Pressure from Society/Social Groups & Engagement Rings

[tberube]

diamondfan - well said!

 

[Bliss]

There isn't pressure I see or hear personally, but I do see women checking out my ring and other women's rings quite often. I don't know if you would call that pressure, but it's noticable. So maybe that ups the pressure, per se... only because so many women are checking each other's diamond rings out. It's not an admiring glance, but more of a competitive vibe in some cases. It makes me want to hide my hand at times because of the look, the look away, the look back...and if there's a SO or GF, whispering and subtle 'pointing.' Who knows what they're saying - it's nice, it looks fake, it's not big enough, it's too big. But either way, there is a once-over thing that happens a lot in Manhattan. I play the oblivious part quite well, though!

 

[PawnShopHustler]

Date: 7/4/2008 9:15:53 PM
Author:kittybean
Today I was with a good friend of mine who has been dating her BF about as long as I have been dating my fiance. We were chatting about the weddings she was going to be in next summer (3 including mine!), and then she mentioned that all her friends' engagement rings have set the bar pretty high for her BF. She explained that her childhood friend's 2.2 ct, my 2.1 ct, and our roommate's 1.6 ct diamonds set a high standard, and she seemed pretty bothered/worried about it. We talked a little about what she liked in case her BF should ask for my help, but this really got me thinking about the outward pressure we experience to conform to a certain norm, and how troublesome it can be when that norm seems to be out of reach. I know my engaged roommate previously expressed that she really wanted her ring to be bigger than her sister's, which seemed kind of crazy to me. As long as she was satisfied, why did the size of her sister's ring matter?

My question(s) to you all: do or did you feel any pressure from your social circle or your cultural environment for your engagement ring to be a certain size (or certain shape or brand or anything like that)? Do you think your SO does or did? How are you coping/did you cope with that? Is there anything you think I should say to my friend should it come up again?

Well, people I know don't place any preference on brand or shape.
Size is all that matters.
----------->Insert Sad StoryA co-worker of mine got engaged during the same time I got my diamond marquise solitare pinky ring I bought myself for x-mas.

Now, my pinky solitare is a little over 1/2 carats.....her ring, I don't know how many carats it was but it was SHOCKINGLY small.
Everyone was comparing her e-ring to mine. You could tell she was embarrased by the ring. I work with a bunch of awful snooty people: they assumed something must be wrong when 2 childless professionals can't afford a "decent" ring.
--------------->End Sad Story

I don't feel any pressure because I'm not goo-goo for diamonds, except diamond pinky rings.

I love color & will get a sapphire for my e-ring.

Honestly, if I were a diamond girl and my fiance couldn't afford a big (big=2cts) diamond I would just wear a plain wedding band.
Nobody ever questions that.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 7/7/2008 1:59:31 AM
Author: PawnShopHustler

Date: 7/4/2008 9:15:53 PM

Honestly, if I were a diamond girl and my fiance couldn''t afford a big (big=2cts) diamond I would just wear a plain wedding band.

Nobody ever questions that.

You''re right, no one ever does question a plain band. But it''s sad that there''s such pressure to begin with that people can''t just say that they can afford a X size right now and be happy with it. The standard keeps getting higher and higher and it''s not having a good effect on most of us. Where did the moremoremore attitude, which I also have, come from?

 

[Fancy605]

