Possible engagement trip was cancelled!

[squeaksluv]

I''m so upset I could cry. My bf and I were supposed to go to Washington DC at the end of the month and I had a very strong feeling he was going to propose there (great hotel, pricey romatic restaurant, all the key elements seemed to be in place). Well now he''s cancelled the trip which makes me wonder if he was going to propose to me at all.

He called today from work and said he will be flying to Las Vegas to meet with and entertain some clients. What bugs me is that these aren''t even his clients AND the guy who handles them will be there as well. He said he wanted to go for the ''experience''...what experience? Taking them out for dinner and a night out on the town..in Vegas of all places???

I have a feeling he is going just so he can get an all expense trip paid to Vegas. He has some buddies who live in LA who I just know will just happen to be in town. I''ll bet if the trip was to Dayton, Ohio he wouldn''t of volunteered to go! Not that I have anything against Dayton of course.

I know I shouldn''t be mad because it is his job after all but I''m jsut so diasppointed He said that maybe we can go in January...

I got so mad I hung up on him. He''s called and left 5 messages but I refuse to pick up the phone or return his calls...am I over reacting?

Wahhhh!

 

[anchor31]

No, I don''t think you''re overreacting. Engagement or not, I''d be really mad if my BF cancelled a trip like that to have fun in Vegas with his buddies!
I hope things get better for you soon!
*big hugs*

 

[snuga]

squeaksluv,
Your "Wahhhh" at the end of your post almost made me fall of my chair I was laughing so hard. I could almost hear you through my computer.
I''m sorry that your trip was cancelled, although I don''t think giving your boyfriend the silent treatment is all that fair. I don''t have any great advice for you, but hopefully you can work through it and figure something out. Keep us posted and pick up your phone!!

 

[ellewoods]

I''m so sorry! What a dissapointment!

I don''t necessarily think you''re over-reacting. But there are a couple things that may be going on with him.

1) He may not have been planning to propose on the DC trip. Obviously it sounds like all the perfect elements were in order with the fancy hotel, nice restaurant plans, etc. But it just seems like a boyfriend who was planning to propose on a specific trip wouldn''t abandon his plans to do so for a work trip, even if the work trip would be a fun time in Vegas. If he wasn''t planning on proposing in DC, then he won''t understand why you''re so upset the trip is cancelled -- unless you tell him what you were thinking.

2) He could have something up his sleeve and he''s tricking you....but in a good way!

Maybe he made up the work trip to throw you off the trail, and he''s going to surprise you by staying in town that weekend and planning a romantic surprise proposal when you think he''s in Vegas. Or maybe he''s planning on whisking you off that weekend to propose (maybe DC still, maybe somewhere else, hey maybe even Vegas) but he''ll let you think he''s going out of town that weekend but instead he''ll stay in town and show up on Friday or something and whisk you away for a romantic weekend and proposal.

Of course I hope something is going on that is more like the 2) situation. If he''s been planning on proposing soon (like on the DC trip), I just don''t think he''d wait until January (when he said you guys might be able to go to DC instead). So I''m hoping that means that he''s trying to trick you somehow and really surprise you!

 

[snuga]

ellewoods, I also think the second situation is plausible!! You never know!!

 

[Mara]

Did you say all expenses paid trip to Vegas?!?!?

Maybe you can go along. I love Vegas when it's done right.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/19/2005 9:32:47 PM
Author:squeaksluv


I know I shouldn''t be mad because it is his job after all but I''m jsut so diasppointed He said that maybe we can go in January...

I got so mad I hung up on him. He''s called and left 5 messages but I refuse to pick up the phone or return his calls...am I over reacting?

In my opinion, yes.

This isn''t really the precedent you want to set for how you''re going to communicate together, is it?

If he was thinking of proposing, would you think that hanging up on him and refusing to return his calls will make him more likely to propose or less?

It''s a small thing.....call him and work it out. Life''s too short.

 

[Erin]

I'm sorry you're left feeling this way. I would be disappointed to - especially with a future engagement looming, but

Actually yes, although you have a right to be confused (engagement or not he cancelled a trip with you) but nothing is worth hanging up and not answering messages. Sure, maybe we've ended a call hastily, but if he calls back to clear the air I answer the call and we resolve it and it's over. Call him back.

