to do so. It doesn''t make her wedding ''frivolous,'' because that''s what she wanted... and if they could afford it, why shouldn''t they throw the wedding they want?



I think that it''s unfair to peg anyone who spends over X amount of dollars as frivolous/spoiled/having their priorities out of line. It''s also not fair to assume that any couple is going into debt over their wedding just because it''s lavish... who knows what benefactor they have in paying.


On the flip side, it''s also very unfair to assume that your friends/relatives will be expecting more from your wedding than you''re willing or want to provide. Give ''em a little credit.

Oh! Well perhaps I took yours and Mimzy''s replies completely the wrong way, because as they are reiterated now, I completely agree. I apologize for the confusion.

However, I must admit that yes, those reality television shows have a tendency to give nothing but outlandish examples of weddings that are way out of the norm. I suppose if I think about what the TV weddings cost, then I''m a pauper. But if I really think about what most of the weddings I have BEEN TO were like, then I''d get a different picture. But even still - I do know of 4 or 5 couples who spent (or are spending) upwards of $50,000 on their wedding, having open bars all night and chocolate fountains and mashed potato buffets. I know people who got married and divorced and are still paying off debt from their weddings. I feel somewhat surrounded by people who feel strongly that weddings need to be the biggest, most extravagant party you can barely afford, and if you do less than that you''re cheap or low-class. As strong a person I am, it''s still hard to fight that urge to buy into it - to buy those $500 Manolos, to borrow from my 401K to fund a limousine - just to impress other people. And that''s what kills me about weddings sometimes: people supposedly invite close friends and relatives who love and respect them, but still feel the need to impress them.

Perhaps I''m completely out of line here, but this is the pressure that I''m fighting against for my own wedding - the pressure to try to impress everyone rather than just throw a big party for us all.

 

[tberube]

Date: 2/14/2008 8:26:08 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 2/14/2008 2:12:41 AM

Author:bensbride

Does anybody else think that, while its nice to throw an amazing bash, weddings have gotten a little insane the last 10-15 years? I swear, I remember going to weddings when I was little where everyone went to a reception at the church and had cake, nuts, and punch. If you were lucky you got a cold meat sandwich and some potato salad. Now its somehow offensive if you don''t serve a seven course meal on fine china and exquisite linens. I know its a bride and groom''s ''big day'' and that we all want to have the best food and the best music and the best decorations... In the end, do you think we focus more on the party than we do on the actual marriage? Wedding budgets are more than luxury cars. People spend the first five years of their marriage paying off that one day. Anybody else feel that way at all? I mean, if its what you want and you can afford it, awesome...go for it. However, why is it EXPECTED? Not everyone wants or needs to be a Platinum Bride.

I think part of the reason it seems as though weddings have gone up in price is because we''re seeing more of them. The wedding industry is kind of taking over and taking advantage of brides, their families and their wallets because we''re wanting what we see on TV and in the movies. At least that''s how I see it.


When I was about 6 (20 years or so ago) I was flower girl in my cousin''s wedding. It was late eighties and massive, with about 200 people, held in a fancy church in the nicest area of town, with the reception held in our local Natural History Museum that had a full sit down dinner with multiple courses. This one cost a fortune according to my aunt who paid for it.


When I was about 8, my older brother got married. I happened to be stuck as the flower girl, bleh. Anyway, the wedding was perfectly nice, perfectly early ''90s, and probably pretty cheap. I can''t imagine the bride''s dress costing more than a few hundred dollars (puffy taffeta, tulle, poofy sleeved and beaded MONSTROSITY) and they only had a cake and punch reception afterwards in the church common room. I''m sure it wasn''t very expensive.


When I was 19ish, my other brother got married (only two years younger than the other, but a total jacka$$) and I was a bridesmaid. They are both teachers in LA, but had a destination wedding in Tennessee for about 100 people, with a fancy little chapel for the ceremony and a buffet dinner (Fried chicken and the couple is vegan-I still don''t get it) in a really fancy country club. I know that it cost a pretty penny.


All of these weddings were paid for by the parents. I know that for a fact. If they had had to pay for their own weddings, they probably would have been cheaper, smaller and less commercialized. They all had the same feel, ''lets spend as much money as we can''. Nothing was done in a way where anything felt personal just in a way it ''should'' be. Now, I think there is a huge emphasis on making things feel different and individualized, instead of cookie cutter. The only non cookie cutter thing I can think of in all of those weddings is that my youngest older brother had pecan pie as the grooms cake. Anyway, the individualizing costs money, and the wedding industry is capitalizing on that, which is kind of cr4ppy, but they see the market out there and are taking advantage of it.


