promise rings?

[jaylex]

Since all of the other promise ring discussions were closed, and I''m kinda new... I figured I would start a new one!

Who has one? Who''s idea was it (yours or SO)? What does it symbolize to you? To your relationship?

Who thinks they are a dumb idea?

Why?

We''ll see where this one goes...

-Alexa

 

[FrekeChild]

Dumb if you''re somewhat established financially, have a career and own property. Cute if you''re in high school.

If FF handed me a promise ring (I have a ring from him btw--a birthday present from Tiff&Co) I''d kick his patootie.

This is mostly because he''s already bought the ering stone. And the fact that we''re both 26 and have a good idea of where life is taking us.

 

[princess_natalie]

Hey Alexa,

I''m new too!

Let''s see.. the boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and our first Christmas that we were dating he got me a gorgeous ring, that he knew I had been drooling over..

I was obviously happy but part of me wondered what it meant?

Was it JUST a ring? Or more?

I never really understood the concept of promise rings but we talked about it and he said it was more of an "I love you ring" and in a way, it is a promise - a promise of his love for you, your future, etc. But more a reminder of each other.. I never take it off and people still compliment me on it Each time I see it, I think of him and us and our love.

It''s a promise ring without the title and I wear it on my left hand, middle finger..

I think promise rings are meant to be worn on your ring finger? Anyway, overall.. I think an engagement ring is what a promise ring is.. So the concept of a designated promise ring prior to the engagement ring - I''m not really sure of the point.. I don''t think it''s dumb, I think the meaning of it just needs to be clarified.

An engagement ring is a promise to get married.. So what would a promise ring be? A promise to promise to get married?

Mind you.. promise rings can also be for other things - a commitment to save your virginity, or to stop smoking, or whatever...

I know this probably doesn''t help but at the end of the day I think it depends on the couple and what their meaning-making of the ring is

 

[Cosmo_Gal]

I''m with freke. Promise rings are cute..if you''re in high school. I think I might have actually had one when I was 15. I wouldn''t say that a promise ring is necessarily a dumb idea if it''s something that is important to you. Who really cares about anyone else''s opinion about it if it means something special for you. Anyway, I have "promise" earrings, but they were a gift just to hold me over until we get engaged. He knew I loved them and bought them for me as a symbol of his love for me. The only reason I say "promise" earrings is because I joked with him about the idea of getting me earrings to profess his love to me. Besides, who could say no to diamond earrings?

 

[musey]

Date: 9/16/2008 1:43:08 AM
Author:jaylex
Who thinks they are a dumb idea?

Why?

I wouldn't tend to say anything is dumb for someone else, but for me, I don't really understand the point of them, yanno? I guess it's sort of the modernization of getting "pinned," declaring you're going "steady" with a piece of jewelry. Yeah? In which case it's cute in the context of childhood sweethearts, but once you're of marriageable age... I dunno... why not just give a piece of jewelry without that meaning attached to it? Just a generic gift? It seems out of place in an adult relationship.

When people give it the context of "we're going to get married someday," that's when it makes me go, "huh?" For kids, and even more so for adults. For adults, if you're going to "say" that... why not just get engaged. For kids... it seems weird that they'd say that at all (again, why say "we're going to get married someday" when you're not ready to say "we're getting married. If that makes sense). For LIWs, I do understand the desire for an outward expression of the 'seriousness' of the relationship (believe me, I do)--but in most cases it makes a relationship look more juvenile. Kind of counterproductive.

So I guess for me, overall, they don't/didn't have a place in my life. Doesn't mean they're not fun or meaningful for someone else, but they're not for me.

 

[musey]

For what it's worth, here are the definitions that google gave me for "promise ring":

[COLOR=6677cc]"A promise ring is often given to ones girlfriend as a way of demonstrating the seriousness of, and commitment to a relationship."[/COLOR]
I get it, but that's not a promise. Why not just give it as a general gift? "Happy birthday: here's a beautiful ring I got for you!"

[COLOR=6677cc]"Promise Ring is a ring that is given before an engagement ring, promising that the proposal is coming soon."[/COLOR]
Uhhh, what? If you're about to get engaged anyway, why split your money into a promise ring? Save for the biggun'!

[COLOR=6677cc]"A promise ring is a ring that is indicating a serious promise made to oneself or another. It may be given to a romantic partner to signify a commitment to a monogamous relationship, without a more lasting bond such as marriage."[/COLOR]
Cop out. "I'm afraid to propose yet... here's a promise ring to shut you up."

