Planning the ceremony

[zoebartlett]

Okay, I clearly should invest in Wedding Planning for Dummies with the amount of time I''ve spent posting recently.

Anyway, I''d like to begin to get a picture of what our ceremony could look like. We''re not getting married in the Church, although both my FI and I are from Catholic families. He''d describe himself as an agnostic or maybe even athiest though. He never grew up going to church like I did. Neither of our families are practicing Catholics -- mine used to be but I don''t think my FI''s family ever was. While I respect certain traditions regarding Catholicism, there are too many things I personally disagree with. I would be okay with having some religious aspect to our ceremony but I don''t think my FI would be at all.

We both want to have a very meaningful ceremony -- I''m just not sure what I want it to be like. For those of you who chose not to have a relious ceremony, what did you center your ceremony around? Spirituality? Something else? Did you have readings -- if so, from what source? My sister''s ceremony last summer was very spiritual -- very centered around Mother Earth and all that, which isn''t really US either.

What did you do? What made it special for you?

 

[climb2cloud9]

Not married yet (ceremony is on August 14th) but both my fiance and I are both Catholic and opting for a non-religious ceremony. We are using "modern traditional" vows supplied to us by the minister. We are doing a very simple beach wedding which will include a lei exchange cuz what's a wedding in Hawaii without a lei!?!?!?! Ha!

Google "modern traditional vows" and see what comes up. Good luck!

cloud9

 

[hikerchick]

Zoe,

We are from 2 different cultures, families are 2 different religons and FI believes in God but doesn''t practice anything and even though my family is very much Hindu, I flux between agnostic and aethiest so we are having a ceremony focused on love and life and nature. I have a number of ideas but most of those files are on my work computer so I will try and dig them up online or post them tomorrow.

You have LOTS of options. We are avoiding the mention of God but there is reference to nature and spirituality. We are having certain traditions from both cultures, unity candles, exchange of rings, exchange of garlands, mangalsutra for the bride, 7 steps around the "fire" etc. I will be posting details as I begin focusing on the ceremony after the venue and caterer are booked.

Planning the ceremony is the part I am MOST looking forward to as it means a LOT to me to convey our philosophies of love and life and marraige and what we mean to each other.

- hikerchick

 

[hikerchick]

We are going to do an edited version of the blessing of the hands . . . minus the mention of God. I will paste an unedited version here.

***************************************************************************************************

Blessing of the Hands (Hand Ceremony) - unedited

[Bride''s name], please face [Groom''s name], and hold his hands, palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to you.

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as he promises to love you all the days of his life.

These are the hands that will work along side yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams.

These are the hands you will place with expectant joy against your stomach, until he too, feels his child stir within you.

These are the hands that look so large and strong, yet will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time.

These are the hands that will work long hours for you and your new family

These are that hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy

These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief wrack your mind.

These are the hands that will tenderly lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into his eyes: eyes that are filled completely with his overwhelming love and desire for you.

[Groom''s name], please hold [Bride''s name]''s hands, palms up, where you may see the gift that they are to you.

These are the hands of your best friend, smooth, young and carefree, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as she pledges her love and commitment to you all the days of her life.

These are the hands that will hold each child in tender love, soothing them through illness and hurt, supporting and encouraging them along the way, and knowing when it is time to let go

These are the hands that will massage tension from you neck and back in the evenings after you''ve both had a long hard day.

These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times

These are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick, or console you when you are grieving.

They are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.

These are the hands that will hold you in joy and excitement and hope, each time she tells you that you are to have another child, that together you have created a new life.

These are the hands that will give you support as she encourages you to chase down your dreams. Together as a team, everything you wish for can be realized.

Minister:
God, bless these hands that you see before you this day. May they always be held by one another. Give them the strength to hold on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. Keep them tender and gentle as they nurture each other in their wondrous love. Help these hands to continue building a relationship founded in your grace, rich in caring, and devoted in reaching for your perfection. May [Groom''s name] and [Bride''s name] see their four hands as healer, protector, shelter and guide. We ask this in your name, Amen.

 

[hikerchick]

Here is a reading we are considering.

Blessing: Apache Blessing, Author Unknown
Now you will feel no rain,
For each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
For each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no loneliness for you;
Now there is no more loneliness.
Now you are two bodies,
But there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place,
And enter into your days together.
And may your days be good
And long upon the earth.

 

[hikerchick]

Another reading and I will stop hogging your thread.

