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Planning a wedding without a proposal

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UnderBlue

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Me rambling again to get things out of my head:

A few months ago my bf and I talked about when we''d actually want to get married and decided on this October. At that time he suggested we''d be able to tell everyone our plans over the holidays and he seemed to have genuinely thought he''d propose while we were on a vacation but the place he was thinking of turned out all wrong when we got there.

I took our deciding on October as a green light to start (openly) planning and researching. We won''t be living in the area where we''d be getting married for another month or so and I''m trying to get as much done as I can without actually being there. I''ve been a lot more open about looking at things/ideas and have been sending off emails to area photographers to find someone who''s willing to barter with us and I want to do that to try to more vendors to make sure we can get everyone we need on our date. I''ve been mentioning this to him when I do it.

While planning and looking at websites and exchanging emails and trying to budget I stop sometimes and think, is this really going to happen? Or am I going to line up all these things and then have to back out and explain and feel like an idiot? We''ve been asked point blank about when we''re getting married and had to essentially lie and say we don''t know. With us moving, all our friends are talking about missing us and wanting to visit and I want to tell them to save a few vacation days later in the year for us, but can''t. I want to ask my friends for advice on what we''re planning and to tell my parents too, but I can''t. He doesn''t want anyone to know until he''s asked.

He says he wants it to be the right moment, but I have no idea what that means to him. We''d get the ring after he proposes, so he''s not waiting for that. And it''s been at least three months since we decided on October and we can''t tell everyone a month before hand to fly out to our wedding, so there''s not a whole lot of time left.

I know things haven''t been perfect lately. I''ve been feeling more down than usual, we''re getting ready to move and there''s tons of crap to take care of here and there. While we were shopping one day I was short with him, or snapped at him and he said he doesn''t want to be one of those guys who''s wife is always snapping at him and that when I do that it makes him think twice about asking. He didn''t say it meanly, like he was holding it over my head, but I''ve wondered about that, that it''s something I''m doing wrong that keeps a proposal from happening.

Sometimes I think I should just give up and stop the planning and just say eff-it. But I thought we made an agreement. I don''t want to feel defeated about this on top of everything else that''s been defeating me.


Is anyone else in a similar situation? Is anyone openly planning a wedding with friends and family but waiting for the official proposal?
 
For me, planning should occur when both people have taken the firm decision to commit to marriage. This doesn't necessarily need a ring or a formal proposal, but it sure as heck doesn't involve one person still saying things like "when you do that it makes me think twice about marrying you." When you're into the planning stage, you shouldn't still be trying to convince the other person to marry you - that should be a done deal.

Honestly? If you're choosing the ring together after the proposal, there is nothing stopping him except that he is not ready to make that step. There are a million opportunities to propose each day. My favourite proposals on PS are those that occur without any fancy planning and drama, but a simple honest question over dinner, in the car, in bed. I wish more people realised it's not the proposal that's important (the place, the time) but the decision that is made as a result.

I would stop the planning, and sit down with him and find out what's going on. If he wants to get married this October, a firm decision needs to be made now so you can start booking things officially. Maybe he doesn't quite realise how far ahead of time things book up (I know my fiance didn't). Maybe he's not ready but doesn't have the courage to tell you now he sees how far things are going with the plans. But you need to get it straightened out before going any further.

Don't be embarrassed about the planning you've already done. One way or another, it'll come in handy later on.
 
Date: 2/2/2010 5:32:14 AM
Author: LilyKat
For me, planning should occur when both people have taken the firm decision to commit to marriage. This doesn''t necessarily need a ring or a formal proposal, but it sure as heck doesn''t involve one person still saying things like ''when you do that it makes me think twice about marrying you.'' When you''re into the planning stage, you shouldn''t still be trying to convince the other person to marry you - that should be a done deal.

Honestly? If you''re choosing the ring together after the proposal, there is nothing stopping him except that he is not ready to make that step. There are a million opportunities to propose each day. My favourite proposals on PS are those that occur without any fancy planning and drama, but a simple honest question over dinner, in the car, in bed. I wish more people realised it''s not the proposal that''s important (the place, the time) but the decision that is made as a result.