Pressure? No. But that''s probably because I hang out with people who are pretty laid back awhen it comes to such things as jewelry. I mean, sure everyone loves a big, gorgeous ring, but most (not all, but the majority) of my friends would be happy with just being married to the loves of their lives, and the ring is just a nice bonus. My friends have rings with anywhere from .25 to 1.5 carat center stones, and I think most all of them are perfect for the individual personalities of each of the girls. That being said, DH and I didn''t feel pressure to get a ring of a certain size. What we did feel pressure to do is get the most bang for DH''s buck. Of course, we felt that pressure from ourselves and not from any outside sources because we both love a good bargain, and PS helped very much in making sure we found an amazingly fantastic balance of quality and value. I think if anything, people around here are more quality/style snobs. A big diamond can be quite ugly if it isn''t of good quality and is set in something hideous, and a little one can be gorgeous if it sparkles just so and has an amazing setting.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/7/2008 11:18:04 AM
Author: Fancy605
Pressure? No. But that's probably because I hang out with people who are pretty laid back awhen it comes to such things as jewelry. I mean, sure everyone loves a big, gorgeous ring, but most (not all, but the majority) of my friends would be happy with just being married to the loves of their lives, and the ring is just a nice bonus. My friends have rings with anywhere from .25 to 1.5 carat center stones, and I think most all of them are perfect for the individual personalities of each of the girls. That being said, DH and I didn't feel pressure to get a ring of a certain size. What we did feel pressure to do is get the most bang for DH's buck. Of course, we felt that pressure from ourselves and not from any outside sources because we both love a good bargain, and PS helped very much in making sure we found an amazingly fantastic balance of quality and value. I think if anything, people around here are more quality/style snobs. A big diamond can be quite ugly if it isn't of good quality and is set in something hideous, and a little one can be gorgeous if it sparkles just so and has an amazing setting.

I guess it depends on how you define 'big,' but no, actually, not *everyone* loves big rocks. There's a thread in Hangout right now, started by Pandora II, because people seem to make this assumption often and it's not true. Some of us really do prefer smaller stones.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I''ll be honest... I don''t want my ring to be the smallest out of my good group of friends. They are the sweetest most awesome non-judgmental friends ever, so it''s not pressure from their end. However, since I waited the longest for my ring, I kind of want a bigger rock to show for it. We waited until the time is right, and I know he can afford it, so I hope he chooses a nice sized diamond. yeah, yeah, I get the guy that is the best for me, and I love him tons and wouldn''t trade him for Liz Taylor''s diamond collection, but hey, I want a pretty ring too! It doesn''t need to be the biggest or most expensive, just substantial. But in the long run, as long as it doesn''t look like it was made in 1993 (I have a very specific picture in my head), then I''ll be happy!

 

[mimzy]

i didn''t really feel any pressure from my peer group because their diamonds ranged from .32 carats to 1.22 and i knew that i would be getting something in the 1 carat range. however, i *might* have felt differently if everyone around me had 2+carat stones and i was getting the .3 carat ring. around here nobody really pays attention to it, and the people that do are usually those ''on top'' so to speak, or the ones that do have the biggest ring. 99% of my friends wouldn''t give the size of a ring a second thought unless it was HUGE, they just don''t care.

the general trend that i see is that if a stone is bigger than average (say over 1.2 carats) then (most) people start taking pride in the size of their ring, and when you are prideful of something in order to maintain that pride you have to compare it to something, which pressures others. if the diamond is just a diamond and holds no material pride for you, then you''re a lot less likely to care or notice others.

but then again i''m not a jewelry person at ALL (as aren''t most of my friends) so it''s just not something that is really noticed ever (again unless something is HUGE).

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 7/5/2008 9:08:59 PM
Author: diamondfan
Freke, show him what a fine emerald or ruby or any one of a number of colored stones of a high caliber cost. He clearly needs an education in gems. He is likely someone who just assumes a diamond is the most pricey thing, he is certainly one who takes stock in advertising aimed at people like him. I adore white diamonds and a high quality stone (cut, color, clarity) is wonderful, but I also love many precious and semi precious colored stones as well.

Yeah. He's a schmuck. I won't say much else about him, but he is 27 (just had a birthday) and last year (2007) bought a Nissan 350Z, and then this year bought a Corvette to go with his daily truck and the Nissan.

Keeping up with the Joneses much? Or at least, keeping up appearances?

As far as showing him a fine emerald, ruby or a kashmir Sapphire, he wouldn't know the difference, he's a product of DeBeers' marketing campaign.

Besides, with a bright blue topaz, there isn't much visual difference in color between that and many irradiated blue diamonds. Hee hee hee...

Oh, and he's in retail, which would explain his susceptibility to marketing BS. Even though you'd think it'd be the opposite...

Regardless, he can suck it.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 7/5/2008 4:23:47 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Hah! I mentioned getting a gemstone ering instead of a diamond, and my ex-boss chimes in: ''Well if you had a gemstone engagement ring, I''d just think your BF was cheap.''

WTF?!

