Poeple who want to mingle with our lives...

[anchor31]

... end up with their hearts broken because we have what they wanted.

This isn''t engagement related, but I''m probably not the only one dealing with that kind of issues, so I thought we could share.


How I met my boyfriend is a rather complicated story. I''ll try not to bore you with the whole thing, I just want to give you some background so you can understand the jealousy drama that is unfolding. Don''t worry, it''s not between J and me, we''re doing great.

So, J met I. through his neighbour and best friend Jo (I.''s cousin) about six years ago and they became friends. My brother, around the same time, met I. too, through his girlfriend of the time. Around three years ago, my brother started dating I., met J and they became friends. J saw a picture of me at my brother''s apartment and asked my brother "who was the pretty girl in the picture", so my brother introduced us. I. was sooo excited at the prospect of J (who she''d say she considered as a brother) and I dating that she would tell me over and over how perfect he was for me. I even started feeling a bit wary and almost didn''t date him, but fortunately for J and me, I did.

I. desperately wanted to marry my brother. She did unspeakable things in the hopes that he would. But the whole family disliked her and didn''t approve of her, and of course we are an important part of my brother''s life, so she was very bitter and jealous. My brother ended up breaking up with her after 22 months (a year ago), to everyone''s relief. J remained friends with I. and things didn''t change between them, or between J and me.

Except that after 26 months of dating, we are still together. It was fine with I. while she was with my brother, but now that she isn''t... If she didn''t get her "happily ever after", why should we? A few months ago, she started telling J that even if she''d dated other guys, she had always wished to be with him in the end. After my brother broke up with her, she "realized" she was "in love" with J and that he was the one for her.

Anyway, she asked him to visit her a couple of times and visited him once (they live 3 hours apart), but it always was on one of the rare weekends he could come to see me (me thinks she was doing this on purpose, you''ll see why), so he spent time with me instead (except when she visited him, of course). And then she''d get angry at him because "he doesn''t care about her and doesn''t come to see her".

A couple of weeks ago was my Study Break. She''d asked him if he would come over on the 22nd and 23rd (why wasn''t I surprised...), and I said I didn''t mind going there with him so we can be together and visit her too (we''d done it a couple of times before). But she didn''t call to confirm, so we didn''t go. I was going back to my campus on the 30th, so J visited me that weekend before I left until Christmas.

It turns out she called him on Monday and asked him why he didn''t come over on the 29th and 30th "like he said he would". So he said they had talked about the weekend before that one but she didn''t call to confirm so we didn''t go, and he couldn''t have gone to see her on the 29th anyway because he wanted to see me before I left until Christmas Break. She started saying he''d changed since he started going out with me, that he shouldn''t stay with me, that my family are cold-hearted tyrants, yadda yadda yadda.

She was desparate for us to date and now she wants to break us up?? Now listen here lady... J and I are happy together and want to spend the rest of our lives together, so get over it! It''s not because you didn''t get your "happily ever after" that we shouldn''t either! Stop trying to mess with my boyfriend''s mind because he''s smarter than that and he deserves better than you. Your scheming might have brought us together, but it sure won''t take us apart... Not that J wants anything to do with you now. With all this, you ended up not only losing your boyfriend, but your "brother/the man you loved ". Maybe you need to check that attitude of yours, because you''ll be very alone ever efter...

You know, the whole thing makes me more sad than angry. Why did I ever do to her?

In the end, I''m the one who got what she wanted, and she handed it to me on a silver platter. Talk about shooting youself in the foot...

 

[sistagrl2004]

OK, what I don''t understand about this story is why J continues to be friends with I? WTF, she obviously disrespected you and if he expect to be with you, why on earth would he continue to maintain friends with her? I also dont understand this whole "visiting" thing. I have male friends from before I got into a relationship. We hang out alone and with my fiance and sometimes he goes out with them separately. HOWEVER they were not close before you two became an item so why would they need to be more then "casual friends" ie.. no "driving up to visit" and no meaningful telephone conversations... No I am not a "jealous" person, but I also do not tolerate BS and it appears to me that I. is BS! Good luck with that situation, but I think I. needs to be put in her place BY J.

 

[MissAva]

Not cool.

I am that girl for some people, I have always had a rotten time being close to girls so most of my more intimate friendships have been with males. If I thought of them as people to date I did. I would never ever say something like that when one of my boys is dating another girl. It is difficult to be the close female friend when a guy you care about starts dating another. You want to protect him and make sure she is worthy of him. But it sounds to be me like she hand picked you for him, so that just doesn’t line up.
Personally I doubt she was in love with him, but that doesn’t me she doesn’t love him. Your family did not like her and even if ya’ll had good reason that hurts. (I have no clue what made ya’ll dislike her, or if your SO knows). If your SO doesn’t know the full circumstances try and assure him that she crossed the line in someway. And that your though family may or may not be willing to forgive her they no longer feel comfortable with her marrying your brother. If he knows what happened ask him how his family would react if you pulled that kind of stunt? Remind him that people are accountable for their actions and it is immature of her to put the consequences of what she did on your family.
The trips probably would not bother me, minus the fact she only asks him to come when you could see your BF that weekend. Ask him why she is choosing those weekends, your suggestion of going with him is clever. How did you find out about what she said if he told you then he probably felt weird that she is having those feelings and he is not, looking for advice on how to respond without losing his friend. As hard as this is on you, I imagine it is stressful for your SO as well.

