please take me off the list....sighhh....

[dec2410]

hello ladies - after being on this list for more than two years, i wanna request that i be taken off. we haven''t broken up, but we''ve definitely hit a huge bump in the road, and i''m really not sure if we''ll make it through.

it breaks my heart because i''m still sure that he''s the one for me...but he''s not sure anymore. he tells me that i don''t meet his needs. i''ve been asking him for the past year...to tell me how i could meet his needs, to tell me what he wants from me, but all he kept saying was "i just want you to be happy." after a few months of really difficult times, he finally tells me that he''s tired of waiting for me to figure it out....to figure out what his needs are. i don''t know what he wants, all i''ve wanted is for him to tell me...but he won''t tell me cuz i should be able to figure that out. i don''t know what to do.

i''ll let you girls know how things work out....

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 11/16/2009 10:05:47 AM
Author:waitingpatiently

hello ladies - after being on this list for more than two years, i wanna request that i be taken off. we haven''t broken up, but we''ve definitely hit a huge bump in the road, and i''m really not sure if we''ll make it through.

it breaks my heart because i''m still sure that he''s the one for me...but he''s not sure anymore. he tells me that i don''t meet his needs. i''ve been asking him for the past year...to tell me how i could meet his needs, to tell me what he wants from me, but all he kept saying was ''i just want you to be happy.'' after a few months of really difficult times, he finally tells me that he''s tired of waiting for me to figure it out....to figure out what his needs are. i don''t know what he wants, all i''ve wanted is for him to tell me...but he won''t tell me cuz i should be able to figure that out. i don''t know what to do.

i''ll let you girls know how things work out....

**HUG**

 

[lilyfoot]

**HUGE HUGE HUG**

I''m sorry to hear what you''re going through.

It sounds so cliche, but if it''s meant to be, it will be. It is not fair of him to expect you to "figure it out on your own". A huuuge part of any good relationship is COMMUNICATION. If he''s not willing to communicate what he needs from you, there''s really only so much you can do.

I''m sorry hun

 

[MrsHToBe]

Date: 11/16/2009 10:22:47 AM
Author: lilyfoot
It sounds so cliche, but if it''s meant to be, it will be. It is not fair of him to expect you to ''figure it out on your own''. A huuuge part of any good relationship is COMMUNICATION. If he''s not willing to communicate what he needs from you, there''s really only so much you can do.

+1

*hugs!*

 

[vc10um]

Date: 11/16/2009 10:51:02 AM
Author: MrsHToBe

Date: 11/16/2009 10:22:47 AM

Author: lilyfoot

It sounds so cliche, but if it''s meant to be, it will be. It is not fair of him to expect you to ''figure it out on your own''. A huuuge part of any good relationship is COMMUNICATION. If he''s not willing to communicate what he needs from you, there''s really only so much you can do.

+1


*hugs!*

+1 more.

(((((HUGS)))))

 

[katomm]

Awww, I''m so sorry!!! I wonder why he''s not opening up and telling you what''s "missing." There''s definitely a communication issue. Maybe he just needs to mature a bit more. Keep us posted.

 

[girlygirl29]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Hugs.

Honestly I think its completely unfair for him to be blaming you for something. I happen to think its a cop out to say you haven''t fingured out how to meet his needs. You are who you are and no person is worth changing yourself for. It''s one thing to adjust to eachother''s quirks but this is completely different story. My hope for you is for you to decide how to best handle the situation but for that to result in you being happy and not being subjected to this any longer.

 

[Princess_Dreamer]

>> So sorry to hear that

We''re here for you!

 

[katamari]

Date: 11/16/2009 10:05:47 AM
Author:waitingpatiently

it breaks my heart because i''m still sure that he''s the one for me...but he''s not sure anymore. he tells me that i don''t meet his needs. i''ve been asking him for the past year...to tell me how i could meet his needs, to tell me what he wants from me, but all he kept saying was ''i just want you to be happy.''

