Pre-nup

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 8/17/2009 7:42:29 AM
Author: makemepretty
Well, I think people who need prenups aren't in it for the long haul. A prenup is only beneficial if you are going to get divorced, what a nice way to start a marriage.

I'm old fashioned. Think '50's housewife in a 38 year old body. You only marry someone because you LOVE them. Marriage is HARD and a lot of people getting married don't expect it to be. When you keep your maiden name you're not really committing to the marriage either. It's hard on children too, plus it p*sses me off when I'm doing Christmas cards and I can't put Mr. & Mrs. Last Name. ;0)

lol. I am not following the logic here... Probably because your argument is illogical.

I don't understand how keeping one's maiden name has anything to do with commitment to a relationship, or how it could possibly be hard on the children. I am not a feminist but I do believe a woman is a person for 20+ years before getting married, and taking on her husband's last name or identity and forgetting her 'roots' can be hard for some (me included). I took on my husband's last name and kept my maiden name as well... Every single girl I know who has gotten married thus far has done the same... Then again we are all pretty well educated, professional and liberal woman who value our own self identity... not 50's housewives...

Given your argument then, shouldn't the husband who doesn't adopt their wife's last name also be less committed? Or is your argument gender biased?

As for the prenup - that is an extremely personal decision which makes sense to some based on their personal financial situation. I think to make a blanket statement such as it is right or wrong is unreasonable.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 8/17/2009 7:42:29 AM
Author: makemepretty
Well, I think people who need prenups aren''t in it for the long haul. A prenup is only beneficial if you are going to get divorced, what a nice way to start a marriage.

I''m old fashioned. Think ''50''s housewife in a 38 year old body. You only marry someone because you LOVE them. Marriage is HARD and a lot of people getting married don''t expect it to be. When you keep your maiden name you''re not really committing to the marriage either. It''s hard on children too, plus it p*sses me off when I''m doing Christmas cards and I can''t put Mr. & Mrs. Last Name. ;0)

Be careful - when you make sweeping generalizations, sometimes they come right back and sweep you on your butt.

 

[choro72]

Date: 8/17/2009 7:42:29 AM
Author: makemepretty
Well, I think people who need prenups aren''t in it for the long haul. A prenup is only beneficial if you are going to get divorced, what a nice way to start a marriage.

I''m old fashioned. Think ''50''s housewife in a 38 year old body. You only marry someone because you LOVE them. Marriage is HARD and a lot of people getting married don''t expect it to be. When you keep your maiden name you''re not really committing to the marriage either. It''s hard on children too, plus it p*sses me off when I''m doing Christmas cards and I can''t put Mr. & Mrs. Last Name. ;0)

Darn, we are going to have to put our children into therapy because I didn''t take his last name...

I would have signed a prenup in a heartbeat. I''m a graduate student making only a quarter of what he makes. He owns a house with money in stocks. Why wouldn''t he want to protect himself?

I''m old fashioned too, but not closed minded enough to make generalizations about my beliefs.

 

[princesss]

Date: 8/17/2009 7:42:29 AM
Author: makemepretty
Well, I think people who need prenups aren''t in it for the long haul. A prenup is only beneficial if you are going to get divorced, what a nice way to start a marriage.


I''m old fashioned. Think ''50''s housewife in a 38 year old body. You only marry someone because you LOVE them. Marriage is HARD and a lot of people getting married don''t expect it to be. When you keep your maiden name you''re not really committing to the marriage either. It''s hard on children too, plus it p*sses me off when I''m doing Christmas cards and I can''t put Mr. & Mrs. Last Name. ;0)

Gee, I wonder why BF never mentioned it was difficult for him growing up for his mom to have a different last name. Probably because it wasn''t.

Actually, I think it just means my BF is not totally committed to being with me forever, because when we have the last name discussion, he''s not willing to change his last name! The nerve of him. But then, I believe marriage is based on more than love, and I would sign a pre-nup if asked and if I felt it was fair to both parties. So I guess neither of us is committed to this.

 

[musey]

Yeah princesss, you probably should just cut your losses now

 

[anchor31]

Hm, if it''s so hard on the children, I wonder why I''m not in therapy. FYI, Makemepretty, in some places, spouses are not allowed to change their names when they enter marriage. Does that mean we can''t be 100% committed to our marriages?

 

[Lane]

There seem to be a lot of different opinions and some stress on this topic right now, probably because the general topic of money is a stressful issue. However, pre-nups are now starting to be looked at generally as very wise, planful and not at all "unromantic." In fact, I recently heard Suze Orman (financial guru who cracks me up relentlessly) driving this point home over and over again on Oprah, on an episode focussing on financial freedom and smart planning for women. Too many women cede financial issues to male partners in their lives and she feels that this is one area where we can make simple steps to ensure future safety.

http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/omag_200508_suze

http://biz.yahoo.com/pfg/e25prenup/ (more detail)

From the first source:


"Prenup? Yup.
By Suze Orman
Financial expert Suze Orman

"I know what you''re thinking: Prenups are so unromantic—a sign of distrust, not love. Time for a reality check, my friends. First, drawing up a prenuptial agreement together is a sign of incredible trust and financial openness—you''re fooling yourself if you think you can achieve complete intimacy without it. And at the risk of being a complete wet blanket, I just want to mention that north of 40 percent of marriages end up in divorce.

"A prenup is doubly important for anyone entering a second marriage, as there may be sizable assets from the previous marriage that you want to retain sole ownership of (you can pass them along to any children from that first marriage). And those of you who are living with a partner should get a cohabitation agreement; it''s the prenup for couples who aren''t officially married.

"Some prenup basics:

* Before you sit down with lawyers, talk to your honey about what you want to include in the prenup. There''s a lot you can talk through when you''re not getting billed by the hour.
* You both need your own lawyers; you should not be represented by the same attorney. For a straightforward prenup, you might pay $1,500 each.
* The prenup needs to be drawn up months before the wedding, not days—it''s not something you slap together and sign in the car on the way to the ceremony. A shotgun prenup might not hold up in court.
* Be honest. Concealment of any asset or debt can invalidate your prenup.
* Everyone involved—including the lawyers—should sign the documents.
* If you move to another state, have a local attorney review the agreement in order to see whether you need to make changes."

 

[princesss]

I think viewing a pre-nup as protecting each other from your debt is actually a really great idea. It''s not just about protecting assests, but about protecting yourself from having to pay off your partner''s debt long after the marriage is ended. Before BF and I get married, he''s planning on going to law school (hopefully a 4 year double program which = $$$$) and I''m planning on going to business school ($$$). Quite frankly, if something were to happen, it''d be nice to only be paying off the debt that I directly incurred.

I''ve said before and I''ll say it again, there are many cases where a prenup is a smart move, and I''d be happy to sign one. Hopefully I''d be able to say on my deathbed it was money wasted, but if not...well, it''d be a good thing to have.

 

[mayachel]

Could anything be a more heated topic than money? It is so full of deeply personal beliefs, fears and expectations. While we haven''t recently had the pre-nup talk, I admit it is because I''m avoiding it. But I think about it, because I think it is eventually going to have to come. Right now, we''ve had some deaths and multiple marriages going on around us, so we have been privy to people trying to figure out their estates. I have to say, in the end I think that the piece of paper, like the wedding ceremony, is really about the prep work. Having the conversations, the disclosure, the confessions and working through it with love. Just like the ring and the certificate don''t make a marriage last, the pre-nup doesn''t make it fall apart-both might just make the whole, stronger.

 

[Patchee]

HAHAHAHA I am LOVING this thread... a train wreck of sorts