 

[jaylex]

he he. I thought I would get responses like this....
I have one from the bf. He got it for me for our one year anniversary... and yes... we were in highschool. And I do agree that for the most part, it is for people who are in highschool just because of the fact that getting engaged in high school is, to me, a big "no no". and musey, I agree with you on the whole "why not just give a piece of jewelry without that meaning attached to it? Just a generic gift? It seems out of place in an adult relationship." and SO has given me other jewelery since the ring. a BEAUTIFUL rose gold and diamond bracelet and a rose gold pendant. I love all three of my pieces and get compliments on them constantly. And i love the thought he put behind each and every one of them..
When we get engaged, pretty promise ring will probably be resized to fit my left pinky or right hand. Maybe If I can figure out how to put a pic up, i will attach a pic of it.
But yeah, i just wanted to see what people thought of it.
It would be nice to hear from others who actually have them!
Thanks all!
~Alexa

 

[Booper717]

Hi there & welcome! I don''t think there''s anything wrong with having a promise ring, I understand how people can think they are juvenile, but what''s wrong with your SO buying you a pretty ring before your ready to get engaged?

I had one with my ex that was a small diamond ring and looked like an e-ring and that''s when i was in highschool.

Fastforward a few years: I was thinking about buying myself a nice aquamarine ring and my current SO said not to, he wanted to get it for me. So for Christmas he did, and he called it an "I love you ring" and told me he wanted me to think of how much he loves me everytime I look at it. So is that the same thing as a promise ring? IDK, kinda. lol. And I don''t feel juvenile about wearing it or owning it in the least, I love the ring and I love the man who bought it for me. I wear it on my left hand only because it''s too snug on my beefy right hand, but when engagment time comes I''ll have to get use to the snugness or get it resized!

 

[DiamondsforDee]

Unless you wear the ring on your left hand ring finger or your SO says "this is a promise ring" I don''t see why a beautiful ring given to you as a gift by your SO is anything but a beautiful ring. I have a diamond eternity band that I wear on my right ring finger. It was a Christmas present. Nothing more, nothing less. Just because we give engagement rings and wedding rings it does not mean that all rings have a similar significance.

I''m not a fan of promise rings, unless they are a symbol of a promise to keep your virginity. That I understand. Otherwise just wait until you''re ready to really get engaged. A lot of people just don''t take promise rings seriously because they are often a cute gift given in high school when we all know that most high school relationships don''t last (I said most!).

All that being said, if you want one and your SO wants to get you one, go for. You shouldn''t give two hoots what other people say- it''s your finger!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think that "promise rings" are like layaway. And on top of that, some what of a cop out. If he''s serious about you, and can afford to plunk down cash on a ring...diamond or otherwise...then why not just do the real thing? Since clearly, not all erings need to be terribly expensive or even diamonds, for that matter. Or, at least save the money you would have spent on a PR and put it towards an ER in the future. I personally would never accept a PR. I don''t need your promises. I need the real thing, or lets keep it casual. Because, to be frank, anyone can walk away from a promise ring and never look back.

Even in HS I think they are somewhat lame. No one should be making that type of commitment to another person before the age of 18 (and IMOP, 18 is even pushing it hardcore)...so, if you''re 16 and sporting a promise ring, I really hope something inside of you "snaps" and realizes that you''re not ready to even go there yet.

I also get annoyed when girls read to deeply into a nice ring they recieved from their SO as a gift. I think, if a man wants to spoil you with a nice piece of jewelry, thats wonderful and you should enjoy it...but why force it into an "engagement ring" or "promise ring"...why not just enjoy the ring for being a beautiful ring, and leave well enough alone?

 

[fieryred33143]

I think that once you hit a certain age, promise rings are really just shut the heck up about marriage rings.

I think that as teens promise rings are really cute and sweet. My cousin got a promise ring from her now husband when they were 19. It was a really pretty band that she now uses as her wedding band.

 

[misscuppycake]

I have a promise ring and got it when we had been dating for 2.5 years. He didn''t initially call it a promise ring; that name sort of came up later. He said he got it for me because he really loved me and thought I deserved something special that Christmas. We started using the title of ''Promise ring'' later on but to me, it was just a promise of love and commitment. Neither of us were ready to get married or even discussing it, so it didn''t hold any relation to engagement in my mind.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Last relationship I was in I was given a promise ring that I wore for roughly 3 years. Not once did the topic of marriage come up unless iniated by me so I definitely think it was a cop out.

