Pressure from Society/Social Groups & Engagement Rings

[kittybean]

Today I was with a good friend of mine who has been dating her BF about as long as I have been dating my fiance. We were chatting about the weddings she was going to be in next summer (3 including mine!), and then she mentioned that all her friends'' engagement rings have set the bar pretty high for her BF. She explained that her childhood friend''s 2.2 ct, my 2.1 ct, and our roommate''s 1.6 ct diamonds set a high standard, and she seemed pretty bothered/worried about it. We talked a little about what she liked in case her BF should ask for my help, but this really got me thinking about the outward pressure we experience to conform to a certain norm, and how troublesome it can be when that norm seems to be out of reach. I know my engaged roommate previously expressed that she really wanted her ring to be bigger than her sister''s, which seemed kind of crazy to me. As long as she was satisfied, why did the size of her sister''s ring matter?

My question(s) to you all: do or did you feel any pressure from your social circle or your cultural environment for your engagement ring to be a certain size (or certain shape or brand or anything like that)? Do you think your SO does or did? How are you coping/did you cope with that? Is there anything you think I should say to my friend should it come up again?

 

[fieryred33143]

I had all kind of pressure from my job...but the funny thing is the pressure had nothing to do with the size of the diamond more so than when are we getting engaged. My family is from Latin America and while I work for a major company out in Miami, its sort of a mini Latin America as well. No one concerns themselves with the size of diamonds at all. And most have only seen/heard of princess/round. I recently came back from Mexico and I was taking a look at all of the rings people had (a new habit of mine LOL). I seriously didn''t see anything bigger than maybe .75. I''m sure in the richer parts of the country there are.

I think its ok to want what you want. There''s nothing wrong with that. But your friend should remember to stay true to herself and her future fiance. If her future fiance can only afford a small diamond, that''s what she should take. It doesn''t mean they will be like that forever, but you dont want to give the appearance that the two of you are something you aren''t.

Had I contributed to my ring, I could have easily gotten a much bigger diamond. But I wasn''t going to do that because this is his purchase to make. He was only able to afford a 3/4 and it is the most beautiful diamond I have ever seen. Why? Because its mine and was purchased with love.

Now, if he can afford a big stone...well then he should def. get one

 

[trillionaire]

I haven''t noticed much of this in my social circle. I don''t know the tcw on any of my friend''s rings, and I am fine with that. It is none of my business, and I can''t think of a reason to ask. I want a 1ct ring, and would consider anything much larger excessive for me. I have tried on larger rings in the jewelry store, and I thought they looked awkward rather than elegant. (just my preference) Different strokes for different folks.

I expect that many of my friends will have larger rings, and I am fine with that. Acually, I fully expect my SISTER to come home with a 2ct e-ring someday, lol! SO is an engineer and makes good money, and could definitely "afford" an expensice ring, but he has school loans and wants to buy a housem etc, so I let him know he that I would be comfortable with him spending about as much as the motocycle that he bought himself impulsively

. He couldn''t really argue, since co-workers told him to spend 10-20K! (LMAO!)

To be honest, my parents don''t wear their wedding or engagement rings... so I can''t see sinking a lot of money in the purchase, but that''s me. People try to outdo each other in so many aspects of life, cars, jobs, rings, WEDDINGS, wedding gowns, honeymoons, bachelorette parties, wedding gifts, ETC... so this is not surprising. You should gently try to let your friend know that starting married life trying to keep up with the Joneses is probably not the best idea. You have to appreciate the uniqueness of what you have!

 

[nclrgirl]

I see a large range of sizes in my circle from 0.25 ct or less to 2+ ct. I definitely don''t feel pressure to "out do" anyone, and I don''t get the impression that any of my friends do either. I really hope your friend and her bf stay true to themselves!

Mini thread jack: Trillionare, that''s funny that you mention your bf''s impulsive motorcycle purchase. I was talking to my new SIL today (her and my brother got married in April) and she told me that my brother just bought a motorcycle this week...while she was taking a nap...just showed up with it! Boys!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/5/2008 1:57:06 AM
Author: nclrgirl
she told me that my brother just bought a motorcycle this week...while she was taking a nap...just showed up with it! Boys!

