Photographer - all day?!

[Independent Gal]

Both FI and I hate having our picture taken. Also, I have this thing about ''living in the moment'' that makes me have a weird relationship to photographs in the first place. I don''t always bring a camera with me when I travel, because I once caught myself thinking ''WOW what a great picture this makes!" instead of "WOW look how amazing this is!". That freaked me out! For me, I don''t want life to be a preformance to be captured on film and preserved. I want to live it as immediate experience.

That said, I''m sure our future kids and grandkids, and probably also my Grammy, would be pretty bummed if there was no record of the day we marry.

So, what I''m thinking is hiring a photographer for just an hour. Doing some portraits. Maybe not even on the wedding day. And that''s it. I found someone whose style is very ironic and fun, not formal or too ''fairy-tale-ish''. So I like that.

I guess what I''m asking is, first, is anyone else not having a photographer around during the ceremony and actual wedding party? And second does anyone think I''ll seriously regret it?

 

[E B]

Date: 7/7/2007 11:15:34 AM
Author:Independent Gal

And second does anyone think I'll seriously regret it?

I think you might regret it.

What I'd probably do in your situation is hire a photographer for portraits, your *entire* ceremony, and an hour into the reception, at least (to photograph family, friends, and first dances, if you're having any). I'm an intern in this very field, and a good wedding photographer won't be in your face the entire time- they have long lenses and can hide pretty well.

Certain things are priceless, like the look on your fiance's face the first moment he sees you in your dress. Or your father's face as you dance. The details- your shoes, your grandmother's brooch, the cake. Photographers will catch these moments, and when all is said and done, I think you'd regret not having these memories on record.

If you decide to hire a photographer, let him or her know how you feel. Let 'em know to stay back, to use the zoom lenses. Minimal posing, maximum journalistic-style.

 

[neatfreak]

I think you might regret it later.

What I would suggest instead actually, is the OPPOSITE of what you''ve planned. Hire a photographer for all day, and do very minimal formal portraits. Find someone who is great at capturing LIFE as it goes on instead of portraits. That way YOU can just live in the moment all day and let the photographer silently capture you.

This is what we''re going for. We''ll do a few formal portraits, but we really just want to capture the feelings of the day. IMO the photos I have seen from weddings that are like this are by far the most interesting and human.

Look for someone with a photojournalistic style as a keyword.

 

[snlee]

I think you might regret it later too.

I would look for a photographer with a journalistic style who is great at taking candid shots. You can minimize the posed shots. Photographers can capture lots of details of your wedding that you don''t notice yourself the day of because so much is going on.

 

[So_happy]

Maybe you'd like a videographer instead or at least in compliment to your 1-hour photographer? They don't ask you all to pose because they aim to capture things as they happen, in movement at that. They'll catch things you actually weren't able to "live" at that moment, too.

Keep in mind that photogs and videograhpers help YOU remember everything later, too. You will be so surprised how quickly things go and you may not have even seen many of the details you hope to take in now.

It's like taking a cruise and your on one side of the ship with your fiance. You both happen to see an island from afar and enjoy watching it come a little closer in view and then drift away as your ship speeds along. Very nice moment that you'll probably remember for awhile because perhaps it was one of those silent moments where both of you are full of thought and standing next to each other. You remember it as quite a beautiful moment in your lives.

HOWEVER, on the other side of the ship, unbeknowngst to you because the ship is as long as 7 football fields and as wide as 2 so you can't even hear nor see the commotion, it just so happens that your entire bridal party, your parents, your best friends, even your collegues from work are enjoying this incredibly funny moment together doing some limbo contest. If you were with them, you'd see a huge grin on each of thier faces so you know they're enjoying themselves. Even prudish aunt joannie and reserved best friend mike. To see THEM in particular do the limbo contest, with a coconut pina colada in thier hands..........well THAT also would be priceless.