I would stop the planning, and sit down with him and find out what''s going on. If he wants to get married this October, a firm decision needs to be made now so you can start booking things officially. Maybe he doesn''t quite realise how far ahead of time things book up (I know my fiance didn''t). Maybe he''s not ready but doesn''t have the courage to tell you now he sees how far things are going with the plans. But you need to get it straightened out before going any further.

Don''t be embarrassed about the planning you''ve already done. One way or another, it''ll come in handy later on.
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Ditto to everything Lilykat said. You shouldn''t have to worry that something you said or did will make the proposal not happen. I know you said he didn''t meanly say that when you did things like that it makes him second guess proposing. To me that seems a bit hurtful. If he loves you and is ready to commit to you, then minor things that happen (such as being in a bad mood, snapping at someone momentarily, etc) shouldn''t make him reconsider asking you to be his wife. I''ll tell you this, being engaged is fabulous but planning a wedding is stressful and not without little disagreements (or sometimes big ones). Marriage is the rest of your life and there will be times when you''re in a bad mood or he is. Either way, there will be moments in any marriage that are stressful or frustrating and it''s all about communication. So communicate all of this with him :) Also, planning is a lot of work and costs quite a bit of money. I would reccomend getting a firmer idea of what your budget will be and it''s hard to do that when you''re still planning all this in secret.


As for the planning, I agree with LilyKat that you should stop planning and have a talk with your BF and find out what''s going on. I get that he doesn''t want to tell everyone you''re engaged until after he proposes but without a ring there''s nothing stopping him but not being ready. Waiting for the perfect moment is a nice thought but it could also be that he''s not quite ready and just isn''t able to tell you. Or, like LilyKat said, it could be that he doesn''t realize how far in advance these things needs to be planned. Either way, you need to talk to him. People need quite a bit of notice for weddings, especially if they live out of state, and October is not all that far away. Plus, planning is more fun with friends and family on board!

Good luck and let us know how it goes!
 
I know what he said sounds pretty mean, but he never says things in a mean or manipulative way. I don''t think he could be mean to me if he tried. And right after he said that sometimes he thinks that when I snap at him (which isn''t good for me to do, and I know it, when I get frustrated it''s my first reaction) he said "but then I remember that 99% of the time you make me so happy." And I said exactly the same thing Treasure said about it''s not always going to be good or happy or nice when we''re together forever and he said he knew.

I''ve tried to emphasize how things get booked out so far ahead of time and how we have to give people enough time to plan to come (they''re *ALL* out of state or country), etc. but I still don''t think he gets it. Right now we''re OK with timeline things, our venue still has our date open and I''ve got a photographer or two willing to work with me on a deal.

I know I should talk to him, and I usually do. I feel like I''ve been bringing it up a lot lately and I don''t want to ruin a surprise if he has one planned.

With all this moving stuff I''ve been having to badger him to take care of very necessary paperwork. I was going through our filing and he had unopened financial stuff from 2 or 3 years ago. He had some minor tax stuff that was supposed to be done at the end of last year but didn''t becasue he put the paperwork aside and thought he''d get to it later. (That makes him sound really irresponsible, but he''s not, he just seems to have an aversion to paperwork.)

I think he thinks there''s time and he can put it aside until the time is perfect: After we''ve moved, when I''m not so sad, when he''s happy with his job, when I don''t snap at him. Who knows when, if ever all those things will happen.


I''ve seen the posts on BWW, having friends and family "help" with the wedding doesn''t seem fun!
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Date: 2/2/2010 7:32:17 AM
Author: UnderBlue
I know what he said sounds pretty mean, but he never says things in a mean or manipulative way. I don''t think he could be mean to me if he tried. And right after he said that sometimes he thinks that when I snap at him (which isn''t good for me to do, and I know it, when I get frustrated it''s my first reaction) he said ''but then I remember that 99% of the time you make me so happy.'' And I said exactly the same thing Treasure said about it''s not always going to be good or happy or nice when we''re together forever and he said he knew.