LOL, too funny! I at least had SOME advance warning, but not much! We had a lot of fun riding on weekends, but his bike was stolen a week ago

. He''s still pretty upset and sensitive about it, but once he gets a new one, I am sure he will feel MUCH better. Is that the equivalent of an e-ring upgrade? Should I be upping the price? LOL, j/k

 

[nclrgirl]

Oh no! I''m so sorry to hear about his motorcycle.

Go for the upgrade budget!

But seriously, I hope everything turns out ok.

 

[jessfitz75]

I absolutely feel the pressure. I work in a department where the rings (and weddings for that matter) get bigger and more extravagant. It''s not that I feel pressured to one-up everyone but more like I want the 2 ct diamond too! Then there is the other side of me who is riddled with guilt at the thought of my BF shelling out thousands from his savings to get me a ring! Especially since we don''t own a house/condo and we are going to have to pay for our wedding. I feel like there is so much emphasis on the ring and the wedding that it overshadows what the ring and wedding stand for. But admittedly, I''m the first one to fall into this trap.

What I have noticed with PS is that this is a community that appreciates all rings, big and small!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/5/2008 3:10:56 AM
Author: jessfitz75
I absolutely feel the pressure. I work in a department where the rings (and weddings for that matter) get bigger and more extravagant. It's not that I feel pressured to one-up everyone but more like I want the 2 ct diamond too! Then there is the other side of me who is riddled with guilt at the thought of my BF shelling out thousands from his savings to get me a ring! Especially since we don't own a house/condo and we are going to have to pay for our wedding. I feel like there is so much emphasis on the ring and the wedding that it overshadows what the ring and wedding stand for. But admittedly, I'm the first one to fall into this trap.

What I have noticed with PS is that this is a community that appreciates all rings, big and small!

I was at a bbq today where someone was showing off their ring, and that bothered SO (he doesn't like the flaunting of rings), and I explained how costly ideal cut, D color, IF rings could be, and that people who were KNOWLEDGEABLE about diamonds could understand and appreciate a SMALLER but ideal diamond.

I am the type who doesn't want a "wedding," but I do want a decent ring...

(read, I am, demanding a carat, lol!) I'm not very traditional, but I have been dating SO since he was 21, and five years later, I WOULD like to see evidence that he planned and saved for our future together via an e-ring. He could save for a house, but until we are actually married, that only technically benefits him! (we are LDR) Frankly, I woudl feel awfully if I was imposing a 10K+ ring on anyone! Yikes! If they WANT to do that, then that iis a diff story.....

 

[Deelight]

I think to a certain extent women do feel a pressure to at the least have the same as others.

As I have mentioned before in Australia big diamonds are really not the norm so for me I have the opposite issue, my engaged friends all have about a 1/4 carat rings the diamond we are getting is 1.37cts. I have at time second guessed my decision to get something larger rather then smaller but I have always wanted a larger stone I won''t lie(granted it is not HUGE but it is not small either) but sometimes I worry about the reaction of some people, I am hoping it will be positive and not negative. When my first friend got engaged I got the feeling she didn''t like her ring but never said anything (she got a princess cut but wanted a round) she would look at the stones in the windows and complain that hers didn''t sparkle as much, I put it down to the special lighting and that made her feel better. I personally think her e-ring suits her and anything much larger would look out of place and we both even agreed so, her fingers are very very dainty so at least with her I think I won''t receive any snarky comments but I am not sure about other people.

I am not saying people would be jealous (I am not presuming that) but I think people will show judgment at the amount of money he spent.

trillionaire I fully believe not everyones fingers were made to rock large stones some look better with smaller others with larger to me it is about finding a diamond in your budget that looks proportional to your finger.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 7/4/2008 9:15:53 PM
Author:kittybean
My question(s) to you all: do or did you feel any pressure from your social circle or your cultural environment for your engagement ring to be a certain size (or certain shape or brand or anything like that)? Do you think your SO does or did? How are you coping/did you cope with that? Is there anything you think I should say to my friend should it come up again?

I'm already married, but I'll have a go.

Yes, I do/did feel pressure from my social circle for the stone to be a certain size. I don't think my partner does, he loves the ring and is rarely influenced by other's thought when it comes to job, income, house size, or anything that is material.

I feel caught between two cultures. In the US my ring is small and if anyone comments it's how "cute" it is. In the UK, where I now live, my ring is about average of what I notice on the train but to my co-workers and clients it's large. I spend more time not wearing the ring, in the US to avoid "cute" comments, and in the UK to avoid comments on my wealth or social status by clients, than wearing it. It's a very effect way to cope!

