Prenup or no prenup?

[Momoftwo]

Date: 2/18/2006 12:36:58 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/17/2006 12:06:12 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 2/17/2006 10:28:14 AM
Author: ~*Alexis*~
Well his parents are not exactly poor.. his mom is bank manager for the largest chain in our area. He has 5 cars, a boat, a jet ski, a 60 inch TV in the living room. I grew up with very little and I have not much, so I could see his point, but I just feel as though ''hey of it doesn''t work well at least i''m protected.'' its very frustrating! grrr!

Alexis, I agree with Deco...just because he asks you to sign one does not mean that he has total control over what it says.

I know that it''s frustrating but try not to look at it as if he''s saying ''if this marriage doesn''t work out than I''m protected''. A pre-nup can protect you as much as it protects him. If his parent are wealthy, and the money he has is from trust funds and what not, they may be pressuring him to do this.

I would be frustrated too but I think I would ultimately come to the same conculsion as my friend. My marriage to my fiance will be ''till death to us part''.....this little piece of paper (the prenup) isn''t going to change that.

for most couple is ''till DEBT to us part''

That''s not exactly a lot to protect. Plus a bank manager doesn''t exactly make big money and that has nothing to do with his assets anyway. Does he have 5 cars because he collects classics or something? It looks to me like we''re not talking about a couple with any real assets. Unless those cars are classics, limited editions or something like that, the guy really doesnt have anything. Boats, jet skis, cars, tvs all depreciate in value so what he really has is squat. Of all those things he "owns", how much does he owe on each of them? Or were they gifts from mom and dad? Either way, he does not own very much. My feeling is what he''s saying is "you can''t have my stuff". With what he owns, he should be saying, when we marry, all my stuff is "our stuff". Couples who never have "our stuff" only, usually don''t make it.

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 2/17/2006 10:28:14 AM
Author: ~*Alexis*~
Well his parents are not exactly poor.. his mom is bank manager for the largest chain in our area. He has 5 cars, a boat, a jet ski, a 60 inch TV in the living room. I grew up with very little and I have not much, so I could see his point, but I just feel as though ''hey of it doesn''t work well at least i''m protected.'' its very frustrating! grrr!

His mom as bank manager does not explain that amount of stuff at 22 to me. (boats are expensive!) I''m guessing the word trust comes into it somewhere. And those can be protected by other means, if the person is willing to sacrifice some control of it.

I had to promise when I was 16 to only get married with a prenup. With my bf refusing to sign (and I see his point), I''ve had to reconsider. And now that I want to get married in, and maybe move to, a "what''s personal property?" state, I anticipate some problems with my family. But IMO, that is what lawyers are for.... finding ways around these kind of problems. And if that means having any inheirtance tied up in so many knots only my sister can access it, so be it. He''s worth it.

My suggestion is that you either a) make sure the prenup goes both ways and that only family money and not future income is tied up in it. Or b) suggest that a trust is set up so the money is protected until he''s thirty five. Hey, if you''re still together by then, what''s the worry? (Argument I''ll be using). JMHO

 

[MissAva]

I am going to be doing a pre-nup, but the one being drawn up focuses on what will happen in the marriage. I have siblings which are 20 years younger then I am. God forbid something happen to my parents I will take them. Our pre-nup will focus on things like that, ie that he agrees to take them into our home and raise them as his. There are some other issues involved but I don’t think my FH our I mind overmuch since nothing in our pre-nup comes into play until after my parents have passed. Which I am hoping is not for a very long time.
I don’t know how I would feel about one focusing on money, but then neither FH or have very much in savings (less then 30k between the two of us) and neither of us has any debt, we are both college students about to graduate in May. If we were at a different stage in life it might be different.

 

[kanne]

whoops

 

[kanne]

no prenup here. We have both individual and shared accounts/assets etc. but everything is open..one night a week is reserved to discuss financial stuff/pay bills etc- it leaves the rest of the week stress free in that dept and we feel like we are working towards a shared goal.
..so far so good.