 

[MissAva]

Eh, I would check the messages, how do they sound? He may have a valid career reason for going on this trip. Have faith in him, he is the one you are choosing to be with forever. Call him or text him. You love each other.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 10/19/2005 9:32:47 PM
Author:squeaksluv
I''m so upset I could cry. My bf and I were supposed to go to Washington DC at the end of the month and I had a very strong feeling he was going to propose there (great hotel, pricey romatic restaurant, all the key elements seemed to be in place). Well now he''s cancelled the trip which makes me wonder if he was going to propose to me at all.

He called today from work and said he will be flying to Las Vegas to meet with and entertain some clients. What bugs me is that these aren''t even his clients AND the guy who handles them will be there as well. He said he wanted to go for the ''experience''...what experience? Taking them out for dinner and a night out on the town..in Vegas of all places???

I have a feeling he is going just so he can get an all expense trip paid to Vegas. He has some buddies who live in LA who I just know will just happen to be in town. I''ll bet if the trip was to Dayton, Ohio he wouldn''t of volunteered to go! Not that I have anything against Dayton of course.

I know I shouldn''t be mad because it is his job after all but I''m jsut so diasppointed He said that maybe we can go in January...

I got so mad I hung up on him. He''s called and left 5 messages but I refuse to pick up the phone or return his calls...am I over reacting?

Wahhhh!

Why is this?

 

[Jelly]

Life is full of interruptions...no use being too upset about his business trip, but I definitely understand your frustrations.

Maybe if he's partying with his buddies you should get a all-girl's night out and have some fun with YOUR friends. Just a suggestion.

 

[MissAva]

Good Call Jelly! What about having all your girl friends over and having a spa night? You could do all the silly girl things that mostly get ditched after 13. Then when he gets home you can greet him with your nails done, your skin looking fresh and something cute on. My mother is still reminding me that you will catch more fly with honey...
Or if you are feeling evil you can go clubbing, pig out.
The half way would me having some you time. Get some things that you have been putting off done.

 

[ello]

I think that the timing was not right. He might have something up his sleeve....you never know...chin up!

 

[ame]

You should t ell him just that--that you are hurt and offended that he would cancel on your trip to go to vegas with his buddies. He showed you who and what was more important to him and it clearly wasnt you.

Turn the tables on him.

 

[pebbles]

I know this happened last night, so sorry to be late in giving my $.02...but here it is anyway.

Yeah, I think you''re overreacting. Hanging up on someone is usually not the best way to handle things. It''s one of my pet peeves. Is this how you''re going to communicate with him every time he disappoints you? Trust me -- there will me many more times you will be disappointed.

Could it be that maybe he''s going on this work trip to try to schmooze up and win some brownie points? My husband was in a similar situation a few years ago when we were dating. He had a chance to go to Vegas on a business trip or spend the weekend at a family party of mine. He asked if I would mind if he went to Vegas. The idea of him, a single guy, in Vegas with his work buddies didn''t sit well with me at first, but I really didn''t mind. My hubby said it was a good chance to hang out with his boss outside of work and do some brown nosing.

Guess what -- he got promoted a few months later.

Now if he had said he''s just going to Vegas with his buddies and cancelled a trip with me, then that''s a different story.

 

[squeaksluv]

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts! It really did help a lot. i''m so glad I came here! You guys always give the best advice. I did call him back and apologize for hanging up on him. I didn''t tell him I thought he was going to propose that weekend, I just said I was so looking forward to the trip I was very disappointed and to hear he was going to Vegas was just a shock. He was really sweet and we went out and had a wonderful dinner last night.

So guess what? I''m going to Miami that weekend!!!! When I got home there was a message from one of my best friends who lives there. She has been begging me to come visit and said that weekend was the only weekend she''d be around so I figured, why not then? While bf is having fun in Vegas I''ll go have some fun in Miami! I just hope the weather is nice for us and there are no hurricaines.