 

[gwendolyn]

Maybe this will sound terrible, but being here on PS has made me re-evaluate what I want for an engagement ring far more than what my friends back home or the people around me have. What is the norm back home (in the US) is about what J and I will be able to afford, and what's the norm here in England is much smaller/different than back home....yet I still feel a certain amount of pressure due to my finger size to get as much coverage as possible (ie: beyond the scope of our budget), which is completely from PS.

I once started a thread asking for advice about what to do with a limited budget and a large finger size, and lots of people chimed in with "halo!" or "get a big gemstone!" Well, I'm a solitaire girl and I've been in love with diamonds for more than half my life so...that just left me feeling a bit 'bleh' about the whole thing, and I don't WANT to feel 'bleh' about anything having to do with my engagement ring, you know? So if it comes to that, I will probably take a long break from here. I hope I will be strong enough to say, "That's what's good for them, I will be perfectly happy with what I have and what it represents" but I can't know for sure. So, yeah, I suspect any possible problems I may have with the "conforming to society" is going to be from this site, rather than society at large. Which in some ways is good, because it's much more manageable for me to not post on PS rather than bow out gracefully from society as a whole.

 

[Independent Gal]

Every single one of my married friends, and my acquaintances in our broader circle, has a bigger, and sometimes MUCH bigger diamond than mine. Most are over 2 cts, whereas mine is under 1ct. Even my mom has a 2.67ct (though she got that after 24 years of marriage).

And you know what? It has never crossed my mind, and I''d bet my diamond it hasn''t crossed my friends'' minds to give a flying hoot. But that might be because in my circles, good financial sense and non-material forms of success (such as excellence in career pursuits, striving for self-cultivation, achievement, self-betterment) prompt respect much more than having bagged a guy with lots of cash (or a guy dumb enough to buy you a big ring even though he doesn''t have lots of cash).

Does this mean that I wouldn''t love a big ol'' ideal cut 2 ct some day? Sure I''d love one! I love big beautiful diamonds! Would I, on balance, have preferred that DH buy me a huge stone when we got engaged? 100% absolutely not. He simply did not have the money, and our priority is a larger home so we could have kids.

Potlatch can be fun if you can afford it. But the idea that someone would spend more than they can sensibly afford in order to keep up with or outdo the Joneses, now that is worrisome, and I would not want to marry a guy who didn''t realize that.

Think of it psychologically. Is it worth $10,000 to you to have your colleaagues / friends fleeting thoughts of approval before they completely forget you and your ring 5 minutes later? Would you pay 10K for that? 25K? Or would you prefer improved financial security, being a year closer to having a home?

Now, this only applies to those who can''t afford it. If your guy can drop 10 or 20K on your ring and still do his share to provide for the family''s security afterward, then enjoy! And post pics so we can enjoy too!

 

[JSM]

I don''t feel too much pressure from my friends - they have rings ranging from 1/8 carat to about 1.5 carats. I want a big rock because I LOVE diamonds! I''m the kind of girl who would rather have a rock I could enjoy every day rather than a big wedding that only lasts 8 hours.

I wound up with a half carat. I was a little disappointed at first but love the fact that my fiance stretched his limited budget to get the best he could for me, and I love him. But I''m SO saving for an upgrade!

 

[fieryred33143]

Speaking of pressure...my bestfriend has a beautiful 1 carat marquise (sp?) with two .5 marquise stones on the side and 4 round diamonds on either side for a tcw of 2.5.

She was never a materialistic person ever. I remember during my staving college student days, we would brag about the kind of clothes we were able to get at Target. But ever since she met her fiance, she''s gotten much more materialistic especially because he is all about money. One of her first gifts from him was a $5,000 watch that she did not want to take. Fast forward a few years and she was complaining that the $3,000 watch he recently bought her was pink and not some other color.

Anyway, his circle of friends are very wealthy (he is not, I make twice what he makes but he has more credit cards). The women in his circle all have larger than 2.5 (the one that has a 2.5 always complains about wanting to upgrade). And hey, that''s fine for them because they can afford it. My best friend and her fiance can''t afford a larger stone and it upsets her. Now she''s talking about saving money so she can upgrade her center stone to a 2 carat. Again, that''s fine if she wants to spend her money on that but its weird for me to hear her say that because she was never like that before. So yes, soceity does add some pressure. But as I said and some others said, you should stay true to yourself.