I feel for you and I hope that as you mourn for this relationship, you come to realize that the real "one" for you will be someone who can be happy simply because you are in their life. Hopefully the promise of that person on the horizon will help you get through the pain you are feeling now.

 

[Lauren8211]

*hugs*

I''m really sorry to hear this. I know it hurts to hear, but the *real* one for you wouldn''t make you jump through hoops.

I hope everything works out for the best and you find a relationship that makes you truly happy. You deserve it.

 

[brown_eyes]

(( HUGS ))

sorry you are going through this.

 

[CurlySue]

So sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. As a few others have said, it seems very odd (and sad) that he just wants you to "figure it out." I hope you are able to take some time to gain some clarity on what YOU need and want.

Hugs coming your way...

 

[Patiently_Waiting]

Date: 11/16/2009 11:37:51 AM
Author: elledizzy5

*hugs*

I''m really sorry to hear this. I know it hurts to hear, but the *real* one for you wouldn''t make you jump through hoops.

I hope everything works out for the best and you find a relationship that makes you truly happy. You deserve it.

Ditto this....hugs to you and make sure your happiness comes FIRST!

 

[Blackpaw]

So sorry waiting

doesnt seem fair when you''re willing to try and meet his needs and he wont even tell you what they are...seems like something a girl would do!!

but im really sorry you''re hurting. Lots of *HUGS*

 

[Luckyeshe]

Date: 11/16/2009 12:52:57 PM
Author: Blackpaw
So sorry waiting

doesnt seem fair when you''re willing to try and meet his needs and he wont even tell you what they are...seems like something a girl would do!!

but im really sorry you''re hurting. Lots of *HUGS*

+1! If he''s not willing to tell you what he needs, how are you suppose to know? It''s not fair to you if he''s not willing to communicate anymore. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[purrfectpear]

Well, there''s only so many "needs" that could be wanting IMO.

1. Sex when they want it
2. Listened to and made to believe you hang on their every word
3. Cooking and cleaning
4. Support their job/career like you think they''re the next Einstein

Other than that, most men don''t have much else they need to make them happy

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/16/2009 2:01:35 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Well, there''s only so many ''needs'' that could be wanting IMO.
1. Sex when they want it
2. Listened to and made to believe you hang on their every word
3. Cooking and cleaning
4. Support their job/career like you think they''re the next Einstein

Other than that, most men don''t have much else they need to make them happy

You forgot:
5. Be able to read minds
6. Threesomes!
7. Become a man -- or at least cut hair short (see: Katie Holmes)
8. Hang out on street corners, collect "tips"
9. Be perfectly coiffed arm-candy
10. Change religions, morals, style of dress, hair color upon flippant request

Though I wouldn''t recommend the long term potential with those with THESE "needs" (5-10)

 

[junebug17]

I''m genuinely kind of curious as to what these needs are, though purffectpear''s list is probably pretty close...I''m really sorry you''re going through this, I know it''s upsetting, but unless he''s willing to communicate with you, I don''t think there''s much you can do. It seems unfair, and somewhat cruel IMO to expect you to guess what he wants. Hugs to you, I hope you find peace and happiness soon.

 

[Amzizzle]

I don''t have great advice, but *hugs*

 

[chiapet]

I hope things work out for you. (((HUGS)))

 

[HopeDream]

Hugs!

It sounds like your man

a) Doesn''t know who his is anymore
and
B) Doesn''t have a clear vision of what he wants out of life.

It''s not your job to figure this out for him.
(Make sure you know what these are for you though!)

I hope all the best for you and your BF

Take good care of yourself! - you deserve it!

(Maybe try the S.H.E.D. book by Julie Morgenstern - a bit about stuff, but also about figuring out who you are and what you want to be)

 

[oddoneout]

Date: 11/16/2009 2:01:35 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Well, there''s only so many ''needs'' that could be wanting IMO.


