Parental Money Etiquette Question

[somethingblue]

My parents are paying for most of the wedding (they just gave us a set amount at the beginning) and his parents have given us some too. It works out to be about 70% (my family), 20% (his) and then 10%(us).

My question is this - do we discuss the other family''s contributions with each other. Like - do I tell my mom that his family is giving us XXX dollars. I HATE dealing with money and feel as though it''s a very private thing, but then I don''t want my family to think that his is not helping... How did others deal with this? Any thoughts are much appreciated.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Personally I wouldn''t tell your parents unless they ask. And then before you tell them I would ask his parents if they mind you telling the exact number.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I agree. That is generous of his family to help with the wedding. I wouldn''t give details unless asked.

 

[somethingblue]

Thanks, I think you are both right that it is private. I just want my parents to know that they are helping, etc.

 

[ivanadiamond]

How about rather than giving them a dollar amount, you can share with your parents what things your FI''s parents money is going towards.

Like say, FI''s family is taking care of the videography, flowers, music, etc. That way you can share that they are contributing but you don''t have to include a $$$ amount.

 

[selflove]

It would make me very uncomfortable to talk about FI''s family contributions with my own family. Really, it''s none of their business. IF they ask, just tell your parents that they ARE helping out but don''t disclose any numbers.

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 3/24/2006 4:19:35 PM
Author:somethingblue
My parents are paying for most of the wedding (they just gave us a set amount at the beginning) and his parents have given us some too. It works out to be about 70% (my family), 20% (his) and then 10%(us).

My question is this - do we discuss the other family''s contributions with each other. Like - do I tell my mom that his family is giving us XXX dollars. I HATE dealing with money and feel as though it''s a very private thing, but then I don''t want my family to think that his is not helping... How did others deal with this? Any thoughts are much appreciated.

I think--as has already been mentioned--to share what specific items/services are being covered by each other''s family and leave it at that. My son is getting married and even though we all get along very well, my DH is somewhat of a tightwad and when the issue of who was paying for what came up, our FDIL nicely and strategically told my DH just what I mentioned here and later shared with me--though I did NOT ask her to--exact amounts of what to who and so forth. It is true...no one needs to know exact numbers, just generalities or approximates are fine and proper. Anymore asking of details is not only rude, but completely unnecessary and too damn personal.

Just my opinion...

 

[somethingblue]

Thank you everyone for you responses. I think that''s great advise. Thanks especially to you, Deanna, good to get some input from the FMIL perspective - sounds like you have a great and very clasasy FDIL.