I know that I won''t be able to pay for my own wedding if I want to have it within the next 5 years, but I also know that my parents will probably contribute to it because I am their only daughter. If they don''t, I''m heading to the JOP and getting it done in the least ostentatious way possible. Even if I didn''t, I''d want to keep it under 10 grand no matter what.


Basically, it''s all subjective.

Frekechild - you said it in the way that I just couldn''t get out correctly!! I am paying for my own wedding, 100%, and it''s going to be under $10,000. I just need to get over the fear that people will think I''m cheap. Hehe...

 

[mjso]

I think there are huge differences in what is considered "lavish" or "extreme" regionally and culturally. In fact, this just came up with my Mom in regards to my wedding. I grew up in the greater NYC area and people have always had big weddings. Something like 14 years ago (I don''t remember exactly when it was...) my uncle got married and it was a big church wedding, then off to a hotel ballroom with a multi-course meal and a long reception followed by an afterparty in one of the hotel suites. I guess that''s just how I thought all weddings were.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, and my mom was talking to my aunt about how FI''s family is all traveling in from the midwest, etc. And they got on the topic of how weddings in the Northeast are not necessarily what the norm is elsewhere. My dad is originally from northeastern PA and its a little "country" there to say the least. My mom''s slightly concerned about them showing up in jeans...even in fairly close proximity the regional differences can be seen.

So she calls me and tells me about this conversation and she says "Did you know sometimes people have receptions in church basements and just have like nuts and punch?" I, of course, realized that people can have whatever kind of wedding they want, but really had never experienced this kind of wedding.

Anyway, perhaps part of the excessiveness of wedding recently is related to people from different backgrounds getting together more often. I''m pretty sure that if my FI met a girl from the Midwest, they''d probably be having a much different wedding than the one we''re having...for one thing it probably wouldn''t be on the ocean. So the wedding industry pretty much takes advantage of people like my mom who can''t imagine having a wedding without a multi-course seated dinner, open bar, dancing, dj, etc, etc, etc, etc. All I can say is I''m thankful I''m not the one paying for it!

 

[HollyS]

Date: 2/14/2008 1:59:51 PM
Author: musey

Date: 2/14/2008 1:37:11 PM
Author: HollyS

It is completely unnecessary; but I won't argue the ridiculous with someone who can actually afford anything their heart desires. But for the rest of us mere mortals, born without that proverbial silver spoon, too much at too high a cost is just plain dumb.

Is this a jab at the people on wedding shows, or at me?

Just checking.

But yeah, there's not much point in trying to argue anything with anyone hen it comes to weddings. Everyone has different priorities. Some people would think it's ridiculous to sink money into a car, while others view it as an important investment in safety and happiness on the road (there's a car commercial that runs in LA where the voice over says 'because around here, you have to love what you drive'). Same goes for weddings, jewelry, electronics... any sizeable expenditure.

Live and let live

Why would I jab you? I would not presume to tell you what you should do with your wedding; I don't have a clue if you're mere mortal or otherwise. However, as an armchair psychologist, perhaps I should point out that you may think you have perhaps gone overboard; why else would you think you are being singled out?

 

[musey]

Date: 2/15/2008 2:42:14 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 2/14/2008 1:59:51 PM
Author: musey

Date: 2/14/2008 1:37:11 PM
Author: HollyS

It is completely unnecessary; but I won't argue the ridiculous with someone who can actually afford anything their heart desires. But for the rest of us mere mortals, born without that proverbial silver spoon, too much at too high a cost is just plain dumb.

Is this a jab at the people on wedding shows, or at me?

Just checking.

But yeah, there's not much point in trying to argue anything with anyone hen it comes to weddings. Everyone has different priorities. Some people would think it's ridiculous to sink money into a car, while others view it as an important investment in safety and happiness on the road (there's a car commercial that runs in LA where the voice over says 'because around here, you have to love what you drive'). Same goes for weddings, jewelry, electronics... any sizeable expenditure.

Live and let live

Why would I jab you? I would not presume to tell you what you should do with your wedding; I don't have a clue if you're mere mortal or otherwise. However, as an armchair psychologist, perhaps I should point out that you may think you have perhaps gone overboard; why else would you think you are being singled out?