I''ve tried to emphasize how things get booked out so far ahead of time and how we have to give people enough time to plan to come (they''re *ALL* out of state or country), etc. but I still don''t think he gets it. Right now we''re OK with timeline things, our venue still has our date open and I''ve got a photographer or two willing to work with me on a deal.

I know I should talk to him, and I usually do. I feel like I''ve been bringing it up a lot lately and I don''t want to ruin a surprise if he has one planned.

With all this moving stuff I''ve been having to badger him to take care of very necessary paperwork. I was going through our filing and he had unopened financial stuff from 2 or 3 years ago. He had some minor tax stuff that was supposed to be done at the end of last year but didn''t becasue he put the paperwork aside and thought he''d get to it later. (That makes him sound really irresponsible, but he''s not, he just seems to have an aversion to paperwork.)

I think he thinks there''s time and he can put it aside until the time is perfect: After we''ve moved, when I''m not so sad, when he''s happy with his job, when I don''t snap at him. Who knows when, if ever all those things will happen.


I''ve seen the posts on BWW, having friends and family ''help'' with the wedding doesn''t seem fun!
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So does your BF know all the wedding planning that has been happening? Has he been to the venue? Just curious. Have you guys talked about the wedding budget? I''m feeling like you might have since you already have a venue in mind.

True, there are many trials and tribulations of planning a wedding and it sometimes isn''t fun. Family and friends can make it difficult at times. However, I wouldn''t trade all of the rough patches for the moment when I found my dress and my best friends and mother saw me in it and cried. That''s a moment I''ll cherish forever. I wonder if you could let people know that there one might be a wedding in the future so that they can plan for it. Especially since all your guests are out of state and/or country. Obviously flights are cheapest when booked in advance and also, people often need time to figure out finances for a trip out of state or country.

Ultimatly you''ll do what you think is best and none of us understand the situation as completely as you do because you''re in it. However, maybe you could ask him if he''s still planning for October and let him know all the wedding planning you''ve done if you haven''t already. That way you''re on the same page and you won''t be ruining any suprise he may have planned :)
 
Oh he definitely knows. I''ve shared the Google documents I''ve made to keep track of research, the ceremony I''ve started putting together. We definitely have a budget and a rough draft of who we''ll invite. We went out to dinner and discussed things like on 2000dollarwedding.com. I''ve shown him the invites, etc. I''ve designed and he really likes them and he knows I''ve contacted letterpress companies for quotes. I''m hoping I can barter with some of the vendors so we can cut costs, or get more for our money. Today the wedding site got back to me saying they won''t barter with me, I told him and talked about how annoying it was to think really optimistically (working off the whole bill, and they really could use my help) and then having that crushed. He was understanding and said we''d work it out. (Neither of us have seen the site since it''s in another country, if we do put down a deposit it''s refundable if we don''t like it after we do see it.) I''ve been keeping him updated on responses from photographers to my bartering offers. We''ve talked about decorations and what we''ll wear, so this isn''t a secret from him.

I''ve just done this before in my life: Planned something that was supposed to be great and then no one shows up or is interested so I have to cancel it and I feel like an idiot for thinking people would want to do it or for rushing around and getting things done only for nothing to happen. So I get some of those dread kind of feelings as I''ve been putting a lot of planning and research into this.

Thanks for the advice, he and I will talk about it soon...
 
Hmm, some of this is personal style but it does seem like you are going about things backwards. While it''s good that you 2 have discussed wedding/marriage and he seems on board, I am also in the camp that it''s not a good idea to start hardcore planning before he has asked. You indicated that you will also be choosing the ring with him after he proposes. So really there''s not a lot for him to do and yet he''s stalling. I think you have to accept the fact that all the talk in the world does not add up to action. And as annoying as it is (many of us have been there!), you need to be patient and wait for him to take the action on his own of asking you to marry him! This is a big decision...all the other elements of wanting to start planning, needing to tell people of possible dates, worried about people coming are really all the superficial elements.--there are alot worse things like marrying before ready or if one party is not on board!