Love is a temporary madness,
it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together
that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation of eternal passion.
That is just being "in love" which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches,
they find that they are one tree and not two.

 

[snlee]

I guess there are many versions of the hand ceremony. We used this one is our ceremony.

[We added this intro:

Bride and groom, you have joined your hands together today as an expression that your hearts are joined together, in love.

Please continue to hold hands, so that you may feel the gift that you are to one another.]

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow and forever.

These are the hands that will work alongside yours as together you build your future.

These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.

These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.

These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.

These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one.

These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.

And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

 

[San Diego Bride]

neither one of us is religious, but we do come from very religious families. we tried to balance this, making our families happy while staying true to ourselves. we also wanted our ceremony to be short. our brief outdoor ceremony went something like this...

everyone enters.

minister says some opening words.

we did the traditional reading from corinthians. "love is patient..." using a scripture reading definitely made our families happy and we were quite happy with the content. it was read alternating in english and spanish, representing both of our cultures.

our minister acknowleged our families and friends and then asked them to pledge their support to us. it was pretty short, but beautiful.

then our minister read this right before our vows. it''s from "Union" by Robert Fulghum.

You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks - all those sentences that began with "When we''re married" and continued with "I will and you will and we will"- those late night talks that included "someday" and "somehow" and "maybe"- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, " You know all those things we''ve promised and hoped and dreamed- well, I meant it all, every word." Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another- acquaintance, friend, companion, confidante, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in [the last year]. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this- is my husband, this- is my wife.

then we said our vows, exchanged rings and kissed.

it was short and sweet.

in the end i''m not really sure if it "centered around" anything per se. it did feel "right" for us though.
hope that helps.

 

[Selkie]

We are also aiming for a secular, but meaningful/spiritual wedding. I focused on trying to find readings and ceremonies that celebrated both our individuality and our strength as a couple. I found several I really liked here: Hitched. There are a bunch of ceremony suggestions here: About.com.

There is sort of an ocean/nature theme to our ceremony because we are both biologists and sailors. I looked for quotes and poems by searching on key words like "ocean" and "love", etc.

Our opening reading is this poem:

From The PROPHET, by Kahlil Gibran: On Marriage
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other''s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other''s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other''s shadow.

And then our officiant, who is a close friend and has known my fiance for at least 15 years, will interpret the poem:

"DEFINITION OF MARRIAGE
In this poem, the author speaks to the self-reliance and independence of each member of the husband-wife pair. We come into this life alone but surrounded by others and we leave the world alone, and, we hope, surrounded by others. In the in-between time, we must be able to stand on our own strong foundation before we can lend strength and support to another structure. Marriage, being that structure, requires for its success two strong, independent souls that choose to share.

And, now, it is time to formalize and memorialize a completely new structure, new to this universe, and never to be repeated," etc. etc.

Our closing poem will be "Fidelity" by DH Lawrence:

Man and woman are like the earth, that brings forth flowers
in summer, and love, but underneath is rock.
Older than flowers, older than ferns, older than foraminiferae,
older than plasm altogether is the soul underneath.
And when, throughout all the wild chaos of love
slowly a gem forms, in the ancient, once-more-molten rocks
of two human hearts, two ancient rocks,
a man''s heart and a woman''s,
that is the crystal of peace, the slow hard jewel of trust,
the sapphire of fidelity.
The gem of mutual peace emerging from the wild chaos of love.

I particularly liked this one because my ering is a sapphire!

 

[eks6426]

I''m not religious at all either but we had a minister perform the ceremony because there were no other options. I had a really hard time coming up with the required biblical verses. I found some 2 sentence verses that met the minister''s requirement. But our main reading was this one right before our vows:

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the Art of Marriage: The little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ''I love you'' at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for the things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks everyone! IslandDreams, where did that poem come from (the one right before your vows)? I love that!

 

[ChargerGrrl]

DH and I are both "recovering Catholics". Our ceremony was very similar to novia's in that we wanted to balance the spiritual upbringing we both had in common , but also make it a reflection of us as we are today (not religious) Ours was also short (20 mins) and we too did the UNION reading.

since we got married at a winery, we wanted to incorporate the wine ceremony which was fitting for us (we're huge winos!)

to throw a bit of humor in it, we had two friends perform the song "Grow Old With You" from "The Wedding Singer" it was a hit, and totally fit in with our personality.

what made our ceremony special was that it was so totally US!