Prenuptial Agreement-How should I feel?

[perry]

A properely executed pre-nup protects both parties - and removes certain future concerns.

A one sided pre-nup does not. Get your own lawyer (and not the one who gave you such horible advice). If you are only offered - and are demanded to sign a one sided agreeement - that might give you a clue... and potentially losing a $17,000 ring is a cheap way out in that case.

More than likely - the other family is expecting you to show up with a good lawyer to negotiate a ballanced pre-nup. Kinda a test of who you are. Pass it and you''re on good terms. Fail it and things could be a lot more rocky. Others have stated that the parents have an obligation to properly set up their financial affairs. It would not surprise me if they are using this issue as a "test" to see if you and their daughter would be worthy...

Just another viewpoint you might not be thinkning of.

Perry

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/28/2006 1:08:39 PM
Author: perry
A properely executed pre-nup protects both parties - and removes certain future concerns.

A one sided pre-nup does not. Get your own lawyer (and not the one who gave you such horible advice). If you are only offered - and are demanded to sign a one sided agreeement - that might give you a clue... and potentially losing a $17,000 ring is a cheap way out in that case.

More than likely - the other family is expecting you to show up with a good lawyer to negotiate a ballanced pre-nup. Kinda a test of who you are. Pass it and you''re on good terms. Fail it and things could be a lot more rocky. Others have stated that the parents have an obligation to properly set up their financial affairs. It would not surprise me if they are using this issue as a ''test'' to see if you and their daughter would be worthy...

Just another viewpoint you might not be thinkning of.

Perry

I see what you''re saying, and I understand that some people do feel that way and use such criteria to judge a person and a mate, but I think I would be sufficently offended by the superficiality of it all to wonder if maybe *I* was expecting too much from *them*.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 10/25/2006 1:26:18 PM
Author: CaptAubrey
As a lawyer--though not family practice--this is what I think:

When people are bringing children and/or substantial assets to a marriage, a pre-nup is pretty close to a necessity these days. In fact, I would go so far as to say it''s irresponsible not to have one, as well as a clear estate plan, before getting married.

However, between two kids who are just starting out, I happen to think pre-nups are pointless. There are no assets to protect--only future earnings, which would and should be part of the marital estate whether one is in a community property state or not.

Substantial family assets change none of this. As someone else said, if her parents have a lot of money, it is their responsibility to structure their estate plan in a way they are comfortable with. There are any number of ways in which such assets can be protected. And this is much better than relying on a pre-nup, since it is much easier for a disgruntled spouse to attack and overturn a pre-nup than a parent''s estate plan.

Frankly, given what you''ve said (in this and your previous posts), I think you and your fiancee need to get into pre-marital counseling ASAP. You need to be in agreement about how money is going to be handled in your marriage, or you won''t be married very long.


ETA: And, as several others said, your lawyer-friend is not serving you well. Talk to someone who does this stuff if you want useful advice.

I completely agree. The money is her parents. I trust it is not already gifted to her. Also, I assume she is not on the charter of a corporation that they own? What are the assets she is wanting to protect? Sounds like none.

This may sound a tad harsh - but her parents are worried about a couple of million? By the time they retire & die - they could easily run through that much. Also, if they are worried about the money - why don''t they have an estate planner make the succession more direct?

 

[ljmorgan]

I have a feeling that if the original poster were a female... many of you would respond to this differently. I am always against pre-nuptual agreements except in extreme circumstances. A pre-nuptual agreement already presupposes a possible future failure in the marriage. Also to me personally, it hints at some level of distrust. That''s just my 2 cents.

Spntoriams,

It''s a tough choice for you, I''d be torn too. I am sure you will make the best decision no matter what. Good luck!

 

[Larissa]

Pre-nups protect both parties involved, not just one. As well as her lawyers drawing up the conditions, you would come to the table with your own lawyer, points, and conditions. A pre-nup isn''t her or her family handing you a piece of paper that you have no say in.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

"She is in the financial industry and said if it was me or someone else, she would go and have them sign it because she can make a lot of money in the future."

I feel like people are not addressing this statement. Her parents can deal with their own estate and leave their daughter their money. But this is what I think his lawyer friend is referring to and I agree with him. Her parents are not the problem. I think she has a problem and I agree with whoever said they need to go to premarital counseling. And I wouldn''t consider a pre-nup that did not share the assets earned during the marriage!

 

[Mara]

haha I just love how this thread keeps going and going with debate about what he should do, or what she is wrong about etc, and the original guy never even came back to respond to anything!!! gotta love it.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 10/28/2006 6:18:20 PM
Author: Mara
haha I just love how this thread keeps going and going with debate about what he should do, or what she is wrong about etc, and the original guy never even came back to respond to anything!!! gotta love it.

True that, he left the building days ago!!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 10/28/2006 6:18:20 PM
Author: Mara
haha I just love how this thread keeps going and going with debate about what he should do, or what she is wrong about etc, and the original guy never even came back to respond to anything!!! gotta love it.

Lol! Look at all the free advice he is missing!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 10/28/2006 6:18:20 PM
Author: Mara
haha I just love how this thread keeps going and going with debate about what he should do, or what she is wrong about etc, and the original guy never even came back to respond to anything!!! gotta love it.

I thought the same exact thing.

 

[phoenixgirl]

This is the third time he's started a thread and never responded to it, so perhaps that's just his way.

I know someone whose future in-laws wanted him to sign a prenuptial agreement that both protected their money AND granted them the right to decide what would happen to their daughter if she were ever incapacitated a la Terri Schiavo (crazy!). In the end he signed the financial part but not the part about giving over the power of attorney to them.

I don't see any reason not to consider signing the prenup. You should at least read over what it says before making a decision. Keep in mind that in the past most women expected to make less than their husbands or not have a salary at all. Those looking to benefit after a divorce are called "gold-diggers." If you are in the opposite situation where your fiancee has more money than you currently and stands to make more money in the future, perhaps she feels stress at the thought that maybe part of your motivation for marrying her is her money. You can reassure her by signing the prenup as long as it is fair.

However, maybe you're really just tired that her family seems to be asking you to jump through hoop after hoop . . . the expectation of jewelry for the engagement party, the need to buy a large engagement ring and then replace the one that was stolen, and now the prenuptial agreement. All of your posts on this forum have been about questions of what to do regarding money and etiquette and which side is right, yours or hers. We don't know much about you, but what we do know is that you seem to have some serious reservations. Perhaps it's time to cut your losses and find somebody who sees things the same way you do.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/29/2006 9:56:05 AM
Author: phoenixgirl
This is the third time he''s started a thread and never responded to it, so perhaps that''s just his way.

I read his other posts/threads the other day also and all I can say is wow - this is one very patient guy!!!