I don''t know, but it sounds like you''re getting a bit carried away and should focus on the core stuff first. Are you both on the same page for the fundamentals of the future? Financially? Timing wise? Alot of men avoid tough decisions and the woman assumes he just thinks like she does and therefore becomes very good at justifying his (in)action, but it can lead to some not so great surprises. This may not be you..but you really need to find that out before planning a wedding without a proposal!
 
I''ve got to say, I''m also firmly in the camp of waiting for an official proposal to start planning the wedding. My fiance and I talked generally about when we would like to get married and where we would do it (as in which state), but that was it until he proposed. To me, that is just the proper order of things. You seem to be very worried about having the perfect wedding, and he about planning the perfect proposal, but in the long-run, those things really aren''t that important. I''m only a month into planning our wedding, and it has been both a joyous and stressful time. I can''t imagine not being able to share this exciting time with others and getting their input and having them just as excited as I am. It seems kind of sad and somehow wrong to have to plan your wedding in secret. If you are both truly set on an October date, you need to stress to him the importance of having sufficient time to plan the wedding, or maybe if he is not ready to propose yet, you might need to be open to other possibilities. I hope everything works out for you. Just don''t get too ahead of yourself.
 
UnderBlue, I have so much to say regarding your posts, but I honestly don''t even know where to start.

I think you are:
- Going too far with wedding planning (since you''re not engaged yet)
- Not on the same page as your BF (see above)
- Making excuses for your BF''s behavior (the place he wanted to propose turned out to be ''wrong'', which is why he hasn''t proposed yet; you said his thinking twice about marrying you comment makes him sound mean, but he''s not; not doing tax paperwork makes him sounds irresponsible; but he''s not, etc).

I''m really not trying to be harsh with you, UnderBlue, I just want you to see the situation for what it is.

If your BF really wanted to propose to you, he would''ve done so already, IMO. No place can be "wrong" when someone is professing their love for you, and asking you to marry them. I was proposed to in the bedroom of me and FI''s apartment, wearing our pj''s, hair all messy, and guess what? It was the most perfect proposal I could''ve asked for. It''s not where he imagined himself proposing, but he couldn''t wait any longer.

I understand that you''re excited about your future with this man, but it seems like you''re leaving him in the dust! If you really feel that he is serious about getting married in October, I would sit down with him and have one good (last) talk about it. Tell him that you''re unsure why he hasn''t proposed yet, tell him you''re unsure if you should really be planning a wedding seriously for October. And if he doesn''t take that talk seriously/propose soon, honestly, I would put a halt on all wedding planning until he does.

Btw, I hadn''t seen that 2000dollar wedding site, so thanks for that
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Good luck, please keep us updated!
 
I am going to go with Lily and with Monkey in what they have said. I dont think planning should take place before the proposal. Thats like counting your chickens before they hatch. C and i have talked plenty about weddings and what would be the perfect wedding for us, but I havent put anything in to action, such as calling a vendor until he ask. I really think you should slam on the brakes until he ask. October is far enough away that if he even proposes in May you will still have time to plan. You dont have to plan a wedding a year in advance. For example, my sister and her Husband, got in engaged late one night, think bathroom engagement story, its actually cute, and from proposal to I do was 8 weeks, and it was one of the most lovely weddings ive ever seen.
So i say, STOP, RIGHT NOW, and wait for him to ask. If he doesnt ask soon, than ask whats up, but i wouldnt calll another vendor, until he says to you" Will your marry me, and spend the rest of your life with me, and we grow and build a life together"

Just me two cents..




Side note, i have to tell her engagement story. Her Husband, bf than, was sitting in the bathroom, going potty, and she was getting ready for bed, brushing her teeth. When he looked over at her, and said" Ya, know, i really love you, will your marry me?" She was so shocked, by the awkard moment, that she looked at him and said, what, and than he asked her again, and she said yes. They got up, put on clothes and went and picked out her ring.Than called my mom and me, and his family. He didnt even have a ring, but it was the most perfect moment for them. So Rings arent necessary to get engaged!
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I also say stop planning because if he dosn''t propose soon you''re setting yourself up for alot of heartbreak, dissapointment and arguments. He may have agreed to an october wedding but without the proposal, and the announcement to friends and family etc it''s not much of a commitment because it''s pretty easy to back out of that timeframe if your the only one who knows about it.