So I said, ''What if I didn''t want a diamond?''

''I''d still think he was cheap.''

Ugh. Since that conversation he proposed to his GF(of about 3 months at the time of the proposal) which was a total surprise to her-I guess they had hardly talked about it-and he got her a HUGE thick setting(like 6/7mm with two rows of channel set diamonds)and a 1.5 ct round center stone. It''s huge, very industrial looking, and doesn''t fit her at all. No comment.

And I still want a 2-3ct gemstone. Screw that guy.

I also want a gemstone for my ring. FFI, however, has fallen prey to the idea that you HAVE to have a diamond for it to be an engagement ring. I was hoping that once he actually started shopping for a stone the prices (ever increasing prices I might add) would have persuaded him to think less with the typical advertising statement standards and more with what his bank account can handle. Needless to say, he is still convinced it has to be a diamond and is has to be at least a carat and it has to be this and that and everything inbetween. *Sigh*

So, to answer the question, my FFI is completely under the spell that a ring has to be as big if not bigger and as good if not better than all the rings he''s seen paraded before his eyes. If only I could somehow convince him that pride and diamonds do not have to go hand in hand together. I think some men out there just like to compete and a bigger better fancier diamond is their way of saying "look at what me can get for me girl. Me proud. She proud. You. Be. Proud. You admire shiny stone. Me bigger man."

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/8/2008 7:59:50 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21

Date: 7/5/2008 4:23:47 PM

Author: FrekeChild

Hah! I mentioned getting a gemstone ering instead of a diamond, and my ex-boss chimes in: 'Well if you had a gemstone engagement ring, I'd just think your BF was cheap.'


WTF?!


So I said, 'What if I didn't want a diamond?'


'I'd still think he was cheap.'


Ugh. Since that conversation he proposed to his GF(of about 3 months at the time of the proposal) which was a total surprise to her-I guess they had hardly talked about it-and he got her a HUGE thick setting(like 6/7mm with two rows of channel set diamonds)and a 1.5 ct round center stone. It's huge, very industrial looking, and doesn't fit her at all. No comment.


And I still want a 2-3ct gemstone. Screw that guy.

I also want a gemstone for my ring. FFI, however, has fallen prey to the idea that you HAVE to have a diamond for it to be an engagement ring. I was hoping that once he actually started shopping for a stone the prices (ever increasing prices I might add) would have persuaded him to think less with the typical advertising statement standards and more with what his bank account can handle. Needless to say, he is still convinced it has to be a diamond and is has to be at least a carat and it has to be this and that and everything inbetween. *Sigh*


So, to answer the question, my FFI is completely under the spell that a ring has to be as big if not bigger and as good if not better than all the rings he's seen paraded before his eyes. If only I could somehow convince him that pride and diamonds do not have to go hand in hand together. I think some men out there just like to compete and a bigger better fancier diamond is their way of saying 'look at what me can get for me girl. Me proud. She proud. You. Be. Proud. You admire shiny stone. Me bigger man.'

Oh these men, I swear!

I was talking rings with SO this weekend. We have been dating nearly 5 years, and I have been talking about rings for about half that time... I have ALWAYS said that I want a 1 ct ring. Anyway, this weekend, I was talking about how 1 carat is "perfect", and he started saying "That's because that's all that I can afford," and "you would want a bigger ring if I could afford it, yadda yadda yadda, all women want big rings." I was pretty taken aback. First, if big is 2cts, count me OUT! Not interested. Second, when did 1ct become SMALL? Compared to what, an ice cube? I mean really. I

Trillions, but a 2ct trillion could face up at larger than 10mm, which is crazy! (it wouldn't be well cut, but it would be BIG!) I have never been one to keep up with the joneses, I wanted a unique ring that expressed me, and anything larger than 1.25 in a Trillion would not look tasteful IMO. *shrug* I guess he will have to give me a 1 ct ring and see me jumping for joy before he believes that I will love it

I'm with Gwen on this one, not everyone wants a "big" ring, even though definitions of big vary.

Maybe a smaller diamond will encourage me not to let my fingers get too plump... imagine:
waitress: "Would you like some dessert?
Me: "Oh no! I am trying to maintain my diamond to finger coverage ratio, but thank you!"