Me and SO were talking about promise rings the other night too and he said he thought they were for high school but that if he wanted to make a promise he would buy me the real deal because that''s what marriage is- the real deal.

 

[vita*dolce]

i have a promise ring which i love and wear frequently. it''s a sapphire, not a diamond. it''s beautiful, and my boyfriend gave it to me when we''d been dating about 6 months. we weren''t at all ready for engagement (both still in school and mostly living paycheck to paycheck.) he had brought up marriage once before that, but i wasn''t really ready to go there. i thought it was really sweet, and it definitely wasn''t a cop out or a "shut the hell up about marriage" ring, since i didn''t even want an engagement ring at that point.

i always feel like i have to defend it, which is silly because i don''t really understand why everyone always wants to judge what other people do in their relationships. maybe they''re not right for everyone, but if it was right for you, you should just be happy about that. a girl should accept any and all jewelry presented to her.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 9/16/2008 3:21:19 PM
Author: vita*dolce
a girl should accept any and all jewelry presented to her.

a good piece of wisdom

 

[Izzy03]

My fiance gave me a promise ring when he and I started dating. It was 100% his idea, and was a complete surprise to me. I can see where in some cases they seem very "high school" but I did not feel that way about mine.

He gave me the ring 6 weeks after we started dating. I was 22 and the time and he was 27. He told me that he knew I was the one he would spend the rest of his life with, but out of respect for our families, and for practical reasons, he knew it was too soon for a proposal. So the ring was his way of letting me know he was serious about me.

I loved the ring and wore it everyday until he proposed, and he proposed at the same exact spot he gave me the promise ring

 

[musey]

Date: 9/16/2008 3:21:19 PM
Author: vita*dolce
a girl should accept any and all jewelry presented to her.

I definitely wouldn't say that...

i always feel like i have to defend it, which is silly because style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: yellow">i don't really understand why everyone always wants to judge what other people do in their relationships. maybe they're not right for everyone, but if it was right for you, you should just be happy about that.

I don't think anyone was trying to judge anyone else. Jaylex asked people what it meant to them, and whether or not people thought it was a "dumb idea." So people posted their thoughts.

No one said "you have a promise ring? that's stupid." We're not placing direct judgment, just answering jaylex's questions.

 

[jaylex]

"out of respect for our families, and for practical reasons, he knew it was too soon for a proposal. So the ring was his way of letting me know he was serious about me"

Thats exactly how SO looked at it when he bought me mine.

and Vita, I have to Ditto EVERYTHING you said.


To those of you who brought up the point of "if he''s got the money, he might as well buy the real thing"... I made sure SO knew that having a diamond in my ring wasn''t as important to me, let alone a big pretty one. When I was in highschool, one of my "friends" bfs bought her a "promise ring"... but it was actually sold as an engagement ring, price and all. They had been dating for two years when he bought it..... and continued to make payments two years after they broke up. I didn''t want SO to have to make payments on a promise ring so I didn''t even necessarily want a diamond in it. But he got one with a little diamond and paid in full for the ring. So we''re both happy!

 

[vita*dolce]

Date: 9/16/2008 6:22:15 PM
Author: musey

Date: 9/16/2008 3:21:19 PM

Author: vita*dolce

a girl should accept any and all jewelry presented to her.

I definitely wouldn''t say that...

i always feel like i have to defend it, which is silly because
style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: yellow">i don''t really understand why everyone always wants to judge what other people do in their relationships. maybe they''re not right for everyone, but if it was right for you, you should just be happy about that.

I don''t think anyone was trying to judge anyone else. Jaylex asked people what it meant to them, and whether or not people thought it was a ''dumb idea.'' So people posted their thoughts.


No one said ''you have a promise ring? that''s stupid.'' We''re not placing direct judgment, just answering jaylex''s questions.

i didn''t say i had to defend it here, or that i felt anyone here was being judgmental, just in general. i''ve heard a lot of comments about it being stupid or silly from various acquaintances. and the comment about accepting jewelry was mostly meant to be light-hearted. i wasn''t trying to ruffle your feathers.

 

[musey]

No feathers have been ruffled, don't know why you'd think they were. I just thought I should clarify what was (and wasn't) being said/inferred about the subject, since you didn't make it clear whether you were referring to judgment within the thread/forum or in real life.

RE: Accepting any and all jewelry, that's a dangerous precedent to set for oneself

Though I am starting to wonder, jaylex, why you asked the questions that you did? Since you already have a promise ring and are happy with it, I'm just curious.