What happens if you put alot of effort into picking a venue, florist, photographer etc that you really want but he waits too long to propose so you don''t pick a date or put down a deposit and they''re all booked that month? I don''t see that ending well so IMO you should just tell your BF what''s going on and then stop planning.
 
Date: 2/2/2010 3:50:59 PM
Author: 4ever
I also say stop planning because if he dosn''t propose soon you''re setting yourself up for alot of heartbreak, dissapointment and arguments. He may have agreed to an october wedding but without the proposal, and the announcement to friends and family etc it''s not much of a commitment because it''s pretty easy to back out of that timeframe if your the only one who knows about it.

What happens if you put alot of effort into picking a venue, florist, photographer etc that you really want but he waits too long to propose so you don''t pick a date or put down a deposit and they''re all booked that month? I don''t see that ending well so IMO you should just tell your BF what''s going on and then stop planning.
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This is what I was thinking but couldn''t put into words this morning (darn head cold). I''m not saying he will back out, but 4ever is right. It''s really easy to back out of something you haven''t offically committed to and no one else knows about. Again, I''m not saying this is what''s going on, but if this were to happen it would be really heartbreaking for you I imagine. It''s all well and good to talk about getting married and where you would want it and what you would like, etc. However, actually letting friends and family know, putting down deposits, etc is a whole other thing.

Everyone is different in how much they plan and how much their FI is in on the planning but I think it could end up hurting you in the long run if you continue with the planning. If he doesn''t propose before October, then you''ll have gotten your hopes up and done all this planning for something that wouldn''t be happening when you wanted it to. I wouldn''t do anything more than you''ve already done until he''s offically asked you to be his wife. I''d sit him down and ask him seriously if he''s ready to get married. If says yes then just be patient and hold off on the planning. If he says he''s not yet, then you also know to hold off on the planning. He might possibly feel like things are moving too fast and October is coming too quickly and he doesn''t know what to do so he just goes along with the planning because he loves you and doesn''t want to hurt you by telling you it might be later than October. Again, I''m not saying this is the case...just throwing it out there.
 

I can't add to much to what everyone is saying other than I particularly agree with lily. I just wanted to add that I expect to be proposed to around the month of June and married next January.That is what I expect and have happen based of talks with bf. While he won't tell me when he will propose I expect June because he knows I want to be married next January and that I want a minimum of 6 months to plan a wedding and I know it won't happen for at least the next two because we are currently having the stone cut and picking out a setting. However I don't know for an absolute fact that that will happen even though he has pretty much told me it will.


I know where I'm going to get married (hopefully), what my food will be like and who will do it, what my flowers will be, photographer, guests, who I want to do the ceremony, what I think the guys should wear, what I want the girls to wear, you name it...i've got it planned out in my head. But for now it's only in my head. I have no desire to contact vendors and get prices or book anything because it is not real yet. We aren't engaged right now. Right now he is just my boyfriend and once he becomes more then I will take the step to actually plan it.


I also think you will be beyond devestated if you plan all this and then god forbid no proposal comes. You will feel like a fool. I hope you will hear what we are all saying and wait until he comes through with his promises.

 
I''m going to summarize my thoughts:

*Huge ditto to Lilyfoot stop making excuses!
*If he''s serious about marrying you he would want all your friends and family to know
*He also wouldn''t be dragging his feet, it''s been months since deciding on an October wedding, what on earth is he waiting for?
*Your bf should be excited about marriage not saying things like he''s thinking twice b/c you were cranky

Something about this is rubbing me the wrong way I have to agree with Lilykat, there are constantly opportunities to propose. This is coming from somone whose DH scrapped his proposal plans and did it spontaneously because he just couldn''t wait to make it official and tell everyone.