Oh...and never go into debt for a ring. That''s just silly.

 

[tessari]

The two months salary number just seems ridiculous in our sitation....I am not getting a diamond (will probably be a sapphire) anyway so there is no need to spend that much. Most people in my social circle and industry get huge rings (2 carats and up)...it''s kind of a given. But, my bf does get A LOT of crap from our friends about not wanting to get me a diamond. I am actually okay with not getting a diamond but it''s almost embarrassing how much it offends some people that he is not getting me the expected 2 carat plus engagement ring. I actually like that we are doing something a little different.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/5/2008 5:03:19 AM
Author: gwendolyn
Maybe this will sound terrible, but being here on PS has made me re-evaluate what I want for an engagement ring far more than what my friends back home or the people around me have. What is the norm back home (in the US) is about what J and I will be able to afford, and what's the norm here in England is much smaller/different than back home....yet I still feel a certain amount of pressure due to my finger size to get as much coverage as possible (ie: beyond the scope of our budget), which is completely from PS.


I once started a thread asking for advice about what to do with a limited budget and a large finger size, and lots of people chimed in with 'halo!' or 'get a big gemstone!' Well, I'm a solitaire girl and I've been in love with diamonds for more than half my life so...that just left me feeling a bit 'bleh' about the whole thing, and I don't WANT to feel 'bleh' about anything having to do with my engagement ring, you know? So if it comes to that, I will probably take a long break from here. I hope I will be strong enough to say, 'That's what's good for them, I will be perfectly happy with what I have and what it represents' but I can't know for sure. So, yeah, I suspect any possible problems I may have with the 'conforming to society' is going to be from this site, rather than society at large. Which in some ways is good, because it's much more manageable for me to not post on PS rather than bow out gracefully from society as a whole.

Gwen I agree PS has a tendency to skew size especially as gems get blown up on the computer screen and look even more possibly gianormous then they do IRL as well.

If you want a solitaire definitely rock a solitaire, all shapes and sizes are beautiful irrespective of finger size. I personally am not a big fan of halo's on diamonds for me and while I think they look beautiful on other people they are not for me. You can definitely maximize size in a solitaire for instance going a 6 over 4 prong as it will make the stone seem larger, possibly a very thin bezel (still a solitaire but adds a little more visually), or even a thicker band that draws the eye outwards and upwards and gives you more coverage, something like the x-prong thickness

: there are always options

.

 

[HollyS]

Our whole intent when we purchased my stone was to get the very best for the money he had to spend. Considering our budget (under 10K) we assumed we could not go bigger than .75 to .80 for the center stone to be of great quality in a lovely setting. We were therefore surprised that we were offered a great diamond at a price that rivaled the best deals on the internet. So we got the .91 instead of a .75.

That being said, no one in my area looks at other''s rings, judges someone by the size of the diamond, or makes assumptions about quality. It would never occur to them. Most people, and I know people from all walks of life and all financial backgrounds, were ''wowed'' by my ring. It is bigger, at .91 with tcw of 1.28, than most e-rings in our neck of the woods.

But I did have a 20 yr old working for me who said "I''m going to have at least 2 cts.!" I asked her if she knew how much she was talking about, and she said she didn''t care because her boyfriend could afford it. So maybe it is more of a ''bigger than you'' social norm at that age. Maybe she''s been influenced by celebrities, etc. I think that goes hand in hand with the people who feel it''s no big deal to spend hundreds of thousands on a wedding. Competition is expensive, and it costs dearly; not just in the bank account, either. What kind of marriage will two people have if one expects nothing but the best at any cost, and the other simply cannot provide the best?

And above all else, no matter how socially high up in the stratosphere you are, if you do not have your future completely, financially secure, it is beyond ridiculous to spend tens of thousands on an e-ring. Period. It doesn''t matter who has what. If you ain''t Oprah, you can probably find a better use of your hard earned cash.

 

[diamondfan]

I think that pressure is real at least in the mind of the person feeling it. Meaning, maybe in her group no one really would comment or care about the size of her ring, but she feels it. But there are times that the group does have a sort of influence and even the men can buy into wanting his fiancee to have the largest or nicest ring etc. I got engaged so long ago and was the first in my group to do so that I cannot directly comment upon that, though I do not doubt it occurs all of the time.