And a photographer would capture that stuff. Sure, you weren't there at that moment because you had that other beautiful, non-replaceable, moment with your FI on the other side........but boy to be able to "see" that limbo contest, too, AND have your quiet moment with your sweetie would be really great. Heehee....sorry so long.

IMO: GET ONE FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN AFFORD
Cheers!

 

[Kit]

Hey Indy,

I certainly appreciate and respect your philosophical approach to photogs. I agree with everyone, I think you will regret it, and I think you should definitely find a photog (there are many out there) who does the photojournalism thing, they just kind of lurk around the event and capture the moments on film that make up the day. But I also wanted to point out that if you hire a photog to take photos for you, you''ll still be able to live every moment of your wedding day and at the same time someone else will be capturing those moments for posterity.

 

[KimberlyH]

Indy,

We hired our photographer to take formal pictures before hand (us, family, etc.) and she stayed for he ceremony and cocktail reception but not dinner (we didn''t have dancing). I have no regrets about not having her stay and take pictures of our guests eating, and I highly doubt I''d regret it even if we had dancing. I wanted to remember the day, and my pictures definitely are a great way to do so...but so are the memories in my mind. We got a group shot of us with all of our guests that I absolutely love and some beautiful pictures of all combinations of us alone and with our families along with some terrific candids. It''s more than enough for me. My photographer actually advised us not to keep her around during dinner, even though she would have made more $$.

~K

~K

 

[zoebartlett]

SOme photographers don''t like to take posed shots but they do them at the bride and groom''s request. I agree with the others, I think you might regret not having many photos to look back on later. If someone else is capturing the moments of your day as they happen, you can still live them to the fullest and not have to worry about getting great shots. That''s what the photographer is there for. Many of them prefer to be invisible and let the day unfold. They''ll be there to snap away but most likely, if they''re really good, they''ll be quiet and not intrusive. I personally think the photojournalist type of photographer is the way to go for the more relaxed, "capturing the essence of the day" type of photos.

 

[Trelala]

Hi Indy,

I have to chime in and say I think you''ll regret it too. I really didn''t want a videographer at my wedding and neither did my husband. But my dad absolutely insisted! On my wedding day, my mom didn''t get to see my husband and I dance. It might sound like it''s not a big deal, but I was pretty bummed she missed it. And it was then that I was glad the first dance was captured on video.
Your wedding day will go by sooo quickly. Others will be very desirous of your attention. You''ll be caught up chatting that you might miss seeing the buffet table with all the entrees you so carefully chose, or whatever.

 

[Harleigh]

IndyGirl,

I also say go with a photographer who is willing to work with you and understands your concerns and will photograph you and whatever else you feel you need to keep the in-laws at bay for years to come. There are many photographers who can help you to feel more comfortable with the idea of pictures of yourself and really take the time to get to know you and what you want from them. It might also be an idea to have them focus on your family and guests, who you might have had only a few moments with at your reception, but you will always have that to look back on and remember, fondly, I hope, that all of those people were there to celebrate your special day with you. This is also where a videographer might come in handy, but I must admit I despise a camera and microphone being shoved in my face at every wedding with a special speech for the bride and groom...maybe if they just catch the really important things?

That being said, my mother hates to be photographed and chose not to have many pictures of her own wedding. To this day, I have seen maybe only 3 different portraits of my parents big day, and I wish there were more to see, and I would like to be able to not only have them as a remembrance of my parents one day when they are gone, but also to share with any future children and grandchildren one day.

My mother still continues to poo-poo the photographing of herself, so I regrettfully only have a few to my name at the ripe old age of almost 35...I plan to rectify that situation at my own wedding!

Good luck with your choice, but most of all, it is your big day, so try to enjoy yourself!