I think you''re questioning his sincerity too or you wouldn''t be posting. I''m sorry if this is overly harsh I just think you need to take a step back and wait to plan anything else until it''s official, I''d hate for you to go through all this effort and he still hasn''t proposed by October.
 
Just as we''re going to sleep last night I start the conversation about this.

Is he waiting for me to feel better?
No, he wants me to feel better but he''s not waiting for that.
Well then what is he waiting for?
He just wants it to be memorable.

We keep talking and I tell him a lot of what I told y''all. I tell him not to just go along with this. That I''m not trying to make him. He insists he loves me and wants to be with me. We''re taking another trip while we move and he said he was going to do at the grand canyon, so I felt like I''d spoiled a surprise again. He kept bringing up memorable. And I told him, how could it not be memorable and he had to concede, that I was right about that. =p I by no means am looking for some "perfect" proposal and I''ve told him that. He mentioned feeling pressured from TV and movies.

The place he was thinking of before really wouldn''t have been good. We felt pretty miserable: drenching with sweat, constantly swatting off flies and there were a million tourists around. Maybe it''s bad for me to say, but I don''t think I would have been so happy with being proposed to there.


I hate that I sounded like one of those women who''s defending some jerky guy. I had a jerky, manipulative bf before, where I as stupid and justified his actions. That is not my boyfriend at all. My BF has never ever been mean or jerky or anything to me. I don''t think he''s ever even raised his voice to me. If we''re in an "argument" he''d rather concede to me rather than fight, even if what I''m saying is ridiculous. He''s making me breakfast right now while I''m just being lazy typing to y''all on the couch. He always takes care of me and tries to cheer me up. We all have things we put off or procrastinate on, his is paperwork. He''s a wonderful guy and a great partner. We''ve talked about everything you''re supposed to talk about: money, kids, future goals, what we want out of life. I think we''ve done well there.
 
That''s all fine and dandy. Just wait until he actually proposes before you have your wedding all planned out. That''s all we''re saying.
 
Date: 2/2/2010 5:44:46 PM
Author: monkeyprincess
That''s all fine and dandy. Just wait until he actually proposes before you have your wedding all planned out. That''s all we''re saying.
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+1. Besides, don''t a lot big planning things (ie. venue, dress, costs) depend on the date/time of the wedding? I''ve never planned a wedding, but it seems like your planning would be more speculative rather than concrete if you haven''t set a date yet.
 
We have a date. It''s based on what the venue had available, so it''s a week later than we wanted but it''s the month we wanted.

I''m trying to wrap my head around backing off, I am. I''ve been working on things for a little while so I''ve got to uninvest myself slowly...

Thanks for letting me get things out here, sometimes just writing stuff down can help so much.
 
Hey Under Blue,
Sorry to hear you are having problems/difficulties/questioning again... I say again because I remember you from your last post at Christmas asking for a little help becuase you were in the same situation with waiting on your boyfriend...and driving yourself crazy! https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/going-a-bit-crazy.132383/

I''m sorry, but I would have to offer you the same advise as I did at Christmas and pretty much what all of the other girls have suggested by suggesting that backing off is probably the best idea until your bf shows that he is ready by giving you the proposal...

Good Luck
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Like stepcutgirl, I''ve got a lots of ideas about how my wedding will work out, and who will be performing various functions and in what attire. That being said, for the most part, it''s still in my head. I''m okay with researching the wedding. Go to the photographers'' or venues'' websites and look at their online portfolios and pricing, etc, but I would not be contacting them. I certainly would not continue making plans until your boyfriend makes an actual proposal. Then you can have the joy of planning this with him, and with your friends and family.
 
I know several people have already told you this, but I would put off planning till he proposes, too.

A friend of mine actually told me recently to go ahead and do all my planning now, before BF and I have even got the ring. She said I should pick the date, the venue, everything I want, go ahead and book all of it (WHAT!) and just inform him we are getting married on that date and he needs to get me an engagement ring before that. I was polite to her, but I think that''s some of the worst advice I''ve ever been given, honestly. I want him to be a part of all of it, of course, so why would I do that? And I certainly don''t want to force him into it, or him just to go along with my plans. Whew.

