Possible engagement trip was cancelled!

[AChiOAlumna]

Date: 10/26/2005 3:35:55 AM
Author: omc
This sums up exactly what I was thinking. I wasn''t trying to make you worry or be pessimistic; I just think you really need to clear up a lot of things with your guy. I think that sometimes we girls get so scared of rocking the boat or what we should and should not bring up since we''re not actually engaged, that we bottle stuff up and only hurt ourselves and the relationship in the end.

To add on to what omc was saying...sometimes in any relationship, the boat needs to be rocked. Bottling up feelings only leads to resentment. If something is affecting you, then chances are it''s affecting the relationship. Please do not be afraid to talk to you FI-to-be. This is only going to be one of many needed conversations throughout your lifetime together.

If unsure how to bring it up, you can start with, "I''m feeling [insert feeling here] and I really want to talk about it with you." Make sure that inserted word is a FEELING, not a thought, for example, "I''m feeling like you don''t love me anymore." (wrong way) vs. "I''m feeling hurt about our cancelled trip to Washington DC. Can we talk about it?" (right way)

Good luck & hope everything works out!!

 

[sparkly_stars]

I''ve been following this story since it started (and I hope all your questions are answered soon),
but I just wanted to say quickly that I think you should talk to him, tell him how you are feeling.
Simply because you plan(or hope?) to spend the rest of your life with him, and in reality this is something that if you talk, it may make you feel better. I know it can be nerve racking, but if you think you''ll last (in the end), you must know that communication IS key.
I''m sure he isn''t going to leave because of how you are feeling(disapointed etc).

Maybe he doesn''t understand what significance this holds for you? (and anyways, as girls, we tend to analyze EVERY possible situation that COULD be *it*) so don''t worry about it.

I can''t wait to hear how everything turns out!
BEST OF LUCK!

 

[squeaksluv]

Thanks you guys. You guys really made me think a lot about things so instead of just letting the questions grow I told him we needed to talk. He looked so worried when I said that I almost decided against in-depth talking (I know how guys hate that, especially my bf) but I thought about what you guys said and stood strong.

I told him I felt really sad about the cancelled trip (the good way!!!) and how I felt he had been hiding things from me lately. I even told him about how I had hoped that the DC weekend would of been extra special (i.e. proposal). It was probably one of the most in depth talks we''ve ever had. He listened to everything (normally he gets really impatient about deep talks) and was super sweet and begged me not to worry, that he totally loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me but he needs to do things in his own time and hopes I can understand that. He said he''s not hiding anything just that his co-workers have no clue as to where he is and one day he had a dr''s appt (just a regular checkup) so his co-wrokers use that for everything. Knowing his co-workers I can totally understand!! All in all it was a really good talk but it didn''t make me feel any better about a proposal coming soon. I just wonder if it''s going to happen in my time frame...

Washington DC is really a shuttle ride away so it wasn''t really a big deal to have it cancelled. I was more disapointed because I had thought that would of been ''the'' weekend but I guess I was reading more into things than I should have (not the first time I''ve done that!!!).

Our respective trips are coming up so I''m really excited. My friend had to practically beg me to come and visit her and I was just going to plan on staying home and catching up on stuff but she convinced me, and my bf too, that I should go and have some fun instead of being alone all weekend so off I go! He knows he has nothing to be jealous over I guess, I''m totally smitten with him!

 

[AChiOAlumna]

squeaksluv....good for you for taking this bull by the horns and talking with your BF!!! Sounds like you had a productive conversation and even resolved some issues for yourself....that''s a great step towards a healthy relationship!!!

 

[appletini]

I''m glad y''all had a good talk. Hopefully he''ll be girl soon.

 

[sparkly_stars]

yay!
I''m thrilled that everything worked out (of course the waiting if still a factor...but that can be controlled-partially) hehe.
seriously though, as long as you got his okay try and calm down. (HAH. funny how I say that but I feel like your situation is almost like mine..hehehe).. its veeeeery hard.. but maybe he has something in mind.

also.. I KNOW exactly what you mean.. when I say "we need to talk" I usually say it when something important comes up, but bf always looks at me with fear (I guess to them its the "break up sentence") hehe. I''ve changed the way I approached it, he can only have so many "heart attacks" hehe.

BEST OF LUCK!