Harleigh

 

[Independent Gal]

Thanks for the input everyone. We''ve been talking it over and I think what we''re going to do is this. Intead of hiring a photographer at all, we''re going to ask FI''s friend N who is a very prominent conceptual artist to make a wedding portrait of us as a gift. He works a lot with photography and although I''m pretty sure the portrait will be... HIGHLY unconventional, I think that''s more "us" anyway (hey! check out my wacky ring, after all!). That will be a keepsake with not only sentimental, but also artitistic value for our future kids. Plus, they''ll then have an original N, which is a valuable thing to have in its own right. Then at the party, we''re going to ask my step-sister and cousin (teh former is an amateur, the latter a professional photographer) to snap pics when and as they like. But not too many. And not while anyone is eating! I SO get that Kim! And NOT during the actual ceremony.

I hear what you guys are saying, and I guess that''s sort of ''just in case''. But it kind of weirds me out. And I''ve never come home from a trip, e.g., and said ''if only I had taken pictures!'' At the same time, though, when I do take a few snaps, I really enjoy them. So I guess better safe than sorry.

 

[ladyciel]

IG, you keep referring to your feelings on not missing photos of your travels, but I guess my concern with that is not having souvenir photos to look at gives you that much more reason to go back someday. You can take your kids there someday and show them what you saw. That''s good and dandy, because you CAN. Your wedding will be there and gone, and any person who couldn''t be there that day will never be able to grasp it beyond your ability to describe things, and then your description is limited by your own memory. I, too, feel awkward with cameras around, but it''s much easier to forget they''re there if they''re at a distance. They may also capture things you wouldn''t otherwise ever get to see.

Anyway the whole photographer thing IS completely up to you and your FI, but I would try and think of how many years you have before you and if you''ll ever, even once, regret your choice.

 

[Independent Gal]

I know the quality will be better if we hire a professional WEDDING photographer since my cousin, who IS a professional, isn''t a wedding guy. It just doesn''t feel like a priority, but I guess we have to see how the budget plays out and we''ll keep talking it over, and talk to family members about it too. Maybe one of them will care enough to pay for it! And luckily, were marrying off season, so we''ve got a few months left to decide!

It''s funny about the video thing. I just cannot imagine EVER wanting to watch a video of my wedding day (or graduation, or childhood antics, or anything). And frankly, I can''t imagine my family ever wanting to watch it either. I think we''re just not ''documentarian'' types! Each to their own! I mentioned it to my mom who was like ''WHAAAA??? People make videos of their wedding? Why?!" (She hasn''t been to one in a while!)

OK, I guess we''re weird.

And yeah, we don''t have a lot of family photos. Just a few important ones. Which includes wedding portraits. Note to self.

 

[KimberlyH]

Indy,

I''m glad you''re working towards a solution that suits you. The portrait by N sounds fabulous! And I am so glad I have no pictures of my guest or myself eating.

~K

 

[Tacori E-ring]

My Dh and I have watched our wedding video at least 5 times over the past *almost* year. I also LOVE, LOVE looking at our wedding photos. It seriously makes me so happy. But a photographer was in my top 3 of importance. I think an hour is just NOT enough time to get lots of great shots.

 

[basil]

It''s hard to offer advice because my values are so polarly opposite of yours.

Photography is probably my #1 priority. A close second is my dress, my hair, and my bouquet. Notice a pattern there? It''s all about how I look in the photos

But I''m the type who loves taking pictures on vacation and loves looking at them later. Part of the enjoyment of being in a beautiful place is taking the pictures. I enjoy the act as much as I enjoy the result. It''s not so much about reliving the moment, but enhancing it. I once lost a roll of film during processing and it still bugs me. I can''t really think of a bigger wedding disaster than the photos being ruined.

I guess I can''t really identify with not caring about the photos, so take what I say with a grain of salt. If it''s not a budget thing, I guess I would think about the other people who might care more about the photos than you do. The pro portrait sounds really cool!! But I guess I''d reconsider the cousin thing if he doesn''t normally do weddings. After all, it seems like it''s no particular imposition on you to have your pictures taken candidly by a photojournalistic style photographer, unless like I said it''s a budget thing. And many people have found reasonably priced good photographers. I guess I just think, like you said, that your family and future family might get enjoyment out of the photos even if you don''t. I think it''s sort of a mistake to think that the wedding is all about the bride and groom (though I''m often guilty of it myself). In my perspective, my parents only have one daughter''s wedding, my grandmothers have only a few grandchildren wedding, my brother only has one sister''s wedding, and so their opinion matters to me.