I know that seeing certain things were you live and work can certainly impact one''s view. I live in a very upscale area and when I moved here (from Beverly Hills!) I recall thinking the women HERE had nicer and more expensive bling than my contemporaries out in L.A. I of course saw large rings in Beverly Hills, but amongst my peer group my first ring, a 1.5 carat round, was pretty typical. It did not stand out as either too large or too small with my group of friends. Even last night when we were at our club for a 4th of July BBQ and fireworks, I noticed A LOT of women with stones of at least 5 carats, and up to 10. I would say at least half of the women whose hands I noticed next to me in the buffet line or seated near me were wearing such rings, mostly all step cuts in platinum. Now, these were older ladies (I am 42) and they were in their late 50''s to early 60''s, some married for the second time. (I know a few of them socially). But I noticed this trend when I came here 11 years ago and it is still going strong.

I think she should just think about what looks nice on her and what they can afford. There are always people with larger stones or nicer rings and with lesser stuff, so it is tough to make those comparisons and be happy in the long run.

 

[jessfitz75]

diamond fan - you hit the nail on the head.

If you play the comparison game, you will never win. Plus, sometimes people tend to only compare upwards to focus on what they don''t have and forget to recognize that they have so much that other''s don''t. I''m not saying that people should say, "Oh look, my ring is bigger than hers." I''m saying that an e-ring is a symbol of their love and commitment to each other and people shouldn''t get lost in the one-up game.

I hope this doesn''t sound preachy. This topic has been top of mind for me so I have to remind myself of these things.

 

[Sha]

No pressure here. Personally - I can understand why people would feel pressured to get a certain type of engagement ring, but I really don''t think it''s a good thing to let other people''s preferences determine yours. I mean, kittybean, if all of your friend''s friends had 3 carat rings would she scrimp to get that size, too?

It should be based on what you like as well as what you/your BF can reasonably afford. Otherwise, it just becomes a case of trying to keep up with the Joneses.

 

[FrekeChild]

Hah! I mentioned getting a gemstone ering instead of a diamond, and my ex-boss chimes in: "Well if you had a gemstone engagement ring, I''d just think your BF was cheap."

WTF?!

So I said, "What if I didn''t want a diamond?"

"I''d still think he was cheap."

Ugh. Since that conversation he proposed to his GF(of about 3 months at the time of the proposal) which was a total surprise to her-I guess they had hardly talked about it-and he got her a HUGE thick setting(like 6/7mm with two rows of channel set diamonds)and a 1.5 ct round center stone. It''s huge, very industrial looking, and doesn''t fit her at all. No comment.

And I still want a 2-3ct gemstone. Screw that guy.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 7/5/2008 4:23:47 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Hah! I mentioned getting a gemstone ering instead of a diamond, and my ex-boss chimes in: ''Well if you had a gemstone engagement ring, I''d just think your BF was cheap.''

WTF?!

So I said, ''What if I didn''t want a diamond?''

''I''d still think he was cheap.''

Ugh. Since that conversation he proposed to his GF(of about 3 months at the time of the proposal) which was a total surprise to her-I guess they had hardly talked about it-and he got her a HUGE thick setting(like 6/7mm with two rows of channel set diamonds)and a 1.5 ct round center stone. It''s huge, very industrial looking, and doesn''t fit her at all. No comment.

And I still want a 2-3ct gemstone. Screw that guy.

 

[diamondfan]

That is simply ignorant. Some people prefer colored stones to white diamonds, and some colored stones cost more than a similar white diamond. I am amazed that people actually articulate such stupid comments.

 

[FrekeChild]

Lol diamondfan. Thats what I was thinking.

 

[miraclesrule]

That's just crazy!! But I think with some girls, they are sensitive to what others think of them. They are conformists usually, not always, but usually.

What leaves a sour taste in my mouth are the women who expect a certain ring and project those expectations onto their SO. As well as those women who do get what they want because they bully their man into placating them and act all superior. Blech...

I sadly do have a friend like that. We love her dearly, but don't respect that aspect of her personality. (Just because I don't care for a few aspects of a person's personality, doesn't mean I will reject the entire person.)

I am actually proud that my daughter chose a very inexpensive and completely unique e-ring (that will look great on her right hand in 10 or 20 years when she upgrades

), because it made me realize that she didn't feel that the size of her e-ring was symbolic of their love. As if the size of the ring is a measure of, or could ever reveal how much love he has for her.....