Hehehe... I think such crazy things!

 

[beebrisk]

I live in Manhattan and I cannot imagine a more competitive place when it comes to stone size. I mean, in this city it''s commonplace to see 22 year olds with HUGE rocks. We''re talking well over 2 carats.

But here I am, a middle-aged, first-time engaged person with the prettiest .85ct./1.1twc engagement ring ever. I have small, very unattractive hands (really, like witches claws!) so a large rock would not only look out of proportion but would draw unwanted attention to my hideous digits.

And, to be truthful, besides the aesthetic aspects, we did have a budget. We are not from the ''money is no object'' set, that''s for sure. So thanks to PS, we chose the very best stone we could find and opted for really good quality over quantity. And boy, does it show! I get comments all the time like "Wow..that thing sparkles like mad!" or "it''s blinding!".

It''s "small" by NY standards, but it does get noticed.

That said, I''ll be standing in line at the grocery store next to a 12 year old with her 3 carat emerald cut and I''m momentarily like "Waaaaaahh--what does her 13 year old FI do for a living???!!!

But that doesn''t last long...The "pressure" immediately dissipates because when I look at my ring it always makes me smile and think about why I have it and wear it. It''s the most meaningful thing I own and the most beautiful gift I''ve ever been given.

 

[supergirl10]

No i really don''t feel any pressure at all. I am the first in my circle of friend to be ring shopping and possibly engaged soon (i hope). I anticipate because i am young and still in uni (so we are on one wage) in 3-4 years to come my when my friends may start getting engaged, they will have bigger diamonds then me as they will be on better incomes etc, but that doesn''t bother me at ALL.

Having said that (As someone else mentioned before) in Australia it is rare to see big diamonds in fact even the aussie celebs standard is like 3-4carrats (admittedly it is probablly tiffany''s and cost $200,000 AUD) but from my understanding not many "normal" people have that sort of size well def not where i come from! The largest stone i have ever even seen in my area is like 1.5 carrats.

Although i do also agree on the other post about the ring lasting forever (well hopefully) and the wedding lasting for 8 hours. It is more important to me to have a nice ring (read not huge stone) than a really flash expensive wedding. I hope stone will be about 0.4crts or maybe above if i am spoilt and i am perfectly happy with that ... Not that i am against an upgrade in 5-10 years

 

[misscuppycake]

I really don''t feel any pressure whatsoever about the size of the diamond but I think this is mostly because the people around me who have been getting engaged are still quite young (early 20''s) so they don''t have much money to spend anyway. Everyone''s just grateful to be getting a diamond of any size. haha

 

[that_someone_special]

*Side note*

Being on here makes me feel pressured to have tiny fingers. My left ring finger is a 7ish, and my right is an 8.
And there are people on here that have 3s!! jeezzzzzzzzz. Most of my friends (some who are thinner than me) even have larger fingers than me. Actually I think all but one have larger fingers.

So.. now... my 7s feel like 900s on this site

My pinky is a 4.5 though. Yeah. Makes me feel better.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 7/10/2008 4:10:28 AM
Author: that_someone_special
*Side note*


Being on here makes me feel pressured to have tiny fingers. My left ring finger is a 7ish, and my right is an 8.

And there are people on here that have 3s!! jeezzzzzzzzz. Most of my friends (some who are thinner than me) even have larger fingers than me. Actually I think all but one have larger fingers.


So.. now... my 7s feel like 900s on this site

My pinky is a 4.5 though. Yeah. Makes me feel better.

I know what you mean. Sometimes I see that finger coverage chart and I get sad. I have pudgy finger and a smaller stone. I have .00025% finger coverage. Showing skin is in, baby!

 

[bee*]

I didn''t feel any pressure getting my ring. Rings tend to be smaller over here than they are in the US. D told me the budget he was happy with and we found our ring. I love it and don''t are what others think about it.

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/10/2008 4:10:28 AM
Author: that_someone_special
*Side note*

Being on here makes me feel pressured to have tiny fingers. My left ring finger is a 7ish, and my right is an 8.
And there are people on here that have 3s!! jeezzzzzzzzz. Most of my friends (some who are thinner than me) even have larger fingers than me. Actually I think all but one have larger fingers.