Because your post came after mine, which stated that my father was footing the bill for my wedding (silver spoon/heart desires/etc.). And I didn't figure you'd try to argue with ladies on TLC since, yanno, they're off in the TV void somewhere

I just like to cover all my bases

Tberube, I'm glad I clarified my (our) points for you! I'd hate to think that anyone around here would have to be defensive over their choices... especially while we're all over in the BIW agonizing over budgeting issues and finding the best deal! As for worrying whether people will think you're cheap--please don't let yourself worry!! If they are rude enough to think that about a wedding you were so gracious to invite them to--screw 'em. I've been to a $2k wedding and a $150k wedding--both were just beautiful and, dare I say, I preferred the laid-back $2k wedding to the lavish $150k affair! You should not be judged based upon the budget you choose for the party YOU are throwing--it's your party, and anyone who judges can just go to you-know-where

 

[HollyS]

The truth is this: your wedding should reflect your love for each other, your core values, (hopefully) the love of family and dear friends. However you decide to celebrate your marriage is entirely up to you. Some like it small and private (Surfgirl) and some like knock-their-socks-off elegance (gingercookie).

That being said . . . no one should feel that they need to put on a show for others, or provide the most incredible meal ever, or let the spirits flow like a river with an unlimited open bar, or put on a Broadway show of music, lights, smoke and mirrors. And, I will stick to my original guns and say this -- if you don''t have unlimited resources, you don''t need to be emulating/coveting a celebrity-style wedding.

All that anyone (those who love you, and those that you love) really remembers with fondness is the ''mood'' or ''feeling'' of the ceremony and the party you have afterwards. Was there a lot of love? Did the couple look genuinely happy? Was it truly a celebration of their love, or just a big @$$ party?

We just got our proofs portfolio from our photographer; and the thing that stands out to us is this: we look really, deeply, truly happy. Everyone around us looks happy. The location was not grandiously spectactular; we don''t look fantastic in every photo; the lighting in the chapel wasn''t perfect; but the happiness on everyone''s face tells the story of a wonderful day in our lives. And how you felt at your wedding is the only thing that will matter after the fact.

 

[Independent Gal]

Well I confess that at WP1, we are serving an excuisite 7 course dinner on fine china and the finest linen, but it''s at my mom''s place, so it will only cost about $20-25 a person x 30 people.

The only expectation I have when I go to a wedding is that if they serve food it will be edible. It doesn''t have to be fancy: salad and sandwiches or BBQ is great! But it should be good BBQ or good salad. It probably does vary by location and circle of friends. I can tell you that not one of my friends was an ''entitled bride,'' nor was anyone trying to impress anyone. Those who are married were all very focussed on throwing a fun party for their friends more than anything else.

 

[Independent Gal]

Bensbride, is it possible that it''s YOUR perceptions that have been changing as you grow older? When you were 10, you were probably less likely to notice certain things? Could that be it?

 

[Octavia]

I''m coming a bit late to the topic, but I do think that weddings have been overly commodified and gotten a bit out of hand in the past few years. I know it might be regional, but I''m having an internal struggle right now because I just can''t find a reasonably nice-looking venue that''s also affordable, and I blame the fact that I''m in a big city and the venues get away with charging up the wahoo for weddings simply because they can. FI and I don''t have a backyard, we don''t belong to a church, we''re basically stuck renting a venue.

The only things that matter to me about the wedding are that we are married at the end, we have family and friends around us, and that everyone eats and drinks well. So we''re caught between having the wedding in our city, which is fairly convenient for everyone who we''d be inviting, or where my parents live, which is inconvenient for everyone except my parents, grandparents, and aunt and uncle (including FI and me). I don'' t know if the cost difference between the two areas is worth the inconvenience, but I really can''t wrap my head around paying the price we''ll need to pay here just to rent a space big enough for 115 people.

It just sucks to be reaping the disadvantages of the hyped-up wedding industry.

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 2/15/2008 8:03:08 PM
Author: Octavia
I''m coming a bit late to the topic, but I do think that weddings have been overly commodified and gotten a bit out of hand in the past few years. I know it might be regional, but I''m having an internal struggle right now because I just can''t find a reasonably nice-looking venue that''s also affordable, and I blame the fact that I''m in a big city and the venues get away with charging up the wahoo for weddings simply because they can. FI and I don''t have a backyard, we don''t belong to a church, we''re basically stuck renting a venue.