My bf and I actually first met in Miami through my friend so I can vent to her and she''ll know exactly what I''m talking about (they used to date LOL!!!). They both went to Univeristy of Miami and when I was down there visiting her in school I met him at a party on the beach. They had by that time stopped dating (they only went out a handful of times). She of course encouraged us to go out and we hung out a lot that week. But when I came home we lost touch (I did the long distance thing before and couldn''t handle it) but my friend always said she saw a future together for us but I was like no way! A few years later I was out with some friends here in the city and ran into him at a bar. At first I couldn''t remember where I knew him but he knew who I was and we started talking and 3 1/2 years later we''re still talking! It wasn''t until after we dated awhile that he said he often thought of me. Isn''t that sweet?

So while he off having a great time in Vegas I''ll be having a great time in Miami!

 

[Croí]

squeaks !

so glad this has all worked out just fine ......... goes to show that it pays to extend the olive branch even if you feel you have plenty of reason for being p''d off.

enjoy Miami - sounds like the perfect solution !

and you still have a proposal to look forward to aswell !!

btw, I loved your story, I really do think some things are ''fated''. I worked with my hubby for over two years without so much as a tingle of romantic interest, just liked him as a person - then one day I''m upset and he offers a hug and that hug ............. woweeeee


and the rest is happy history .....
http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm117ABUS

C,
six months married tomorrow - can you guys even believe it''s already six months !?

 

[squeaksluv]

Hi Croi ! What a hug that must of been!!

Happy 6-month anniversary!!!!

As much as I was hoping be proposed to that weekend, I''m totally okay with it now (yes, it helps I have somewhere fun to go instead of sitting home and moping!). I just hope ''it'' happens soon! I''m so ready to start planning my wedding already!

 

[sistagrl2004]

WHo thinks this all might be "part of the plan"?????? Whatever happens, enjoy your weekend

 

[marvel]

Date: 10/22/2005 2:05:58 PM
Author: sistagrl2004
WHo thinks this all might be ''part of the plan''?????? Whatever happens, enjoy your weekend

That would be sooo cool!! I hope it is a ''pan''!!

 

[Jelly]

That''s such a sweet story about how you met! Have fun on your trip to Miami. Hope the weather is kind to you!

 

[MissAva]

If it is part of the plan woo hoo! If not kudos to you for making lemonade out of lemons!

 

[squeaksluv]

Thanks everyone! I had a fleeting thought that this might be part of the plan but there is no way my bf would plan anythng so behind the scenes. He''s such a typical guy I can''t imagine him bothering to go through the trouble.

I''m getting really excited but also nervous sincethe weather has been so crazy lately, we''ve had so many hurricaines this year we''re already starting the Greek alphabet.

BF is acting so weird. On one hand he''s really distant and then a second later he''s sweet as can be. It''s bugging me! Lately it seems like everytime I call him at work he''s at the doctors even though he never even told me he had an appt. And then, when I ask him where he was, he says he was in a meeting..?????? UGH! Maybe he''s jealous I''m going to Miami because the other day I was talking to my friend there and she said that another friend of hers (this really cool guy she used to date) would be in town staying in South Beach and we''re going to meet up with him and go out around there! I was all excited and told bf and he just smiled and said ''oh that''s nice''...Like HELLO, he''s going to Sin City for pete''s sake!!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 10/24/2005 3:20:36 PM
Author: squeaksluv


Thanks everyone! I had a fleeting thought that this might be part of the plan but there is no way my bf would plan anythng so behind the scenes. He''s such a typical guy I can''t imagine him bothering to go through the trouble.

I''m getting really excited but also nervous sincethe weather has been so crazy lately, we''ve had so many hurricaines this year we''re already starting the Greek alphabet.

BF is acting so weird. On one hand he''s really distant and then a second later he''s sweet as can be. It''s bugging me! Lately it seems like everytime I call him at work he''s at the doctors even though he never even told me he had an appt. And then, when I ask him where he was, he says he was in a meeting..?????? UGH! Maybe he''s jealous I''m going to Miami because the other day I was talking to my friend there and she said that another friend of hers (this really cool guy she used to date) would be in town staying in South Beach and we''re going to meet up with him and go out around there! I was all excited and told bf and he just smiled and said ''oh that''s nice''...Like HELLO, he''s going to Sin City for pete''s sake!!

So what . . . Las Vegas isn''t all about strippers, gambling, and cocaine. I grew up there, I should know.