So.. now... my 7s feel like 900s on this site

My pinky is a 4.5 though. Yeah. Makes me feel better.

I feel the same way! I have size 7 fingers, which I always thought was fine...until I got here. Now I'm looking at my fingers wondering if there is any workout on Earth that could slim them down! BF occasionally catches me looking at them, muttering "Stupid fat fingers, stupid little stones look teeny on stupid fat fingers." He tries to tell me they're not....but I've seen the proof here on PS.

ETA: I'm exaggerating...but only a little!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/10/2008 9:19:21 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 7/10/2008 4:10:28 AM
Author: that_someone_special
*Side note*

Being on here makes me feel pressured to have tiny fingers. My left ring finger is a 7ish, and my right is an 8.
And there are people on here that have 3s!! jeezzzzzzzzz. Most of my friends (some who are thinner than me) even have larger fingers than me. Actually I think all but one have larger fingers.

So.. now... my 7s feel like 900s on this site

My pinky is a 4.5 though. Yeah. Makes me feel better.

I feel the same way! I have size 7 fingers, which I always thought was fine...until I got here. Now I''m looking at my fingers wondering if there is any workout on Earth that could slim them down! BF occasionally catches me looking at them, muttering ''Stupid fat fingers, stupid little stones look teeny on stupid fat fingers.'' He tries to tell me they''re not....but I''ve seen the proof here on PS.

ETA: I''m exaggerating...but only a little!

I almost felt the same way from being on here! My ring finger is 6.5/7ish... and I look at size 3''s and I''m like... WTH??? That actually exists??

But, people have told me my whole life that I have pretty hands and that I should model rings/bracelets for a living. (That sounds like a great job, doesnt it???)

So even though they''re bigger, they''re not chubby. And they''re beautiful, dammit!!

 

[ash313]

Date: 7/10/2008 9:32:15 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/10/2008 9:19:21 AM

Author: princesss

Date: 7/10/2008 4:10:28 AM

Author: that_someone_special

*Side note*


Being on here makes me feel pressured to have tiny fingers. My left ring finger is a 7ish, and my right is an 8.

And there are people on here that have 3s!! jeezzzzzzzzz. Most of my friends (some who are thinner than me) even have larger fingers than me. Actually I think all but one have larger fingers.


So.. now... my 7s feel like 900s on this site

My pinky is a 4.5 though. Yeah. Makes me feel better.

I feel the same way! I have size 7 fingers, which I always thought was fine...until I got here. Now I''m looking at my fingers wondering if there is any workout on Earth that could slim them down! BF occasionally catches me looking at them, muttering ''Stupid fat fingers, stupid little stones look teeny on stupid fat fingers.'' He tries to tell me they''re not....but I''ve seen the proof here on PS.

ETA: I''m exaggerating...but only a little!

I almost felt the same way from being on here! My ring finger is 6.5/7ish... and I look at size 3''s and I''m like... WTH??? That actually exists??


But, people have told me my whole life that I have pretty hands and that I should model rings/bracelets for a living. (That sounds like a great job, doesnt it???)


So even though they''re bigger, they''re not chubby. And they''re beautiful, dammit!!

Sorry to threadjack, just wanted to add to this club - I am a 6.5/7! I have short, chubby little sausage fingers and I love them

About the original topic, I think any pressure is perceived. There is no real pressure, since there isn''t a consequence. For example, if you truly believed someone wouldn''t be your friend if you had a small diamond, that would be pressure. But then, are they really your friend? Most likely, you just THINK that people will look at you differently or are concerned that people will judge you. So, I think any pressure is self-induced.

Of course, I''m not saying it doesn''t exist, it''s human nature to put pressure on ourselves. I''m just saying that we can create it, and can choose not to experience it if we try!

 

[dockman3]

I''ll readily admit that I''m probably one of the only guys that reads this forum, but its mostly just out of curiosity and to try to get some tips on what my gf might actually be thinking that she''s not telling me.

