Pressure.....do YOU feel it???

[Hoping&Waiting]

Hey Gals,

Thought I would start a new interesting thread here.

How do YOU feel when your at an event, for instance a friend/family wedding, and people start to ask "are you next?" "when will you to be engaged?" "How is the engagement front coming" etc. etc. we have heard millions of versions Im sure!!!


The reason I ASK is:

a BEST friend of mine just had a HORRIBLE break up from her boyfriend of 7 years. He has been cheating on her for the last two months with another one of our FRIENDS! yes this has been a very very dramatic situation!

Anyway, now that my BFF is starting to get over the shock and awe of it all...she is starting to TALK. She has said that she thinks there was a TON of pressure lately with talk of engagement from others and moving in together etc. one of our friends is engaged and we are both in her wedding. the day we went dress shopping for her, my BFF exclaimed that she was feeling a LOT of pressure from people whom went dress shopping with us. Friends etc....claiming their next etc.

WELLLLL.....they were saying some of the same things to me. So this little tid bit interested me. I didnt feel the pressure that she was feeling. and I CERTAINLY didnt think it was enough pressure...to then encourage her boyfriend to get scared and cheat. Anyway....without going into the whole situation...this question of pressure interested me.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

 

[Hoping&Waiting]

Now I shall respond i suppose

I DONT feel the pressure AT ALL. IN fact, I find it encouraging. OF COURSE, sometimes it can get rather old depending on the time and place.

But in truth, I like it. I like that people are recognizing that our relationship has gotten to that point. I like to know that when it does finally happen, I will have full support of the family and friends whom are inquiring.

I especially would not take their comments as "Oh...you should be engaged...whats taking so long...blah blah blah" I dont think the comments are a negative thing at all.

BUT...I can understand how this can be negative and unappealing to some of you. So share your thoughts

 

[lsyama]

I don't feel any pressure either.
I think I used to have a "hurry up and get married" mentality when I was younger, but that was pretty much self-imposed.
Relatives ask me when I'm getting married or imply that I'll be next, but I just smile, shrug, and change the subject.
And I don't get any pressure from friends - many of them aren't even in a relationship.

 

[goodfun7580]

Good topic Hoping&Waiting! I have to say I have yet to feel the pressure. This might be because anyone that knows me and my relationship is a fairly good friend or family member, and I would never be offended if a friend or family member asked me about this. I would be excited to share about my relationship. I know I''ve asked people in the past when they were getting married, but never to an acquaintance only a really good friend, and usually they will vent about there situation or whatever and feel glad that they have someone to talk to. If some random co-worker or family friend asked, I would probably laugh it off. I don''t take this kind of stuff too seriously and I can''t let other peoples opinions and negative vibes rub off on me!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I’m not bothered by it in the least. I would probably be more bothered if people were not asking! I definitely wouldn’t describe myself as feeling “pressured” so much as feeling left out or being afraid of being left out once my engaged friends become officially married and start having families.

I’m blessed with a wonderful sense of humor so situations others see as embarrassing or high pressure I can almost always laugh my way out of. At the wedding I attended this weekend I was asked by almost every person I spoke with if I was engaged yet. I would smile big and say “not quite yet. It’s been a very busy year.” Even though I want desperately to be engaged, the entire world (PS Forums aside) does NOT need to know. So, I usually trust my witt to carry me through people’s prodding.

Some people ask in front of SO’s to give them a little prod. I think some relatives are really trying to help you out if they ask especially if it is in front of your SO. I find their curiosity endearing. I will always prep my SO if I know there will be a lot of questions about where we are…just so he doesn’t freak out. The last thing I want is for him to think I put people up to it. He’s cool and collected though and has never freaked.

Instead of thinking of the questions as an imposition or a reminder of what I want but do not have, I think of how all these curious people will be very happy when it’s finally our turn!

 

[dps777]

Hoping and waiting- i completely agree to some extent. When my boyfriend and I were in a place in which getting engaged was very far off, I didn''t care so much because I didn''t feel as if we were ready and no perceived external comments/pressure was going to change that. Then as time went on and I felt as if we were ready (but we hadn''t formally addressed a timeframe), I became a bit frustrated at the questioning only because I wanted an answer myself! But now that I am formally a LIW and a general timeframe has been established (hoping over the next month or so) the questions get me REALLY excited too!

 

[redfaerythinker]

I haven''t been really bothered by people asking me when it''s coming or telling me that i''m next, but that is probably because I am on the younger side. The only time that it has ever bothered me is when a friend of mine who is obsessed with engagement keeps telling me that i''m going to win the "engagement race". It makes me really uncomfortable that she is of the mindset that it''s a race to the altar. It''s just weird.

Hoping&Waiting, there are so many people on this forum that are really aggrivated by people asking about impending engagements, I thought that your views were really fresh. I like the idea that it''s a good thing that they''re noticing that your relationship is at that level. From now on i''ll see it as a compliment.

 

[DMBsGirl]

I have definitely felt the pressure. From my family, his family, my friends, the list goes on. My FF and I have been together for a very long time so everyone always brings it up. 97% of my friends are engaged or married and all of them have known each other less than FF and I. It was ok at first, but after about a year of this pressure, I AM SICK TO DEATH OF IT! For a while it really made me feel like crap and like people were thinking that either he wasn''t that into me or I was dumb for sticking around that long without getting a proposal. His sisters-in-law even told me to give him an ultimatum!!! I have a feeling the proposal is soon and I can not wait to finally not have to worry about the "Soooo, when are you getting engaged?"

 

[bee*]

I agree with DMBsGirl. I have felt the pressure a lot in the last year especially from friends who have gotten married who aren''t going out with each other as long as ff and I have. None of them know we have the ring either so when we got back from NY they were all asking to see my finger as they were convinced we were going to get engaged there. Im sick of being asked about it.

 

[yarrmatey]

As far as my friends go, I don''t feel any pressure at all. My FF and I have a large large group of (mutual) friends and they can''t wait for us to get married because we''ve been together for basically as long as we''ve all been friends (5 years - since the beginning of college) so they can go to a "rocking party" -- their words not mine! But no real pressure.

At work, I totally understand the pressure thing. I work in an office where I am the youngest by about 15 years and the only unmarried girl left. Most of them have children my age who are all getting engaged and married and it''s hard to listen to, not only because I can''t wait to be engaged, but because they all know my FF and EVERY TIME marriage comes up, they all look to me and ask when it''s my turn. I wish I could say I''ve learned to let it go, but it still bothers me a lot. Does it contribute to my "marriagania"... I don''t think so.

 

[Haven]

It''s so interesting how different you and your friend reacted to other people''s prodding and questioning. I think this is a perfect example that some people allow others to affect their lives in negative ways, and some people just don''t give others that kind of control. It''s great that you fall in the latter category.

FI and I just got engaged, and while our families were definitely starting to turn the heat on under the pressure cooker, we didn''t let it bother us. How silly to let other people''s expectations affect you, anyway, right? Of course, it can be incredibly irritating to have to answer the same (extremely personal) questions repeatedly, but it certainly shouldn''t be cause for a serious change in a relationship, like cheating. I''m so sorry to hear that your friend allowed other people to affect her life like this, hopefully she''ll learn from this experience and she''ll never allow that to happen again.

Very interesting topic! I loved reading everyone''s responses.