The only things that matter to me about the wedding are that we are married at the end, we have family and friends around us, and that everyone eats and drinks well. So we''re caught between having the wedding in our city, which is fairly convenient for everyone who we''d be inviting, or where my parents live, which is inconvenient for everyone except my parents, grandparents, and aunt and uncle (including FI and me). I don'' t know if the cost difference between the two areas is worth the inconvenience, but I really can''t wrap my head around paying the price we''ll need to pay here just to rent a space big enough for 115 people.

It just sucks to be reaping the disadvantages of the hyped-up wedding industry.

I can''t find one that is affordable PERIOD.

I really don''t want to spend 15k just feeding people

 

[bensbride]

It is very possible that my ideas have changed with age, yes!

I feel really bad that this has turned into such a sore subject...I honestly never meant to hurt feelings at all. Not one bit. I was seriously just making an observation.

 

[Haven]

Aw, don''t feel bad Bensbride, perhaps I didn''t read the thread closely enough but it just looks like everyone is discussing their perceptions about wedding costs; I think it''s really interesting to see how everyone''s perceptions vary.

As for finding a venue that is reasonable, I''m in Chicago and I found a lot of reasonable venues--why don''t you ladies try restaurants, they always seemed to be more reasonably priced than other places. We''re having our wedding at my synagogue, so we could have saved a lot of money in a lot of places if we were trying to stay on a tight budget. We, however, are not keeping our budget particularly tight, but we''re older and we''re savers, so we can afford it and we''re doing it in a way that makes us most comfortable. If you belong to a church that''s a great option, too.

And I just want to say a big A-MEN! to Holly''s post:

"The truth is this: your wedding should reflect your love for each other, your core values, (hopefully) the love of family and dear friends. However you decide to celebrate your marriage is entirely up to you. Some like it small and private (Surfgirl) and some like knock-their-socks-off elegance (gingercookie).

That being said . . . no one should feel that they need to put on a show for others, or provide the most incredible meal ever, or let the spirits flow like a river with an unlimited open bar, or put on a Broadway show of music, lights, smoke and mirrors. And, I will stick to my original guns and say this -- if you don''t have unlimited resources, you don''t need to be emulating/coveting a celebrity-style wedding.

All that anyone (those who love you, and those that you love) really remembers with fondness is the ''mood'' or ''feeling'' of the ceremony and the party you have afterwards. Was there a lot of love? Did the couple look genuinely happy? Was it truly a celebration of their love, or just a big @$$ party?

We just got our proofs portfolio from our photographer; and the thing that stands out to us is this: we look really, deeply, truly happy. Everyone around us looks happy. The location was not grandiously spectactular; we don''t look fantastic in every photo; the lighting in the chapel wasn''t perfect; but the happiness on everyone''s face tells the story of a wonderful day in our lives. And how you felt at your wedding is the only thing that will matter after the fact."

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Sigh I am happy to see this post because I''ve started to feel the same way. I think somehow I got the platinum wedding thing stuck in my head, but I don''t want or need to spend that much money. I just posted a post asking if church receptions are even okay. I mean I shouldn''t have had to ask that, but I think I''ve warped my own perception so much from TV and magazines. I just want my wedding to be elegant and beautiful. I also want to not lose sight of what it''s actually about, thanks for the encouragement!!

 

[INdmbLove]

this is kind of a side thought....
This morning I was flipping through and found one of those sweet 16 shows with the lavish birthday parties for teens. This girl had this Huge party, basically yelled at her friends for not doing things exactly as she had planned, and acted like a brat... anyways she was given a family heirloom- a 7 ct diamond ring.... SHE''S 16!!!! and I believe the comment she made in her commentary was something like "ok- i just got this 7 ct diamond ring- but I had better have a car!" and of course she walked over to her father on the stage who then handed her the keys to a $100,000 mercedes. I used to be able to stomach this kind of stuff- but I was completely apalled. Why do the parents feel obligated to 1) throw this party 2) give her a 100,000 dollar car... are you kidding me???? My sweet 16 party included a few friends in the backyard- we all slept outside in a tent and I thought it was fabulous!

I know these parties have been going on for some time, and its So far outside of my social schema I can''t even possibly understand the dynamics of the pressure I''m sure the parents feel from their peers to throw such parties (and for the sake of this thread- weddings). But, as the OP said- has this all increased in the past 4-5 years, or are they just much more apparent now because of the shows that focus on this. Are these reality shows fuelling people to have more, more, more- outdo the last platinum bride? As I said, this all is SO outside my social realm (small town in the midwest) I just do not understand these pressures.