With that said, yes, I definitely felt pressure, and still do, to get her a nice ring. She has said things like, "I want one that looks like (our friend) C''s ring." or "we''ve waited a while and I want a ring that shows that" And she is always commenting on our friends'' rings and which ones she likes and doesn''t like. The really funny part to me is that she doesn''t own ANY really nice jewelery, nor does she wear any. I''ve never seen her wear a diamond anything, but she still wants this huge rock! I know her heart was probably set on a 1ct, but she wanted a 3-stone ring for finger coverage, size ~7.5, and with my budget, that just wasn''t going to happen. I''m still in grad school and not exactly making tons of money. I ended up getting a 0.82ct, 1.23tw ring, which is my avatar. I bet its just about as big as our friends here, but I went the route of getting a RING and not just a DIAMOND. I could have gotten a 1ct and put it in a really cheap solitaire and then maybe gotten a wedding band that hugs the solitaire later, but that would be settling for me, and I didn''t want to just settle on something for her.

I guess I got a little off topic there, but the point is that yes, I did feel pressure, but the ring is bought, so I''m not worried about it anymore. I know she''s going to love it and its still going to out sparkle her friends rings because I actually put tons of time and thought and research into this ring. Moral of the story, guys feel the pressure too, so don''t be too harsh on your SO''s and don''t put any pressure on them. Hopefully they realize that its the thought and time and effort that goes into finding the perfect ring that the girl will cherish, and if they do put the time in, they''ll come out with a gorgeous ring that you can be proud of.

 

[Delster]

Date: 7/10/2008 10:06:11 AM
Author: dockman3
I''ll readily admit that I''m probably one of the only guys that reads this forum, but its mostly just out of curiosity and to try to get some tips on what my gf might actually be thinking that she''s not telling me.

With that said, yes, I definitely felt pressure, and still do, to get her a nice ring. She has said things like, ''I want one that looks like (our friend) C''s ring.'' or ''we''ve waited a while and I want a ring that shows that'' And she is always commenting on our friends'' rings and which ones she likes and doesn''t like. The really funny part to me is that she doesn''t own ANY really nice jewelery, nor does she wear any. I''ve never seen her wear a diamond anything, but she still wants this huge rock! I know her heart was probably set on a 1ct, but she wanted a 3-stone ring for finger coverage, size ~7.5, and with my budget, that just wasn''t going to happen. I''m still in grad school and not exactly making tons of money. I ended up getting a 0.82ct, 1.23tw ring, which is my avatar. I bet its just about as big as our friends here, but I went the route of getting a RING and not just a DIAMOND. I could have gotten a 1ct and put it in a really cheap solitaire and then maybe gotten a wedding band that hugs the solitaire later, but that would be settling for me, and I didn''t want to just settle on something for her.

I guess I got a little off topic there, but the point is that yes, I did feel pressure, but the ring is bought, so I''m not worried about it anymore. I know she''s going to love it and its still going to out sparkle her friends rings because I actually put tons of time and thought and research into this ring. Moral of the story, guys feel the pressure too, so don''t be too harsh on your SO''s and don''t put any pressure on them. Hopefully they realize that its the thought and time and effort that goes into finding the perfect ring that the girl will cherish, and if they do put the time in, they''ll come out with a gorgeous ring that you can be proud of.

dockman - the ''not wearing any fine jewellery'' part is definitely true of me too. And actually, that was all the more reason why I wanted our engagement ring to be really nice. Seeing as it''s the one and only piece of fine jewellery I own, and seeing as I''m a less-is-more kind of jewellery wearer, so it''ll most often be the only piece I have on, I was all the more hung up about it!

I think you''ve done a fabulous job with your purchase. You''ve gotten her the three stone she wanted so much for coverage, and you''ve hit carat mark she dreamed of. And it''s a beautiful ring. Good job!!!

To answer the OP''s question, I''m really not sure that I felt pressure from my social circle. Our purchasing decisions were made in a vacuum of social pressure I think, as our friends have only begun to get engaged in the last few months. FI set a budget two years ago and he stuck to it. We chose the style because that was what looked nicest on my hands. If a halo-ed pavé split shank eternity, or a three stone, had been what suited me best, he obviously would have bought a smaller centre stone as more of the budget would have gone into the setting.