1. Sex when they want it

2. Listened to and made to believe you hang on their every word

3. Cooking and cleaning

4. Support their job/career like you think they''re the next Einstein


Other than that, most men don''t have much else they need to make them happy

Pretty much the truth.

 

[caribari]

he tells me that i don''t meet his needs. i''ve been asking him for the past year...to tell me how i could meet his needs, to tell me what he wants from me, but all he kept saying was ''i just want you to be happy.'' after a few months of really difficult times, he finally tells me that he''s tired of waiting for me to figure it out....to figure out what his needs are. i don''t know what he wants, all i''ve wanted is for him to tell me...but he won''t tell me cuz i should be able to figure that out.

This infuriates me. He’s tired of waiting for you to figure out what his needs are? Please, he is not an infant. Not to insult your SO, but it really sounds like he needs to grow up.

That aside, I wish you strength in getting through this rough patch.

 

[oddoneout]

I am sorry you''re going through this. How does he expect you to figure out things for him? He needs to figure out things for himself. Don''t change to be his "perfect" woman.

 

[Steel]

Date: 11/16/2009 2:17:00 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 11/16/2009 2:01:35 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Well, there''s only so many ''needs'' that could be wanting IMO.
1. Sex when they want it
2. Listened to and made to believe you hang on their every word
3. Cooking and cleaning
4. Support their job/career like you think they''re the next Einstein

Other than that, most men don''t have much else they need to make them happy

You forgot:
5. Be able to read minds
6. Threesomes!
7. Become a man -- or at least cut hair short (see: Katie Holmes)
8. Hang out on street corners, collect ''tips''
9. Be perfectly coiffed arm-candy
10. Change religions, morals, style of dress, hair color upon flippant request

Though I wouldn''t recommend the long term potential with those with THESE ''needs'' (5-10)

Also:

11. Never wanting him to lift a finger.
12. Wishing there were an 8th night in a week so he could have **another** lads night out.
13. 28 DD''s
14. Be able to trade you in every year; so he always has a 24 yr old to sh@g.
15. Make his MIL disappear.

_______________________________


WP: I am sorry you feel upset. But you can''t do anything. It is always best to be chased; not to do the chasing. Let him come after you. Don''t go wrapping yourself up in a neat little bow, let him work for your affections. What is this man doing to be the man of your dreams? That is today''s question, not what you are doing to be the woman of his dreams.

 

[decodelighted]

His #1 need = life partner made of pure magic & fairy dust who can intuit his *other* needs & do so with vigor & gusto w/o any need for pesky "communication" or "reciprocity"

The thing is ... it DOES NOT MATTER what his "other" so-called needs are. He has IMPOSSIBLE expectations. That ALONE is enough to tell you he's not currently a good partner or mature enough to be trusted anywhere near your heart.

 

[AustenNut]

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Best of luck with this situation.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/16/2009 5:15:28 PM
Author: decodelighted
His #1 need = life partner made of pure magic & fairy dust who can intuit his *other* needs & do so with vigor & gusto w/o any need for pesky ''communication'' or ''reciprocity''

The thing is ... it DOES NOT MATTER what his ''other'' so-called needs are. He has IMPOSSIBLE expectations. That ALONE is enough to tell you he''s not currently a good partner or mature enough to be trusted anywhere near your heart.

Ditto. You''ve been trying for a year to meet these secret needs he won''t explain? Seriously? He sounds manipulative, petty and just plain mean. I think he''s doing you a favor by telling you this. Hopefully you''ll see it that way and move on. Best of luck to you.

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

aww i''m so sorry to hear this

i''ve been through this before, and i would really encourage you to get your bf to open up and communicate what he wants. if he doesn''t have a straight forward answer (because only he knows what he REALLY wants) then i think he is just feeding you bullsh*t.

in any case, i do hope things work out for you! but just remember never to settle! you come first no matter what

 

[luckynumber]

aw crumbs ladies, just what is going on tonight??

even one of best friends is splitting up....

chin up girl, hope you can make it through, but don''t let him leave you hanging on forever...