 

[FrekeChild]

I just want to point out that not all engagement rings are diamonds.

Mine won't be. Mine will probably be what most ladies on here would consider a promise ring because it's not a diamond. My stone was probably cheaper than a lot of promise rings out there.

I never judged anywhere. And I can't see where anyone else did either. I think those people that feel the "judgment" are kind of making it up because they are expecting to have to defend it. Guess what? No one is judging you. Not here at least. We don't care what you call it, if it's sparkly, we're here to admire it.

I'm going to go check out my peach cobbler with my explicitly stated non-promise ring (by him, and I'll quote him: "What is the point of a promise ring anyway? Why don't you just get the real thing if you're talking marriage?") and continue to loathe the thought that all erings are made with diamonds...

ETA: no feathers ruffled here btw, the whole gemstone promise ring vs. diamond engagement ring brought up a bad memory from my old boss who said: "If I saw someone had a engagement ring that wasn't a diamond I would think the guy was too cheap to buy one." Too bad the numnuts doesn't know that gemstones are more rare, and often, more expensive than diamonds.

 

[musey]

Freke, FWIW, I've never, ever thought "promise ring" when I see a colored stone ring!

Some of my fave e-rings on PS are colored stones ( tiffany open heart. Other than that, as long as it's on the left ring finger, I generally assume it's an engagement ring

 

[jaylex]

musey, to tell ya the truth... when I asked the question, i was expecting to get responses from people who have them... and maybe pics of them?..
I did a search for forums on "promise rings" expecting to be able to talk about mine and share stories with other girls who had them, only to find most replys on the forums were comments of how "stupid" or "pointless" they are.
Idk. i guess that is why I added the "afterthought" to my post.



"no feathers ruffled here btw, the whole gemstone promise ring vs. diamond engagement ring brought up a bad memory from my old boss who said: "If I saw someone had a engagement ring that wasn''t a diamond I would think the guy was too cheap to buy one." Too bad the numnuts doesn''t know that gemstones are more rare, and often, more expensive than diamonds."

Freke, i absolutly agree with you on that one. My birthstone is Emerald. If I wasn''t so obsessed with the idea of having a round diamond ering, I would probably get an emerald one. I''m sure your ring is BEAUTIFUL. do you have any pics posted of it?



ok, so promise ring-wearers... lets move this thread a different way. Anyone have pics? I guess I''ll go first.
i love that it has rose gold!
Ha ha! Musey, I went to the photo of the open heart and realized that mine is very similar.

 

[FrekeChild]

Here is the ering stone (top pic is the stone in incandescent light and bottom is in daylight):

And here is my non-promise 26th birthday ring (T&Co Elsa Peretti stacking band with tsavorite):

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Woo this one always gets rough quick!

FI gave me a ring after we had been dating about a year and we called a promise ring because well we couldn''t think of anything else to call it and I wanted it to mean something since it was a ring afterall. I was a 19-20 year old essentially on my own in college who got a promise ring because we weren''t quite ready for an e-ring, but wanted some kind of commitment.

And no I didn''t and still don''t think it was dumb, childish, juvenile, or immature of us. I liked having a nice piece of jewelry from my then boyfriend.

Here''s my ring

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

I dont understand why this post got so hot and cold so fast. We''re very considerate when people have to vent and complain and share disappointing or bad news and all of a sudden theres posts about "promise rings" being dumb and juvenile and a pathetic substitution when you could just to buy an engagement ring. I dont think thats considerate towards people who have them or people who may have wished they''re SO had thought of giving them something commitment symbolic that wasn''t an e-ring yet. I understand that some people would rather have the engagement ring, but there are so many posts focusing around acquaintances or good friends or relatives getting engaged when they''ve been dating for far less time then the postee and their SO... this could very well be an example of people who wanted to express their commitment and look what happens we come here and post about how much it urks us. That is the exact result of people who have the funds to go out and buy and e-ring and we criticize them for not putting in the time beforehand. If they''d bought a ring that wasn''t and e-ring but symbolized their commitment and, in some contexts, could have been referred to by others as a "promise ring" would that have made a difference? According to this post we wouldve criticized them none the less. It then becomes a kind of damned if you do damned if you dont situation. Every couple has their own concept of commitment and they''re own safety levels when it comes to pda and expressing their future plans. I think to each his own.