 

[dockman3]

Date: 7/10/2008 10:29:58 AM
Author: Delster

Date: 7/10/2008 10:06:11 AM

Author: dockman3

I''ll readily admit that I''m probably one of the only guys that reads this forum, but its mostly just out of curiosity and to try to get some tips on what my gf might actually be thinking that she''s not telling me.

With that said, yes, I definitely felt pressure, and still do, to get her a nice ring. She has said things like, ''I want one that looks like (our friend) C''s ring.'' or ''we''ve waited a while and I want a ring that shows that'' And she is always commenting on our friends'' rings and which ones she likes and doesn''t like. The really funny part to me is that she doesn''t own ANY really nice jewelery, nor does she wear any. I''ve never seen her wear a diamond anything, but she still wants this huge rock! I know her heart was probably set on a 1ct, but she wanted a 3-stone ring for finger coverage, size ~7.5, and with my budget, that just wasn''t going to happen. I''m still in grad school and not exactly making tons of money. I ended up getting a 0.82ct, 1.23tw ring, which is my avatar. I bet its just about as big as our friends here, but I went the route of getting a RING and not just a DIAMOND. I could have gotten a 1ct and put it in a really cheap solitaire and then maybe gotten a wedding band that hugs the solitaire later, but that would be settling for me, and I didn''t want to just settle on something for her.


I guess I got a little off topic there, but the point is that yes, I did feel pressure, but the ring is bought, so I''m not worried about it anymore. I know she''s going to love it and its still going to out sparkle her friends rings because I actually put tons of time and thought and research into this ring. Moral of the story, guys feel the pressure too, so don''t be too harsh on your SO''s and don''t put any pressure on them. Hopefully they realize that its the thought and time and effort that goes into finding the perfect ring that the girl will cherish, and if they do put the time in, they''ll come out with a gorgeous ring that you can be proud of.

dockman - the ''not wearing any fine jewellery'' part is definitely true of me too. And actually, that was all the more reason why I wanted our engagement ring to be really nice. Seeing as it''s the one and only piece of fine jewellery I own, and seeing as I''m a less-is-more kind of jewellery wearer, so it''ll most often be the only piece I have on, I was all the more hung up about it!


I think you''ve done a fabulous job with your purchase. You''ve gotten her the three stone she wanted so much for coverage, and you''ve hit carat mark she dreamed of. And it''s a beautiful ring. Good job!!!


To answer the OP''s question, I''m really not sure that I felt pressure from my social circle. Our purchasing decisions were made in a vacuum of social pressure I think, as our friends have only begun to get engaged in the last few months. FI set a budget two years ago and he stuck to it. We chose the style because that was what looked nicest on my hands. If a halo-ed pavé split shank eternity, or a three stone, had been what suited me best, he obviously would have bought a smaller centre stone as more of the budget would have gone into the setting.

Thanks Delster! I really appreciate that. I guess I didn''t really think of it as this was going to be the only really fine piece of jewelery that she''ll wear. That makes total sense and I can see where she was coming from. Thanks for the insight!

 

[legatogirl]

I don''t think there was any pressure for me from our circle but I have to admit that I did find myself getting slightly jealous/annoyed at the fact that some of our guy friends were proposing to their girlfriends that they had only been with for months with these huge beautiful rings while I wore my original 1/4 carat outdated looking ring. We got engaged and married so young that at the time that 1/4 carat was certainly at the top of his budget and he could have literally tied a piece of string around my finger when proposing and I still would''ve been over the moon! 10 years later however, I couldn''t help but look around at all the rings my friends who had waited until later in life to marry were wearing and be a little envious. In the end I got my 10 year anniversary upgrade (which I LOVE!) but I have to say there was a small part of me that felt almost guilty for feeling the need for something "better". I felt somewhat shallow that I wanted something materialistic so badly. For me it was more about my style/taste changing over the years more than it was about the size of the diamond itself. I wanted a different shaped stone/different metal etc. Anyone else who has upgraded felt that sense of guilt?

 

[lucy.lucy.80]

In my social circle I kinda see the pressure sometimes with E-ring diamond sizes. However, IMO bigger isn''t always better.

I will take my 1ct ideal cut sparkler over a 2ct dull diamond. Obviously my focus was cut