 

[anchor31]

systagirl2004 - They were close before we became an item. That''s how I met my SO. They used to visit each other every once in a while. But since she was getting mad at him for not doing her every wish, he started distancing himself from her. After what she said to him on Monday, they are not longer friends. J told her to go **** herself and he wouldn''t break up with me, so she doesn''t talk to him. I say, good riddance. He''s really pissed off at her and wants nothing to do with her.

matadora - She definitely doesn''t really love him. She wanted a ship, and since hers sank, she turned to the person that she, in her twisted way of thinking, thought would make her happy, even if it means breaking up a perfectly healthy relationship.

My family didn''t like her because we knew she was a problem right from the start. She''s immature, jealous and manipulative and at first tried to get everyone to like her, and when she saw that didn''t work, tried to turn my brother against us. She even got pregnant, but unfortunately for her and VERY fortunately for us, she lost it very quickly (my parents don''t even know). When my brother finally dumped her, it was a great relief for us all. My SO knows why we didn''t like her and he also knows how much she dislikes us, and why (we kept my brother away from her). He also knows my family is not a bunch of "cold-hearted tyrants" since they all like him and he likes them.

Anyway, she was a very persistant parasite for the last three years, but now she''s out of our lives for good. That would be a cause for celebration, I think!

 

[sistagrl2004]

Lets just all posse up and kick her A$$!!!

 

[anchor31]

lol, sistagrl!! That''s definitely what she deserves!

Anyone else has a "parasite" story to share?

 

[snuga]

I have a story that is similar in some ways...

I had a "friend" who liked my boyfriend before my boyfriend and I started dating (which I did not know). After we started dating, she became extremely jealous and started spreading horrible rumors about me to friends we had in common. She went out of her way to let us know that she "didn't care" we were together by flaunting her new "boy toys" around in front of us. We worked together and she would make terrible comments to people around me (so I could hear) about him whenever he would come visit me. She would say terrible things to me about my boyfriend (ie. that he was cheating on me with her-would go into explicit detail

). Eventually we cut all ties when she just pushed me over the edge by doing something I would rather not share.

She got married a few months ago. How do I know? She sought out my boyfriend to let him know what he was missing. Riiight.

Anyways, I sincerely hope that she finds happiness in her marriage and in life, because obviously something was missing that would make her such a jealous and manipulative person. I haven't seen her in many years, but I do think about her every once in a while and I hope that she is happy.

 

[appletini]

These sound like some scary women! Those poor men that marry them, they don''t know what they are getting themselves into.

 

[anchor31]

kalispera - That sucks big time. I''m glad it didn''t damage your relationship, that''s what''s most important.

It''s so sad, though, because they don''t realize that by doing all these things they lose people they cared about. Jealousy sucks, and I''m VERY glad it''s not an issue at all between me and my SO. I remember when I. used to date my brother... He''s a very jealous person and so was she. It was painful to watch...

And she really crossed the line by telling my SO to leave me, that was horribly selfish, mean and uncalled for. I''ll be very happy to never hear about her again. If she ever marries, I''ll definitely pity the poor guy.

 

[SoonIHope]

I have a story which doesn''t directly involve me, but which involves two of my friends (well one current friend and one former

). I''m going to use fake names even though I''m 99% sure none of my real life friends would ever come across PS - since their lack of interest in diamonds is what drove me to find it in the first place! But yes, story time.

A few years ago, our friend Alice decided to set up our friend Leah with her (Alice''s) friend Mark. Alice was (I believe) engaged already (or at the very least seriously dating the man she would later marry), but Leah, who was 22 then, had never actually been on a date. So Leah resisted the blind set up for a while but because Alice kept telling her how well she would get along with Mark and how they really would be great together, and Mark would be disappointed if he didn''t get to meet her after all she''d told him about Leah, that Leah finally agreed.

Their first date went okay...nothing fantastic but they got along quite well. Leah told Alice that she liked him, but wasn''t sure if he liked her, but was 100% behind going out again to see how things would go.

He asked her out again, and this time they TOTALLY clicked, and just stayed up for hours talking about everything and it was really really amazing and Leah just came back floating on a cloud telling all of her friends (including Alice) how SPECTACTULAR it was and how happy she was and how she couldn''t believe they hadn''t really clicked the first time, because this time was so perfect.