My boyfriend bought me the elsa peritti amethyst heart necklace and I wear it more than any other jewelery he''s purchased for me. I think its romantic that he''s in the military and he gave me a purple heart to wear around my neck bc of the courage he says we have spending so much time apart and still pushing on to a time when we''ll be able to get engaged and be together FINALLY. In a sense thats my promise necklace.

 

[musey]

Date: 9/17/2008 8:43:03 AM
Author: SailorsSweetI dont understand why this post got so hot and cold so fast. We're very considerate when people have to vent and complain and share disappointing or bad news and all of a sudden theres posts about 'promise rings' being dumb and juvenile and a pathetic substitution when you could just to buy an engagement ring.

I think you partly answered your own question--that people are more likely to think they're "dumb and juvenile" WHEN you can just buy an engagement ring. Less likely to think negatively of them when you CAN'T just buy an engagement ring.

And also, the reason it got "so hot and cold so fast" is this:

Date: 9/16/2008 1:43:08 AM
Author:jaylex
Since all of the other promise ring discussions were closed, and I'm kinda new... I figured I would start a new one!

Who has one? Who's idea was it (yours or SO)? What does it symbolize to you? To your relationship?

Who thinks they are a dumb idea?

Why?

We'll see where this one goes...

-Alexa

If Alexa had omitted that part of her post, I'm 95% sure that all you'd see in here are "I love my promise ring! It's so meaningful to me. Here's a picture:" posts. But that question opened up the thread for people to share their opinions, and some people have a negative opinion of them. Simple as that.

Case in point:
Question for those of you with promise rings

(Both very recent and neither closed)

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

I wasn''t trying to criticize anyones opionion, and I apologize if I did. I just feel like there''s an essence of hypocrisy that could have been avoided. Sorry again PSers I''ll try and keep my opinion to myself regarding some things.

 

[sklingem]

Date: 9/17/2008 11:40:02 AM
Author: musey

Date: 9/17/2008 8:43:03 AM

Author: SailorsSweet
I dont understand why this post got so hot and cold so fast. We''re very considerate when people have to vent and complain and share disappointing or bad news and all of a sudden theres posts about ''promise rings'' being dumb and juvenile and a pathetic substitution when you could just to buy an engagement ring.

I think you partly answered your own question--that people are more likely to think they''re ''dumb and juvenile'' WHEN you can just buy an engagement ring. Less likely to think negatively of them when you CAN''T just buy an engagement ring.


And also, the reason it got ''so hot and cold so fast'' is this:

Date: 9/16/2008 1:43:08 AM

Author:jaylex

Since all of the other promise ring discussions were closed, and I''m kinda new... I figured I would start a new one!


Who has one? Who''s idea was it (yours or SO)? What does it symbolize to you? To your relationship?


Who thinks they are a dumb idea?

Why?


We''ll see where this one goes...


-Alexa

If Alexa had omitted that part of her post, I''m 95% sure that all you''d see in here are ''I love my promise ring! It''s so meaningful to me. Here''s a picture:'' posts. But that question opened up the thread for people to share their opinions, and some people have a negative opinion of them. Simple as that.


Case in point:

Question for those of you with promise rings


(Both very recent and neither closed)

Thank you Musey. Couldn''t have said it better!

 

[musey]

Date: 9/17/2008 12:28:29 PM
Author: SailorsSweet<3
I wasn't trying to criticize anyones opionion, and I apologize if I did. I just feel like there's an essence of hypocrisy that could have been avoided. Sorry again PSers I'll try and keep my opinion to myself regarding some things.

You shouldn't keep your opinion to yourself, that's what forums are for--sharing ideas and opinions.

I guess I don't see any element of hypocrisy in this thread. Alexa asked who thought they were dumb, and why... so people said "Me, because _______". It doesn't sound like she was actually looking for that info (she later said she just wanted stories and pictures from people who had them), so this thread didn't really turn into what she wanted/intended. Like I said, though, it was all from that one question.

I think that some of the hurt feelings could've been spared by just reviving the "show us your promise rings" thread that I linked.


ETA: The bottom line is that a lot of people love the idea of promise rings, and a lot of people don't. There's no harm in that. A lot of people hate asschers, and that's what I chose for my e-ring. In fact, I had an entire thread about "help me choose my e-ring setting," and the majority HATED (not just didn't prefer, HATED) the setting that was my secret favorite going in. Was I upset that therefore, the majority of PSers that posted to my thread, would hate my ring? No, because it doesn't matter. It's MY ring. I love it. The meaning behind it is important to myself and my fiancé, and no one else matters.