I come from a background where if we had a church wedding with nuts and punch afterwards that would be more than fine- I''ve been to a range of receptions (hog roasts, nuts and punch, sit down dinners, buffets at the cheesy lodge- whatever). Personally, BF and I do not like to be the centers of attention on a grand scale- so the thought of dancing and eating in front of everyone while they stare at us makes both of our stomachs ache! I guess if anyone comes to our wedding expecting some grand entertaining will go home disappointed. As it was mentioned earlier in the thread the wedding should reflect the couple''s personallities. It is not that we are being stingy and do not wish to thank our guests for coming- I guess we''ll just have to have a nice take-home gift for the guests!

 

[HollyS]

Date: 2/18/2008 2:26:20 AM
Author: SarahLovesJS
Sigh I am happy to see this post because I''ve started to feel the same way. I think somehow I got the platinum wedding thing stuck in my head, but I don''t want or need to spend that much money. I just posted a post asking if church receptions are even okay. I mean I shouldn''t have had to ask that, but I think I''ve warped my own perception so much from TV and magazines. I just want my wedding to be elegant and beautiful. I also want to not lose sight of what it''s actually about, thanks for the encouragement!!

Of course a church reception is okay!!! If our own church had had a lovely reception hall/parish hall/fellowship area we would have been happy to host the shindig there. We did consider a neighboring city''s Episcopal church which boasts a catering kitchen, beautiful library with fireplace, fellowship hall with beamed cathedral ceiling and lovely windows; but it wasn''t OUR church and it felt odd to us. So we chose a neutral location.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 2/18/2008 10:52:33 AM
Author: INdmbLove
this is kind of a side thought....
This morning I was flipping through and found one of those sweet 16 shows with the lavish birthday parties for teens. This girl had this Huge party, basically yelled at her friends for not doing things exactly as she had planned, and acted like a brat... anyways she was given a family heirloom- a 7 ct diamond ring.... SHE''S 16!!!! and I believe the comment she made in her commentary was something like ''ok- i just got this 7 ct diamond ring- but I had better have a car!'' and of course she walked over to her father on the stage who then handed her the keys to a $100,000 mercedes. I used to be able to stomach this kind of stuff- but I was completely apalled. Why do the parents feel obligated to 1) throw this party 2) give her a 100,000 dollar car... are you kidding me???? My sweet 16 party included a few friends in the backyard- we all slept outside in a tent and I thought it was fabulous!

I know these parties have been going on for some time, and its So far outside of my social schema I can''t even possibly understand the dynamics of the pressure I''m sure the parents feel from their peers to throw such parties (and for the sake of this thread- weddings). But, as the OP said- has this all increased in the past 4-5 years, or are they just much more apparent now because of the shows that focus on this. Are these reality shows fuelling people to have more, more, more- outdo the last platinum bride? As I said, this all is SO outside my social realm (small town in the midwest) I just do not understand these pressures.

I come from a background where if we had a church wedding with nuts and punch afterwards that would be more than fine- I''ve been to a range of receptions (hog roasts, nuts and punch, sit down dinners, buffets at the cheesy lodge- whatever). Personally, BF and I do not like to be the centers of attention on a grand scale- so the thought of dancing and eating in front of everyone while they stare at us makes both of our stomachs ache! I guess if anyone comes to our wedding expecting some grand entertaining will go home disappointed. As it was mentioned earlier in the thread the wedding should reflect the couple''s personallities. It is not that we are being stingy and do not wish to thank our guests for coming- I guess we''ll just have to have a nice take-home gift for the guests!

Haha -- yes, I think I''ve been to every type of reception, too! My least favorite would be "buffets at the cheesy lodge-whatever"!! No matter what you do, just aim higher than that!! (Although, the last of those I attended had some pretty tasty country-style vittles! As Paula Deen might say, "Make you slap yo'' mama!")

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 2/18/2008 1:50:20 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 2/18/2008 2:26:20 AM

Author: SarahLovesJS

Sigh I am happy to see this post because I''ve started to feel the same way. I think somehow I got the platinum wedding thing stuck in my head, but I don''t want or need to spend that much money. I just posted a post asking if church receptions are even okay. I mean I shouldn''t have had to ask that, but I think I''ve warped my own perception so much from TV and magazines. I just want my wedding to be elegant and beautiful. I also want to not lose sight of what it''s actually about, thanks for the encouragement!!

Of course a church reception is okay!!! If our own church had had a lovely reception hall/parish hall/fellowship area we would have been happy to host the shindig there. We did consider a neighboring city''s Episcopal church which boasts a catering kitchen, beautiful library with fireplace, fellowship hall with beamed cathedral ceiling and lovely windows; but it wasn''t OUR church and it felt odd to us. So we chose a neutral location.