They can't make a diamond that big!!

 

[princesss]

Truthfully, I couldn''t give two ****s what people think of my jewelry. I mean, yes, I do feel some small sense of keeping up with what''s around me, but in the end it''s about being happy with what you have. And if you can''t be happy with and grateful for that, then it''s never going to be enough.

But this is coming from a girl who, when she thinks about her eventual e-ring, can''t decide on anything (and a lot of the options aren''t exactly traditional).

 

[tberube]

I will admit that I''ve felt that pressure, for engagement ring size and for many, many other things. There is always a standard set among social groups for what is considered the "norm." Go to college, get a white-collar job, own a beautiful home with green grass out front, get married, have children, and so on.

The size of my engagement ring falls fairly within the upper-mid range of my social circle, so I probably don''t feel as much pressure as those who have smaller ones, or a budget for a smaller one. Your engagement ring is obviously pretty large (and gorgeous!), and like your friend, if I was in your social group I''d probably feel that the bar was raised for me, too. It''s certainly a ridiculous thing that has no bearing on the effectiveness of your relationship, but it''s life.

 

[Anna0499]

I think there is always some level of consciousness of what your friends/colleagues/etc. have, even if no one is flaunting it. Even on PS, the first thing someone wants to know when looking at a diamond is the carat size. Although all of us PSers know that size is not king in the grand scheme of diamond value and appearance, most people do want to know the size of a diamond and will tell their friends that stat first when asked. There have been posts by individuals who are wary of getting a diamond much bigger than their friends and vice versa. But, as the above posts have stated, the actual marriage is what matters in the long run. A divorce will surely outshine a 5 carat diamond as the topic of conversation anyday of the week.

 

[diamondfan]

Freke, show him what a fine emerald or ruby or any one of a number of colored stones of a high caliber cost. He clearly needs an education in gems. He is likely someone who just assumes a diamond is the most pricey thing, he is certainly one who takes stock in advertising aimed at people like him. I adore white diamonds and a high quality stone (cut, color, clarity) is wonderful, but I also love many precious and semi precious colored stones as well.

 

[diamondfan]

I guess it is so much a part of human nature to check out other people''s stuff and to envision having things you do not currently have. On one hand, it helps you to be motivated so that you do not stay in one place...i.e., wanting a new home or car, and working towards that goal. I do not see it as an issue as long as you are not solely focused on it (meaning you can enjoy what you have for a reasonable time) and also that it is not simply about out doing a neighbor or friend or family member. You still might get bigger or better but it will not tend to satisfy you in the end.

When I got engaged, though I love jewelry and always wanted a nice sized ring, it just did not occur to me to be super specific about size. As I said too I was the first one in my peer group to get engaged so it was not something focused on in my group. I recall a friend of mine from USC telling me her ex had proposed to a girl back in his hometown and had gotten her a two carat stone for X amount of money. (this was back in 1989). I told her that based on the price he mentioned it was not likely a great stone. Then, a girl in a large class with me at USC got engaged and she would tell everyone it was a 1.5 carat diamond. I truthfully did not really examine it that closely. When hubby and I were discussing engagement, I think I told him to get me a round (only shape I knew I really liked and felt safe and comfortable with). He went out, researched, got the stone from a diamond dealer who was the father of a family friend in the jewelry business and had her set it. I was so excited to get engaged I truly did not think about size or setting for nearly ten years. My ring always seemed fine, very Goldilocks, not too big and not too small, so I just wore it and enjoyed it. I do recall my cousin getting engaged shortly after me (and announcing it at my wedding!!!!) and she got a three plus carat fancy yellow radiant with white trillions of about one carat each on the side. It was HUGE HUGE HUGE to me and one of the largest rings anyone I knew personally had been given. It was also the first non white diamond engagement ring I had seen, and very wowza in terms of the look at me factor. It was not til I moved East that I determined I really wanted another shape (emerald or cushion) and white metal, and more of a classic setting, as mine was yellow gold and extremely modern and funky, which is not my style in an engagement ring.

Long way of saying I really did not focus a lot on the ring at first, for years, and really did not even think I could or would upgrade for quite a while. And of course I saw larger and smaller rings around me all of the time, but it all sort of went into my subconscious and was not on the forefront of my mind, which kind of shocks me as I have been obsessed with jewelry since I was 3...