 

[Independent Gal]

That is very wise, Basil!

There is a bit of a budget issue, although we could work it out if we choose. There''s also the aspect that it kind of creeps me out, but I can deal with that too if it''s important to some people in my family. Especially if, as you guys pointed out, there are photographers that specialize in being ''invisible'' while they take pics.

I guess I was also thinking about the fact that my dad just got married (AGAIN!) a few months ago, and we have a TONNE of photos, and recent family portraits and stuff, as well as candids from their wedding and I was thinking ''With all these recent photos of dad''s wedding and the guests (many the same as mine) why would we need more?''

But I guess it''s not really the GUESTS or the family that are being photographed but the wedding, if you know what I mean.

URGH. Now I''m confused. Good that we still have time to think this one through.

Know what''s funny? Having a FABULOUS dress is number two on my priority list too! (Number one is throwing a FUN party) Even though I''m not that concerned about having pics. But that''s more because wearing glamorous clothes is something I enjoy (and indulge in) in day to day life, something I particularly take pleasure from. So no way i''m missing this opportunity to glam out extra-specially.

But, now I think about it, it would be nice to "record" that.

 

[Trelala]

Ha, no, not wanting photography is not weird. No weirder than not wanting videography.

Just wanted to add that your philosophy is something that I''ve heard about in Susan Sontag''s On Photograhy. In the end, it''s your wedding and you should choose how you want to remember it and how to preserve such memories.

 

[Independent Gal]

Ha, Susan Sontag huh? Really! Well, I guess I better read that. I confess I''ve never read a word she''s written. And I may need to bolster up my "arguments" if we end up not going with a photographer all day and someone says "But why!?" Then I can just say "Because Susan Sontag said so."

 

[surfgirl]

IG, I understand your reluctance. I have a BFA and MFA in photography (though I dont make a living in that field) and I have ALWAYS hated having my picture taken. But I think years from now, I would regret not having documentation of my wedding day. So even though we''re eloping, we''re having a few hours of photography and we''re just going to go around the location and take fun photos and just have fun with it. I think if you really think about it - separating YOUR wedding from your father and his multitude of weddings! - you may regret it down the road. Especially if you plan on having children because one day they''ll ask to see your wedding photos of mom and dad...I think you can find a photographer that''s discreet enough to make you comfortable. And really, you dont need to have someone photograph you getting ready for your wedding, just from the point you''re going to the ceremony and onwards. Just be clear when you speak with photographers and ask for client references so you can talk to recent clients and ask them how obtrusive or not the photog was.

Lastly, I photographed a friend''s wedding years ago. The bride HATED having her picture taken and made that clear to me. I was running around taking photos and I overheard the bride say "I cant believe people dont mind her taking all these photos" (most people are happy to be photographed) so I pulled her aside and said "look, you''ve gotta smile or else all your wedding photos are gonna look like crap and years from now, when your kid asks to see your wedding photos he''s gonna wonder why Mommy looks so mad.." after that she shaped up and you know what, she now appreciates having all those photos because her kid DID ask to see the pictures and they were a lovely representation of the day his parents married.

The End.

 

[Trelala]

Aww, thanks for sharing that story Surfgirl!

Indy Gal, you can tell them Susan Sontag said so, and John Mayer too.

Here''s a bit from his song, Three by Five:
don''t have a camera by my side this time
hope that I would see the world through both my eyes
maybe I would tell you all about it
when I''m in the mood
to lose my way but let me say

you should have seen that sunrise
with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
you''ll be with me next time I go outside just no more 3 by 5''s