Haha thank you, again I say I think I watched too many wedding shows growing up seriously. It really screws with your perception of the "perfect day" if you let it.

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/14/2008 3:47:09 PM
Author: Delster
I feel like weddings have become all very same-y. It seems to be expenditure just because certain things are somehow 'the norm'. The weddings I've been to IRL have been nothing like the creative and personal celebrations I've seen people plan here on PS...

Date: 2/14/2008 11:41:39 AM

Author: bee*

Weddings have gone insane however it is possible to do things on a budget. We're spending less than a third of what most people spend in Ireland and we have our castle, photographer, videographer, swing band etc, but we've just done our homework and we are still coming in under budget (so far

). We'll be in no debt at all after the wedding.

Pleeeeeeease teach meeee!!!!!!!! Just for starters, the swing band of repute around here is booked up for two years and they charge €2k!!!

We have budgeted €3k for our swing band, however there are other swing bands who charge less. One of them is blacktye who are meant to be amazing also, so we have to go view them in the next few weeks. Cabra Castle is also amazing value compared to other venues. We're doing corkage as my parents own a house in France and there's a huge vineyard next door. I'm getting my dress and the bridesmaids dresses from the US which saves so much money even after corkage. I'm doing to own flowers and invites (which I want to do anyway as I am quite fussy with them). I've looked at 80 photographers until I've found one that comes in under budget and whose work I adore. I bargained with my videographer and got quite a bit off, same with cake and by booking them at the wedding fair I got a bigger discount also. Can't think of anything else at the moment but if you shop around you get much better value. Also if you bargain, most of the vendors are willing to travel to Cavan for free.

 

[Delster]

Date: 2/18/2008 3:42:16 PM
Author: bee*

We have budgeted €3k for our swing band, however there are other swing bands who charge less. One of them is blacktye who are meant to be amazing also, so we have to go view them in the next few weeks. Cabra Castle is also amazing value compared to other venues. We''re doing corkage as my parents own a house in France and there''s a huge vineyard next door. I''m getting my dress and the bridesmaids dresses from the US which saves so much money even after corkage. I''m doing to own flowers and invites (which I want to do anyway as I am quite fussy with them). I''ve looked at 80 photographers until I''ve found one that comes in under budget and whose work I adore. I bargained with my videographer and got quite a bit off, same with cake and by booking them at the wedding fair I got a bigger discount also. Can''t think of anything else at the moment but if you shop around you get much better value. Also if you bargain, most of the vendors are willing to travel to Cavan for free.

Go bee!!!

For some reason I had always assumed Cabra Castle would be expensive. It''s perceived that way around these parts anyways... good to know!

Does the swing band have a town in their name that starts with N? They''re the ones I have in mind.

I would have much the same attitude as you I think. Super fussy about venue + food (and Cabra Castle is fabulous on both counts), the music, the invitations, and the photos. Especially the photos. I would happily happily happily buy high street dresses for bridesmaids, do my own invitations and flowers, and forgo a special car to have extra moolah for yummilicous food and a killer band!

 

[bee*]

Hey Delster, the bands that I'm looking into booking don't have that name but I do know the band that you're talking of. I've heard some of their samples and I prefer some of the others-Midnight Swing and Velvet Lounge band are amazing so I'd love to get one of those. The band beginning with N have quite a lot of availability for 09 when I was in contact with them last month.

ETA-Cabra Castle really is great value. Most other non-castle venues that I contacted were charging nearly €20 more per person for dinner and the other castles were charging at least that much more per peson and anything up to €70 more p/person. I think that's one of the reasons why Cabra Castle is so popular.

 

[Sabine]

I''m coming into this post a bit late, but I also experienced some frustration with trying to do a moderate wedding. In my area I struggled to find anything in between having a fire hall wedding with plastic plates, etc (because honestly, by the time I added up costs for nice linens, dishes, and decorations, the cost came pretty darn close to the overprice places) and a country club whose prices I definitely considered lavish. I chose to spend more than I wanted on teh reception site and made my peace with it, but now I find my budget ballooning in other ways. Like chairs. The lovely reception site has HORRIBLE chairs that look SO WRONG in the nice ballroom, so now I''m renting chair covers and sashes to cover them. The charge isn''t much, but when I think that I could be spending that money on something much more practical like an upgrade on the honeymoon it makes me very angry that I''m buying into the whole wedding industry, but can''t help it.