Just be careful how you treat your trip to Miami - seems as if it''s looking like a "revenge trip" and seeing as how you met your f2b as an ex of your friend in Miami, perhaps he thinks that history may be repeating itself. Just tread lightly.

 

[omc]

Your boyfriend cancelled a romantic pre-planned trip with you to go to Vegas with his buddies. And you hung up on him. Regardless of whether he was going to propose on this trip or not, I''d say you have bigger problems to worry about than when you''re going to get a ring.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 10/25/2005 4:37:03 PM
Author: omc
Your boyfriend cancelled a romantic pre-planned trip with you to go to Vegas with his buddies. And you hung up on him. Regardless of whether he was going to propose on this trip or not, I''d say you have bigger problems to worry about than when you''re going to get a ring.

I dunno.
I hang up on people at times. If you leave me on hold, or really annoy me I will hang up. I would rather cut things short and not say something I will regret later then lash out. I give myself a few minutes and call back. But I am a flash and burn temper I am ready to kill one minute and then calm if you just let me roll my eyes for a minute.

 

[omc]

The boyfriend cancelling the trip is a huge red flag. Unless DC is so close that it''s no big deal for you guys. I''d say that it does not show that he is serious about putting her first. If he is having second thoughts, then her hanging up on him and not returning his phone calls would only solidify his doubts. Of course, maybe there is a really good explanation for him needing to postpone the trip. However, throw in her attitude about Miami and thinking he''s jealous, and it all seems like a recipe for shady to me.

 

[fatafelice]

I guess anything is possible, but being a "glass half full" kinda girl, I''d tend to think that a cancelled trip is just, well, life. I think if there were bigger issues, then she would probably be aware of them. There was no mention of this being a recurring problem, after all. And while I do agree that hanging up on someone may not be the best course of action, it certainly isn''t a deal breaker in a relationship.

All that being said...Have a GREAT time in Miami, Squeaksluv!!!

I for one will have my fingers crossed for you...But either way I know you''ll have a great time! (unless you were there this past weekend? That might not have been fun!

)

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Date: 10/24/2005 3:20:36 PM
Author: squeaksluv
BF is acting so weird. On one hand he''s really distant and then a second later he''s sweet as can be. It''s bugging me! Lately it seems like everytime I call him at work he''s at the doctors even though he never even told me he had an appt. And then, when I ask him where he was, he says he was in a meeting..??????

There''s A LOT of miscommunication going on here....you''re hanging up on him.....he''s seeing doctors without your knowledge....you had preconceptions/hopes of what the Washington DC trip was supposed to be about....

I think IMHO that the 2 of you need to sit down and talk...about your disappointment in the cancellation of the trip....his reason for cancelling the trip (it may well be work related?!)....his "doctor''s appointments" and what''s really going on with him....hopefully his health is okay and he''s not hiding something there from you (I''ve been down that road during my first engagement!!!)....

There''s so much here that needs to be resolved before any kind of engagement takes place. Good luck!!!! All the best!!

 

[omc]

Date: 10/25/2005 10:58:48 PM
Author: AChiOAlumna

Date: 10/24/2005 3:20:36 PM
Author: squeaksluv
BF is acting so weird. On one hand he''s really distant and then a second later he''s sweet as can be. It''s bugging me! Lately it seems like everytime I call him at work he''s at the doctors even though he never even told me he had an appt. And then, when I ask him where he was, he says he was in a meeting..??????

There''s A LOT of miscommunication going on here....you''re hanging up on him.....he''s seeing doctors without your knowledge....you had preconceptions/hopes of what the Washington DC trip was supposed to be about....

I think IMHO that the 2 of you need to sit down and talk...about your disappointment in the cancellation of the trip....his reason for cancelling the trip (it may well be work related?!)....his ''doctor''s appointments'' and what''s really going on with him....hopefully his health is okay and he''s not hiding something there from you (I''ve been down that road during my first engagement!!!)....

There''s so much here that needs to be resolved before any kind of engagement takes place. Good luck!!!! All the best!!

This sums up exactly what I was thinking. I wasn''t trying to make you worry or be pessimistic; I just think you really need to clear up a lot of things with your guy. I think that sometimes we girls get so scared of rocking the boat or what we should and should not bring up since we''re not actually engaged, that we bottle stuff up and only hurt ourselves and the relationship in the end.