Posted in RockyTalky but I thought this post might more sense here. Help if you can!

[MeganShannon11]

I haven''t posted here much before but I thought I would try to post on something that''s been on my mind a bit lately. I''m hoping someone here will understand my situation and/or be able to offer some good advice.

As of February, I have been engaged to the perfect guy (for me) and am extremely happy about that fact. Now, as a disclaimer, I know that engagement/marriage is not about the ring and I would gladly marry him without one if money were an issue.

That said, my fiance and I put a lot of time/thought into my engagement ring. The stone is a cushion from Mark at ERD which I would never want to change. It''s beautiful!

Unfortunately I''m finding that I''m just not in love with the setting. I really have no right *at all* to complain since I had a hand in choosing it, but this is just how I''ve been feeling. To give you an idea of what it looks like (since I''m having a horrible time posting pics), it reminds me a lot of the Ritani endless love setting with no halo. It has a very thin band and very delicate pave-set stones. The setting is low which is what I thought I wanted.

Looking at it now, I find myself wishing the band was a bit thicker with somewhat larger stones in the pave. I also wish we had gone with platinum instead of white gold and that I had gotten a full eternity band instead of only half.

I did have an honest talk with my fiance and he said that he feels it would be bad luck to change the setting before the wedding (next April). Plus, I obviously feel horribly guilty since I did have a hand in this whole process. We could have gone custom (because I had originally wanted something a lot like the Tiffany Novo) but ended up taking something our jeweler was already working on because we just really wanted to get engaged quickly!

My fiance did say that after the wedding he would be more open to my changing the setting of the ring. I feel so guilty now for even bringing it up.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me or has anyone been through this before? If you think I''m just acting spoiled, feel free to say that too.

PS I''m also getting worried about my ring sitting flush next to a wedding band because the profile is low. It''s annoying because my jeweler said that he would "make it work" originally when I said that it was important to me. I bet that''s going to mean making me get a curved band which I really didn''t want.



**-Megan-**

 

[violet3]

Oh Megan,

i wish i had something great to say to you, but i think my honest opinion would be to forget about the reset until after the wedding

. I say this because I am generally a pretty picky individual and i picked out my ring myself - i was by NO MEANS up for someone else completely picking out the ring i would wear for the rest of my life....

Having said that, if i was to turn to FI tomorrow and say "I think i'd rather have.....XYZ," he'd probably throw me out of the house for a bit

. OK, obviously i am kidding, but really i think he would be unhappy with me, and i wouldn't blame him. You have the rest of your life to change your setting to something else, after you get married. I would let this one go.

For the record, i DO NOT think you are a spoiled brat at all. We like what we like. And sometimes we change our minds

and i've been guilty of this more than once. But, if he thinks you should leave it until after you are married (for whatever reason), do it. It seems like money is not the issue, but for whatever reason, he has a strong opinion, and i would respect that.

For what it's worth, I LOVE the ritani endless love (halo or no halo)! it's one of my fave's. I think you should plan the band according to however you are thinking you might reset -(ie. full eternity, bigger diamonds). I would not get a curved band, since you can always wear the two on separate hands until you reset the ering. But i would deal with the reset of the ering after the wedding is over

 

[Lanie]

You already have the ring or you have ordered it?

Is it possible you are just second guessing yourself?

 

[MeganShannon11]

Unfortunately, I've been wearing it since February.

 

[neatfreak]

I would suck it up and wear it before the wedding. Choose a wedding band with your future ring in mind. And then change this ring after the wedding.

No sense in pushing the issue and making your FI upset when he clearly gave you an opening by saying it would be ok after the wedding.

 

[mrscushion]

I agree, I''d just wait a year and change it after the wedding. Objectively speaking, it''s a beautiful setting that many people here adore. That doesn''t mean you have to love it, but you should be able to deal for a year.

Congrats on your engagement and upcoming wedding!

 

[Lanie]

I would just focus on why you loved it in the first place. I wouldn''t mention it again to your FI until at least a year after the wedding. Maybe by then, you will have changed your mind again and will decide just to keep it as is.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/28/2009 10:12:02 PM
Author: neatfreak
I would suck it up and wear it before the wedding. Choose a wedding band with your future ring in mind. And then change this ring after the wedding.

No sense in pushing the issue and making your FI upset when he clearly gave you an opening by saying it would be ok after the wedding.

Ditto. That said, I changed my setting before my wedding. But my engagement was YEARS (like 4) long and my setting (while chosen with my input) was a temporary $250 setting. But my fiance was in favor of my changing my setting. If he had asked me to wait till after the wedding, and I had the ring for a shorter time period, I would have done it.

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/28/2009 10:12:02 PM
Author: neatfreak
I would suck it up and wear it before the wedding. Choose a wedding band with your future ring in mind. And then change this ring after the wedding.


No sense in pushing the issue and making your FI upset when he clearly gave you an opening by saying it would be ok after the wedding.

I agree. April isn''t that far away so I''d change it after the wedding if that''s what your FI would be happier with.

 

[EmptyLeftHand]

Don''t beat yourself up about not liking the setting so much.
I go through phases of not liking mine too much - and like you picked the thing entirely myself!

Get the band you would like, point out in April that it doesn''t sit nicely beside your ER and then go for the reset.

Congratulations on the engagement all the same!!

 

[MeganShannon11]

Thanks for all the honest and helpful responses!

I was planning on waiting to do anything until after the wedding since that''s what he has asked and I do want to respect that. It does make a lot of sense to get a wedding band with the new setting in mind though. I hadn''t thought of that I guess if the old e-ring looks strange with the new wedding band style, I can always just wear the band alone until I''m able to re-set the e-ring.

I''m hopeful that if I bring this up again when we are picking out bands (which won''t be until late next winter at the earliest), he will be okay with me changing my e-ring setting pretty soon after the wedding.

I do want the wedding band I get married with to be my *forever* wedding band.

Thanks so much for your feedback. I''m try to post pictures later tonight if I have time.

 

[Kelli]

Date: 4/28/2009 10:12:02 PM
Author: neatfreak
I would suck it up and wear it before the wedding. Choose a wedding band with your future ring in mind. And then change this ring after the wedding.

No sense in pushing the issue and making your FI upset when he clearly gave you an opening by saying it would be ok after the wedding.

These were my thought exactly!

 

[Kelli]

Date: 4/29/2009 2:00:37 PM
Author: MeganShannon11

Thanks for all the honest and helpful responses!

I was planning on waiting to do anything until after the wedding since that''s what he has asked and I do want to respect that. It does make a lot of sense to get a wedding band with the new setting in mind though. I hadn''t thought of that I guess if the old e-ring looks strange with the new wedding band style, I can always just wear the band alone until I''m able to re-set the e-ring.

I''m hopeful that if I bring this up again when we are picking out bands (which won''t be until late next winter at the earliest), he will be okay with me changing my e-ring setting pretty soon after the wedding.

I do want the wedding band I get married with to be my *forever* wedding band.

Thanks so much for your feedback. I''m try to post pictures later tonight if I have time.

I think instead of not wearing the e-ring at all, why not get the wedding band you''ll want for forever, then just switch the engagement ring to your right hand until you get your reset? It would be such a waste to just put it in the jewelry box!