She is talking to Alice about it and asks if Alice has talked to Mark to see what he thinks. Alice says that Mark actually didn''t like her that much. He thought she was kind of stuck up and not that interesting. Leah is REALLY shocked to hear this since they had talked really excitedly for hours and hours and after seeing him that first day, she knows that he''s not the type of person who just does that if he''s not feeling it. So she is upset to hear this, but would still like to see him again to figure out what''s going on.

They go out a third time. This time, Mark is really snippy and sullen and sarcastic, and just makes rude snide comments to everything Leah says. Leah is completely horrified as to how she could have been so wrong about him. Because the evening is already such a total failure she finally just calls him on it and says "Why are you being such an ass, I thought we had a great time the other night." Really sarcastically, he''s like "Yeah, I thought so too." And she''s just like WHAT THE HELL??? So she gets mad and starts asking why he acted the way he did the other night if he didn''t like her, and why he even bothered to ask her out again if he hates her as much as he seems to. Finally it comes out that it''s because of what Alice told him...... He doesn''t want to say what, but Leah assures him she only told Alice good things, so she has no idea what she could have said that was so bad.

Turns out, Alice told him that Leah wasn''t interested because he was too stupid, unmotivated, and most importantly not rich enough. WHAAAT???? None of these were things she ever said/thought/would consider saying about him - she didn''t think he was stupid or unmotivated at all, and would never disregard someone based on being "not rich enough" (especially dumb since he is really quite well off, but Alice told him that Leah needed someone REALLY rich). Once they determine that Alice straight out lied to both of them (because he had also told her that he was totally smitten with Leah), he apologizes for his surly behavior and they are able to get along well again, now additionally driven by their mutual anger at Alice.

So finally they confront Alice about it the next day, and she has the nerve to say it was FOR THEIR OWN GOOD??? She explains that even though Leah didn''t SAY those things about Mark, she knows Leah well enough to know that eventually she WILL think those things, so once she realized how badly matched they were for each other, she decided it was best to try to end things right now, than to let them date each other for a while before they realized what a bad match they were. Needless to say, Leah & Mark were not of the opinion that they needed Alice to tell them this - ESPECIALLY since she had been the one arguing for MONTHS that they really should get together.

So now, 90% of our friends are still not talking to Alice 3 years later, and Leah & Mark are getting married in June (one of the happiest couples I know, for the record). We just figured that Alice got jealous that (a) Mark was no longer spending any time hanging out with her as a platonic friend - especially since she is the type of person who always surrounds herself with male friends for the sole purpose of getting them to compliment her, (b) Leah was finally happy with someone on her very first try (Alice had been in about 10 "we''re going to get married" relationships by now), (c) they were happier together than Alice and her fiance (now husband) were - she married him even though she would just blatantly talk to us about various things that were wrong with him and she didn''t seem to like him that much. It made us all really uncomfortable and we would try to suggest maybe she didn''t seem that happy with him and she would just casually wave it off. Then she ended up not even inviting A SINGLE FRIEND to her wedding because it happened not too long after the whole Leah/Mark debacle. Anyway, she, like I. is a friend better OUT of your life than in it...

 

[SoonIHope]

WHOA that ended up being long! SORRY!!!

 

[anchor31]

Those stories are generally long and complicated... But Alice sounds a lot like I.! Ick. I''m glad things worked out for the best for Leah and Mark! Congratulations on their engagement and upcoming wedding!

I actually realised why I. tried to match us up in the first place... She''s a very needy person (obviously) and wanted to keep J around by whatever means necessary. She was 100% sure she was going to marry my brother and she wanted to keep J "in the family" (she used to say he was the brother she never had), so get him to marry your future sister-in-law, and voilà! Had she still been with my brother now, she would probably be pressuring both my brother and J into proposing...

But now that she isn''t going to marry my brother and won''t have J as a brother-in-law, and since our relationship is getting more and more serious, he''s a lot more into me and into her, so he''s not around like she wanted. Perfect solution #2: break them up and get him to date me instead! Those women are selfish and don''t care about other people happiness, as long as they are happy.

 

[ame]

How about you, your brother and your man tell her to jump off a cliff and stop talking to her? The more she''s given the attention she so clearly demands, the more her obsession grows and the more insane she''ll become.

Tell her to leave you alone (both your brother AND your man need to flat out say take a hike and stop contacting them) Block her numbers, block her emails and stop acknowledging her. She''ll eventually realize that none of you care about her anymore and she''ll go annoy someone else.

 

[anchor31]

Oh, don''t worry ame, she''s out of our lives for good now. She''s trying to get my boyfriend on a guilt trip by not talking to him, but he knows better. He definitely crossed her off. As for me, I haven''t talked to her in a long time and won''t ever again. It''s over, and I''m glad it is.