Anyway, it sounds like he will be proposing soon, so I would wait on that before you really plan things out. It will be more fun with family and friends and fiance all knowing about it. Keep us updated! :)
 
UB: I think it's great that you guys talked and that you bf seems to be a great guy. However I think it's pretty cut and dry with what everyone has been saying --that it is not a great idea to plan wedding specifics before the proposal. Doesn't reallly matter what the context is or what all our explaantions are. There is a reason why there's an order to things...and it's not just because it's how things have always been.
 
Date: 2/2/2010 5:15:04 PM
Author: UnderBlue

I hate that I sounded like one of those women who''s defending some jerky guy. I had a jerky, manipulative bf before, where I as stupid and justified his actions. That is not my boyfriend at all. My BF has never ever been mean or jerky or anything to me. I don''t think he''s ever even raised his voice to me. If we''re in an ''argument'' he''d rather concede to me rather than fight, even if what I''m saying is ridiculous. He''s making me breakfast right now while I''m just being lazy typing to y''all on the couch. He always takes care of me and tries to cheer me up. We all have things we put off or procrastinate on, his is paperwork. He''s a wonderful guy and a great partner. We''ve talked about everything you''re supposed to talk about: money, kids, future goals, what we want out of life. I think we''ve done well there.
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Hi, UnderBlue
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I''m sorry if my "stop making excuses" comment made you feel the way above. It wasn''t what I meant, your BF isn''t coming across as a jerk from your posts.

The only point that I want to make to you is don''t forget to take care of yourself, first and foremost. You are potentially setting yourself up for, not only personal disappointment and embarrasment, but I''m going to guess also strong feelings of resentment towards your BF if he doesn''t get his butt in gear in time for an October wedding.

What you are doing (wedding planning), is not helping your relationship, but it has the strong potential to hurt it.
 
Sorry, it doesn''t sound like you should be planning your wedding right now. You should have the proposal set in stone before proceeding with anything.
 
I agree with the other advice you''ve been given. I''d wait until the official proposal. Wedding planning is stressful enough and I couldn''t imagine doing it alone.
 
I went back and read some previous threads you''ve posted about the same topic (engagement).

I''m just gonna put it out there and save the sugar coating. You sound desperate. You are engaged when he asks you to be his wife. That''s when you start planning. If you have a week, you have a week. Anything else is wishful thinking and subliminal pressure on him to do the deed. Back off.
 
Date: 2/4/2010 5:35:25 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I went back and read some previous threads you''ve posted about the same topic (engagement).


I''m just gonna put it out there and save the sugar coating. You sound desperate. You are engaged when he asks you to be his wife. That''s when you start planning. If you have a week, you have a week. Anything else is wishful thinking and subliminal pressure on him to do the deed. Back off.
Click to expand...

unfortunately...ditto
 
HI:

I believe that you should be careful what you wish for....planning without a proposal or a firm promise is a slippery slope; but more to the point it is all about you. Is that what marriage is all about?

Sharon
 
Date: 2/4/2010 7:02:03 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved

Date: 2/4/2010 5:35:25 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I went back and read some previous threads you''ve posted about the same topic (engagement).


I''m just gonna put it out there and save the sugar coating. You sound desperate. You are engaged when he asks you to be his wife. That''s when you start planning. If you have a week, you have a week. Anything else is wishful thinking and subliminal pressure on him to do the deed. Back off.
Click to expand...

unfortunately...ditto
Click to expand...
Me too.

I am sorry but why would anyone plan a wedding without first being proposed to?
 
Stop planning.

This is coming from a girl who said to my then-BF "Hey October 31st is on a Saturday in 2009 - that would be a great day for a wedding". My BF said, "Yeah, it would be! Let''s get married (short pause while he got on one knee) will you marry me on October 31st?". Of course I said yes.

Months later he proposed the proper proposal he had thought of including a romantic dinner, dropping to his knee, mushy thoughts and my dream ring. We were married 10/31/09.

The point is he ASKED me. TWICE.
 
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